Shaking hands expected during Sign of Peace

[Sonny89]

I don’t think we’ve ever been instructed as to the proper form. I know in the Maronite liturgy I attended the handshake of peace (actually one pair of hands cups the folded hands of the recipient) is initiated at the altar and this is passed to the end person of each pew who then passes to the person sitting next to him.

In most of the OF liturgies (at least the ones I attend) exchanges are made spontaneously and in a quite disorganized manner, relatively speaking.

Peace and all Good!

The handshake of Peace in the Maronite Liturgy sounds lovely! I like the fact that it more explicitly comes from the altar & the Priest in Persona Christi as well

 

[Cat]

I don’t think we’ve ever been instructed as to the proper form. I know in the Maronite liturgy I attended the handshake of peace (actually one pair of hands cups the folded hands of the recipient) is initiated at the altar and this is passed to the end person of each pew who then passes to the person sitting next to him.

In most of the OF liturgies (at least the ones I attend) exchanges are made spontaneously and in a quite disorganized manner, relatively speaking.

Any kind of organized handshaking regimen essentially forces everyone to participate.

On the other hand, the “disorganized manner” allows for more freedom by the Holy Spirit to instruct believers on who needs a handshake, who needs a hug, who needs a nod, and who needs to be left alone.

I’ve seen people kneel during the Sign of Peace in the OF and bury their head in their hands, which is a blatant message to be left alone. I respect that because we never know what people are going through in their lives. I think it is a showing a Sign of Peace if I respect others and allow them their space if they need it.

I have to say, though that IMO, to regularly and deliberately opt out of the Sign of Peace in the OF Mass for no reason other than “disapproval” is–again, IMO–a breach of the liturgical rubrics, and I think Catholics should respect the liturgy of whatever form of the Mass they serve at. At the very least, if they opt out of the Sign of Peace, they should not feel free to criticize priests for “liturgical abuses” when they themselves are ignoring the rubrics, too.

(For that same reason, I believe that Catholics should make an attempt to sing or at least be mentally present during the “4 hymn sandwich” if that is what the parish priest chooses to use. We shouldn’t just opt out of parts of the Mass that we don’t find personally edifying.)

 

[JamalChristophr]

(For that same reason, I believe that Catholics should make an attempt to sing or at least be mentally present during the “4 hymn sandwich” if that is what the parish priest chooses to use. We shouldn’t just opt out of parts of the Mass that we don’t find personally edifying.)

I suppose my only real complaint I can think of is masses where there is almost no silence. I usually sing. However, I never sing at communion time or right after it. That’s quiet time for me. The mass ought to have some moments of silence, I believe. But obviously not everyone thinks that.

 

[jim6918]

Just going to jump in here with a couple of observations. There might be other reasons for not shaking hands.

I am being treated for a rather serious degenerative muscle disease with massive doses of steroids and immunosuppressant drugs that have all but killed my immune system. I avoid as much “close personal” contact as possible because my doctors have warned me that a simple infection or virus could be very problematic. You wouldn’t know it to look at me that I am so sick. Our parish has multiple greeters ( 4 + or more) at the door prior to mass, and we shake hands at the opening of mass, and at the Sign of Peace. By the end of mass, I might have shaken hands with 20 people. I really resent the looks and raised eyebrows I get when I just clasp my hands in front of me and smile with whatever greeting is appropriate. I am not being unfriendly, just careful with my health. I would hate to have to resort to hand sanitizer several times during mass.

The other practice in our parish that I find distracting, is that instead of just shaking hands with the people in their immediate vicinity, we have a whole cadre of people who find it necessary to get out of their pew, and walk up and down the aisle to shake hands with people. I have observed Father having to pause and wait while people have returned to their pew before continuing with the Mass.

 

[Mongol]

Some people can’t shake hands for medical reasons. And some just don’t like to be touched.

It might have gone better if TuxedoMark had explained briefly that he doesn’t shake hands, but the other gentleman was rude. When someone won’t shake my hand at the Sign of Peace, I just figure she is not feeling well, or has arthritis, etc.

My son, who has autism, shakes the hand of every person he can reach, even those he has to poke in the back. Thank goodness they are good sports.

You should probably discourage your son from doing that…if I was on the receiving end, I wouldn’t think very kindly of it.

Though honestly, I struggle with congregational participation in the mass at all…

 

[UnumCorpus]

Peace and All Good!!

I’ve lived in several places in England (it was before I started regularly attending EF Masses) and in my experience, in most places people shake has & exchange a kiss on the cheek with family members (husband/wife/in-laws etc). In 1 place I was living it was just done with a nod & “Peace be with you” so as always there can be variation.

God Bless

Thank you for the information, Sonny89. I figured there would be some variation.

 

[ProVobis]

(For that same reason, I believe that Catholics should make an attempt to sing or at least be mentally present during the “4 hymn sandwich” if that is what the parish priest chooses to use. We shouldn’t just opt out of parts of the Mass that we don’t find personally edifying.)

Maybe this should be started as another thread. I don’t know how this “4 hymn sandwich” started as in the missalette (or at least the one I saw a few weeks ago), there were still the Introit, Offertory, and Communion verses listed. Yes, there is the option of a hymn sung but why forego these verses, which are part of the Mass propers? Shouldn’t those verses be the norm, not the hymns which now seem to be so ingrained in most of us and causing so much tension among us?

 

[lola5555]

I am always baffled by how many people on CAF are so totally against the sign of peace. You have to shake hands with six, maybe seven, other people. Is that really so hard? You have gone to a gathering of God’s family. Do you really think that God brought everyone together so that we could ignore each other? What is so offensive about being nice to another Christian for just a few second?

In all honesty, this whole thing is a first world problem. We should focus on real problems instead.

This isn’t terribly charitable or kind. I’m sure you didn’t mean it as such, but when other people have different opinions from ourselves it does not automatically mean that they are being ridiculous. Perhaps you have been blessed with good health and/or gentle parishioners. I have been squeezed by grown men like my hand was a piece of wood they were setting in a vice, leaving me reeling in pain for some time after…and I’m not even arthritic. But this issue is much more complicated than any one single issue, which is why people feel so strongly about it.

I run in to this all the time. There just are some people that don’t want to shake hands for what ever reason and it doesn’t bother me at all. I respect their wishes. Personally I could do without the “sign of peace” just fine. It has always annoyed me. I see a lot of people that leave their seats and walk half way across to shake peoples hands. There’s is another aspect of shaking hands that bothers me. Almost every Sunday someone in front or back of me pulls out a handkerchief and blows there nose into it and wads it up and puts it back in their pocket and expects me to shake their hand.

Perhaps you are good example of respecting the differences of those around us. I can get annoyed and grossed out too easily sometimes and I’ll try to remember your example.

It’s not a “first world problem.” It’s a legitimate liturgical problem.
While that particular occasion is indeed a gathering of God’s family, that’s not what the Mass is about. The Mass is about offering the perfect sacrifice of the Eucharist to God.

Is there any thing wrong with the sign of peace? Not particularly. But when people turn to people in other aisles to shake their hand and turn their back to the Eucharist, there is a problem.

We don’t go to Mass to be nice to other people (not that we shouldn’t treat other people with respect). We go to Mass to worship God.

Nicely put-- that’s totally it to me. It’s not about me…but it’s also not about you. It’s about God. I can socialize every other hour of the week. I can be sweet to you and focus on you outside, later. But mass is a special time to focus on God. I want to give Him that uninterrupted time, especially since I’m prone to being easily distracted in life. So while the Sign of Peace isn’t a big deal in and of itself, it’s a symptom of larger issue of making mass about ourselves. It’s just one more sign that we need to be more aware of our choices.

Personally I’ve noticed that most people seem uncomfortable and hesitant giving the Sign of Peace. Some seem downright miserable. I sometimes wonder who we are doing this for because a big chunk of people seem to not like it. When I go to the OF, I think I’ll try just kneeling and praying for those around me. I think it might be more appreciated, at least in my parish.

 

[Gia_B]

It’s not a “first world problem.” It’s a legitimate liturgical problem.
While that particular occasion is indeed a gathering of God’s family, that’s not what the Mass is about. The Mass is about offering the perfect sacrifice of the Eucharist to God.

Is there any thing wrong with the sign of peace? Not particularly. But when people turn to people in other aisles to shake their hand and turn their back to the Eucharist, there is a problem.

We don’t go to Mass to be nice to other people (not that we shouldn’t treat other people with respect). We go to Mass to worship God.

Legitimate liturgical problem? I know that the mass is about the Eucharist, but people on CAF seem to think that it is some terrible burden to just shake hands with a few people. I’m not talking about the people with medical issues. I’m talking about the I-don’t-like-strangers-touching-me crowd or the folks that get all bent put of shape because someone might not have washed his hands or the people who have some weirdly exaggerated idea of what happens during sign of peace (and boy is CAF prone to exaggeration). These are not liturgical problems; these are petty, shallow problems. The OP acted like the guy who wanted to shake his hand was making some horrible imposition. How is that not a first world problem?

 

[Avila123]

I’m just curious…does anyone happen to know how the Sign of Peace is done in England? My husband and I are moving there in a couple of months. It’s normal in Canada for people to turn and shake hands (this is what I always do). I just don’t want to embarrass myself during Mass over there.

I suppose it may depend on the parish.

Hi, we generally do the same in England. I will lightly shake hands with those near me, if I am alone, I look around make eye contact and raise my hand (head height) and quietly say peace be with you. Some families exchange a kiss on the cheeks but shake hands with other people. I have been known to quickly travel a few pews if someone is on their own and either looking a bit lost or new.

Don’t worry, you won’t embarrass yourselves and people generally are understanding of newcomers into the parish.

 

[Sonny89]

It started way back in the very early Christian Church.

St. Justin wrote to a pagan emperor named Antoninus Pius in 155 to describe the Christian liturgy as celebrated in Rome. He essentially describes a Mass. After the readings, the homily, and the prayers, St. Justin writes, “When the prayers are concluded, we exchange the kiss.”

The kiss refers to the “kiss of peace.” It’s a greeting exchanged between Christians.

I’ve read other pieces about how the “kiss” has become a “handshake” due to local custom. I’ve heard that in other cultures, a bow is exchanged.

I think that we need to practice charity in all things, and always esteem OTHERS more important than ourselves.

We need to see and respond to individuals, not just a herd of human beings in the same nave as us. One individual might be hurt and disturbed when a fellow Christian refuses to shake hands with him/her, while another individual might not even notice, but just smile and nod. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you as you exchange peace with those around you in the Ordinary Form of the Mass.

We all worry too much about ourselves. I know I do.

Peace and all Good!

Thanks Cat, I’ve often wondered about this & just when I was thinking it was time I asked the question, I saw your answer I do love St Justin.

You make a very important point about needing to respond to each individual appropriately & not simply lump everyone together.

 

[Cat]

Just going to jump in here with a couple of observations. There might be other reasons for not shaking hands.

I am being treated for a rather serious degenerative muscle disease with massive doses of steroids and immunosuppressant drugs that have all but killed my immune system. I avoid as much “close personal” contact as possible because my doctors have warned me that a simple infection or virus could be very problematic. You wouldn’t know it to look at me that I am so sick. Our parish has multiple greeters ( 4 + or more) at the door prior to mass, and we shake hands at the opening of mass, and at the Sign of Peace. By the end of mass, I might have shaken hands with 20 people. I really resent the looks and raised eyebrows I get when I just clasp my hands in front of me and smile with whatever greeting is appropriate. I am not being unfriendly, just careful with my health. I would hate to have to resort to hand sanitizer several times during mass.

The other practice in our parish that I find distracting, is that instead of just shaking hands with the people in their immediate vicinity, we have a whole cadre of people who find it necessary to get out of their pew, and walk up and down the aisle to shake hands with people. I have observed Father having to pause and wait while people have returned to their pew before continuing with the Mass.

As I said in a previous post in this thread, I think that I am showing a “sign of peace” when I show respect for a fellow parishioner’s preferences during the Sign of Peace, and I don’t get annoyed with him/her.

Everyone, here’s what’s bothering me about this whole thread and this whole topic: We should all know each other better in our parishes.

jim6918, does anyone in your parish KNOW about your condition (other than your relatives?) Why not?

Some of you say, “Harumph, harrumph, Cat, that’s crazy! We have hundreds of people in my parish. I can’t possibly get to know them all!”

Oh, yeah?

How do Protestants do it?

I swear to all of you that when I attended the Christian and Missionary Alliance Church down South, I knew pretty much all 500 people in my church. I didn’t know every detail, but I sure as shootin’ would have known when someone had serious degenerative muscle disorder. That would have been on the prayer chain as soon as you called the pastor to let him know, and within an hour, EVERYONE in that church would have known that jim6918 is severely ill and we all need to pray like crazy and start bringing over casseroles and offering to help jim6918 with any little thing that he needs help with.

I am not exaggerating one bit.

One of the main reasons why people start attending Evangelical Protestant churches is that everyone knows each other and helps each other out. Yes, I know that many of you scoff at “fellowship”. Well, let me tell you that some good ol’ fellowship would be just the thing to solve the dilemma of the “Sign of Peace!!”

One of the reasons why the Sign of Peace feels awkward is that you have no idea who you’re giving the Sign of Peace to! And IMO, that needs to change in Catholic parishes YESTERDAY! We are miles behind.

If you KNEW your fellow parishioners, you would KNOW that Suzy is from a traditionalist background and would prefer to attend a Latin Mass, but there isn’t any for 100 miles, and so she attends the OF Mass instead, and that she really feels very uncomfortable shaking hands, especially with men.

You would KNOW that Ed is a salesperson who shakes hands with everyone in the world that he meets, and that if you don’t shake hands, he will take offense and probably worry about whether he has offended YOU.

You would KNOW that jim6918 has a painful medical condition that makes hand-shaking agonizing for him.

You would know that the person I brought with me to Mass yesterday has been through the wringer in the last 6 months because of an unjust criminal case, and he is on the verge of tears, and that he could really use a long, friendly hug from sympathetic people.

But we don’t know each other. We should.

 

[JamalChristophr]

As I said in a previous post in this thread, I think that I am showing a “sign of peace” when I show respect for a fellow parishioner’s preferences during the Sign of Peace, and I don’t get annoyed with him/her.

Everyone, here’s what’s bothering me about this whole thread and this whole topic: We should all know each other better in our parishes.

jim6918, does anyone in your parish KNOW about your condition (other than your relatives?) Why not?

Some of you say, “Harumph, harrumph, Cat, that’s crazy! We have hundreds of people in my parish. I can’t possibly get to know them all!”

Oh, yeah?

How do Protestants do it?

I swear to all of you that when I attended the Christian and Missionary Alliance Church down South, I knew pretty much all 500 people in my church. I didn’t know every detail, but I sure as shootin’ would have known when someone had serious degenerative muscle disorder. That would have been on the prayer chain as soon as you called the pastor to let him know, and within an hour, EVERYONE in that church would have known that jim6918 is severely ill and we all need to pray like crazy and start bringing over casseroles and offering to help jim6918 with any little thing that he needs help with.

I am not exaggerating one bit.

One of the main reasons why people start attending Evangelical Protestant churches is that everyone knows each other and helps each other out. Yes, I know that many of you scoff at “fellowship”. Well, let me tell you that some good ol’ fellowship would be just the thing to solve the dilemma of the “Sign of Peace!!”

One of the reasons why the Sign of Peace feels awkward is that you have no idea who you’re giving the Sign of Peace to! And IMO, that needs to change in Catholic parishes YESTERDAY! We are miles behind.

If you KNEW your fellow parishioners, you would KNOW that Suzy is from a traditionalist background and would prefer to attend a Latin Mass, but there isn’t any for 100 miles, and so she attends the OF Mass instead, and that she really feels very uncomfortable shaking hands, especially with men.

You would KNOW that Ed is a salesperson who shakes hands with everyone in the world that he meets, and that if you don’t shake hands, he will take offense and probably worry about whether he has offended YOU.

You would KNOW that jim6918 has a painful medical condition that makes hand-shaking agonizing for him.

You would know that the person I brought with me to Mass yesterday has been through the wringer in the last 6 months because of an unjust criminal case, and he is on the verge of tears, and that he could really use a long, friendly hug from sympathetic people.

But we don’t know each other. We should.

Bravo Cat! That was a good sermon!!

I can see you’re a very extorverted sanguine gal unless I’m mistaken. What you say does make a lot of sense.

I love people and even like some of them, but I’m a very classic introvert- putting all 500 people in the parish into my schema could blow my neural net for a dozen lifetimes! :bigyikes:

 

[babochka]

Personally I’ve noticed that most people seem uncomfortable and hesitant giving the Sign of Peace. Some seem downright miserable. I sometimes wonder who we are doing this for because a big chunk of people seem to not like it. When I go to the OF, I think I’ll try just kneeling and praying for those around me. I think it might be more appreciated, at least in my parish.

Maybe people are uncomfortable and hesitant because they’ve been rebuffed too many times and are no longer confident that a handshake will be graciously accepted and returned. At the parish where I sometimes attend daily Mass, a nod and slight smile seems to be the norm. There are a few, however, who always shake hands. I’ve never seen anyone refuse to shake hands or do anything other than be absolutely gracious. Sometimes I’ll even encounter a hugger. It isn’t my preference, but really, it isn’t a big deal. It seems to me that we can all just be gracious. If one must, just “grin and bear it”. In most parishes, it lasts a few seconds at most.

 

[Sonny89]

Thank you for the information, Sonny89. I figured there would be some variation.

Peace and all Good!!

Happy to help, UnumCorpus! I wish you a blessed & peaceful move to England (as peaceful as moves like this can be anyhow) & I pray that your experience of the Liturgy here brings you great blessings.

 

[UnumCorpus]

Hi, we generally do the same in England. I will lightly shake hands with those near me, if I am alone, I look around make eye contact and raise my hand (head height) and quietly say peace be with you. Some families exchange a kiss on the cheeks but shake hands with other people. I have been known to quickly travel a few pews if someone is on their own and either looking a bit lost or new.

Don’t worry, you won’t embarrass yourselves and people generally are understanding of newcomers into the parish.

Thank you for the information, Avila123. That sounds pretty much how it is done in Canada too. The way you greet newcomers sounds very friendly!

 

[UnumCorpus]

Peace and all Good!!

Happy to help, UnumCorpus! I wish you a blessed & peaceful move to England (as peaceful as moves like this can be anyhow) & I pray that your experience of the Liturgy here brings you great blessings.

Thank you for your kindness and prayers, Sonny89! Hopefully our move goes as painlessly as possible. I’m nervous and excited at the same time…it’s always an adventure moving to a different country.

 

[jim6918]

Bravo Cat! That was a good sermon!!

I can see you’re a very extorverted sanguine gal unless I’m mistaken. What you say does make a lot of sense.

I love people and even like some of them, but I’m a very classic introvert- putting all 500 people in the parish into my schema could blow my neural net for a dozen lifetimes! :bigyikes:

I will only reply as it relates to my post. I do not wear my disease on my sleeve. I have told about 20 of 30 fellow parishioners of my illness, and while I am sure I am on many personal prayer lists, my name is not on the public prayer list, at my own choosing.

I do not show any outward signs of the disease other than a limp or waddle from the degenerated thigh muscles. To look at me you would think I am simply an overweight middle aged male, and I can offer a bone crushing hand shake if I wanted to. It is far from agonizing to shake hands for me. That’s not my point. I have no natural immune system and am susceptible to everything. The last simple head cold I had lasted 4 miserable weeks. Imagine if I picked up something worse from somebody’s hands via a runny nose?

 

[Cat]

Bravo Cat! That was a good sermon!!

I can see you’re a very extorverted sanguine gal unless I’m mistaken. What you say does make a lot of sense.

I love people and even like some of them, but I’m a very classic introvert- putting all 500 people in the parish into my schema could blow my neural net for a dozen lifetimes! :bigyikes:

Actually, introverts get to know people better than extroverts, because often, introverts talk less and listen more.

You don’t have to be buddy-buddy BFF with 500 people. You just have to know them–who they are and what they’re into.

A lot of getting to know people has to do with paying attention. E.g., you’re standing in the line in the narthex waiting to shake hands with the priest, and you hear the two older ladies behind you talking about their painful arthritis and their next treatment (or you might hear them discussing this in overly-loud voices in the nave right before Mass). If you’re paying attention, you’ll remember this next time you are sitting next to one of these ladies in Mass, and you’ll shake hands with great gentleness.

 

[Cat]

I will only reply as it relates to my post. I do not wear my disease on my sleeve. I have told about 20 of 30 fellow parishioners of my illness, and while I am sure I am on many personal prayer lists, my name is not on the public prayer list, at my own choosing.

I do not show any outward signs of the disease other than a limp or waddle from the degenerated thigh muscles. To look at me you would think I am simply an overweight middle aged male, and I can offer a bone crushing hand shake if I wanted to. It is far from agonizing to shake hands for me. That’s not my point. I have no natural immune system and am susceptible to everything. The last simple head cold I had lasted 4 miserable weeks. Imagine if I picked up something worse from somebody’s hands via a runny nose?

You’re certainly free to keep your condition to yourself.

But you can’t expect people to instinctively know. Unless you open up, they’ll continue to try to shake hands with you. No one is trying to kill you. They’re just doing what is expected during the Sign of Peace.

Why not, after Mass of course, whisper to them, “I hope you didn’t take offense that I don’t shake hands. I really do appreciate your wishing me peace, but I have a very depressed immune system and I have to be pretty careful.”

Most people would say, “Oh, gee, thanks for telling me! I’ll remember that. Have a good week–I’ll say a prayer for you.”

Do you see how this type of conversation builds trust and friendships and “fellowship” among a congregation, instead of individualism and aloneness? It’s called koinonia in the Bible–it’s being “One in Christ,” or “Christian brothers and sisters.”

I sometimes get the feeling that we don’t really want anyone to know us, and we don’t really want to know others. We just want to be alone. But that’s not really what Christianity is. Christians are part of a family. Maybe that’s why we’re reluctant to open up–so many of us have unhappy family experiences and memories.

I think we should be less afraid.