Shaking hands expected during Sign of Peace

[OraLabora]

Years ago, during SARS or H1N1 or Swine Flu scare (I forget which; they all tend to blur together), they cut the distribution of wine for the general congregation (it’s since been reinstated), and they said we should understand other people’s desire to not hold hands during the Lord’s Prayer or shake hands during the Sign of Peace.

Since then, people at my church pretty much don’t hold hands during the Lord’s Prayer (unless it’s with relatives). They usually hold “invisible hands” or just keep their hands close to themselves.

They do, however, usually shake hands.

However, one day, I was at church, and the guy next to me stuck out his hand and said “Peace be with you.” I nodded and said “Peace be with you.” I then looked away. He then “slapped” me on the shoulder and said “Hey!” I looked at him. He had his hand stuck out and said “Peace be with you.” I nodded and said “Peace be with you.” He stared at me for a moment and then said “Really” in a tone that sounded like he was so offended.

Anyone ever come across insistent hand-shakers?

Or people that squeeze/shake your hand prior to letting go after the Lord’s Prayer (the primary reason that I’m glad that we no longer hold hands)?

Good thing you’re not a monk, you’d have to kiss your brother on the cheek, even if he’s the guy you’ve maddeningly had to listen to slurping his soup for the last 50 years

 

[garyo49]

Wouldn’t just being polite and smiling and shaking the guy’s hand have been a whole lot easier and less distracting from the Eucharist then throwing a hissy fit in protest? No one around you knows that you are practicing civil disobedience because you disagree with the unspeakable liturgical abuse of touching other people for 1.2 seconds. They think you are just a jerk, which isn’t a very strong Christian witness. Is this really the hill you want to die on? “Dear Lord, thank you for giving me the strength to withstand the urge to shake hands with all those lesser, unchatechised, self-absorbed, shorts-wearing, possibly swine flu-infected, Catholics. Please let them learn from my holy example that it’s not all about me!”

I run in to this all the time. There just are some people that don’t want to shake hands for what ever reason and it doesn’t bother me at all. I respect their wishes. Personally I could do without the “sign of peace” just fine. It has always annoyed me. I see a lot of people that leave their seats and walk half way across to shake peoples hands. There’s is another aspect of shaking hands that bothers me. Almost every Sunday someone in front or back of me pulls out a handkerchief and blows there nose into it and wads it up and puts it back in their pocket and expects me to shake their hand.

 

[Catholic1954]

Years ago, during SARS or H1N1 or Swine Flu scare (I forget which; they all tend to blur together), they cut the distribution of wine for the general congregation (it’s since been reinstated), and they said we should understand other people’s desire to not hold hands during the Lord’s Prayer or shake hands during the Sign of Peace.

Since then, people at my church pretty much don’t hold hands during the Lord’s Prayer (unless it’s with relatives). They usually hold “invisible hands” or just keep their hands close to themselves.

They do, however, usually shake hands.

However, one day, I was at church, and the guy next to me stuck out his hand and said “Peace be with you.” I nodded and said “Peace be with you.” I then looked away. He then “slapped” me on the shoulder and said “Hey!” I looked at him. He had his hand stuck out and said “Peace be with you.” I nodded and said “Peace be with you.” He stared at me for a moment and then said “Really” in a tone that sounded like he was so offended.

Anyone ever come across insistent hand-shakers?

Or people that squeeze/shake your hand prior to letting go after the Lord’s Prayer (the primary reason that I’m glad that we no longer hold hands)?

Would it have really ruined your day by shaking his hand and saying, “Peace be with you.” back? :ehh:

 

[Memaw]

I run in to this all the time. There just are some people that don’t want to shake hands for what ever reason and it doesn’t bother me at all. I respect their wishes. Personally I could do without the “sign of peace” just fine. It has always annoyed me. I see a lot of people that leave their seats and walk half way across to shake peoples hands. There’s is another aspect of shaking hands that bothers me. Almost every Sunday someone in front or back of me pulls out a handkerchief and blows there nose into it and wads it up and puts it back in their pocket and expects me to shake their hand.

It’s a distraction all the way around. People are still waving and looking around for someone else to wave at, even after the priest continues on with the Mass. I was at a Mass once when the priest had everyone give the “sign of peace” before Mass even started so as not to be a distraction during Mass. God Bless, Memaw

 

[JamalChristophr]

Please forgive me if I missed it upthread, but is it not really liturgically correct properly speaking to shake hands at this time?

Where did the sign of peace come from exactly?

 

[grasscutter]

This cracked me up. And for all of the people who LOATHE this practice…why don’t you just go to another parish? No, better to come on CAF and complain and complain…
preach to the choir instead of opening a real dialog with the Pastor.
I’m not keen on it myself. But as you suggest, it’s always far easier to offer it up and show kindness (which, um, is kind of the whole point of the sign of peace) than to make a statement. When I don’t care to be touched, I make a point to sit away from people. I also close my eyes during the Our Father…then they really know I’m in the zone and not touchy feely.
But yeah…it’s not a hill I want to die on.
Thanks for the giggle.

I’m with you! I would prefer not to engage in it, however it is a standard practice. And, since Mass isn’t all about me, I just go along and shake the nearest people’s hands politely (while being mindful of the elderly and going for the super-soft handshake - in case of arthritis).

I also keep my eyes closed during the Our Father. First of all, it’s easier for me to concentrate on prayer if I have no visual distractions and it has the side benefit of people not bothering (mostly!) trying to hold my hand.

Digression alert: I live in a city that has a lot of tourists. There was a group of young men behind me today who were probably not Catholic because when I turned around to offer the Sign of Peace, one of the very nice young men responded with “Hi”.

 

[pianistclare]

I’m with you! I would prefer not to engage in it, however it is a standard practice. And, since Mass isn’t all about me, I just go along and shake the nearest people’s hands politely (while being mindful of the elderly and going for the super-soft handshake - in case of arthritis).

I also keep my eyes closed during the Our Father. First of all, it’s easier for me to concentrate on prayer if I have no visual distractions and it has the side benefit of people not bothering (mostly!) trying to hold my hand.

Digression alert: I live in a city that has a lot of tourists. There was a group of young men behind me today who were probably not Catholic because when I turned around to offer the Sign of Peace, one of the very nice young men responded with “Hi”.

LOL, that’s funny. When I visited my husband’s father in Ireland, at the sign of peace I turned to shake someone’s hand and the couple behind me with their lovely children looked HORRIFIED. Like I was going to steal their baby. So then I went to kiss my father-in-law on the cheek, and he looked HORRIFIED. And then I looked at my husband, and he whispered… “I’ll tell ya later”.
Yeah. Different customs in different places.
**Same Eucharist though people, same Eucharist. **

Today, ay my kinda of liberal parish, I tend to simply offer a peace sign to folks around me, briefly. No running around…LOL :tsktsk:

 

[Phemie]

In my own parish it seems that while some do extend their hands, most turn and nod to their neighbors, saying “peace be with you.”

This has been my experience in the parish I’ve visited for the past two months. In my own parish some will reach across the aisle to shake hands and it can become a gab fest.

 

[UnumCorpus]

LOL, that’s funny. When I visited my husband’s father in Ireland, at the sign of peace I turned to shake someone’s hand and the couple behind me with their lovely children looked HORRIFIED. Like I was going to steal their baby. So then I went to kiss my father-in-law on the cheek, and he looked HORRIFIED. And then I looked at my husband, and he whispered… “I’ll tell ya later”.

I’m just curious…does anyone happen to know how the Sign of Peace is done in England? My husband and I are moving there in a couple of months. It’s normal in Canada for people to turn and shake hands (this is what I always do). I just don’t want to embarrass myself during Mass over there.

I suppose it may depend on the parish.

 

[salvemater]

I am always baffled by how many people on CAF are so totally against the sign of peace. You have to shake hands with six, maybe seven, other people. Is that really so hard? You have gone to a gathering of God’s family. Do you really think that God brought everyone together so that we could ignore each other? What is so offensive about being nice to another Christian for just a few second?

In all honesty, this whole thing is a first world problem. We should focus on real problems instead.

It’s not a “first world problem.” It’s a legitimate liturgical problem.
While that particular occasion is indeed a gathering of God’s family, that’s not what the Mass is about. The Mass is about offering the perfect sacrifice of the Eucharist to God.

Is there any thing wrong with the sign of peace? Not particularly. But when people turn to people in other aisles to shake their hand and turn their back to the Eucharist, there is a problem.

We don’t go to Mass to be nice to other people (not that we shouldn’t treat other people with respect). We go to Mass to worship God.

 

[salvemater]

Wouldn’t just being polite and smiling and shaking the guy’s hand have been a whole lot easier and less distracting from the Eucharist then throwing a hissy fit in protest? No one around you knows that you are practicing civil disobedience because you disagree with the unspeakable liturgical abuse of touching other people for 1.2 seconds. They think you are just a jerk, which isn’t a very strong Christian witness. Is this really the hill you want to die on? “Dear Lord, thank you for giving me the strength to withstand the urge to shake hands with all those lesser, unchatechised, self-absorbed, shorts-wearing, possibly swine flu-infected, Catholics. Please let them learn from my holy example that it’s not all about me!”

If somebody responds “peace be with you” and nods, why would a person continue insisting that he shakes their hand? He already gave them his sign of peace.
It’s rude to continue trying to get him to shake their hand, as if his gesture of peace wasn’t good enough.

(By the way, this is coming from somebody who does shake people’s hands, though I do restrict myself to only the people directly near me.)

 

[M-Dent]

Years ago, during SARS or H1N1 or Swine Flu scare (I forget which; they all tend to blur together), they cut the distribution of wine for the general congregation (it’s since been reinstated), and they said we should understand other people’s desire to not hold hands during the Lord’s Prayer or shake hands during the Sign of Peace.

The parish my family attends does not exercise the option of Communion under both kinds or the shaking of hands {sign of peace}. It is not necessarily by peoples ‘desire’ yet more in continuity of tradition. The 1962 Missal and Current Missal flow very closely here.

 

[Tantum_ergo]

While this is certainly not a ‘hill I want to die on’, and while I personally have legitimate physical problems (arthritis, and since my hands are my job, I need to take extra care), I certainly will shake hands with children who approach me or sometimes, but not always, adults who approach me ‘strongly’ or expectantly, even though my ‘offering it up’ is far more physically painful than emotionally painful.

So I tend to get a tad annoyed when I hear the immediate knee-jerk response of, “oh really, just shake the other person’s hand, why not just offer it up”. . .yes, way to go. In your Christian charity of defending the poor person whose itty hand was not shaken by one person one time, you seem to lose all Christian charity for the person on the other side at all times.

I thought we were supposed to care for all?

IOW, even if we disagree with somebody’s actions, there are I think nicer and more helpful ways than pontificating with, "offer it up, you clod, because now you have offended another person just to satisfy your selfish ‘whim’. . .

That other person might not feel he or she has to go into detail about why handshaking might be a problem. And we shouldn’t have to defend ourselves (for either side, I might add). Last I knew, this was an **optional practice **for any given congregation and the response of handshaking has never been mandated as such.

IOW, nobody has decreed from the Vatican that person A, approached by person B with hand outstretched and ‘expecting’ a shake, **must respond with a shake.

So why try to imply that a person who has SAID the peace to another is somehow ‘second best’? Is somehow DISRESPECTING another? Is 'in the wrong"?

They aren’t.
**

 

[grasscutter]

I get what you’re saying, Tantum Ergo.

It does work both ways. Polite observation is appropriate on each side. When one sees someone with hands folded who smiles and says “peace be with you”, it is exceedingly rude to insist that they also shake hands.

And people who are taking the liturgical high ground (that reason alone) by refusing to engage in the now common practice of shaking hands are also being rude.

Now I’m about to be guilty of being rude… but, common sense much?!? Not directed at you at all, just the debate in general.

 

[pianistclare]

While this is certainly not a ‘hill I want to die on’, and while I personally have legitimate physical problems (arthritis, and since my hands are my job, I need to take extra care), I certainly will shake hands with children who approach me or sometimes, but not always, adults who approach me ‘strongly’ or expectantly, even though my ‘offering it up’ is far more physically painful than emotionally painful.

So I tend to get a tad annoyed when I hear the immediate knee-jerk response of, “oh really, just shake the other person’s hand, why not just offer it up”. . .yes, way to go. In your Christian charity of defending the poor person whose itty hand was not shaken by one person one time, you seem to lose all Christian charity for the person on the other side at all times.

I thought we were supposed to care for all?

IOW, even if we disagree with somebody’s actions, there are I think nicer and more helpful ways than pontificating with, "offer it up, you clod, because now you have offended another person just to satisfy your selfish ‘whim’. . .

That other person might not feel he or she has to go into detail about why handshaking might be a problem. And we shouldn’t have to defend ourselves (for either side, I might add). Last I knew, this was an **optional practice **for any given congregation and the response of handshaking has never been mandated as such.

IOW, nobody has decreed from the Vatican that person A, approached by person B with hand outstretched and ‘expecting’ a shake, **must respond with a shake.

So why try to imply that a person who has SAID the peace to another is somehow ‘second best’? Is somehow DISRESPECTING another? Is 'in the wrong"?

They aren’t.
**

I think the thing that most people are responding to is the anger displayed at this.
Everyone’s angry.
Not a good posture at Mass. If the pastor does not feel it’s improper or has not restricted it there’s little one can do about it. As I said before, have a real dialog with the pastor, express your concerns. But the angry responses seem way out of proportion to the offense.
I don’t particularly like. But it’s there. I have to deal with it. Hopefully, not in such a way that I am in a poor frame of mind as I approach Jesus in the Eucharist.
Peace.

 

[Cat]

Please forgive me if I missed it upthread, but is it not really liturgically correct properly speaking to shake hands at this time?

Where did the sign of peace come from exactly?

It started way back in the very early Christian Church.

St. Justin wrote to a pagan emperor named Antoninus Pius in 155 to describe the Christian liturgy as celebrated in Rome. He essentially describes a Mass. After the readings, the homily, and the prayers, St. Justin writes, “When the prayers are concluded, we exchange the kiss.”

The kiss refers to the “kiss of peace.” It’s a greeting exchanged between Christians.

I’ve read other pieces about how the “kiss” has become a “handshake” due to local custom. I’ve heard that in other cultures, a bow is exchanged.

I think that we need to practice charity in all things, and always esteem OTHERS more important than ourselves.

We need to see and respond to individuals, not just a herd of human beings in the same nave as us. One individual might be hurt and disturbed when a fellow Christian refuses to shake hands with him/her, while another individual might not even notice, but just smile and nod. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you as you exchange peace with those around you in the Ordinary Form of the Mass.

We all worry too much about ourselves. I know I do.

 

[JamalChristophr]

Thanks, Cat!! I appreciate your educating me on this aspect of the mass.

So… I guess, the holy kiss is out of the question for most parishes in the U.S. and eleswhere??

It’s kind of ironically funny and then NOT that people should get so bent out of shape at what’s supposed to be the “sign of peace”.

It seems like a good and holy thing to me, as long as it’s done in proper form and due measure.

 

[ProVobis]

It seems like a good and holy thing to me, as long as it’s done in proper form and due measure.

I don’t think we’ve ever been instructed as to the proper form. I know in the Maronite liturgy I attended the handshake of peace (actually one pair of hands cups the folded hands of the recipient) is initiated at the altar and this is passed to the end person of each pew who then passes to the person sitting next to him.

In most of the OF liturgies (at least the ones I attend) exchanges are made spontaneously and in a quite disorganized manner, relatively speaking.

 

[Sunbreak]

The guy the OP dissed responded negatively because the OP was rude to him first. It is rude to decline to shake someone’s hand without an explaination. It’s a blatant sign of disrespect in our culture. Even with an explaination, it’s likely to be perceived as rude. I’m willing to bet he wouldn’t have ignored the outstretched hand of someone he knew and liked.

I disagree totally. Not shaking hands is not a blatant sign of disrespect. And by now, people should know that not everyone wants to shake hands. Nor is shaking hands a requirement of the peace sign - the priest instructs us to exchange a sign of peace - it doesn’t have to be a handshake. It could be a nod.

 

[Sonny89]

I’m just curious…does anyone happen to know how the Sign of Peace is done in England? My husband and I are moving there in a couple of months. It’s normal in Canada for people to turn and shake hands (this is what I always do). I just don’t want to embarrass myself during Mass over there.

I suppose it may depend on the parish.

Peace and All Good!!

I’ve lived in several places in England (it was before I started regularly attending EF Masses) and in my experience, in most places people shake has & exchange a kiss on the cheek with family members (husband/wife/in-laws etc). In 1 place I was living it was just done with a nod & “Peace be with you” so as always there can be variation.

God Bless