She's an atheist, should I break up with her?

[Gods_Peace]

I certainly don’t keep my lack of belief to myself out of respect for believers. If they have a problem with my atheism that is completely their problem. I also wouldn’t expect a Muslim to keep their belief to themselves to avoid offending me, or expect a Hindu to keep quiet out of respect for a Christian. But I don’t hold myself as being above or smarter than believers, and I do understand and respect religious beliefs. I guess that makes me a semi-militant weekend warrior type?

All that aside, break up with the girl! You have many irreconcilable differences that will make a life together all but impossible. Do not get in to a relationship hoping to change the fundamentals of who she is as a person. She deserves someone who can love and commit to her as-is. Besides, in all likelihood you will end up disappointed and resentful.

Besides the issue of having kids (which is the biggest issue) there are so many other huge issues. You will not be able to grieve with each other, you won’t have the same idea of gender roles in marriage, you won’t agree on many basic ethical things.

Just don’t go there. It won’t be fair to either of you.

So it will be possible?

 

[Hokomai]

Wow talk about “Having one’s cake and eat it”! I thought the one thing atheists agreed upon is that atheism “wasn’t a religion” or even a issue of faith. If you honestly don’t believe in God then why try and spread this word other than you resent that others hold a theistic faith? A Christian can at least state that they are concerned with the soul of the non-Christian for their reason for evangelizing. An atheist has absolutely NO reason to evangelize other than self-centered desire to prove people right.

When this comes up this is when atheist tend to say “Because Christianity gives people an excuse to break human rights (which for an atheist means Tolerating Homosexuality, claiming Christians endorsed slavery, ect.)” which only shows that in the end all they really do care about is feeling they’re right and thus superior to others.

Well if Christians and Muslims and others kept their religion a private matter and did not insert ‘under God’ in pledges of allegiance, or have flags consisting of three Christian crosses, or build enormous bell-towers and minarets in the public square, and ask for, and get, tax exemptions for their Churches, and insist that their religious beliefs about marriage are applied to everyone else, and did not try to modify science to meet their religious needs, and did not defend indefensible regimes, laws, genocides and historical abuses of power, and did not tell our children they and their parents are going to burn for eternity in a lake of fire, we unbelievers might not engage quite so often. Try helping us out.

 

[L_piperatus]

Nico, I second the advice 1ke gave to you: keep the friendship if possible, but don’t date this girl. Dating is discernment for marriage, and it’s not good to even consider marrying an unbeliever.

 

[Nimzovik]

Well if Christians and Muslims and others kept their religion a private matter and did not insert ‘under God’ in pledges of allegiance, or have flags consisting of three Christian crosses, or build enormous bell-towers and minarets in the public square, and ask for, and get, tax exemptions for their Churches, and insist that their religious beliefs about marriage are applied to everyone else, and did not try to modify science to meet their religious needs, and did not defend indefensible regimes, laws, genocides and historical abuses of power, and did not tell our children they and their parents are going to burn for eternity in a lake of fire, we unbelievers might not engage quite so often. Try helping us out.

My my…! How dreadful! Those Horrible Christians! . Why I bet they even try to protect babies from abortion! The very nerve of them! How dare they fight against the right of the Atheist to kill their own ( and other peoples’ as well, a la China) children! Just who do they think they are??? Why do they just not let atheists like Stalin just do his thing! The very idea!

Why can’t Christans keep their religion a private matter -** Like we Atheists do!!**

Hmmmmmmmmmm…

 

[Hokomai]

My my…! How dreadful! Those Horrible Christians! . Why I bet they even try to protect babies from abortion! The very nerve of them! How dare they fight against the right of the Atheist to kill their own ( and other peoples’ as well, a la China) children! Just who do they think they are??? Why do they just not let atheists like Stalin just do his thing! The very idea!

Why can’t Christans keep their religion a private matter -** Like we Atheists do!!**

Hmmmmmmmmmm…

I am sure we are helping to OP to see the risks if not the benefits of the path he is considering. The point I was making was in response to someone suggesting Atheists were acting in some way inappropriately by engaging with Christians. I was suggesting that the initiative comes largely from Christians. There is an interesting debate to be had on the impact of non-belief on moral choices, especially public policy, and I would be happy to debate this with you if you start a thread. But spare a thought for the poor OP and his girlfriend. It will be a long time, I hope, before one accuses the other of supporting Stalin!

 

[Uriah_Betrayed]

Well if Christians and Muslims and others kept their religion a private matter and did not insert ‘under God’ in pledges of allegiance, or have flags consisting of three Christian crosses, or build enormous bell-towers and minarets in the public square, and ask for, and get, tax exemptions for their Churches, and insist that their religious beliefs about marriage are applied to everyone else, and did not try to modify science to meet their religious needs, and did not defend indefensible regimes, laws, genocides and historical abuses of power, and did not tell our children they and their parents are going to burn for eternity in a lake of fire, we unbelievers might not engage quite so often. Try helping us out.

Well at least you didn’t lie, in fact this may be nearly every reason atheists feel justified to challenge people’s faith and leave it with nothing, again entitlement fed out of an ego of moral superiority.

So when the other poster says they should keep their beliefs to themselves, that sounds quite unfair…considering many religions, including catholicism, encourage people to talk about their faith. Why should an atheist be expected to be quiet about what they believe?
I imagine there are many atheists who would be able to calmly and rationally and intellectually discuss what they believe (including their lack of God-belief) in conversation without giving the only other option the other poster offered:
“I find religious people to be stupid/ignorant compared to atheists such as myself” “I think organized religion is evil/the root of all wars”

Many don’t believe in God merely because they don’t see any proof and it doesn’t make sense to them…not because they are angry and need to feel superior.

So why do they argue their position sometimes even initiating an argument? They have no call to do so except perhaps their own sense of “enlightening” the ignorant theists. It seems to be the only reason, if the theist “converts” to atheism then the atheist gets to feel that ego boost that they were right all along and if the theist keeps their faith then the atheist can continue with their “Well you are simply ignorant to the truth, unlike myself!”.

Add this with the lack of calling and the fact that people like Dawkins and Hitchens become the face many atheists huddle toward makes it too clear that atheist simply put themselves and their beliefs where God would be and everyone who disagrees is simply stupid in their eyes.

Edit: Lasts words on the subject from my part. As for the OP I would suggest following what other Catholics have said and break up but feel free to be friends. Dating is more serious than I first realized.

 

[HenryDyer]

Religion: Destroying relationships

 

[Hokomai]

…but, to answer the OP’s question…I would suggest he not date an atheist. If someone is Catholic and religion is one of the most important things to them, why start off a relationship with someone who believes the exact opposite? It’s setting yourself up for heartache if you cannot convert them. And also, why start off a romance with someone whom you immediately have in mind you want to change something very big and basic about their belief system? Again, setting oneself up for torture.

IMO, when someone picks a person so unlike them in their belief system, they should ask themselves why they are doing so. It is often an act of rebellion…or a need to feel like they are fixing someone, etc. I’m not saying this is the OPs case, but still, he should examine why he would be attracted to someone who pretty much lives in a *completely different *world than he does.

Actually, I find it even odder to understand why an atheist would date a Catholic! That would make even less sense!

Some of us like Catholics!

 

[Hokomai]

LOL


Yes

Ooops, I hope that didn’t come off sounding offensive!

What I meant was…I can imagine it would be even more difficult for an atheist to date a Catholic, than a Catholic to date an atheist…at least the Catholic, like the OP, might have in mind helping the person to convert, etc…but for the atheist, I can’t imagine them, say, gladly accompanying their girl/boyfriend to church every Sunday…at least, not the diehard ones! Yet, I’m sure it happens…

No offence taken here! (Or offense in the US). I know quite a few atheists who would like an excuse to go to church for reflection, the music and (in some cases) the language. There is even a movement among atheists to set up the equivalent of churches as regular gathering places to get a sense of community. No so keen myself - I’d rather take part in wider community activity.

 

[Reivax]

Of course not.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

No offence taken here! (Or offense in the US). I know quite a few atheists who would like an excuse to go to church for reflection, the music and (in some cases) the language. There is even a movement among atheists to set up the equivalent of churches as regular gathering places to get a sense of community. No so keen myself - I’d rather take part in wider community activity.

My joke is “There’s First and Second Baptist, and there’s First Atheist…”

 

[TryingToLearn]

First, we’re just talking about dating right? That period of time when you spend time with another person to get to know them better and discover if you are compatible right?

And right now you know that she is atheist and you are firm in your faith and you see that may be an incompatibility right? But, you don’t know if she is staunchly atheist or if she is open to learning the truth right?

If that’s what we’re talking about, then it depends on you. You could just end it, on the assumption that she won’t convert without exploring that possibility. You could just end it because you would rather find someone that is Catholic and not invest time, energy, and emotion into someone that may or may not be open to truth. Or, you could spend time with her exploring if what right now is an incompatibility can be overcome through her spiritual conversion. I know, people are scared to talk about religion because it might close doors. Too bad, it is part of who you are and it does need to be part of the discussion when dating. If she is put off by discussing your faith or she won’t attend Mass with you or respect your faith, well that is what you need to know to make this decision. If she does want to hear your testimony, if she is willing to go to Mass with you or participate in Church based activities and to respect and learn about that part of you, well, you can continue to learn about one another…

But, you may already know that it just isn’t going to work out or she is not the one for you…

 

[DivineMercy1983]

Do you love her?

 

[eonporter]

You should convert her, of course.

Conversion happens though love, can you see a better opportunity to convert someone than being in a romantic relationship with the person?

Go on and earn her for Christ!

 

[VivienneJ]

Posted on 5 May LAST YEAR - 10 months ago

I’ve recently started dating a girl with whom I’d been working and just a few days ago I found out she’s an atheist. Now what should I do? Should I break up with her or should I try to convert her? You see, I used to consider myself an atheist too, until I became interested in religions and started reading lots of philosophy and apologetics. I eventually came to embrace the Catholic faith that my parents had taught me but that I’d always dismissed as a lie. (I used to be a Richard Dawkins fanboy… it gives me shivers just to think about it). Anyway, she reads a lot of philosophy too and she’s a pretty smart girl, so I think that if I show her all the good reasons there are to be a Christian, I could eventually convince her, but I’m also afraid that I’d just be wasting my time.

So what’s your advice on this? What do you think I should do?

(I’m sorry if my english is a little bad, I’m from Argentina)

Which is one of the reasons why resurrecting old threads is rather pointless: see forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=624970
This question and the subsequent post are completely redundant.

Do you love her?

You should convert her, of course.

Conversion happens though love, can you see a better opportunity to convert someone than being in a romantic relationship with the person?

Go on and earn her for Christ!