Shocking!!!!!!

[Robaynne]

As some of you know my story about how my ex of 13 years left me for a teenager and got her pregnant.

Anyway things have not been going good. Have decided to not bother and ask my ex for child support anymore. I actually told him that he can keep his money.

Last week I tried to call him to remind him that the child support needs to be paid and also that winter clothes are due as winter has already started here in South Africa and there is a court order that states that he buys the kids winter and summer clothes.

Anyway he came to pick the kids a few things he was supposed to buy for a R1000 but bought for R200. Anyway the teenager answers the phone. I tell her to tell him that he needs to pay the money as he did not pay last month and that he needs to buy clothes. She tells me that this is not her problem she has her own child to take care of. That she has nothing to do with our issues. I said to her maybe if she was working that he would be able to do more for his kids. She said that is none of my business. That I send my kids there to spy on her. I said to her that she forgot that she got this man when he was married and had kids that he needs to be responsible for.

She called me a B@itch. And told me that I was the cause of the problem in my marriage and she did not do anything wrong. That God had blessed her and him. That they were meant to be together. That she told him to go back to me and he said never. And that he will never hit her like he hit me and abused me becoz I was the problem. And he will never cheat or lie to her. And that before her there was so many other women. And that I am a sick women and that he never loved me he was forced to marry me and so on and so on. And that he is going to marry her and they are going to have a good life and this is a blessing from God. That God is on their side and that they are going to be happy.

Up until now I am in shock. But I have prayed about this and asked God to guide me in the right direction. That my children are better off without their father. And that he can keep his money. He and this women do not care about my kids wellbeing, health and welfare. And when I told him what this girl said he treated me with such disrespect and slammed the phone in my ears.

I told her that she will sow everything that she reaps. And that one day she is going to cry in her hands for what she has done to me and the kids. And that she must take comfort in thinking that she is not to blame for the breakup. As she is so innocent she must take comfort in that.

 

[kage_ar]

Prayers and hugs.

Second, I am not certain how the law works there, but, here if an ex has not paid court ordered child support or other court ordered monies, you go back to the law. The law will put a garnishment on their wages or will put them in jail for failure to pay. Your kids deserve the financial support of thier father, put the law to work for you on this.

I would advise against communicating with the other woman. It may be best to communicate via the lawyers if need be. You can send letters to your ex husband, be very businesslike - talk ONLY about your children and the financial obligations. As difficult as it is, do not engagage about morals or emotions. Business, strictly business.

Lastly, stay close to Jesus in the Sacraments.

BTW, have you spoken with your Priest about having the validity of the marriage reviewed? That process may provide some healing for you.

 

[lizaanne]

I would advise against communicating with the other woman. It may be best to communicate via the lawyers if need be. You can send letters to your ex husband, be very businesslike - talk ONLY about your children and the financial obligations. As difficult as it is, do not engagage about morals or emotions. Business, strictly business.

I agree with this. I would never speak with the woman again. You have absolutely nothing to do with her, all your business is with your husband. (And he IS your husband until a Tribunal determines otherwise.)

I’m sure it is very difficult for her to reconcile within herself that she has chosen a man who is willing to cheat on his wife. How can she ever truly trust him? That hostility and defensiveness is being taken out on you. Don’t put yourself in that position, just avoid her all together.

So sorry you are having to deal with this. My family life as a child was similar, and I know the pain it brings.

~Liza

 

[ks60]

You are right; she will cry into her hands one day for what your H is doing to her. He will abuse her, too, if he abused you. Don’t call her any more.

Your kids are entitled to child support, and don’t you forfeit that. Collect it through the right channels. Communicate to your H though brief emails and stick to the facts.

His abuse of you is not your fault, Maybe you are better off without him.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Oh Robaynne!!! :console:

1.) Don’t communicate with the child he has impregnated. What did you expect her to say? “Oh golly, gee, I’m so sorry, I’ll get right on that”? She’s a KID. Grown women have trouble with this communication. A kid is not going to be any better, and will probably in fact be worse.

My eldest’s ex married a child bride, two days before their first child was due. He was 30 and she was 16. She had the audacity while he was away to send my daughter emails telling her all about herself, that all the things my daughter was saying in court about her ex were untrue, that my daughter was a liar, and of course the marriage of this drunk and this child would be perfect in very way. She kept trying to goad my daughter into an argument. Fortunately, after the first couple times, my daughter’s lawyer told her DO NOT COMMUNICATE WITH THIS PERSON. She then forged my daughter’s name on the old checks from the first marriage. It got this child and the ex in a lot of trouble. The child found out differently about her dear, sweet husband, the alleged wonderful father, after a few years under her belt.

You should also remember that any parents who would let their CHILD run off with a married man, well, not much of a parent there. That is usually what these young girls have lacked, a daddy, and now he is daddy. And their own daddies must’ve been horrible, as look who they are choosing to take the place of the daddy!

2.) Kage_ar is right. There should be some sort of way through the South African courts to force him to pay a set amount each month. I would not ever tell this guy “Keep your money, I’ll support them myself” and for two good reasons. In most countries, including my own, I’ve discovered that visitation and child support are two separate issues. So, he can in all probability still show up and take the kids for court ordered visitation. Number two, he owes it to your children; not to you, his children. They did not ask to be brought into the world, and he owes them this. Please use your lawyer or the government agency that collects child support. Keep communication to a minimum with your ex.

These are the results when I googled “Johannesberg south africa child support”:
google.com/search?hl=en&rlz=1T4ADBS_en_____203&sa=X&oi=spell&resnum=0&ct=result&cd=1&q=johannesburg+south+africa+child+support&spell=1
I hope this helps a bit. You also have my continued prayers.