Sharing of self with others?

[AveSantaMaria]

Dear friends, I come to you seeking holy guidance, hoping that Jesus and Mary will enlighten me on an unresolved issue. I like to keep in touch with friends and update them on what is going on with me. However, I think that I use my updates more as highly censored edited sharing meant to convert in a witty subtle way than a deep outpouring or unburdening of myself, which I leave to my confessor and diary.

I’ve recently made some large changes in my life that I don’t particularly feel like sharing with anyone but I know that my acquaintances/friends, if they learn through other sources, will feel a bit betrayed or very suspicious of me for not being out in the open, as they most likely would be!! But my personal opinion is that any thoughts they have about feeling the need to know these things is just our tendency to idle curiousity or need to know our neighbor’s business - nothing that I can particularly commend or feel much sympathy for - and these things foster a false and superficial comradery. Yet, I would like to maintain these relations.

I asked my confessor about this dilemma - should I be open - should I not - he said the decision was up to me Alas, woe is me who wanted to rely too much on St. Mary Faustina’s advice that we should have no self will. (Here is a link to her diary for any souls hungry for words of Jesus himself to a very holy soul: **Divine Mercy in My Soul ** saint-faustina.com/Diary/DMIMS1.shtml)

So… I ask you now… do you know of any saints works or papal works that give advice on discretion and sharing. My inclination is to go with the first of Mother Teresa’s rules on helping sisters develop humility: http://postscripts.blog.com/1618423/ “1. Speak as little as possible about yourself.” to just keep my business to myself, let the chips fall as they may, lose the trust of whichever friends/acquaintences I lose. It seems that this would be in keeping with imitation of the Mother of God as well, who as St. Louis Mary de Montfort writes, “hardly ever spoke” montfort.org.uk/Writings/TrueDev.html and who kept the Virgin birth secret for quite a while - possibly even to the death of the Christ, Messiah, Savior of the World

On the other hand, I believe that I grow from learning about other people’s struggles. I think just for one example - reading the words of xxAlisonxx here I am compelled to strive more in my faith, and I wonder if it is dishonest to be supposedly sending people “updates” that only update on the minor things in my life and not the extremely major - not until a whole year or two have passed between the actual events. Perhaps there is even a false self-love in play here where I take pride in keeping important secrets to reveal them in my own time. And maybe the suffering/misunderstanding that I might experience in sharing before everything is nearly perfect again might best be offered up as redemptive suffering to our Lord and Savior and Spouse. Maybe it is in weakness - being open even in difficult times - that I allow God’s grace to work through me - instead of directing and controlling God’s grace myself - being open when I have a perfect face to present to others.

Thank you for your time and consideration in reading this long message in the midst of this wonderfully busy and blessed Advent season. May the Holy Spirit through the Immaculate Heart of Mary grace us with the gifts that we most desperately need and may the MERCY and LOVE of our Lord and the WONDERS of the Mother of GOD be known, understood, and proclaimed throughout the world for generations to come, for ever and ever, everywhere!! AMEN!! AMEN!! AMEN!!

*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *

Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse.

For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world! For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world! For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world!

O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee!
Sorrowful and Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us!

*Hail Mary full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *

 

[Trishie]

There is no great obligation to share private and personal details with others. It isn’t others’ right to know more than you wish to share. I’m sure that your update messages to others don’t carry the promise to tell all, any more than we should expect others to share more than they’re comfortable with. If there is anything smug in ones heart about keeping others out of the loop, that’s a bit ‘precious’, but if one simply doesn’t wish to, that’s fine. I think we can over-analyse things…and it can impede the wholesome wholeness that is a prerequisite for holiness.

Jesus did plenty of speaking, and so we are free to decide whether silence or sharing, or a healthy balance of both as He did is what is wholesome for our particular case.

God created us in His image, so as human beings we’re amazing and being truly human is to be truly holy. To be truly human we listen to the gospel that tells us to love God above all and others as ourselves; and when Jesus says, 'love others as yourself He’s commanding a healthy love of self. A healthy love of self isn’t selfishness, but appreciation of the child of God and the human person with body as well as soul whom God has created each of us to be.

God bless you for your loving pursuit of God. May God always bless you abuntantly, and all those dear to you.

Trishie

 

[BarbaraTherese]

There is no great obligation to share private and personal details with others. It isn’t others’ right to know more than you wish to share. I’m sure that your update messages to others don’t carry the promise to tell all, any more than we should expect others to share more than they’re comfortable with. If there is anything smug in ones heart about keeping others out of the loop, that’s a bit ‘precious’, but if one simply doesn’t wish to, that’s fine. I think we can over-analyse things…and it can impede the wholesome wholeness that is a prerequisite for holiness.

Jesus did plenty of speaking, and so we are free to decide whether silence or sharing, or a healthy balance of both as He did is what is wholesome for our particular case.

God created us in His image, so as human beings we’re amazing and being truly human is to be truly holy. To be truly human we listen to the gospel that tells us to love God above all and others as ourselves; and when Jesus says, 'love others as yourself He’s commanding a healthy love of self. A healthy love of self isn’t selfishness, but appreciation of the child of God and the human person with body as well as soul whom God has created each of us to be.

God bless you for your loving pursuit of God. May God always bless you abuntantly, and all those dear to you.

Trishie

Good post!

Be prayerful about your decision, AVM…perhaps read and even seek advice - wise and sound advice. Have you discussed with your director what you stated in your post, that your preference is to be instructed what to do? I think you need to do this if Father is to direct you well.

Once you have prayerfully made up your mind, don’t keep going over your decision continually. Since whatever you decide is not sinful, either decision will be good and in accord with God’s Will.

Since you are quoting St. Faustina to not seek your own will, can you see that Father has instructed you as your director that the decision is up to you…that in order to put aside your own will, you need to do what Father instructed and make up your own mind on the matter?

Barb

 

[AveSantaMaria]

Thank you too SO MUCH for your kind, giving, sharing advice. I will need more time to think, reflect, and pray but I think that the advice in this thread and my own peace of mind after reading it and tentatively making a decision in my head has led me down the right path.

May you abundantly come to know the LOVE and MERCY of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the MARVEL and POWER of the Immaculate Heart of Mary throughout your lives, and especially during this holiday season!! May the Holy Spirit through the Immaculate Heart of Mary grace us with the gifts that we most desperately need!!

*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *

Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse.

For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world! For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world! For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world!

O Mary, concieved without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee!
Sorrowful and Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us!

*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *

 

[MarieVeronica]

“ASM” At the risk of embarrassing you (sorry!)… you have given me a much clearer insight to similar experiences, in my own life.

Sadly… I have “cut ties” with 3 very old friends. Still, not knowing for sure… if I have done the right thing. With 2 of these old friends, I felt that there existed no “true” enduring friendships… even though we had known one another since school days. Our interactions seemed always, to be more about acquiring “information” and gossiping… than about really caring for and loving one another. It got to the point… with ONE of my friends… where I felt a real urgency to protect my mother (who suffers from Alzheimer’s).

I have been more or less, at peace… about the first 2 friends, I guess. But non-communication, with the 3rd one… continues to bother me. She had confided to me… that she was going to have an abortion. In a letter, I begged her not to and asked her to consider adoption, instead. That was 11 years ago (while I was a “fallen away” Catholic).

I never heard from her, again. I have felt for a long time… that I let her down in not doing enough to help her.

I guess, I just need to place it all in the Hands of Our Lord. Thanks for helping me to wade through my own situation… and for sharing yours. God bless.

 

[littleone]

This is a good question you ask. I once read in the Bible that **'what is hidden under a bushel shall be brought out into the open". ** That was enough for me and at (I think) about 25yrs I made a point that all should be revieled. I had a struggle with it but one thing it made me remember at all times was that i can’t lie because all would be known.

However…
While this desire to be open is probably admirable, it lacks much discernment and common sence as to biblicle understanding. Jesus tells us DONOT give perls to swine. At times I was doing just that, at times it can come back and bite you.
The Lord gives us ( if we ask) the gift of “wisdome”.

Once hemed in by openness one can find it hard to “discern” what to and not to share, through mind changes. Be weary.
Godbless

 

[AveSantaMaria]

MarieVeronica, I’m happy to help May God give you the guidance, strength, and courage you need!! littleone Thank you for your words of caution!! May Jesus help you carry the loads that you bear in life!!

May the Holy Spirit through the Immaculate Heart of Mary grace us with the gifts that we desperately need!! May the LOVE and MERCY of the Sacred Heart of Jesus be adored, venerated, proclaimed, and loved throughout all the world, forever and ever, in all of time!! May the WONDERS of the Immaculate Heart of Mary be known, revered, proclaimed, loved, and venerated throughout all of time, in all places, forever and ever!! AMEN!! AMEN!! AMEN!!

*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *

Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse.

For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world! For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world! For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world!

O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee!
Sorrowful and Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us!

*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *