StudentMI:
Indeed. Is it wrong I don’t feel bad for her?
No, it’s not. This is someone that really is a stranger even though you share her DNA. We can’t make ourselves have feelings that have no foundation. I find the information I got about my real family very interesting but nothing beyond that…they are complete strangers to me. I’ve never met any of them face to face and I have no interaction with them now…they are just faces in a few pictures my birth sister sent me. I was excited to see that she and I look very much alike…I’ve never looked like anyone in my adopted family but my adopted family is my real family! That’s where my emotions go.
I’m experiencing the same thing with the son (by a second marriage) of my biological grandfather. My dad was his half-brother, but they never knew each other because they never met, and my grandfather and grandmother divorced when Dad was only three years old. He was never able to track down his biological father.
I, however, have learned about my half-uncle, and I was able to find his address, telephone number and e-mail address. I’ve never called or e-mailed him, but I have written him some letters explaining the facts and enclosing documentation as proof.
I also told hm about my father revealing this to me, and that Ancestry DNA results have turned up the children of Grandpa’s siblings, who are my cousins. I’ve spoken with a few of those cousins, and they’ve shared quite a lot of information about my great-aunts and uncles, and they’ve been warm and welcoming.
However, Grandpa’s second son has never responded to my letters. He has never said a word, which is why I’m hesitant to call or e-mail him. I feel the ball is in his court, now. It’s up to him to answer me, since I’ve opened my door to him.
It’s kind of a bummer that I can’t get to know this man, as his two children share the same grandfather as I and my siblings. One of my cousins, who knows him fairly well, has tried to persuade him to talk to me, but he simply won’t. He just ignores my communications to him.
Evidently, his dad never told him about his previous marriage to our grandmother and the son they had together, so all of this new information must feel pretty strange to him. I’m not sure he even believes me.
I never knew much about my biological grandfather, and would sure like to know more about what he was like. The cousins don’t know that much, because he stayed out in California while they continued to live in Louisiana. Aside from a few brief visits when they were very young, they just didn’t get to see him very often and don’t remember that much.
Genealogy can be dicey when it comes to this stuff. I’ve pretty much resigned myself to never hearing from my half-uncle. He has his life, and I have mine.