P
Palomas
Guest
…I’m sure we could all use some encouragement! Thanks!
- Status
S
SonCatcher
Guest
Mine is rather boring, actually. I hope it gets your thread started, though. 
I was baptized at one month of age and raised in the Catholic faith by a cradle Catholic and a convert from Protestantism. They have an intense devotion to Christ but not to the Catholic faith. When I was in college, they started church-hopping and I, living under their roof, followed them around for a while. When their instability became apparent, however, (that is, with their second “hop”) I stayed where I was (in a Southern Baptist congregation) and resolved to learn my faith. I started with that which was similar to the Baptists but soon stumbled upon Steve Ray’s excellent website where I researched the distinctions of Catholicism in earnest. During the whole time, a stanza of a poem I never heard echoed in my heart (even before finding Mr. Ray’s website) that went something like this:
Once more I returned to Rome,
Nevermore to seek a home.
I suspect that stanza represented the Holy Spirit’s prompting. At the time I thought I would receive the rest of the poem after returning. Instead, it faded into the background of Catholic life.
It was not long after resolving to return that I moved to a new city. That was a most natural circumstance to leave the congregation I had been attending (since many of them had become friends) and start anew in the Catholic Church.
What’s your story?
I was baptized at one month of age and raised in the Catholic faith by a cradle Catholic and a convert from Protestantism. They have an intense devotion to Christ but not to the Catholic faith. When I was in college, they started church-hopping and I, living under their roof, followed them around for a while. When their instability became apparent, however, (that is, with their second “hop”) I stayed where I was (in a Southern Baptist congregation) and resolved to learn my faith. I started with that which was similar to the Baptists but soon stumbled upon Steve Ray’s excellent website where I researched the distinctions of Catholicism in earnest. During the whole time, a stanza of a poem I never heard echoed in my heart (even before finding Mr. Ray’s website) that went something like this:
Once more I returned to Rome,
Nevermore to seek a home.
I suspect that stanza represented the Holy Spirit’s prompting. At the time I thought I would receive the rest of the poem after returning. Instead, it faded into the background of Catholic life.
It was not long after resolving to return that I moved to a new city. That was a most natural circumstance to leave the congregation I had been attending (since many of them had become friends) and start anew in the Catholic Church.
What’s your story?
P
Palomas
Guest
Hi SonCatcher,
Thanks for sharing your story! I had never heard of Stephen Ray’s website, but wow is it chuck full of good stuff. It’s getting added to the favorites to go through later.
It’s funny that your move to a new city was the perfect opportunity to come back to the Church. That was one of the steps for me, too. Being raised in a nominally Catholic home, I received hardly any catechesis. Since we also church hopped, attending not just Catholic churches, but Congregationalist, Methodist, and other churches too, I only received baptism and first communion in the Catholic church (I was “confirmed” in a Congregationalist church as a teenager). When I was at the end of my high school career, we were at the point of going to church only on Christmas and Easter (and it wasn’t even to Catholic church). So in college I felt a prompting to go back to church regularly. I got involved with an evangelical church and went there for almost a decade, and after many disappointments with that church and its leadership, I decided to look elsewhere. During that time of searching I kind of went the way of the world, and got involved in things I shouldn’t have. I ended up getting involved with a guy who was a cafeteria Catholic, but who had the firm belief that he needed to go to Mass every single Sunday. So we’d go to Mass together, but I’d try, unsuccessfully, to persuade him out of the Catholic faith. It was because of going to Mass with him, and because of our conversations and arguments about faith, that I started my journey back to the Church (unbeknownst to me at the time). After we broke up, I continued to go to one of the beautiful Catholic churches in the area. One Sunday in Advent, I walked into the church and it felt like I was walking into heaven. The Mass (it was novus ordo, but so so beautiful still), the heavenly choir, the incense and reverence, all grabbed my heart and spirt and I started weeping. This is what my soul wanted, to worship God with such reverence and purity. And while I realized shortly after that that I wanted to worship only in the Catholic church, I still attended services and Bible studies at a local Congregationalist church also, since I knew people and got a lot out of going there as well. It wasn’t until a few years later when I moved away and found another Catholic church in my new city that I decided to be reunited to the Catholic church for good. I still had a ton of “issues” with the church, but was at the point of realizing that the Church has its beliefs for very very good reasons. All the other churches and Christian sects may have had their reasons for believing x, y, or z, but they never were convincing enough for me to believe that they had all the answers. Also the other thing that gave me consolation was that the Church doesn’t arbitrarily come up with its positions or beliefs, it has held essentially the same beliefs since the first century. So I read a lot, studied a lot, prayed a lot, got to know a lot of people at the parish, and worked though all my “issues”, then entered RCIA so I could officially be confirmed in the Church. Since I was already way ahead of everybody else in RCIA as far as what I knew, I was allowed to be confirmed halfway through the course!
Looking back it just amazes me what I was never taught about the faith. I miss the catechism that I never had, the Catholic traditions we never were even aware of. But I’m so so thankful that through God’s grace I’m where I am in his Church. Deo Gratias!!
Palomas
Thanks for sharing your story! I had never heard of Stephen Ray’s website, but wow is it chuck full of good stuff. It’s getting added to the favorites to go through later.
It’s funny that your move to a new city was the perfect opportunity to come back to the Church. That was one of the steps for me, too. Being raised in a nominally Catholic home, I received hardly any catechesis. Since we also church hopped, attending not just Catholic churches, but Congregationalist, Methodist, and other churches too, I only received baptism and first communion in the Catholic church (I was “confirmed” in a Congregationalist church as a teenager). When I was at the end of my high school career, we were at the point of going to church only on Christmas and Easter (and it wasn’t even to Catholic church). So in college I felt a prompting to go back to church regularly. I got involved with an evangelical church and went there for almost a decade, and after many disappointments with that church and its leadership, I decided to look elsewhere. During that time of searching I kind of went the way of the world, and got involved in things I shouldn’t have. I ended up getting involved with a guy who was a cafeteria Catholic, but who had the firm belief that he needed to go to Mass every single Sunday. So we’d go to Mass together, but I’d try, unsuccessfully, to persuade him out of the Catholic faith. It was because of going to Mass with him, and because of our conversations and arguments about faith, that I started my journey back to the Church (unbeknownst to me at the time). After we broke up, I continued to go to one of the beautiful Catholic churches in the area. One Sunday in Advent, I walked into the church and it felt like I was walking into heaven. The Mass (it was novus ordo, but so so beautiful still), the heavenly choir, the incense and reverence, all grabbed my heart and spirt and I started weeping. This is what my soul wanted, to worship God with such reverence and purity. And while I realized shortly after that that I wanted to worship only in the Catholic church, I still attended services and Bible studies at a local Congregationalist church also, since I knew people and got a lot out of going there as well. It wasn’t until a few years later when I moved away and found another Catholic church in my new city that I decided to be reunited to the Catholic church for good. I still had a ton of “issues” with the church, but was at the point of realizing that the Church has its beliefs for very very good reasons. All the other churches and Christian sects may have had their reasons for believing x, y, or z, but they never were convincing enough for me to believe that they had all the answers. Also the other thing that gave me consolation was that the Church doesn’t arbitrarily come up with its positions or beliefs, it has held essentially the same beliefs since the first century. So I read a lot, studied a lot, prayed a lot, got to know a lot of people at the parish, and worked though all my “issues”, then entered RCIA so I could officially be confirmed in the Church. Since I was already way ahead of everybody else in RCIA as far as what I knew, I was allowed to be confirmed halfway through the course!
Looking back it just amazes me what I was never taught about the faith. I miss the catechism that I never had, the Catholic traditions we never were even aware of. But I’m so so thankful that through God’s grace I’m where I am in his Church. Deo Gratias!!
Palomas
J
JRKH
Guest
Hard to put this into a reasonable length…I’ll try to be brief…
I was born and raised Catholic - Married quite young and drifted away from the practice of the faith. Never really rejected it - just sort of drifted. Did some spiritual reading…nothing terribly organized…some helpful and some not.
Rejected protestantism fairly early on when I discovered that they changed the canon of Scripture. It didn’t matter who when or how…The mere fact of it put me off. Especially since so many I knew were of the more fundamental type of “SS”.
Eastern faiths were of some interest to me and I gained a lot of respect for some of these. But was never drawn to them.
Anyway - I drifted spiritually.
In other areas, I sinned horribly - we don’t need the details. Eventually my first marriage broke up and shortly thereafter I remarried. By this time I had straightened a lot of things out, my second marriage was an extremely happy one, and I began to feel the tug to come home. Primarily in the form of the Eucharist and the Mass.
Unfortunately there was the matter of my marriage to settle and neither my wife or I thought I would be eligible for an annulment. It remained this way for awhile…and I did manage to grow some spiritually during this time but still was separated from the sacraments. Then my wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Through this and the fact that my cousin had been through an annulment, my Godfather (her dad) contacted me and encouraged me to try.
I did and the previous marriage was found null.
We quickly went to confession and had our marriage convalidated and returned to mass and communion…
Peace
James
I was born and raised Catholic - Married quite young and drifted away from the practice of the faith. Never really rejected it - just sort of drifted. Did some spiritual reading…nothing terribly organized…some helpful and some not.
Rejected protestantism fairly early on when I discovered that they changed the canon of Scripture. It didn’t matter who when or how…The mere fact of it put me off. Especially since so many I knew were of the more fundamental type of “SS”.
Eastern faiths were of some interest to me and I gained a lot of respect for some of these. But was never drawn to them.
Anyway - I drifted spiritually.
In other areas, I sinned horribly - we don’t need the details. Eventually my first marriage broke up and shortly thereafter I remarried. By this time I had straightened a lot of things out, my second marriage was an extremely happy one, and I began to feel the tug to come home. Primarily in the form of the Eucharist and the Mass.
Unfortunately there was the matter of my marriage to settle and neither my wife or I thought I would be eligible for an annulment. It remained this way for awhile…and I did manage to grow some spiritually during this time but still was separated from the sacraments. Then my wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Through this and the fact that my cousin had been through an annulment, my Godfather (her dad) contacted me and encouraged me to try.
I did and the previous marriage was found null.
We quickly went to confession and had our marriage convalidated and returned to mass and communion…
Peace
James
S
SonCatcher
Guest
Ironically, I basically haven’t been back to that website since returning Home. I don’t know why, but in all my study of the Faith since, I’ve only rarely ventured over there. I still mention it every time I tell my reversion story in order to recognize their hard work and in hope that someone else will find it useful.Thanks for sharing your story! I had never heard of Stephen Ray’s website, but wow is it chuck full of good stuff. It’s getting added to the favorites to go through later.
C
CB_Catholic
Guest
Mine is kind of weird. I was born and raised Catholic, although my father’s side of the family was Protestant, and my paternal grandparents were very devoted to Christ–I learned a lot of the Bible from them. Anyway, I kind of drifted away from the Church in college, but got married in the Church, then drifted away again, although I had had my children baptized in the Church. I was a pretty nominal Catholic, but never though of being anything else.
My marriage was rather rocky and I found myself dealing with an alcohol problem, which was not the first time in my life, as my father was an alcoholic. Someone referred me to Al-anon, as by that time I was pretty much of a mental and emotional wreck. It was a Godsend, and I began to work the steps seriously, esp. turning my life over to my Higher Power. I seriously wanted to find God.
Here is the weird part–I picked up a copy of Hal Lindsay’s Late, Great planet Earth and as I was reading it, I realized that if Christ did come back, I sure as h---- wasn’t fit to be taken to heaven. Well, while I didn’t buy the author’s theories, I knew that I needed to get right with God.
Within a few days, my whole life was changed. It was a profound conversion, and really nothing short of a miracle. It was as if I was blind and suddenly gained sight. I developed an intense interest in the Bible and spiritual reading, but I was undirected, and pretty much alone in all this. I was in Nursing School at the time, and there were a few “born again” Christians of the charismatic type in my class, and they took me under their wings. I began attending their churches, as I had tried going to my parish, but nobody seemed to be too enthusiastic about talking about Jesus (at least I didn’t know anybody too enthusiastic) and there were no Bible studies. So I hung around the evangelicals and Assemblies of God. I ran into a lot of anti-Catholicism, though, and got tired of that, although I make some nice friends.
God, however, knew what I needed, and put some Charismatic Catholics in my life and they brought me back to the Church. I also made a Cursillo and Christ Renews His Parish, which meantime had been implemented in my parish. So I was back home via Hal Lindsay and the Evangelicals, who really had a great love for Christ and devotion to Him and taught me a lot about that. They put me to shame, even today, in their devotion and commitment. But I really saw a lot of flaws in their theology, mainly their view of Scripture with no appreciation of Sacred Tradition, and the idea of what seemed to be “instant salvation”, the lack of Sacraments, and especially the lack of the Eucharist–that was the deal-breaker.
That was 30 years ago, and I am still here. No, my life has not been a happily ever after one since my conversion. I have under gone many trials, a rocky marriage, dealing with alcoholism, a major depression that put me in the hospital, open-heart surgery at the age of 48, my husband had a stroke from which he miraculously recovered, and the usual problems of child-rearing, etc. But I can look back and see how He was always there, and always brought me through even the darkest moments, even when I’ve backslidden, sinned, etc. He has always forgiven me, comforted me, and been there for me.
There is a lot more I could say, but that is enough. I like to hear others’ stories, but what I like to hear is real life things–I know that people are not perfect and I don’t like to hear only the good things. I like to know I am not alone in my struggles to become the person God wants me to be. How people have grown and what they have learned interests me. God bless you all.
My marriage was rather rocky and I found myself dealing with an alcohol problem, which was not the first time in my life, as my father was an alcoholic. Someone referred me to Al-anon, as by that time I was pretty much of a mental and emotional wreck. It was a Godsend, and I began to work the steps seriously, esp. turning my life over to my Higher Power. I seriously wanted to find God.
Here is the weird part–I picked up a copy of Hal Lindsay’s Late, Great planet Earth and as I was reading it, I realized that if Christ did come back, I sure as h---- wasn’t fit to be taken to heaven. Well, while I didn’t buy the author’s theories, I knew that I needed to get right with God.
Within a few days, my whole life was changed. It was a profound conversion, and really nothing short of a miracle. It was as if I was blind and suddenly gained sight. I developed an intense interest in the Bible and spiritual reading, but I was undirected, and pretty much alone in all this. I was in Nursing School at the time, and there were a few “born again” Christians of the charismatic type in my class, and they took me under their wings. I began attending their churches, as I had tried going to my parish, but nobody seemed to be too enthusiastic about talking about Jesus (at least I didn’t know anybody too enthusiastic) and there were no Bible studies. So I hung around the evangelicals and Assemblies of God. I ran into a lot of anti-Catholicism, though, and got tired of that, although I make some nice friends.
God, however, knew what I needed, and put some Charismatic Catholics in my life and they brought me back to the Church. I also made a Cursillo and Christ Renews His Parish, which meantime had been implemented in my parish. So I was back home via Hal Lindsay and the Evangelicals, who really had a great love for Christ and devotion to Him and taught me a lot about that. They put me to shame, even today, in their devotion and commitment. But I really saw a lot of flaws in their theology, mainly their view of Scripture with no appreciation of Sacred Tradition, and the idea of what seemed to be “instant salvation”, the lack of Sacraments, and especially the lack of the Eucharist–that was the deal-breaker.
That was 30 years ago, and I am still here. No, my life has not been a happily ever after one since my conversion. I have under gone many trials, a rocky marriage, dealing with alcoholism, a major depression that put me in the hospital, open-heart surgery at the age of 48, my husband had a stroke from which he miraculously recovered, and the usual problems of child-rearing, etc. But I can look back and see how He was always there, and always brought me through even the darkest moments, even when I’ve backslidden, sinned, etc. He has always forgiven me, comforted me, and been there for me.
There is a lot more I could say, but that is enough. I like to hear others’ stories, but what I like to hear is real life things–I know that people are not perfect and I don’t like to hear only the good things. I like to know I am not alone in my struggles to become the person God wants me to be. How people have grown and what they have learned interests me. God bless you all.
C
CompSciGuy
Guest
I think some of you have read mine before.
I was raised Presbyterian with a very Calvinist leaning. Growing up my best friend was Catholic and he was pretty much the only Catholic person I really knew well. We only talked about faith occasionally. I was more or less of the opinion that some Catholics were “true believers” as an evangelical would say but that the Church for the most part was corrupt. The funny thing was that I had no knowledge about the Church, I thought that Catholicism was just a sort of cult that arose when Christianity was brought to the people of North America… don’t ask me where I got that idea.
Anyways my understanding of Church history consisted of the apostles, and then there was a pretty big gap between the apostles and the reformation, and even then I never really knew what the reformation was about. Nobody ever told me anything about apostolic succession or anything like that. And it was surprising because I am the type of person who wonders about things and researches in his spare time.
When I was in college I basically stopped going to church and became an agnostic. I was sort of disillusioned by the college evangelical scene, and was doubtful of the notion that one could have a literal personal relationship with God. This is still a matter I have trouble explaining to my older brother, who is not a believer.
Anyhow one day over Christmas break I was at my parents’ house watching over the place as the roof was being rebuilt (it was pretty much wrecked by the hurricane that year). I had nothing to do but get on the computer, so I started link-hopping on Wikipedia. It started with a page about the Bosnian war, which linked to Serbia, which linked to the Serbian Orthodox Church, which linked to Orthodoxy, which linked to a page about Apostolicity. I was intrigued. I came to realize that I knew very little about the history of Christianity. Learning about the apostolicity and the historical continuity of the Catholic Church forever changed my perspective on Christianity. This led to about two years of research, one year of RCIA (I dropped out before Easter because that was the time I told my dad, and he wasn’t very understanding about it) and then another year of RCIA (this was recommended by my RCIA instructor) and then finally I came into the Church last April. I think what amazes me about my own personal faith experience is that this is the first time that I feel I have a faith I can keep; before it was so wishy-washy, I didn’t really know what to believe and had trouble sticking with any church. I spent two years going to mass and being involved in the Catholic Church and growing in my Catholic faith before even receiving the sacrament of confirmation. And I have been a practicing Catholic now for about a year and a half and I still feel anchored and rooted in the faith. I love this faith. I don’t ever want to leave. And I love my brothers and sisters. That means all of you. Where would I be without you, mystical body of Christ?
I believe that God brought me into the Church, He waited for the right time, when I was so spiritually hungry for something more than the complacent spiritual pseudo-depression I was in, that I would lay down my pride and join my brethren at the Lord’s table.
I was raised Presbyterian with a very Calvinist leaning. Growing up my best friend was Catholic and he was pretty much the only Catholic person I really knew well. We only talked about faith occasionally. I was more or less of the opinion that some Catholics were “true believers” as an evangelical would say but that the Church for the most part was corrupt. The funny thing was that I had no knowledge about the Church, I thought that Catholicism was just a sort of cult that arose when Christianity was brought to the people of North America… don’t ask me where I got that idea.
Anyways my understanding of Church history consisted of the apostles, and then there was a pretty big gap between the apostles and the reformation, and even then I never really knew what the reformation was about. Nobody ever told me anything about apostolic succession or anything like that. And it was surprising because I am the type of person who wonders about things and researches in his spare time.
When I was in college I basically stopped going to church and became an agnostic. I was sort of disillusioned by the college evangelical scene, and was doubtful of the notion that one could have a literal personal relationship with God. This is still a matter I have trouble explaining to my older brother, who is not a believer.
Anyhow one day over Christmas break I was at my parents’ house watching over the place as the roof was being rebuilt (it was pretty much wrecked by the hurricane that year). I had nothing to do but get on the computer, so I started link-hopping on Wikipedia. It started with a page about the Bosnian war, which linked to Serbia, which linked to the Serbian Orthodox Church, which linked to Orthodoxy, which linked to a page about Apostolicity. I was intrigued. I came to realize that I knew very little about the history of Christianity. Learning about the apostolicity and the historical continuity of the Catholic Church forever changed my perspective on Christianity. This led to about two years of research, one year of RCIA (I dropped out before Easter because that was the time I told my dad, and he wasn’t very understanding about it) and then another year of RCIA (this was recommended by my RCIA instructor) and then finally I came into the Church last April. I think what amazes me about my own personal faith experience is that this is the first time that I feel I have a faith I can keep; before it was so wishy-washy, I didn’t really know what to believe and had trouble sticking with any church. I spent two years going to mass and being involved in the Catholic Church and growing in my Catholic faith before even receiving the sacrament of confirmation. And I have been a practicing Catholic now for about a year and a half and I still feel anchored and rooted in the faith. I love this faith. I don’t ever want to leave. And I love my brothers and sisters. That means all of you. Where would I be without you, mystical body of Christ?
I believe that God brought me into the Church, He waited for the right time, when I was so spiritually hungry for something more than the complacent spiritual pseudo-depression I was in, that I would lay down my pride and join my brethren at the Lord’s table.
P
Palomas
Guest
Great stories all, thanks for sharing. In your stories I see how God is so very patient and loving and puts us in situations to nudge us back to his heart and to his Church. Keep 'em coming!
E
ecfluo
Guest
Well, mine is a reversion story just begun, in progress!
I went to Mass last Sunday, yesterday, for the first time in 11 years. ish. 11 years-ish. I had been baptized as an infant, and received First Communion, but I suspect that was encouraged via pressure on my mom from my grandparents, as my family really wasn’t too religious. My dad isn’t religious at all, and isn’t Catholic, and my mom is Catholic, but not very religious. Now that I think about it, my parents did get married in the Catholic Church, so I suppose my dad must have converted?
We never went to Church regularly, I remember vaguely going to Sunday school- specifically filling out a workbook/coloring book and coming to the question, “Does God speak to you? What does He say?” and of course being a totally naive child I suddenly was afraid I was inadequate, not experiencing something I should, so I just made up an answer, “Yes. He says, 'Hello Jennifer, how are you doing?” I think I may have gotten in trouble for the obvious lie, for some reason I associate that experience with not going to Sunday school anymore.
I don’t remember going to Church at all for a long period of time, but when I was in high school I decided to go on my own, even though my family didn’t go. I even joined the Church band, that was a really great experience. I’ve found diaries from back then, and when I read them now, I am impressed at my devotion. The strange thing is, I don’t know what happened to me.
When I went to college, I decided I should look into confirmation, and I knew there was something else I had to do in order to do confession. I found a Church near my college, and I remember getting info on confirmation classes- I think, honestly, that I was SO reverent about the idea of confirmation that I took two steps back and figured I should maybe explore what else is out there in the world, before committing myself so completely to the Church.
I remember being very scared, and I prayed that Jesus guide me, and guide me home, if I get lost. It’s like I jumped into the abyss.
My parents were in the process of a messy divorce by that time, and I was extremely isolated, and looking back now, probably extremely depressed too. I was also extremely shy, so especially without any sort of support from friends or family, the last thing I thought of was talking to anyone about what I was doing, or not doing. I suppose that’s what a religious friend or family member might have done, talk to me about my concerns, maybe encourage me to talk to someone at Church or go on with the confirmation classes even if I also felt the need to see what else was out there- who knows?! That’s not what happened.
But I see now that though I was devout and full of love for God and for the Church in many ways, it was still in a childish sense.
One of my favorite passages is 1 Corinthians 13:11 " When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things."
What I am realizing now is that what I needed was to grow in my faith, to grow in my intellectual understanding of my faith. I needed to put away childish things, but, as naive as it is to say, I guess I didn’t realize there was SO much more.
I started to read catechism and I read Thomas Merton and St. Thomas Aquinas. I read Dark Night of the Soul, and it hit me like a freight train. Perhaps that’s simply what the past 11 years has been for me. I should read it again, now.
(apparently I wrote too much, so, this is part one TBC…)
I went to Mass last Sunday, yesterday, for the first time in 11 years. ish. 11 years-ish. I had been baptized as an infant, and received First Communion, but I suspect that was encouraged via pressure on my mom from my grandparents, as my family really wasn’t too religious. My dad isn’t religious at all, and isn’t Catholic, and my mom is Catholic, but not very religious. Now that I think about it, my parents did get married in the Catholic Church, so I suppose my dad must have converted?
We never went to Church regularly, I remember vaguely going to Sunday school- specifically filling out a workbook/coloring book and coming to the question, “Does God speak to you? What does He say?” and of course being a totally naive child I suddenly was afraid I was inadequate, not experiencing something I should, so I just made up an answer, “Yes. He says, 'Hello Jennifer, how are you doing?” I think I may have gotten in trouble for the obvious lie, for some reason I associate that experience with not going to Sunday school anymore.
I don’t remember going to Church at all for a long period of time, but when I was in high school I decided to go on my own, even though my family didn’t go. I even joined the Church band, that was a really great experience. I’ve found diaries from back then, and when I read them now, I am impressed at my devotion. The strange thing is, I don’t know what happened to me.
When I went to college, I decided I should look into confirmation, and I knew there was something else I had to do in order to do confession. I found a Church near my college, and I remember getting info on confirmation classes- I think, honestly, that I was SO reverent about the idea of confirmation that I took two steps back and figured I should maybe explore what else is out there in the world, before committing myself so completely to the Church.
I remember being very scared, and I prayed that Jesus guide me, and guide me home, if I get lost. It’s like I jumped into the abyss.
My parents were in the process of a messy divorce by that time, and I was extremely isolated, and looking back now, probably extremely depressed too. I was also extremely shy, so especially without any sort of support from friends or family, the last thing I thought of was talking to anyone about what I was doing, or not doing. I suppose that’s what a religious friend or family member might have done, talk to me about my concerns, maybe encourage me to talk to someone at Church or go on with the confirmation classes even if I also felt the need to see what else was out there- who knows?! That’s not what happened.
But I see now that though I was devout and full of love for God and for the Church in many ways, it was still in a childish sense.
One of my favorite passages is 1 Corinthians 13:11 " When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things."
What I am realizing now is that what I needed was to grow in my faith, to grow in my intellectual understanding of my faith. I needed to put away childish things, but, as naive as it is to say, I guess I didn’t realize there was SO much more.
I started to read catechism and I read Thomas Merton and St. Thomas Aquinas. I read Dark Night of the Soul, and it hit me like a freight train. Perhaps that’s simply what the past 11 years has been for me. I should read it again, now.
(apparently I wrote too much, so, this is part one TBC…)
E
ecfluo
Guest
(Part two …)
Anyhow, soon I experienced a traumatic event, which really seemed to be the first in what one might call a series of unfortunate events, to put it mildly. My experience of life became very fragmented.
Though I had gone to nondenominational Christian churches a couple of times, WAIT, I did go back to Mass! Wow, that’s what I mean, even my memory is fragmented.
About 6 years ago? I went, and I decided I wanted to learn to pray the Rosary. I think I may have only gone to Mass once- no, actually, I think I just went to some sort of event, that particular Church had just gotten new doors or something, ornately carved- they were beautiful. So, it maybe be accurate that I haven’t gone to Mass in 11 years-ish after all.
Anyway, I remember I bought my first Rosary, and I bought a book by John Paul II. And I think a book on how to pray the Rosary.
I fell in love with praying the Rosary, and it was extremely powerful. To the point where I started having weird experiences that frightened me so much I stopped praying the Rosary.
I remember also at that time struggling with the sex-abuse scandals that were getting a lot of media attention at the time. It disturbed me greatly that it seemed the Church was trying to cover it up more than deal with it, though, to be fair, I didn’t try and get the story from the Church directly.
So, the series of unfortunate events came to a climax, and I can say I feel I’ve at least begun climbing out of the depths I seem to have fallen to since then.
A few years ago, I began studying Judaism, to the point of even officially studying for an Orthodox conversion. Without going into detail, I’ll just say that my experience with Judaism was vital for my return to Christianity, and now, Catholicism. The depths of the teachings of the Old Testament, it made everything REAL to me, not just a matter of Faith, if that makes sense. I will always respect and be grateful to Judaism and the Jews who taught me.
So, once it became REAL- I began to realize the importance of Faith, the vitality of Faith. I guess you can say that I have been humbled by Faith, and the spark of devotion that has never totally left my heart is being rekindled with the embers of that humility.
Very recently I’ve begun talking to someone very strong in their Faith, and very intellectually mature in their Faith. They are Protestant, interested in Catholicism, and somehow these conversations seemed to have awakened me to a call to return. So here I am.
I registered at the Church Saturday, went to Mass Sunday (though I refrained from taking Eucharist as I’m not sure I should before doing confession and confirmation), and am in contact with the Church about what I need to do next in terms of confession and confirmation.
Today I downloaded a bunch of Catholic apps on my iPhone, and I’m planning on praying the Rosary again.
As fragmented as the past decade has been for me, I feel a deep peace and continuity with this home coming of sorts. Intellectually I feel a little disoriented, but, inspired at the same time. Jesus is guiding me home, as I trusted He would so many years ago.
Anyhow, soon I experienced a traumatic event, which really seemed to be the first in what one might call a series of unfortunate events, to put it mildly. My experience of life became very fragmented.
Though I had gone to nondenominational Christian churches a couple of times, WAIT, I did go back to Mass! Wow, that’s what I mean, even my memory is fragmented.
About 6 years ago? I went, and I decided I wanted to learn to pray the Rosary. I think I may have only gone to Mass once- no, actually, I think I just went to some sort of event, that particular Church had just gotten new doors or something, ornately carved- they were beautiful. So, it maybe be accurate that I haven’t gone to Mass in 11 years-ish after all.
Anyway, I remember I bought my first Rosary, and I bought a book by John Paul II. And I think a book on how to pray the Rosary.
I fell in love with praying the Rosary, and it was extremely powerful. To the point where I started having weird experiences that frightened me so much I stopped praying the Rosary.
I remember also at that time struggling with the sex-abuse scandals that were getting a lot of media attention at the time. It disturbed me greatly that it seemed the Church was trying to cover it up more than deal with it, though, to be fair, I didn’t try and get the story from the Church directly.
So, the series of unfortunate events came to a climax, and I can say I feel I’ve at least begun climbing out of the depths I seem to have fallen to since then.
A few years ago, I began studying Judaism, to the point of even officially studying for an Orthodox conversion. Without going into detail, I’ll just say that my experience with Judaism was vital for my return to Christianity, and now, Catholicism. The depths of the teachings of the Old Testament, it made everything REAL to me, not just a matter of Faith, if that makes sense. I will always respect and be grateful to Judaism and the Jews who taught me.
So, once it became REAL- I began to realize the importance of Faith, the vitality of Faith. I guess you can say that I have been humbled by Faith, and the spark of devotion that has never totally left my heart is being rekindled with the embers of that humility.
Very recently I’ve begun talking to someone very strong in their Faith, and very intellectually mature in their Faith. They are Protestant, interested in Catholicism, and somehow these conversations seemed to have awakened me to a call to return. So here I am.
I registered at the Church Saturday, went to Mass Sunday (though I refrained from taking Eucharist as I’m not sure I should before doing confession and confirmation), and am in contact with the Church about what I need to do next in terms of confession and confirmation.
Today I downloaded a bunch of Catholic apps on my iPhone, and I’m planning on praying the Rosary again.
As fragmented as the past decade has been for me, I feel a deep peace and continuity with this home coming of sorts. Intellectually I feel a little disoriented, but, inspired at the same time. Jesus is guiding me home, as I trusted He would so many years ago.
S
SonCatcher
Guest
Great story, ecfluo!
I am always amazed when I learn more about the Jewish roots of our faith. I recently picked up this talk and am enthralled by it.
E
ecfluo
Guest
Oh great, thank you, I will check it out!
P
Palomas
Guest
Welcome home!! Thanks for sharing your inspiring journey!
It was through the Rosary that Our Blessed Mother helped me overcome some serious hurdles when I started praying it, despite having hangups with Catholic Marian devotion. I just prayed that if that was not the way I should pray, then God would show me because I wanted to know the truth about it. But He and Mary showed me that it WAS the way.
In studying the Catholic faith before being confirmed, my own appreciation, respect and reverence for the Jews and Judaism increased greatly. I now have a greater understanding of the Mass and why things are the way they are in Catholicism because I saw clearly the parallels between Judiasm and Christianity-- Catholicism.
Definitely go to Confession before receiving the Eucharist, especially having been away for 11 years.
D
dluna
Guest
Hi Palomas, I can’t thank God enough for giving me this opportunity to share my story and when I saw your signature that has a picture of the beautiful ladybug, I knew I had to share!!
Please be patient with me as I relate my story.
**
Background**
I’m Asian and live in a very hot, humid, all-year all-round tropical country in Asia. My family is Buddhist / Taoist and I have no knowledge of the Christianity faith at all. I have a stable job and after being married last year, I decided I needed to find God and now place spirituality, calm, peace and order in my life. Somehow, I am drawn to Catholism because of the symbols and history and at the same time, I am put off by Protestantism because the crowd of people that I know who are Protestants seem to have this “holier than thou” attitude. I also appreciate the Catholic mass more so than the Protestant service.
The Yellow Ladybug
So I made the decision to join RCIA this year and have been eagerly waiting since January. During this period I was also obsessed with obituaries and been looking out for them and feeling so, so sad that my beloved husband will be gone one day. I was feeling upset week after week and unmotivated about work. Then one fine day in May, my husband came out from the bathroom shrieking that he had found a yellow ladybug on the tiled walls of the bathroom. We were both **SO **excited because ladybugs are **RARE **in apartments and even **MORE SO **in tropical climates like ours and we have **NEVER **seen a red little one in our lives, let alone a yellow one! We lifted it gently from the wall and placed it in one of our flower pots. What was even more so interesting was that the ladybug seemed to be just out from the pupa because the spots were white.
What are the odds of finding a yellow one in an apartment and what are the odds that a baby ladybug will make it to a bathroom wall from wherever it was earlier?! Up to this point however, I didn’t connect it to God and see no reason why.
The Red Ladybug
A few weeks went by and I started feeling grumpy and depressed again because my 30th birthday was coming up and I felt like I haven’t accomplished anything in life thus far to even deserve a celebration. On the week of my birthday in June and EXACTLY 30 DAYS after the sighting of the yellow ladybug, I spotted a red little one!!
On hindsight, I don’t know why on earth I would be looking up at the ceiling when I came out of the bathroom but I did. Something just told me to look up and I saw a red ladybug! It was so tiny and had tiny black spots all over. This was a few days before my birthday and I felt overwhelmed and happy when I saw it. When I got to work that morning, I did a quick Google search and ladybugs apparently got their name from Our Lady, Virgin Mary and ladybug means “To Let Go and Let God”.
How APT.
I decided that day I needed to let God take center and take control.
In July, I signed up for RCIA and haven’t looked back.
The strange thing is, ever since the lady bug sighting, I have been seeing pictures and icons of the ladybug in many mundane things daily. My husband thinks they are all of a coincidence and sometimes I agree. But I have never seen so many ladybug icons before. I could be passing a shop that sells pencils with ladybugs all over or encountered someone with a ladybug key chain. Yesterday I saw ladybug moulds and ladybug paper trays in a baking supplies store.
Now, are you ready for yet another lady bug mystery?
Last Sunday, as part of RCIA, we went to visit the Carmelites Sisters and they maintain a lovely garden with flowers, plants and statues of Angels and Our Lady. My sponsor who knew of my story, joked that maybe I’d spot a ladybug. I said it would be impossible because ladybugs are rare in our city. I finished the conversation with this sentence “Surprise me, Lord.”
Lo and behold, I saw a fake ladybug decor pin rest on a pot before my very eyes as I finished the sentence.
What do you make of it? Pure coincidence?
I also wonder if 6th of May and 6th of June are significant dates in the Catholic calendar.
E
ecfluo
Guest
Thank you!
Thanks for the encouragement! I will start praying again today.
This is so mind blowing to me! On the one hand, it simply makes perfect sense, the continuity from Judaism to Catholicism. On the other- I suppose what blows my mind is, when I was studying Judaism, I would have never in a million years guessed that I would end up where I am now, returning to the Church. I would have never been able to see how God was teaching and guiding me. I was totally sincere as I was studying for conversion to Judaism, including honestly searching if that was indeed what I should do or not. It wasn’t until probably a year-ish after I stopped actively studying for conversion to Judaism that I started to make peace with Christianity (peace in my mind, in terms of understanding, if that makes sense), and then another year-ish (I should really make a timeline!) to get to where I am, here and now.
I look forward to learning more on this subject!
That was my hunch, thank you for the clarification!Definitely go to Confession before receiving the Eucharist, especially having been away for 11 years.
M
mercytruth
Guest
I have shared parts of my conversion/revert story. But since we are in the days of awe, maybe I will take a leap of transparency.
I was baptized and confirmed in the Catholic faith. Left the faith as a teenager and desparately wanted to ‘know the truth’. This led me to seek out many different philosophies, religions, etc. even while as a medic during the Viet Nam war era. For awhile I was captivated, but none of them satisfied both my heart and mind.
In 1972 I had given up my search. I was in Missoula, Montana in a hotel room when I decided to end my life. At the point of what I thought was going to be the end of life here on earth, I was overcome with a overwhelming fear of the possibility that I would spend an eternity in the despair and hopelessness which I was then experiencing. I wrote on the hotel wall in pencil, “God forgive me”. Not even not so much for myself, but for the sake of my Catholic parents, I then passed out and fell asleep or whatever.
I awoke in the morning, alive and with a tremendous sense of peace. Two words were placed in my heart. “Trust in God” and ‘the bible is the source of truth you are looking for’
I had no money, no place, no direction. I started walking the streets of Missoula in cold December with the words "trust in God’ in my heart. It started to snow, as it snowed I thought maybe I could earn a few dollars shoveling the sidewalks of businesses. The first place was a resturaunt, they offered me breakfast for shoveling their walk. I shoveled another walk or two when the Salvation Army asked me if I wanted to ring their kettle bell during the Christmas season, I did. The man looked at my enlarged swollen left hand and wanted to take me to the hospital or to a psychiatrist. I said, that I am trusting in God…
I came back home to my parents to let them know that I was OK. I still could not understand the scriptures. I took a correspondence course with the Worldwide Church of God. Eventually, I met with a representative of that church, and after learning from them that they did not believe that the soul is something separate from the body, and that they thought of themselves as literal ‘Israel’, I declined any further discussion with them.
I went home and cried out to God, “Lord how am I ever going to understand the bible?”
Then I thought I received another word from God in my heart, “Man will no longer deceive you, but I will teach you”. So, I just opened the bible randomly, and it opened to the first page of the book of Romans. I read and I could comprehend. I got as far as the 4th chapter where it says that Abraham believed God and it was accounted to him as righteousness, so too, will it be accounted to him who believes in him who was delivered for our offenses and raised again for our justification"
I remember saying to God, plenty of people have suffered terrible deaths, how does this man Jesus effect anything? Yet, I said to God, 'eventhough I do not understand, I believe"
I went to sleep, and awoke the next morning with a very real awareness that I could not think wrong things without being convicted, I could say wrong things without being convicted and I could not do wrong things wiithout being convicted. Plus, I had an unquenchable desire to read the scriptures. This went on for fourteen years. I was not part of a church, I was penniless and I was still emotionally/psychologically very dysfunctional
All the while, I knew I would get better if I became a member of a church or congregation.
How I got involved with a Christian Messianic congregation, how I left is another story, eventually I realized that the Eucharist is what the Messianic Congregation did not have.
I also realized that there was a sort of ‘stability’ that it not have, that the Catholic church does have. Do I agree with all things Catholic? Well, I have my struggles.
So, for myself, the scriptures are the source of truth, along with early church writings, and the Jewish foundations of our faith. I know the love and mercy of God and it is inexpressible, and the Eucharist is really the body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ in way that I can not understand, or explain.
God’s peace
micah
I was baptized and confirmed in the Catholic faith. Left the faith as a teenager and desparately wanted to ‘know the truth’. This led me to seek out many different philosophies, religions, etc. even while as a medic during the Viet Nam war era. For awhile I was captivated, but none of them satisfied both my heart and mind.
In 1972 I had given up my search. I was in Missoula, Montana in a hotel room when I decided to end my life. At the point of what I thought was going to be the end of life here on earth, I was overcome with a overwhelming fear of the possibility that I would spend an eternity in the despair and hopelessness which I was then experiencing. I wrote on the hotel wall in pencil, “God forgive me”. Not even not so much for myself, but for the sake of my Catholic parents, I then passed out and fell asleep or whatever.
I awoke in the morning, alive and with a tremendous sense of peace. Two words were placed in my heart. “Trust in God” and ‘the bible is the source of truth you are looking for’
I had no money, no place, no direction. I started walking the streets of Missoula in cold December with the words "trust in God’ in my heart. It started to snow, as it snowed I thought maybe I could earn a few dollars shoveling the sidewalks of businesses. The first place was a resturaunt, they offered me breakfast for shoveling their walk. I shoveled another walk or two when the Salvation Army asked me if I wanted to ring their kettle bell during the Christmas season, I did. The man looked at my enlarged swollen left hand and wanted to take me to the hospital or to a psychiatrist. I said, that I am trusting in God…
I came back home to my parents to let them know that I was OK. I still could not understand the scriptures. I took a correspondence course with the Worldwide Church of God. Eventually, I met with a representative of that church, and after learning from them that they did not believe that the soul is something separate from the body, and that they thought of themselves as literal ‘Israel’, I declined any further discussion with them.
I went home and cried out to God, “Lord how am I ever going to understand the bible?”
Then I thought I received another word from God in my heart, “Man will no longer deceive you, but I will teach you”. So, I just opened the bible randomly, and it opened to the first page of the book of Romans. I read and I could comprehend. I got as far as the 4th chapter where it says that Abraham believed God and it was accounted to him as righteousness, so too, will it be accounted to him who believes in him who was delivered for our offenses and raised again for our justification"
I remember saying to God, plenty of people have suffered terrible deaths, how does this man Jesus effect anything? Yet, I said to God, 'eventhough I do not understand, I believe"
I went to sleep, and awoke the next morning with a very real awareness that I could not think wrong things without being convicted, I could say wrong things without being convicted and I could not do wrong things wiithout being convicted. Plus, I had an unquenchable desire to read the scriptures. This went on for fourteen years. I was not part of a church, I was penniless and I was still emotionally/psychologically very dysfunctional
All the while, I knew I would get better if I became a member of a church or congregation.
How I got involved with a Christian Messianic congregation, how I left is another story, eventually I realized that the Eucharist is what the Messianic Congregation did not have.
I also realized that there was a sort of ‘stability’ that it not have, that the Catholic church does have. Do I agree with all things Catholic? Well, I have my struggles.
So, for myself, the scriptures are the source of truth, along with early church writings, and the Jewish foundations of our faith. I know the love and mercy of God and it is inexpressible, and the Eucharist is really the body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ in way that I can not understand, or explain.
God’s peace
micah
S
Samson01
Guest
Mercytruth, got goosebumps reading your testimony. It is very similar to what happened to me in 2005 when I decided on suicide. I was seconds from getting a .45 off my dresser when I was hit with cascading images of horrible things. The images kept cascading faster and faster and more intense by the second. It was very demonic and reaked of lust, witchcraft, filth…For a few years I thought i had seen something demonic, but after talking with a SD on Relevent Radio and a few Priests, I learned it was my own sins. It was a look at my self, an “illumination of conscience” the SD said. I could only take a minute of this and realised I had a choice to end my life or not. Then I thought of God and yelled out “God help me”. Before I finished the breath, it stopped and I was filled with absolute peace, a total and true love. My wife, who witnessed this, ask if I was alright. I said to her “I was saved”. She looked confused, very concerned and asked if I wanted to pray. Neither one of us knew a prayer, but she went a got a family bible off the bookshelf and handed it to me. As soon as I opened it the words jumped out of it. I knew it was the truth right away. I read outloud to my bewildered wife for about an hour. This was Holy Saturday night, 2005, around midnight. Shorty after ward, after talking with our parish Priest, I was confirmed in the Church and we had our marriage blessed on April 23, 2005, exactly 7 years from or civil marriage. It just happened to be the next weekend. At the time I had been recovering from cancer since 2003. A lot of people prayed for me, but the true healing didn’t come for a few years. Two years of darkness and doubt gave way to this intervention. But the grace to remember God in that abyss was enough. His grace is sufficent. Tim
M
mercytruth
Guest
Samson01,
I am so encouraged that you responded. One of my favorite scriptures is:
**on the evidence of two or three witnesses a matter shall be confirmed. **
(Deut. 19:15). Also quoted by Jesus Christ, and by the apostle Paul.
Though no one knows whether either one of us are telling the truth, God knows.
God’s blessings to you and your wife.
micah
P
Palomas
Guest
**Dluna **-- I am truly blown away and blessed by your story!! Thank you so much for sharing. I had NO IDEA of the origin of the name of ladybug! And no idea that yellow lady bugs even existed! Our understanding of the significance of our baby’s birth and the process of naming her has grown even more now that I know that the ladybug is named after Our Lady, that ladybug means Let Go and Let God, and that I decided to use the ladybug icon as her ticker on my signature. SO COOL!
What do you make of it? Pure coincidence?
No, there are no coincidences, just God-incidences!
**I also wonder if 6th of May and 6th of June are significant dates in the Catholic calendar.
**
Good question, I will try to look those up and get back to you.
Mercytruth and Samson1, WOW!! God is so merciful and good. Thanks so much for sharing your stories!
What do you make of it? Pure coincidence?
No, there are no coincidences, just God-incidences!
**I also wonder if 6th of May and 6th of June are significant dates in the Catholic calendar.
**
Good question, I will try to look those up and get back to you.
Mercytruth and Samson1, WOW!! God is so merciful and good. Thanks so much for sharing your stories!
- Status