Sexually explicit discussion on a Catholic forum

[gardenswithkids]

…I guess my frustration is that if the "church has specific teaching regarding the bedroom “practices” ", then I sure do wish they would tell us about it!! I have not seen any document that states what a married couple can and can not do within the confines of their marriage bed, *to the level of granularity that is expected in the discussions here. *I think that if such a thing were available then people would not have to come to the Internet for such discussion…
Teaching the laity through Internet message boards on such a delicate topic is not an acceptable method of education, in my opinion.

Yet, if homilies covered all the specifics asked here, then I’d find* that* quite ackward. We bring children to Mass. The Church teaches very specifically against contraception, that these acts must be “open to life” and confined to marriage, that for valid reason couples can monitor the wife’s fertility to avoid pregnancy but that children are the supreme gift of marriage, blessings from the Lord, etc.

Yet we live in a world that views children as financial liabilities and where sexuality is used for recreation rather than pro-creation. We hear mixed messages all around us, so people ask questions here to clarify the meaning of the Church’s words. They may be trying to reconcile the Church’s message with the world’s message–and those different views of sexuality in large part* cannot* be reconciled to each other.

 

[az_4_faith]

Sometimes when I am browsing at the topics listed on this thread, my husband walks up behind me and I get a little wiggy that if he sees some of the wording of the topics he’ll ask me what the he-- I’m looking at!

I know I would if I just glanced at his computer.

I think it’s a good idea – the separate thread and password making it age appropriate, rather than eliminating the topics.

 

[lizaanne]

This is just my personal opinion, but I think that explicit discussions about sex should be put into a special forum that can only be accessed by members (currently, the forums are accessible to be read by anyone without a password), and if possible, only by members who are over the age of 16.

I love this idea! It allows the frank discussion that some feel necessary, and keeps it away from those who don’t care to see it, or should not have access to it. And especially away from non-members who may just troll for a thrill.

It could be a specific Theology of the Body section.

~Liza

 

[Bruised_Reed]

Another forum I frequent is free to read but there is a fee to register and post. There are other privledges for paying members including access to a private sex sub-forum (there is a public one, too). That board was free at first but admin decided that in order to keep the board running they needed to start charging. I don’t think they lost too many regular posters (members could sponsor other members and there were “scholarships” for those who couldn’t afford it.

I don’t know how complicated that would be for admin to have paying-members have more access, etc. but it might be an answer plus it might be a way to increase revenue.

 

[WenckebachCath]

Any curious internet saavy kid has already gotten quite a lesson in sexuality I’m afraid!

Sorry, but children have no business being on the internet for any length of time without supervision!

 

[jmcrae]

Any curious internet saavy kid has already gotten quite a lesson in sexuality I’m afraid!

Sorry, but children have no business being on the internet for any length of time without supervision!

Yes, but the fact is that they are - I thought I was having a conversation with a 24 year old woman here a couple of weeks ago, and then I got heck from her Mom for what I said to her “innocent” little child - you just never know who you’re talking to on the Internet, and some families don’t consider it a priority to monitor their kids on the internet.

 

[gardenswithkids]

I love this idea! It allows the frank discussion that some feel necessary, and keeps it away from those who don’t care to see it, or should not have access to it. And especially away from non-members who may just troll for a thrill.

It could be a specific Theology of the Body section.

I’ve mixed thoughts on this idea. You know, even those just trolling for a thrill should hear the Good News, and there is Good News for Sex and Marriage, (to borrow from a Chrisopher West book title.) God redeems us and sanctifies every area of our lives–even our most private, intimate details. Why hide these teachings from trolls? Advertisers have no problem trying to sell contraception and herpes medication on tv; we can tell people about how they really protect themselves by using sexuality as God intended it.

Also, what type of message would we’d send to non-Catholics if they found a members-only section on such topics? Many Christians already misunderstand our church. And their denominations rarely tackle contraception anymore, so they don’t hear the truth on these matters either. Even many Catholics don’t know Church teachings, (as these thread questions demonstrate.)

If such discussions are removed from moral theology, would many people in line with Church teachings still feel comfortable checking out that area of the forum? (If you thought your spouse was looking over your shoulder now, what would he think if every topic dealt with that stuff?)

Yet, the number and frankness of some of the titles and discussions is a bit amazing. Perhaps we could do better jobs of bringing concerns over embarassing thread titles and any inappropriate discussions to the moderators attention.

I guess, while I definately understand your point, how else is the message going to be spread? While I welcome some support from the pulpit, I don’t think that we can expect it and people are entitled to the truth. This is the truth: Jesus saves us–every part of us–from sin.

 

[Eliza10]

What do you think about it? Is it really that helpful? Or just voyeuristic discussion disguised as “help”?

For St. Peter’s sake! I must agree, Lizanne!

Actually I was thinking, just as I popped into this forum, that I hope its not polluted again with all those sexually explicit and/or deviant topics.

I guess I think, when I see them: “Haven’t people moved beyond this?” But, I realize we are all in different places in our Catholic growth, and so, there needs to be something here for everybody. So in this respect, I have some tolerance towards it. But it is always quite mixed with a foreboding conviction that it is may be less a benefit than a help to this forum and its users.

And I know what you mean, feeling like a prude when folks are boldly sexually explicit. I have felt that way plenty of times. The world loves to mock and say you are that.

But I don’t feel like a prude anymore because I know its not that. Its comes from having embraced, and not rejected, purity and chasity. And, while no one has “arrived” at these virtues, when you strive for them, you naturally reject the opposite - and that includes explicit talk about sex divorced from its proper context: love, and in a sacramental marriage.

Compared to what God wants for us, sex in any other context is freakish. Its - perverted.

And “perverted” is what I have thought when I have seen the titles of some of the topics here on the forum. And I feel disappointed, since I came to the morality forum for something morally uplifting.

If these folks would read Theology of the Body their queries on these topics would change dramatically.

But it does bring up the question - are we providing an occasion for sin by supplying such explicit discussions? Is that possibility outweighed by any chance of value?

Exactly my thought. And have you ever noticed how many “looks” these topics get? You have to know they are feeding the voyeurs, and certainly providing an occasion for sin for others.

I wonder if the moderators would consider reigning in the topic somehow? Or at least on the titles?

Any suggestions on what could be done, while still allowing some such queries of folks who just are in that early stage of their growth as Catholics, and honestly need direction?

 

[contemplative]

are we providing an occasion for sin by supplying such explicit discussions? Is that possibility outweighed by any chance of value?

I honestly don’t know the answer. So - what do you all think?

~Liza

I’ve often thought the same thing. Whenever I feel like I’m in an icky-poo thread I simply back out. What can mods do to help eliminate occasions for sin on more explicit discussions?..try starting a sexuality forum apart from the rest…limit the number of active threads to one or two so that posts can be monitored and evaluated more easily at all times.

 

[Penny_Plain]

Exactly my thought. And have you ever noticed how many “looks” these topics get? You have to know they are feeding the voyeurs, and certainly providing an occasion for sin for others.

I read them because they are hilarious.

If you don’t like them, don’t read them. It’s usually pretty clear what they are. A title like “HELP!!! OK to have marital relations in gorilla costume?”

Caveat lector.

 

[WenckebachCath]

I read them because they are hilarious.

If you don’t like them, don’t read them. It’s usually pretty clear what they are. A title like “HELP!!! OK to have marital relations in gorilla costume?”

Caveat lector.

I’ll admit, I’ve read parts of some of these threads to amuse myself. There is always a post talking about where a man should “finish” (you know where). That’s on the oral sex threads. Then, there’s the perenniel masturbation thread.I’ll try to figure out if the poster is for real or not.

 

[Eliza10]

…If someone thinks this forum is “sexually explicit” then maybe the problem isn’t the forum - but rather the “prudish” mindset of those who see it that way!..

…There will always be those who have a narrow comfort zone when it comes to anything that falls outside of their own personal belief system. That includes the topic of sex…

…Some even suffer from scrupulosity… !]

LovedForever: where’s the “love” here? These are very unkind comments. What leaps you have made! Prudishness? Having a narrow comfort zone? Scrupulosity? These accusations are all completely unflounded…

All of this is uncharitable, and therefore not Catholic.

 

[Penny_Plain]

Then, there’s the perenniel masturbation thread.I’ll try to figure out if the poster is for real or not.

That’s easy. If it’s spelt “masterbation,” it’s not.

 

[WenckebachCath]

That’s easy. If it’s spelt “masterbation,” it’s not.

That’s funny! But I think it’s the opposite. People prone to this gravely sinful and disordered action are more likely to be bad spellers.

 

[Leeta]

Yes, You are right. The language needs to be toned down and ‘modest’. The moderators should explain which terms are acceptable. Explicitness is not necessary to explain what is acceptable behavior.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

Yes, You are right. The language needs to be toned down and ‘modest’. The moderators should explain which terms are acceptable. Explicitness is not necessary to explain what is acceptable behavior.

Maybe this is the heart of the issue. While I have seen one post that I considered explicit (the language was crude) and reported it (even though the main thrust of the post was not a real problem) I have not been scandalized by the content of these posts; I know people are sorting things out. It may be helpful if mods gave some parameters. What is explicit to one person is descriptive to another.

I say “may” because I haven’t had a problem with posts that have not been removed so it’s hard for me to know what others are having a problem with.

There are not that many venues for people to anonymously ask questions about a subject many people are (obviously) uncomfortable with and be given, or directed to, orthodox answers.

LovedForever: where’s the “love” here? These are very unkind comments. What leaps you have made! Prudishness? Having a narrow comfort zone? Scrupulosity? These accusations are all completely unflounded…

All of this is uncharitable, and therefore not Catholic.

FWIW I didn’t read those descriptions as “accusations” or “leaps” but likely points of view of some members. There are people on this forum who do suffer from scrupulosity and some have admitted they are prudes. And I didn’t read those comments as unkind but then I tend to agree with LovedForever here.

 

[Katie1723]

You know, even us Catholics have been known to have sex now and again.
Kathy

 

[PauloFreire2]

I had a moderator LIVE on my back for a long while. I thought about buying him a small saddle and building him a barn, too. Every time I breathed, I got written up for not being Catholic enough. Meanwhile, a dude was dragging the community through the lurid nightmare of his masturbation addiction. I thought it contradictory and unfathomable. I concluded it was another example of the relativity and subjectivity of so-called ‘RULES OF CONDUCT’. Don’t quote the worthless rules. Just tell it like it is – ‘we do what we want because we CAN.’

 

[contemplative]

That’s on the oral sex threads. Then, there’s the perenniel masturbation thread.I’ll try to figure out if the poster is for real or not.

I didn’t count but I did do a search. I think the number of masturbation threads might be tied with oral sex threads. Then again I didn’t do a search with the word masterbation too.

I just don’t understand why mods dont’ shut these multiple topic threads down and refer interested parties to already exhausted threads on these two topics. Actually these thread topic should be ‘closed’…hammered shut!!

 

[Chancellare]

Get ahold of Christopher West’s “Theology of the Body for Beginners”.

Or if you feel more adventurous, read John Paul II’s “Theology of the Body” in its entirety. It’s very heavy reading, and Christopher West does a great job of breaking it down.

In it you’ll find alot of the moral perimeters of marital sexual relations, but more so you’ll find the beauty in the marital act in somewhat explicit terms, but of course since the Holy Father compiled the teachings, it’s done very tastefully, yet to the point.

Give these teachings a couple of generations to sink in, and we’ll have exactly the type of directives that we as Catholics are yearning for when it comes "to the bedroom . . . . "

I agree.

Instead of groping in the darkness and trying to figure out what’s in and what’s out among ourselves, we should do well to hear it straight from the teachings of the Church about the subject. THEN we can discuss. This way the quality of discussion about this subject will jump a few knots.