sexuality

[John_James]

What is the Church’s teaching on oral sex within marriage? Specifically, what is sinful and what is not? thank you

 

[EmeraldWings]

What is the Church’s teaching on oral sex within marriage? Specifically, what is sinful and what is not? thank you

Church teachings say that oral sex is a mortal sin, as well as every other sexual act other than sex between a married man and woman, the natural way, that leaves open the conception of a child.

but to spell it out a little more clearly,
in general, all sins of impurity are mortal sins, including adultery, fornication, masturbation, birth control, homosexual acts, and bestiality.
impurity in words, thoughts, looks, or actions, are also mortal sins and forbidden,

but to be more specific for you, oral sex falls under masturbation,
which is mortal, and there is no sin of impurity that is not mortal,
of course for any sin to be mortal you have to have full consent to it, but generally speaking, there is no sin of impurity that is venial.

 

[teachccd]

First of all, WELCOME to the forum. I hope that you find answers as we all have from this resource.

Oral sex is acceptable as a part of foreplay but must not be the end of the marital act. The sexual union between spouses nust be open to life at each act of intimacy. Our sexuality as a God-given gift is for the conjugal union of the spouses and the procreation of life. As long as your spouse is open to oral sex and that act is a consensual expression of the love that you have for each other then it would be permissible. All marital acts must end in vaginal intercourse in order that the possibility of life always remains. I hope this helps. I’m sure that other posters will offer other resources such as “Theology of the Body” to guide you to the Church’s teachings on sexuality. God Bless…teachccd

 

[beckycmarie]

What is the Church’s teaching on oral sex within marriage? Specifically, what is sinful and what is not? thank you

John, you may find this link helpful. It basically says what teachccd just said.

**Q& A on Marital Embrace **

 

[teachccd]

Church teachings say that oral sex is a mortal sin, as well as every other sexual act other than sex between a married man and woman, the natural way, that leaves open the conception of a child.

but to spell it out a little more clearly,
in general, all sins of impurity are mortal sins, including adultery, fornication, masturbation, birth control, homosexual acts, and bestiality.
impurity in words, thoughts, looks, or actions, are also mortal sins and forbidden,

but to be more specific for you, oral sex falls under masturbation,
which is mortal, and there is no sin of impurity that is not mortal,
of course for any sin to be mortal you have to have full consent to it, but generally speaking, there is no sin of impurity that is venial.

Masturbation is defined as the stimulation of the genitals for sexual pleasure. Surely this is permissible in marital foreplay as long as the marital embrace ends in vaginal intercourse. There are certain things such as oral sex and manual stimulation that are permitted in the sexual union as foreplay. Obviously pornography and other items that degrade the dignity of the human person would never be allowed. Oral sex may be a mortal sin if that is the sole purpose of the sexual union because it deletes the intention of new life.

In your first paragrah I would assume that the Church teaches that the two spouses undress, have immediate intercourse and they’re done. Nowhere do I find this limitation to the gift of our sexuality between married couples in any Church teachings… teachccd

 

[EmeraldWings]

Masturbation is defined as the stimulation of the genitals for sexual pleasure. Surely this is permissible in marital foreplay as long as the marital embrace ends in vaginal intercourse. There are certain things such as oral sex and manual stimulation that are permitted in the sexual union as foreplay. Obviously pornography and other items that degrade the dignity of the human person would never be allowed. Oral sex may be a mortal sin if that is the sole purpose of the sexual union because it deletes the intention of new life.

In your first paragrah I would assume that the Church teaches that the two spouses undress, have immediate intercourse and they’re done. Nowhere do I find this limitation to the gift of our sexuality between married couples in any Church teachings… teachccd

i got my answers straight from the catholic catechism,
but even if your catechism books don’t specifically say those particular things are wrong, does is say they are alright?

and like i mentioned in another post similar to this one,
one act cannot cancel out the sin of another act, the fact is, oral sex is a mortal sin, but how does natural sex make it ok?

just because they do it while they’re in the heat of passion and plan on ending the right way, doesn’t mean anything goes, what’s the difference if they preformed mutual masturbation in the morning and then had intercourse at night? does the time frame really have anything to do with it? is it less of a sin because it’s 10 minutes from natural intercourse and not 10 hours?

the church may not say that for sex “the two spouses undress, have immediate intercourse and they’re done.”
but they don’t say it’s alright to have oral sex or anything else either…
the catholic catechism is clear in it’s words,
“Only husband and wife who are validly married to each other, and only in the natural manner, with their proper marriage partner, and only in a manner that leaves open the conception of a child.”

i don’t know the sex lives of anyone, but i do know of plenty of people who stick to these rules and have no complaints.

 

[Seatuck]

What is the Church’s teaching on oral sex within marriage? Specifically, what is sinful and what is not? thank you

You’ve gotten the correct answer. Oral stimulation is allowed but it cannot be the end for the man. The husband must finish inside his wife. The wife may achieve climax though from non intercourse stimulation by the husband.

You might want to look into a book called Good News About Sex and Marriage by Christopher West or one of his other works.

 

[Seatuck]

i got my answers straight from the catholic catechism,
but even if your catechism books don’t specifically say those particular things are wrong, does is say they are alright?

and like i mentioned in another post similar to this one,
one act cannot cancel out the sin of another act, the fact is, oral sex is a mortal sin, but how does natural sex make it ok?

just because they do it while they’re in the heat of passion and plan on ending the right way, doesn’t mean anything goes, what’s the difference if they preformed mutual masturbation in the morning and then had intercourse at night? does the time frame really have anything to do with it? is it less of a sin because it’s 10 minutes from natural intercourse and not 10 hours?

the church may not say that for sex “the two spouses undress, have immediate intercourse and they’re done.”
but they don’t say it’s alright to have oral sex or anything else either…
the catholic catechism is clear in it’s words,
“Only husband and wife who are validly married to each other, and only in the natural manner, with their proper marriage partner, and only in a manner that leaves open the conception of a child.”

i don’t know the sex lives of anyone, but i do know of plenty of people who stick to these rules and have no complaints.

There’s more to catholic teaching than what it is in the Catechism. Try getting the Christopher West book or ask your priest for a recommendation of a Catholic Moral Theology book.They actually do speak about what is allowed.

 

[thistle]

i got my answers straight from the catholic catechism,
but even if your catechism books don’t specifically say those particular things are wrong, does is say they are alright?

and like i mentioned in another post similar to this one,
one act cannot cancel out the sin of another act, the fact is, oral sex is a mortal sin, but how does natural sex make it ok?

just because they do it while they’re in the heat of passion and plan on ending the right way, doesn’t mean anything goes, what’s the difference if they preformed mutual masturbation in the morning and then had intercourse at night? does the time frame really have anything to do with it? is it less of a sin because it’s 10 minutes from natural intercourse and not 10 hours?

the church may not say that for sex “the two spouses undress, have immediate intercourse and they’re done.”
but they don’t say it’s alright to have oral sex or anything else either…
the catholic catechism is clear in it’s words,
“Only husband and wife who are validly married to each other, and only in the natural manner, with their proper marriage partner, and only in a manner that leaves open the conception of a child.”

i don’t know the sex lives of anyone, but i do know of plenty of people who stick to these rules and have no complaints.

You are wrong. In the context of husband and wife oral sex is permitted provided the end of the marital act is the orgasm of the husband inside the wife.
Oral sex in that situation is NOT a mortal sin.

 

[EmeraldWings]

There’s more to catholic teaching than what it is in the Catechism. Try getting the Christopher West book or ask your priest for a recommendation of a Catholic Moral Theology book.They actually do speak about what is allowed.

i don’t want you to get me wrong here, i read way more than catechism books,
i pretty much have a catholic library here in my house(my mom owns most of them and is also very smart, people here call her the catholic encyclopedia ), and i’ve read enough on chastity in marriage to know what i’m talking about, but as for this Christopher West…i’ve heard of his books, but i haven’t looked into them, do they have the imprimatur in them?

but let me clarify something, even though i am not comfortable talking about sex openly like this, i think it’s important to do so in this situation.

in oral sex a man risks ejaculation, which is the spilling of sperm, which is not aloud outside the wifes vagina,
if a man preforms an act knowing he risks ejaculation, he is committing an occasion of sin, if he ejaculates knowing this, then he commits a mortal sin.
some may claim oral sex is out of love for the other person, yet it risks the spilling of sperm,
is it truly love? to risk a sin and greatly offend God?

i can’t go ahead and say there’s no more to it or that i’m definitely right period, i’m open to understanding new things, but right now from all i’ve read and what i’ve discussed with other well educated catholics, i believe it is wrong to have oral sex, because it’s an occasion of sin, and can be turned into a mortal sin very easily,

i’m not sure if it’s a mortal sin to willingly risk a mortal sin, i mean i don’t completely understand that, but i don’t believe someone who willingly risks a mortal sin is really doing what they’re doing out of love, for either their partner, or God, who’s love is more important than the love of a spouse.
to risk sin that way is only selfish, and sex is something to be shared with husband and wife mutually out of love for one another for procreation, and not just for the sexual experience, when sex becomes something you want to do for your own pleasure, it becomes lust, which in definition is - An inordinate desire for or enjoyment of sexual pleasure. The desires or acts are inordinate when they do not confirm to the divinely ordained purpose of sexual pleasure, which is to foster the mutual love of husband and wife and, according to the dispositions of providence, to procreate and educate their children.

religious reasons aside, i think oral sex is disgusting, and i can’t imagine how any woman would enjoy it, even if it turns a woman on or if she wants to do it for her husband, there’s no way that feels good for her…of course i could be wrong, seeing as how i’ve never done it…

 

[Leo1]

i don’t want you to get me wrong here, i read way more than catechism books,
i pretty much have a catholic library here in my house(my mom owns most of them and is also very smart, people here call her the catholic encyclopedia ), and i’ve read enough on chastity in marriage to know what i’m talking about, but as for this Christopher West…i’ve heard of his books, but i haven’t looked into them, do they have the imprimatur in them?

but let me clarify something, even though i am not comfortable talking about sex openly like this, i think it’s important to do so in this situation.

in oral sex a man risks ejaculation, which is the spilling of sperm, which is not aloud outside the wifes vagina,
if a man preforms an act knowing he risks ejaculation, he is committing an occasion of sin, if he ejaculates knowing this, then he commits a mortal sin.
some may claim oral sex is out of love for the other person, yet it risks the spilling of sperm,
is it truly love? to risk a sin and greatly offend God?

i can’t go ahead and say there’s no more to it or that i’m definitely right period, i’m open to understanding new things, but right now from all i’ve read and what i’ve discussed with other well educated catholics, i believe it is wrong to have oral sex, because it’s an occasion of sin, and can be turned into a mortal sin very easily,

i’m not sure if it’s a mortal sin to willingly risk a mortal sin, i mean i don’t completely understand that, but i don’t believe someone who willingly risks a mortal sin is really doing what they’re doing out of love, for either their partner, or God, who’s love is more important than the love of a spouse.
to risk sin that way is only selfish, and sex is something to be shared with husband and wife mutually out of love for one another for procreation, and not just for the sexual experience, when sex becomes something you want to do for your own pleasure, it becomes lust, which in definition is - An inordinate desire for or enjoyment of sexual pleasure. The desires or acts are inordinate when they do not confirm to the divinely ordained purpose of sexual pleasure, which is to foster the mutual love of husband and wife and, according to the dispositions of providence, to procreate and educate their children.

religious reasons aside, i think oral sex is disgusting, and i can’t imagine how any woman would enjoy it, even if it turns a woman on or if she wants to do it for her husband, there’s no way that feels good for her…of course i could be wrong, seeing as how i’ve never done it…

Yep, Christopher West is good advice on Catholic teaching as it regards sexuality. I think the others are right on point: within the marriage bond and as long as it’s not the end of the sexual act, there should be no problem.

 

[Seatuck]

i don’t want you to get me wrong here, i read way more than catechism books,
i pretty much have a catholic library here in my house(my mom owns most of them and is also very smart, people here call her the catholic encyclopedia ), and i’ve read enough on chastity in marriage to know what i’m talking about, but as for this Christopher West…i’ve heard of his books, but i haven’t looked into them, do they have the imprimatur in them?

but let me clarify something, even though i am not comfortable talking about sex openly like this, i think it’s important to do so in this situation.

in oral sex a man risks ejaculation, which is the spilling of sperm, which is not aloud outside the wifes vagina,
if a man preforms an act knowing he risks ejaculation, he is committing an occasion of sin, if he ejaculates knowing this, then he commits a mortal sin.
some may claim oral sex is out of love for the other person, yet it risks the spilling of sperm,
is it truly love? to risk a sin and greatly offend God?

i can’t go ahead and say there’s no more to it or that i’m definitely right period, i’m open to understanding new things, but right now from all i’ve read and what i’ve discussed with other well educated catholics, i believe it is wrong to have oral sex, because it’s an occasion of sin, and can be turned into a mortal sin very easily,

i’m not sure if it’s a mortal sin to willingly risk a mortal sin, i mean i don’t completely understand that, but i don’t believe someone who willingly risks a mortal sin is really doing what they’re doing out of love, for either their partner, or God, who’s love is more important than the love of a spouse.
to risk sin that way is only selfish, and sex is something to be shared with husband and wife mutually out of love for one another for procreation, and not just for the sexual experience, when sex becomes something you want to do for your own pleasure, it becomes lust, which in definition is - An inordinate desire for or enjoyment of sexual pleasure. The desires or acts are inordinate when they do not confirm to the divinely ordained purpose of sexual pleasure, which is to foster the mutual love of husband and wife and, according to the dispositions of providence, to procreate and educate their children.

religious reasons aside, i think oral sex is disgusting, and i can’t imagine how any woman would enjoy it, even if it turns a woman on or if she wants to do it for her husband, there’s no way that feels good for her…of course i could be wrong, seeing as how i’ve never done it…

Yes the Good News book has both the Imprimatur and the Nihil Obstat. You might want to look into Love and Responsibility by Karol Wojtyla (Pope John Paul 2 but years before he was pope.

I think that you are entitled to your personal preference but that does not mean that the church uses the same language. Yes, it is true that a couple should be careful if engaging in such acts and mindful that they should end the correct way. However if an accident did occur it would not be sinful as long as they did not intend anything wrong to happen. So the church does teach that the act may be done in preparation for the marital act.

 

[gentlefaith]

“Only husband and wife who are validly married to each other, and only in the natural manner, with their proper marriage partner, and only in a manner that leaves open the conception of a child.”

if a divorced woman convert is unable to have any more children, should she decide never to marry again because she can not have more children?

 

[beckycmarie]

if a divorced woman convert is unable to have any more children, should she decide never to marry again because she can not have more children?

Yes infertile people can validly marry, and the marital act still has to be done in a way that is open to life even if one partner is infertile. God could choose at any time to heal the infertility and bring about new life through the couple’s cooperation.

This is different if the man is impotent - if that is the case before marriage then the marriage cannot be consummated.

 

[Starwynd]

First of all, WELCOME to the forum. I hope that you find answers as we all have from this resource.

Oral sex is acceptable as a part of foreplay but must not be the end of the marital act. The sexual union between spouses nust be open to life at each act of intimacy. Our sexuality as a God-given gift is for the conjugal union of the spouses and the procreation of life. As long as your spouse is open to oral sex and that act is a consensual expression of the love that you have for each other then it would be permissible. All marital acts must end in vaginal intercourse in order that the possibility of life always remains. I hope this helps. I’m sure that other posters will offer other resources such as “Theology of the Body” to guide you to the Church’s teachings on sexuality. God Bless…teachccd

Yes. Sex is for procreation only. Nothing more.

 

[beckycmarie]

Yes. Sex is for procreation only. Nothing more.

Sex is much more than that - among other things it’s a renewal of the wedding vows. It is also a reflection of the love Christ has for us, a complete and total self-giving.

 

[SwizzleStick]

Yes. Sex is for procreation only. Nothing more.

I do not want to hijack this thread, but Starwynd, you stated the same thing on the “Marriage Never Consummated” thread too. You got the same response there. Why do you repeat this incorrect statement? It is wrong. As stated on the thread I mentioned (and possibly others if you have repeated this statement elsewhere), sex is both unitive AND procreative.

 

[beckycmarie]

I do not want to hijack this thread, but Starwynd, you stated the same thing on the “Marriage Never Consummated” thread too. You got the same response there. Why do you repeat this incorrect statement? It is wrong. As stated on the thread I mentioned (and possibly others if you have repeated this statement elsewhere), sex is both unitive AND procreative.

Interesting. Looking at starwynd’s profile with religion as “undetermined,” I can’t help but think his post is intended to be sarcastic.

Whether the statement was intended to be completely serious or a joke, that statement is based on a misperception of what the Catholic teaches about sex.

 

[SwizzleStick]

Interesting. Looking at starwynd’s profile with religion as “undetermined,” I can’t help but think his post is intended to be sarcastic.

Whether the statement was intended to be completely serious or a joke, that statement is based on a misperception of what the Catholic teaches about sex.

So, how about it, Starwynd? Are you a Catholic who is searching for something else? Are you from another faith denomination researching the Catholic Church? Do you know what the Church actually teaches? Or, are you being sarcastic? Or, are you repeating incorrect opinion because… well, why? Why do you repeat something that others have pointed out to you is incorrect? Maybe you just don’t believe what others on CAF are telling you, but would rather believe what you keep stating? Why?

 

[SwizzleStick]

John James, welcome to the forum. Obviously, you will get differing opinions on Church teachings among Catholics, but you will still learn quite a bit on CAF and gain a lot of great information.

I think a good rule of thumb is to always seek counsel of your confessor, consult the Catechism and read books with Imprimatur and Nihil Obstat (basically a stamp of approval by the Church and the work does not contain anything that goes against Catholic teaching). Also, when reading posts on this board try to discern as carefully as possible what is faithful to Catholic teaching and what is not (your confessor and Catechism will be most helpful there). Also, I always check the profiles of responders. Not all are Catholic. While this is not a fool-proof way of getting a Catholic viewpoint because many folks are very casual and/or ignorant (I am ignorant but am striving to learn as much as I can) about their Faith, it will be helpful to know which posts are at least coming from a Catholic and which are not.

God bless and welcome!