First thank you for all the capitalized words. Are you actually reading what I am writing? I thought I was clear that my post was mostly a response to those who come here repeated complaining about a whole host of actions or lack of actions by others at Mass–these complaints by there nature have an element of ill feeling and judgement regarding those engaging in the action–I am asking us (myself included) to look into our hearts regarding these feelings. What is it that prompts us to come here and complain about our fellow parishioners who took the time to come to Mass?
You ask me where are my cautions to those who come to shake hands and when met with someone who doesn’t shake hands harbor ill feeling in their hearts. It should be obvious that I would offer the exact same cautions, but I don’t come to these boards and find threads started by people who come here to complain that parishioner X wouldn’t shake their hand at the sign of peace–it is possible that I have just missed them–but if I did come across one my advise to that poster would be the same as it is to those who come here complaining that some tried to shake their hand, etc.
Perhaps you have tried to engage in a fruitful discussion–but I have acknowledged that in some circumstances refusing the hand offered is the prudent course of action–but I have not felt that you have acknowledged (and maybe you reject the premise) that some have other reasons and that possibly those reasons need to be examined – I know I am always trying to examine my reasons.
I would urge us all to be accepting of those around us at Mass. At the sign of peace I take my cue from those around me. If they offer a hand I shake it, if they don’t I nod or whatever in reciprocation of their gesture of peace. The form of the greeting doesn’t seem that important to me–it is the offering of peace that is important. If the person in front of me doesn’t turn around–I don’t go poking them in the back or touching them on the shoulder–if they wanted to exchange the sign of peace–they’d turn around–and I make no judgement about them because of it.
I think most posters are accepting of your difficulty–whatever it is, but the OP starting this thread didn’t indicate that they had any difficulty and didn’t appear to be seeking advice on what to do in such a situation. They just came and said this happened and the guy seemed offended. Clearly the parishioner who poked the OP in the back should have acted differently and should not have been offended–but that person didn’t come here complaining that the OP wouldn’t shake his hand–had they I think you would have found the same advice directed in the other direction.
The peace of Christ,
Mark
Ah. I am older and from a letter writing family (real snail mail) wherein we always use capitalized letters for emphasis. I do try to remember when using computers that ‘all caps’ is not emphasis but sometimes I forget. My apologies.
I’ve seen quite a few of these threads and since I do suffer (in more ways than one) in the situation I do check them out, and again, in my experience, it seems that those who complain (and they do) that somebody doesn’t shake their hand usually get a lot of sympathy and ‘poor you’ and remarkably few "maybe there is a reason’. And when a reason is given, again, the consensus I have seen is that even physical pain is really no ‘good’ reason because A: the ‘good feeling’ you get from doing what is expected will counterbalance it. B: the person complaining a shake is too painful is probably exaggerating. C: The person complaining of pain is really, “deep down”, contemptuous and fearful and is just trying to justify himself. D: Extroverts are getting ‘more’ out of Mass and so everybody should be more extroverted. If this makes them uncomfortable, then not only should they try harder, it is a proof that they are wrong which is making them uncomfortable. . .
etc. etc.
I have no doubt that you personally would give the same advice to either ‘camp’, so to speak, based on what I’ve seen of your posts. . .but you are in the minority.
Again I apologize for the ‘all caps’. I did indeed read your posts and I do appreciate them.
Finally, this is of course my opinion and my experience. It may not be yours, but neither your nor my experience is less real or less valid or less ‘right’ if you will, at least so I believe.
I am glad if you have never had negative experiences, or if those you have have been minor or easily worked through. I wish that were always the case with every person, but sadly it is not.
Once more, as I noted in my last post, at that point I was dealing with an outside distressing situation that may have affected my overall tone, in which case I was both offering an explanation and an apology if needed.
Personally, the sign of peace in my present parish (and that’s a book in itself) is among the least of my concerns. Of course, if one is in an already difficult situation, even small problems can seem magnified (again, if you’ve never had that experience, I’m glad for you and sincerely hope you never will have such a misfortune).
Sometimes aging can be helpful in that one tends to know that even the worst things ‘pass’, but sometimes it’s harder because, well, one has fewer years left to one and if things are in the ‘rotten stage’, by the time they roll around to better times one might be gone!
