Shaking hands expected during Sign of Peace

[Avila123]

Thank you for the information, Avila123. That sounds pretty much how it is done in Canada too. The way you greet newcomers sounds very friendly!

Just be patient with us Brits. Some of us can appear a bit distant or standoffish at times, but we are okay once you get beyond our stiff upper lips.

Hope you get a friendly parish? The truth in our area is that we tend to have one priest covering 2 parish churches - one congregation is usually welcoming, whilst the other is not gifted with hospitality. I am not sure what the case is if the priest has more than 2 churches.

 

[Tuxedo_Mark]

I sometimes get the feeling that we don’t really want anyone to know us, and we don’t really want to know others. We just want to be alone.

That’s how I am.

But that’s not really what Christianity is. Christians are part of a family.

Yeah, but you can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends. That’s why I do my socializing on message forums and at a twice-yearly local comics/gaming/anime convention. It allows me to interact with people that share my interests, whether it’s a particular comic book, video game, yuri, or whatever.

Maybe that’s why we’re reluctant to open up–so many of us have unhappy family experiences and memories.

My unhappy family experiences and memories tend to be the ones where my parents wanted me to do things with them that I had no interest in.

 

[ProVobis]

Hope you get a friendly parish?

I think the best way to find out is to stay after Mass and start some conversations, maybe even with other than the priest. Chances are people are there for the obligation and don’t think twice or past the sign of peace. But that’s my opinion.

 

[UnumCorpus]

Just be patient with us Brits. Some of us can appear a bit distant or standoffish at times, but we are okay once you get beyond our stiff upper lips.

Hope you get a friendly parish? The truth in our area is that we tend to have one priest covering 2 parish churches - one congregation is usually welcoming, whilst the other is not gifted with hospitality. I am not sure what the case is if the priest has more than 2 churches.

I’m not too worried…I have been to the UK before and I do have some friends over there (though they live in a different part of the country). So I’m well acquainted with Brits.

My husband and I are currently part of a very friendly parish and everyone is so sad that we are leaving. Good-byes are the hardest part about moving. So I hope the parish we end up at is hospitable for us newbies.

I think the best way to find out is to stay after Mass and start some conversations, maybe even with other than the priest. Chances are people are there for the obligation and don’t think twice or past the sign of peace. But that’s my opinion.

Yes, that can be very true. Hopefully my husband and I will be able to participate in parish events so we can visit and make friends outside of the Mass itself.

 

[Sonny89]

One of the reasons why the Sign of Peace feels awkward is that you have no idea who you’re giving the Sign of Peace to! And IMO, that needs to change in Catholic parishes YESTERDAY! We are miles behind.

But we don’t know each other. We should.

Peace and All Good!

This really rings true with my early memories of attending Mass with family, we’d all file in, sit down, just be told to keep our heads down & as soon as Mass finished, we were dragged to the car & driven home full steam ahead. It was as if standing around and sharing coffee/juice after Mass with everyone else & getting to know people would cause our heads to spontaneously combust.

Recently when family came to visit me & attended Mass here, they were SHOCKED at how nice everyone was & how many people came over to say hi after Mass, one family member asked, “why isn’t it like that in St X’s at home?” It sure could be if you stuck around a while to meet other parishioners

 

[Cat]

That’s how I am.

Yeah, but you can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends. That’s why I do my socializing on message forums and at a twice-yearly local comics/gaming/anime convention. It allows me to interact with people that share my interests, whether it’s a particular comic book, video game, yuri, or whatever.

How do you know that there aren’t people sitting around you in the Mass who share your interests?!

My 56-year old husband does not wear any type of clothing to Mass that would give you any clue that he is a comic book fanatic! He currently only subscribes to 6 titles, and he will purchase ANY comic that features Dr. Strange. He also purchases comics that he knows I would be interested in (e.g., Dark Shadows, but those titles are being discontinued :crying. But a few years ago, he was subscribing to over 30 titles; he reluctantly gave up all the “mutant” titles because they were proliferating faster than rabbits.

He makes a monthly “pilgrimage” to the shop of the coolest comic book guy that you will ever meet in your life, a man who knows everything about every comic book ever written! In his shop, which is on the most dangerous street in our city (high crime area), you will find businessmen wearing expensive suits, little boys, teenagers, women and girls, people of all colors and ethnic backgrounds, and even clerics–all there to sip from the fountain of this man’s vast knowledge! I love visiting his shop, too, and I’m not even a comic book fanatic.

Perhaps you think that if my husband were that big a fan, you would meet him at a comic con, but my husband said, “Not if it’s a good comic con! He might miss me entirely because I’m standing behind the guy wearing the great Jaba the Hut costume.”

Anyway, how will you know unless you ask?!

Perhaps parishes should hold a “t-shirt day,” when everyone comes to Mass wearing a t-shirt that reflects their greatest interests (outside of Mass!). I would wear my figure skating t-shirts! That way, people could gravitate towards people who have interests in common.

 

[ProVobis]

Yes, that can be very true. Hopefully my husband and I will be able to participate in parish events so we can visit and make friends outside of the Mass itself.

Unfortunately these days there’s a lot of competition here from senior centers and such, where they have daily meals, bridge games, ballpark outings, movies, etc. The non-denominational megachurch a few miles away draws the younger crowds in some more spiritually-involved activities.

 

[lalindsay225]

You should probably discourage your son from doing that…if I was on the receiving end, I wouldn’t think very kindly of it.

Though honestly, I struggle with congregational participation in the mass at all…

Yes, you’re probably right. I have found it hard to discourage him, because it’s good to see him taking the initiative to be social, but I need to get over it and give him some guidance.

 

[grasscutter]

Yes, you’re probably right. I have found it hard to discourage him, because it’s good to see him taking the initiative to be social, but I need to get over it and give him some guidance.

Or maybe others need to put the effort into understanding that everyone else isn’t neurologically typical.

Love from a mother with a son who has Asperger’s syndrome.

 

[pianistclare]

Or maybe others need to put the effort into understanding that everyone else isn’t neurologically typical.

Love from a mother with a son who has Asperger’s syndrome.

I was thinking this as well…God bless you both.

 

[garyo49]

As I said in a previous post in this thread, I think that I am showing a “sign of peace” when I show respect for a fellow parishioner’s preferences during the Sign of Peace, and I don’t get annoyed with him/her.

Everyone, here’s what’s bothering me about this whole thread and this whole topic: We should all know each other better in our parishes.

jim6918, does anyone in your parish KNOW about your condition (other than your relatives?) Why not?

Some of you say, “Harumph, harrumph, Cat, that’s crazy! We have hundreds of people in my parish. I can’t possibly get to know them all!”

Oh, yeah?

How do Protestants do it?

I swear to all of you that when I attended the Christian and Missionary Alliance Church down South, I knew pretty much all 500 people in my church. I didn’t know every detail, but I sure as shootin’ would have known when someone had serious degenerative muscle disorder. That would have been on the prayer chain as soon as you called the pastor to let him know, and within an hour, EVERYONE in that church would have known that jim6918 is severely ill and we all need to pray like crazy and start bringing over casseroles and offering to help jim6918 with any little thing that he needs help with.

I am not exaggerating one bit.

One of the main reasons why people start attending Evangelical Protestant churches is that everyone knows each other and helps each other out. Yes, I know that many of you scoff at “fellowship”. Well, let me tell you that some good ol’ fellowship would be just the thing to solve the dilemma of the “Sign of Peace!!”

One of the reasons why the Sign of Peace feels awkward is that you have no idea who you’re giving the Sign of Peace to! And IMO, that needs to change in Catholic parishes YESTERDAY! We are miles behind.

If you KNEW your fellow parishioners, you would KNOW that Suzy is from a traditionalist background and would prefer to attend a Latin Mass, but there isn’t any for 100 miles, and so she attends the OF Mass instead, and that she really feels very uncomfortable shaking hands, especially with men.

You would KNOW that Ed is a salesperson who shakes hands with everyone in the world that he meets, and that if you don’t shake hands, he will take offense and probably worry about whether he has offended YOU.

You would KNOW that jim6918 has a painful medical condition that makes hand-shaking agonizing for him.

You would know that the person I brought with me to Mass yesterday has been through the wringer in the last 6 months because of an unjust criminal case, and he is on the verge of tears, and that he could really use a long, friendly hug from sympathetic people.

But we don’t know each other. We should.

Why Cat? Why are Catholics so standoffish? I’m a convert and I would tell my story, but I don’t think it belongs here.

 

[Steve7]

I can agree that during the sign of peace it is a good gesture to shake hands. I cant see myself telling someone they cant shake my hand during a sign of peace I think it would be very rude.

 

[UnumCorpus]

Unfortunately these days there’s a lot of competition here from senior centers and such, where they have daily meals, bridge games, ballpark outings, movies, etc. The non-denominational megachurch a few miles away draws the younger crowds in some more spiritually-involved activities.

Same here, there are also a lot more youth activities in evangelical and non-denominational churches. Some of these churches are geared entirely towards youth and young families. Though our parish currently has activities for all age groups which is good.

I guess we will have to see when we check out the parishes in our area.

 

[Sonny89]

Same here, there are also a lot more youth activities in evangelical and non-denominational churches. Some of these churches are geared entirely towards youth and young families. Though our parish currently has activities for all age groups which is good.

I guess we will have to see when we check out the parishes in our area.

Peace and All Good!

This has also been true in my experience generally, but my current Parish has a lot of youth groups & activities for young people. The Oratorian Fathers who care for the Parish are a very young & enthusiastic Community which may help. 2 of the Fathers in Particularly seem to have a real gift for inspiring young people & helping them get things going.

 

[MarkInOregon]

Your right, but tell that to many Catholics!!! We have so many ‘distractions’, holding hands, raising hands, hugging and kissing, it has become all about us and we seem to loose whats really important!! Many walk right past the Holy Water font, don’t genuflect, and talk loudly in Church. And the way some dress, it is down right shameful!! No wonder they say Catholics have lost the belief in the Real Presence, we don’t give HIM much attention or respect. God have Mercy. God Bless, Memaw

No --its what you’re making Church all about. For many of those around us at Mass raising hands, holding hands, the kiss of peace are authentic expressions of their love for Christ and it is condescending of you to suggest that your form of expression is superior–and that is what you have done. When you have little to no respect for those around you–it is you who have forgotten what is truly important. When you have that much distaste for your fellow parishioners–I fear you could be harboring something in your heart that could drive you far from Christ. If this sounds harsh it is not meant to–I am unsure how to impart the desired tone and I apologize in advance.

The complaint I hear is always about how it is supposed to be about God and not us, but I can’t help but feel that those lodging the complaint are making it all about them and their desire for the Mass. At Mass I try to worry about my own worship and not about others.

I question if we can truly worship God–when we place our own needs and desires, give into our own fears–over truly treating our fellow parishioners as family. I think some words from Pope Francis recent Exhortation would be good for all of us to meditate on even thought they are not given in the context of the Mass:

“The Kerygma has a clear social content: at the very heart of the Gospel is life in community and engagement with others.”

“God’s word teaches that our brothers and sisters are the prolongation of the incarnation for each of us: ‘As you did it to one of these, the least of my brethren, you did it to me’ (Mt 25:40). The way we treat others has a transcendent dimension…It corresponds to the mercy which God has shown us… What these passages make clear is the absolute priority of ‘going forth from ourselves towards our brothers and sisters’ …and as the deepest sign for discerning spiritual growth in response to God’s completely free gift.”

“Loving others is a spiritual force drawing us to union with God; indeed one who does not love others ‘walks in darkness’(1 Jn 2:11)…Whenever we encounter another person in love, we learn something new about God. Whenever our eyes are opened to acknowledge the other, we grow in the light of faith and knowledge of God.”

You know–sure I’d like people to dress better etc., but unless we love and welcome those people–they will never grow in their faith and change. When we are afraid to touch them with a simple hand shake–are we modeling Christs love to them? If we are not modeling Christs love to them–if we are instead passing judgment regarding whether or not they genuflected, blessed themselves with holy water, or are dressed as we deem appropriate, etc.–are we truly worshiping Christ? Are we evangelizing them by our loving actions? If we are not are we truly worshiping Christ. I would like my interaction with everyone at Mass to draw them closer to Christ–not push them away. They felt drawn or called enough to come to Mass–when so many do not–I assume that call came from Christ–my job is to make sure they are welcome and grow in their faith–if I can’t do that – then maybe I am not truly worshiping Christ because I have failed to see him in those he has called to Mass. If Catholics have lost a belief in the Real Presence – maybe it is because they don’t see us transformed by it as evidenced by the way we treat them at Mass. When we fail to respect them and we ignore them aren’t we failing to respect and ignoring Christ? Mass is our community worship–where we are supposed to offer one voice–it is not the worship of a bunch of individual islands. And I say this as an introvert who doesn’t much like people but who has read the Gospels and realized that is not really an option if I want to follow Christ.

The peace of Christ,
Mark

 

[MarkInOregon]

No --its what you’re making Church all about. For many of those around us at Mass raising hands, holding hands, the kiss of peace are authentic expressions of their love for Christ and it is condescending of you to suggest that your form of expression is superior–and that is what you have done. When you have little to no respect for those around you–it is you who have forgotten what is truly important. When you have that much distaste for your fellow parishioners–I fear you could be harboring something in your heart that could drive you far from Christ. If this sounds harsh it is not meant to–I am unsure how to impart the desired tone and I apologize in advance.

The complaint I hear is always about how it is supposed to be about God and not us, but I can’t help but feel that those lodging the complaint are making it all about them and their desire for the Mass. At Mass I try to worry about my own worship and not about others.

I question if we can truly worship God–when we place our own needs and desires, give into our own fears–over truly treating our fellow parishioners as family. I think some words from Pope Francis recent Exhortation would be good for all of us to meditate on even thought they are not given in the context of the Mass:

“The Kerygma has a clear social content: at the very heart of the Gospel is life in community and engagement with others.”

“God’s word teaches that our brothers and sisters are the prolongation of the incarnation for each of us: ‘As you did it to one of these, the least of my brethren, you did it to me’ (Mt 25:40). The way we treat others has a transcendent dimension…It corresponds to the mercy which God has shown us… What these passages make clear is the absolute priority of ‘going forth from ourselves towards our brothers and sisters’ …and as the deepest sign for discerning spiritual growth in response to God’s completely free gift.”

“Loving others is a spiritual force drawing us to union with God; indeed one who does not love others ‘walks in darkness’(1 Jn 2:11)…Whenever we encounter another person in love, we learn something new about God. Whenever our eyes are opened to acknowledge the other, we grow in the light of faith and knowledge of God.”

You know–sure I’d like people to dress better etc., but unless we love and welcome those people–they will never grow in their faith and change. When we are afraid to touch them with a simple hand shake–are we modeling Christs love to them? If we are not modeling Christs love to them–if we are instead passing judgment regarding whether or not they genuflected, blessed themselves with holy water, or are dressed as we deem appropriate, etc.–are we truly worshiping Christ? Are we evangelizing them by our loving actions? If we are not are we truly worshiping Christ. I would like my interaction with everyone at Mass to draw them closer to Christ–not push them away. They felt drawn or called enough to come to Mass–when so many do not–I assume that call came from Christ–my job is to make sure they are welcome and grow in their faith–if I can’t do that – then maybe I am not truly worshiping Christ because I have failed to see him in those he has called to Mass. If Catholics have lost a belief in the Real Presence – maybe it is because they don’t see us transformed by it as evidenced by the way we treat them at Mass. When we fail to respect them and we ignore them aren’t we failing to respect and ignoring Christ? Mass is our community worship–where we are supposed to offer one voice–it is not the worship of a bunch of individual islands.

The peace of Christ,
Mark

 

[maryjk]

You’re certainly free to keep your condition to yourself.

But you can’t expect people to instinctively know. Unless you open up, they’ll continue to try to shake hands with you. No one is trying to kill you. They’re just doing what is expected during the Sign of Peace.

Why not, after Mass of course, whisper to them, “I hope you didn’t take offense that I don’t shake hands. I really do appreciate your wishing me peace, but I have a very depressed immune system and I have to be pretty careful.”

Most people would say, “Oh, gee, thanks for telling me! I’ll remember that. Have a good week–I’ll say a prayer for you.”

This is exactly what has happened to me.

I have lupus. I take medication that reduces my immune system. Some days shaking someone’s hand feels like my hand is being squeezed in a vice. To say nothing about all of the germs being passed back and forth.

But most of those around me know about my condition. And if I don’t shake hands, they know I am having a bad day. No one gets upset. If I *can *shake hands, I simply use a little antibacterial gel, afterward.

 

[Cat]

I was at Mass this morning (Tuesday).

The very elderly, infirm lady sitting in front of me called everyone around her by name when she gave them the Sign of Peace, and those of us that she didn’t know (two of us were younger), she called, “honey.”

That’s the idea! I felt so loved by her, and I want to be like her. She may not be able to go overseas to a mission field, or be a youth group leader, or play the organ/piano–but she can love and she can DEMONSTRATE that love by calling people by their precious name.

 

[UnumCorpus]

Peace and All Good!

This has also been true in my experience generally, but my current Parish has a lot of youth groups & activities for young people. The Oratorian Fathers who care for the Parish are a very young & enthusiastic Community which may help. 2 of the Fathers in Particularly seem to have a real gift for inspiring young people & helping them get things going.

Yes, this is also very true. The level of friendliness and the amount of activities taking place outside of Mass will vary depending on the parish. For now, I will pray that my husband and I find a friendly new parish home.

You know–sure I’d like people to dress better etc., but unless we love and welcome those people–they will never grow in their faith and change. When we are afraid to touch them with a simple hand shake–are we modeling Christs love to them? If we are not modeling Christs love to them–if we are instead passing judgment regarding whether or not they genuflected, blessed themselves with holy water, or are dressed as we deem appropriate, etc.–are we truly worshiping Christ? Are we evangelizing them by our loving actions? If we are not are we truly worshiping Christ. I would like my interaction with everyone at Mass to draw them closer to Christ–not push them away. They felt drawn or called enough to come to Mass–when so many do not–I assume that call came from Christ–my job is to make sure they are welcome and grow in their faith–if I can’t do that – then maybe I am not truly worshiping Christ because I have failed to see him in those he has called to Mass. If Catholics have lost a belief in the Real Presence – maybe it is because they don’t see us transformed by it as evidenced by the way we treat them at Mass. When we fail to respect them and we ignore them aren’t we failing to respect and ignoring Christ? Mass is our community worship–where we are supposed to offer one voice–it is not the worship of a bunch of individual islands. And I say this as an introvert who doesn’t much like people but who has read the Gospels and realized that is not really an option if I want to follow Christ.

The peace of Christ,
Mark

Thank you for this, Mark. What a beautiful post.

 

[pianistclare]

No --its what you’re making Church all about. For many of those around us at Mass raising hands, holding hands, the kiss of peace are authentic expressions of their love for Christ and it is condescending of you to suggest that your form of expression is superior–and that is what you have done. When you have little to no respect for those around you–it is you who have forgotten what is truly important. When you have that much distaste for your fellow parishioners–I fear you could be harboring something in your heart that could drive you far from Christ. If this sounds harsh it is not meant to–I am unsure how to impart the desired tone and I apologize in advance.

The complaint I hear is always about how it is supposed to be about God and not us, but I can’t help but feel that those lodging the complaint are making it all about them and their desire for the Mass. At Mass I try to worry about my own worship and not about others.

I question if we can truly worship God–when we place our own needs and desires, give into our own fears–over truly treating our fellow parishioners as family. I think some words from Pope Francis recent Exhortation would be good for all of us to meditate on even thought they are not given in the context of the Mass:

“The Kerygma has a clear social content: at the very heart of the Gospel is life in community and engagement with others.”

“God’s word teaches that our brothers and sisters are the prolongation of the incarnation for each of us: ‘As you did it to one of these, the least of my brethren, you did it to me’ (Mt 25:40). The way we treat others has a transcendent dimension…It corresponds to the mercy which God has shown us… What these passages make clear is the absolute priority of ‘going forth from ourselves towards our brothers and sisters’ …and as the deepest sign for discerning spiritual growth in response to God’s completely free gift.”

“Loving others is a spiritual force drawing us to union with God; indeed one who does not love others ‘walks in darkness’(1 Jn 2:11)…Whenever we encounter another person in love, we learn something new about God. Whenever our eyes are opened to acknowledge the other, we grow in the light of faith and knowledge of God.”

You know–sure I’d like people to dress better etc., but unless we love and welcome those people–they will never grow in their faith and change. When we are afraid to touch them with a simple hand shake–are we modeling Christs love to them? If we are not modeling Christs love to them–if we are instead passing judgment regarding whether or not they genuflected, blessed themselves with holy water, or are dressed as we deem appropriate, etc.–are we truly worshiping Christ? Are we evangelizing them by our loving actions? If we are not are we truly worshiping Christ. I would like my interaction with everyone at Mass to draw them closer to Christ–not push them away. They felt drawn or called enough to come to Mass–when so many do not–I assume that call came from Christ–my job is to make sure they are welcome and grow in their faith–if I can’t do that – then maybe I am not truly worshiping Christ because I have failed to see him in those he has called to Mass. If Catholics have lost a belief in the Real Presence – maybe it is because they don’t see us transformed by it as evidenced by the way we treat them at Mass. When we fail to respect them and we ignore them aren’t we failing to respect and ignoring Christ? Mass is our community worship–where we are supposed to offer one voice–it is not the worship of a bunch of individual islands. And I say this as an introvert who doesn’t much like people but who has read the Gospels and realized that is not really an option if I want to follow Christ.

The peace of Christ,
Mark

Awesome post. God bless YOU Mark!
:angel1: