Sharing an apartment

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Arwen037

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Do you think it is okay to share an apartment with a significant other if you have separate rooms. I ask this because my bf plans to move out to where I’m at college in a couple years, and it would be easier to stay with someone that I know. We would sleep in separate bedrooms.
 
Arwen037 said:
Do you think it is okay to share an apartment with a significant other if you have separate rooms. I ask this because my bf plans to move out to where I’m at college in a couple years, and it would be easier to stay with someone that I know. We would sleep in separate bedrooms.
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Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. 🤷

I take it there is no attraction between you two? 😊

I don’t think I would put myself through the torture to be honest, it just doesn’t sound wise. What kind of advise are you getting from those who know you both well?
 
Arwen037 said:
Do you think it is okay to share an apartment with a significant other if you have separate rooms. I ask this because my bf plans to move out to where I’m at college in a couple years, and it would be easier to stay with someone that I know. We would sleep in separate bedrooms.
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Not a good idea from a moral standpoint.
 
Besides being a near occasion of sin, it could be an occasion of scandal as well. I wouldn’t advise it.
 
Arwen…as one who is called a “relativist” on these boards…I have to take a step to the right here. If you move in with him…you will be living with him, period. Separate bedrooms…yeah right. You’ll be setting yourself up for something you may not be able to “emotionally” back out of, should things go awry. It is easier…oh yeah…easy. But as a young woman, it is best for you find your own place and be independent that way until you have a ring and a date.

Chances are, you will do what you want to do, advice or not. Have you spoken with your mom about this…or perhaps his mother? I spoke to my mom at length about this issue 30 yrs ago.

Think about it, dear. Is he the guy worth waiting for? Are you the woman he is waiting for?

I wish you the best Arwen.
 
Arwen037 said:
Do you think it is okay to share an apartment with a significant other if you have separate rooms. I ask this because my bf plans to move out to where I’m at college in a couple years, and it would be easier to stay with someone that I know. We would sleep in separate bedrooms.
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No. Not only is it a near occasion of sin, it also is a cause of scandal.

It would be “easier” but not the right thing to do. You should not live together until you are married, regardless of the sleeping arrangements. This would be a terrible arrangement to be in should you two break up. You would not only be emotionally entangled but financially entangled as well.

It’s a bad idea all the way around, and it is NOT good preparation for marriage.
 
As some one that’s been there before, i’d say don’t do it. There’s every thing to lose especially scandal. Even if the both of you were firm and prayful and stay chaste, you’ll just be giving other people the wrong idea and portraying a bad image of yourselves as an unchaste couple.

Just to share a little, as female, you may be able to resist temptations and stay moral while living with your SO, but as a male, he may not have it that easy. While i was living under the same roof with my than partner and a 3rd housemate (all 3 in separate rooms), my than partner confessed to me on several occasions that he committed sin in his own room thinking of me in the other. So i’d say it isn’t a good idea at all.
 
not enough info to answer–I need to know if it is my daughter asking, if it is, the answer is no.
 
Well I’m pretty sure it’s not your daughter since I’m pretty sure that my mom doesn’t have an account. But even if it were, that’s a pretty bad answer.
 
Arwen037 said:
Well I’m pretty sure it’s not your daughter since I’m pretty sure that my mom doesn’t have an account. But even if it were, that’s a pretty bad answer.
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come to think of it my answer would be the same no matter whose daughter you are. look up the definition of “near occasion of sin”. to deliberately put yourself in this situation of temptation is imprudent and dangerous. If you don’t like the answers you get, don’t ask.
 
Arwen.
Why dont you ask Jesus? I am sure He will give you a good answer while you contemplate His total selfgiving, His awesome Love and His “terrible” purity in silent prayer.

I did not even share room with the man I was in love with… but we lived in the same building… and over time - even though I thought it could never ever happen to me - we started going down the path to hell… and I mean hell. I dont refer to live in the hereafter… but I refer to the feeling of being a living dead when you have fallen and sinned against your purity as well as against the love of your future husband. (You dont know who that husband is until you have a ring on your finger)…

So Arwen… I dont think its worth the risk…
And yes… you may think you can control it but what will you feel in the late midnight hour when you sit closely together on the couch alone in your shared place and the man you are wildly attracted to starts approaching you intimately… Remember that you are a human being and not an angel.

I had to hit rock bottom before I accepted that.

I think you know what is right dear sister 👍
 
Arwen037 said:
Do you think it is okay to share an apartment with a significant other if you have separate rooms. I ask this because my bf plans to move out to where I’m at college in a couple years, and it would be easier to stay with someone that I know. We would sleep in separate bedrooms.
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Arwen037 said:
Well I’m pretty sure it’s not your daughter since I’m pretty sure that my mom doesn’t have an account. But even if it were, that’s a pretty bad answer.
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Humor is hard to convey without hearing it… But I’m chuckling anyway.

The rutgers reference is one I use often, since it is easy to find. I wish I had another as verification/contrast.

Sharing an apartment, bed, or other things in close quatrers, even platonically, CAN (not will) create some bad habits or conditions that, if you do marry, might (not will for certain) cause trouble down the road.

If it is important to you that people do not think of you two being intimately involved, then moving in together is not a wise choice. They may think it even if you don’t move in together, but then, sharing an apartment will remove any benefit of doubt from just about everyone.

I’m not saying that there aren’t times when, temporary conditions as such, are necessary, but the conditions would not only have to be extreme, they must be very temporary.

The best advice I’ve seen for couples is that you wait to cohabitate once you are married. You know you are committed, you know you must resolve an issue, you know this is a permanent solution and will take the situation as serious.
 
It’s bad from a relationship development standpoint. You teach people how to treat you and accepting this arrangement shows a lack of self-respect. Are you a prized daughter of the king, a precious treasure worth the journey and the sacrifice of winning? A man needs to make a hero’s journey and to win the prize.

Men read signals in women about their self-respect and know what signals say, c’mon, push the boundaries.

Find another young single woman to share an apartment with. Your bf can find another young single man to share an apartment with. Don’t shack up and play house, it’s not good for the relationship. You don’t develop your relationship authentically. You don’t have the security of marriage to get as mad as you really feel and have a nice juicy argument and settle things. You don’t have the security of marriage to feel as happy and joyful as you really feel inside, because the situation is as delicate as a soap bubble that could burst any time.

Some people make it sound like once you have a ring and a date it’s a done deal, and anything goes. Nope. You’re not married until you’re married. Maintain your chastity. The short term sacrifice is worth the long term reward.
 
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