Shock: Writer Wishes Her Mother Had Had an Abortion

[Mary_Gail_36]

Of course now that we’re alive we don’t want to give that up, and we are a happy family with a lot of love. But just because we aren’t self-loathing suicidal maniacs doesn’t mean that we can’t acknowledge that chances are life would have been better for our mother if she didn’t get pregnant at 20 by an abusive man while she had no money, job skills, or education.

I’ll try to be coherent…sorry if it comes across as harsh…I don’t intend to.

"Didn’t get pregnant " is different than, “Mom should have aborted you.”

Didn’t get pregnant means no innocent baby.

Do you think it would have been better if she had given your brother up for adoption?

Or maybe not get involved with an abusive man…or leave the abusive man?

There seems so many variables in your mom’s story that could have been different.

Why focus on the most vulnerable (your unborn brother)? And why would aborting him be different than say killing him at birth?

Why do you see that abortion would have been the catalyst for a wonderful life for your mom?

She could have just as well had the abortion, become depressed and ended up thinking she wasn’t good enough to leave the abuser.

 

[BellsMom]

I gave this issue a lot of thought after reading a few discussions regarding the churches position on the whole “health of the mother” issue.

I decided that if there was a great risk of my Mom loosing her life trying to carry me to term, I would have gladly sacrificed myself. I would want her to have a happy healthy life and continue to be a mother to my brother and a wife to Dad, who both love her very much.

I don’t see anything wrong with what that author was expressing.

 

[CrimsonThorn]

I gave this issue a lot of thought after reading a few discussions regarding the churches position on the whole “health of the mother” issue.

I decided that if there was a great risk of my Mom loosing her life trying to carry me to term, I would have gladly sacrificed myself. I would want her to have a happy healthy life and continue to be a mother to my brother and a wife to Dad, who both love her very much.

I don’t see anything wrong with what that author was expressing.

But then how would knowing that your mother (who wouldve hypothetically aborted you) didnt feel the same way about you, by valuing her own life over yours, which she hypothetically believes is not worthy, disposable, uimportant etc make you feel?

 

[Marc_Anthony]

I gave this issue a lot of thought after reading a few discussions regarding the churches position on the whole “health of the mother” issue.

I decided that if there was a great risk of my Mom loosing her life trying to carry me to term, I would have gladly sacrificed myself. I would want her to have a happy healthy life and continue to be a mother to my brother and a wife to Dad, who both love her very much.

I don’t see anything wrong with what that author was expressing.

The problem here is that you’re judging lives. You’re saying your mother’s life is somehow more important than yours. All lives are sacred and should be treated with equal dignity.

 

[BellsMom]

I don’t see anything wrong with sacrificing yourself for someone else, so long as it’s for the right reasons. I wouldn’t look at it like my Mom putting more value on my father and brother then me.

 

[Marc_Anthony]

I don’t see anything wrong with sacrificing yourself for someone else, so long as it’s for the right reasons. I wouldn’t look at it like my Mom putting more value on my father and brother then me.

Except that your Mom WOULD be putting more value on your Father and Mother than you, whether you look at it like that or not.

Sorry to be so harsh, but to get to the heart of matters it is sometimes necessary to detach yourself emotionally.

 

[CrimsonThorn]

Except that your Mom WOULD be putting more value on your Father and Mother than you, whether you look at it like that or not.

Sorry to be so harsh, but to get to the heart of matters it is sometimes necessary to detach yourself emotionally.

This.

Whether you see it like this or not, how would it make you feel that your mother didnt see it as a sacrifice, and regarded your life as a disposable piece of trash instead? By aborting you, that is not only the message she conveys, but the message that she actually believes. Some great hypothetical mother that is.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

The thing with these stories is that they all assume that the child is what caused the problem. This is simply not the case since there are as many stories with the other outcome - that having a baby taught a young couple responsibility and they moved on to have good lives.

In BlueEyedLady’s story (only using it because you shared it), the mom is already dating the abusive man and sleeping with him outside of marriage before she even gets pregnant. Those are poor life decisions that might not have been turned around by an abortion.

The author’s mother in the article had similar issues. The brain-injury, unstable family life, abusive boyfriend, etc would not have been solved by an abortion. The author certainly did not have a good childhood, from her derscription, but she is now well-educated with a partner/spouse and at least one child. I am sure her family and those she works with, lives near, etc. are not all wishing she had been aborted.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

In BlueEyedLady’s story (only using it because you shared it), the mom is already dating the abusive man and sleeping with him outside of marriage before she even gets pregnant. Those are poor life decisions that might not have been turned around by an abortion.

That is not true at all! She was married to that man. Yes, getting married was a bad decision but in 1967 in the rural Midwest if your parents wanted you married to “that nice army man” at 18, you married him. That was just the way things were back then.

 

[Holly3278]

This is just absolutely sickening. I am so sick and tired of the pro-abortion advocates coming up with new ways to try and promote baby butchering. These types of people make me sick!

 

[Mrs_Sally]

That is not true at all! She was married to that man. Yes, getting married was a bad decision but in 1967 in the rural Midwest if your parents wanted you married to “that nice army man” at 18, you married him. That was just the way things were back then.

I’m sorry! The context was not clear. Yes early marriage and an awareness of abusive behavior were thought of differently then. I am sorry for your mothers situation but still don’t agree that an abortion would have fixed things. Especially not simply because she was married -and her abortion then would not have legal.
I will pray for your mom, sounds like she suffered quite a bit in life.

 

[Marc_Anthony]

The difference between self-sacrifice and wishing your Mother had an abortion is that abortion is done with a BABY. The baby can’t consent to self-sacrifice, and an adult saying so later doesn’t change that.

 

[catholicanne]

My mother had an abortion a year before she became pregnant with me and then again a year after she had given birth to me. I could have been aborted. I used to wonder what my brothers/sisters would have been like and feel sad that I never got to meet them. I have prayed for my mother and although she feels regret she has never confessed her abortions to a priest and received absolution. I think that would really heal her.

I find this whole thread very depressing and I pray that this misguided author changes her tune.

 

[CatholicTrekkie]

A few thoughts, after having followed this thread:

First, I can appreciate the idea of sacrificing yourself for your mother so that she could presumably have a better life. However, as others have said, this is valuing one life over another, which isn’t very charitable.

Secondly, while I don’t necessarily see anything wrong with the sentiment of “I wish my mom had aborted me so she could have a better life” on its own, it feeds into and is evidence of a larger mindset of valuing comfort and worldly pleasures over love and life. So for that, I have to disagree with the author’s statement.

Third, though I know the author didn’t explicitely say this, and I’m not presuming she implied this, this sentiment frankly does a disservice to mothers. By giving that statement, children supposes their mother would be selfish enough to want to abort their unborn child so she could have a better life. It may very well have been that a mother never had any intention of aborting her unborn child, because she was willing to make sacrifices for others. Which is more charitable to your parents: to assume they will sacrifice for you, or to assume they would want you to sacrifice yourself for them. Given the fact that you are here, alive, and were not aborted, I think the former would be the case. Even if your mother gave you up for adoption, it would show that she sacrificed enough for you to give you a life.

Finally, why not adoption instead of abortion? The child could have lived and the mother could have continued onto a better life.

(Note: I am pro-life, and this statement and the mindset behind it are utterly alien to me.)

Just my :twocents:

 

[TheRealJuliane]

He isn’t egocentric. We both know that our mother loves us very much and is grateful for us. But we also know that if he hadn’t been born she would have had a better shot at a happier, healthier, and safer life. And like I said, if he hadn’t been born, I probably wouldn’t have been either.

And for the record I didn’t look at him one day and just tell him that he should have been aborted. We were talking about his teen daughters and how he hopes that if any of them get pregnant that young they choose abortion, because he wants better for them than what our mom had. That led in to a long, philosophical, and pretty interesting discussion over a good bottle of wine at 2 in the morning.

I really doubt it, BEL. Whatever propelled your mother to choose the men that she did, was already complete within her long before she got pregnant. You seem to think that her pregnancies were the deciding factor. In fact, she might have been worse off, had she not had your brother and you. Maybe the abuser she picked would have simply killed her. Or maybe she would have committed suicide. Taken up a drug habit. Become an alcoholic.

I am sad for you. And sad for your brother, that he would hope his own grandchild would be aborted.

 

[Lochias]

Finally, why not adoption instead of abortion? The child could have lived and the mother could have continued onto a better life.

THIS. My mother knew she would be unable to take care of her first two children…one born out of wedlock with no money to support him, the other a result of date-rape…so she gave them up for adoption. Equally important, however, is the mindset in which she did it. The over-riding emotion and thought was not “Whew, dodged that one!”, but a deep and terrible sadness that she was currently unable to raise those two children.

She did everything she could to make sure my two oldest siblings could contact us…and years later, they did, to the joy of all. It’s now like they’ve always been part of the family.

So, yes, the mindset contained in the OP has no logical or moral basis on which to stand. To wish one had been aborted so that the mother could have had “a better shot at life” is dismissive of the mother’s love and ability to sacrifice, and also acknowledges a needless and horrible waste of precious human life. Murder will always be murder, no matter how hard someone tries to justify it.

 

[MarkInOregon]

Of course now that we’re alive we don’t want to give that up, and we are a happy family with a lot of love. But just because we aren’t self-loathing suicidal maniacs doesn’t mean that we can’t acknowledge that chances are life would have been better for our mother if she didn’t get pregnant at 20 by an abusive man while she had no money, job skills, or education.

Its hard to say if life would be better. It would be different for sure. I at times think about that. We have five children, we thought we were done at two–but then after much study of the faith we came to see the truth of the Churches teaching and began to actually practice all of our faith and behold - three more children. They are quite spread out–17 years between youngest and oldest. One could look at us as we struggle now–and say how much “better” our life would have been with only two kids–how much more money we would have had to take vacations, have nicer cars, move to a larger and nicer house, nicer clothes, etc. Heck we’d just be entering that childless time when we had lots of time to ourselves and the money to do things. But would that have been a better life? I am not so sure–it would surely have been different. And who knows what challenges and pitfalls that life may have presented. As appealing as the life we could have had seems at times–I think I’d rather have my children and the struggles.

I think we just see the possibilities, what could have been and assume that only all the best things would have occured and assume things would have been better. It is quite possible that an abortion would have led not to an education, job, money etc. but to a whole host of other problems caused by the remorse and guilt for taking the life of your brother.

Different–yes. Better–maybe/maybe not.

Peace,
Mark

 

[CrimsonThorn]

Its hard to say if life would be better. It would be different for sure. I at times think about that. We have five children, we thought we were done at two–but then after much study of the faith we came to see the truth of the Churches teaching and began to actually practice all of our faith and behold - three more children. They are quite spread out–17 years between youngest and oldest. One could look at us as we struggle now–and say how much “better” our life would have been with only two kids–how much more money we would have had to take vacations, have nicer cars, move to a larger and nicer house, nicer clothes, etc. Heck we’d just be entering that childless time when we had lots of time to ourselves and the money to do things. But would that have been a better life? I am not so sure–it would surely have been different. And who knows what challenges and pitfalls that life may have presented. As appealing as the life we could have had seems at times–I think I’d rather have my children and the struggles.

I think we just see the possibilities, what could have been and assume that only all the best things would have occured and assume things would have been better. It is quite possible that an abortion would have led not to an education, job, money etc. but to a whole host of other problems caused by the remorse and guilt for taking the life of your brother.

Different–yes. Better–maybe/maybe not.

Peace,
Mark

So true. My friends mother had an abortion. She still carries the guilt and the severe depression that comes with it from 40+ years ago. Its sad, her house looks like an episode on Hoarders and her severe depression has spread to the rest of the children she did have.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

So true. My friends mother had an abortion. She still carries the guilt and the severe depression that comes with it from 40+ years ago. Its sad, her house looks like an episode on Hoarders and her severe depression has spread to the rest of the children she did have.

Has your friend ever been able to talk about it with his/her mom? There is help available, Rachel’s Vineyard is one very well known post-abortive ministry. There are others. She can find peace through talking with other women who have been through what she has.

 

[CrimsonThorn]

Has your friend ever been able to talk about it with his/her mom? There is help available, Rachel’s Vineyard is one very well known post-abortive ministry. There are others. She can find peace through talking with other women who have been through what she has.

Im really not sure if theyve talked more about it or not or if shes attempted to receive any kind of help. Their house and their lives are really the first images to come to mind whenever the words ‘despair’ and ‘depression’ are mentioned. It is very extreme. I cant talk about this with my friend since he and all of his brothers have become such angry atheists.