Should A Barren Woman Marry? And Other Sex Questions

[RhyannaRose]

I’m neither married nor barren, but fertility problems do run in the family and I’ve already battled with difficult periods and cystic ovaries. I do hope to have children some day, but I put it in the hands of God whether I am physically able to fulfill that wish or not.
But what I am wondering is…if according to the masturbation thread sex is meant for unity and procreation only…is it alright in the eyes of the Church for a barren woman to marry? Or even a sterile man for that matter?

And after a woman goes through menopause and can no longer have children, does the Church consider it alright for a married couple to engage in sex when there is no chance of conception?

And if sex is about creating new life, is it alright for a married couple just to do it because they want to share intimacy? Is it alright for a married couple to have sex simply because they’re horny?

Lots of questions, I know, but I’m trying to do things right and after a decade away from the Church, things have changed in my life and the questions I have aren’t the ones of the 15 year old girl I was when I last went to Mass. I will say I sincerely love my Savoir Jesus Christ and I know my life is so much better for having Him in it. Now just to work on those technical matters, now that my heart is His!

 

[Madaglan]

I don’t know all the answers, but I would think that if there’s even a chance of the couple being able to reproduce, the Church would allow the marriage. But I could be wrong.

 

[NMJenny]

Rose, you’ve already answered your question: “sex is meant for unity and procreation” (bold type added). Even if you knew for sure that you were unable to bear children, the unity aspect of sex is still there–this also applies after a woman has gone through menopause.

I’m not sure what the answer would be if some physical problem made it physically impossible for a woman to engage in sexual relations with her husband–I know that impotence in the man, at the time of marriage, will render the marriage null, but I’ve never read anything about a real, physical barrier in a woman, not just a mental or emotional problem…

 

[Madaglan]

I believe it is a requirement, verified before the marriage, that the two are physically able to consummate the marriage.

 

[Jay2]

Do a search here and you’ll be reading for hours…

The “Cliff Notes” on the subject? As long as the husband & wife are open to the possibility of conception, use no physical barriers or actions to prevent “A” from meeting “B”, and the act is within the personal acceptance/confines/limits of both participants… everything is

It’s irrelevant if the the woman is “barren”, or there’s no “lead in the man’s pencil” - as long as you follow the above you are good.

Comments?

 

[StCsDavid]

It’s been my understanding that male impotence is considered an impediment to marriage. I haven’t heard that female infertility is. I could be wrong.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Female infertility (or male infertility is no barrier to marriage.) God is known to work miracles when it comes to barren women bearing children. As long as every act is open to God’s gift of a child, you are fine.

Not every act of marriage results in a child, but every act should be open to the possibility.

There are many times in a woman’s regular cycle when a woman is naturally infertile, and marital relations during that time are unitive and a source of grace from God.

 

[aspawloski4th]

Dont forget theres adoption too. if my paternal grandfather would of never been adopted by my greatgrand parents they would been a childless family and then my dad’s nad my family and i woud have never existed.

 

[quiet52]

marysaggies.blogspot.com/2007/07/infertility-and-catholic-church.html

 

[havemercy]

Yes, it is permissible to marry.

And you should know that you can still raise a truly Christian family if you are infertile. While it is a saddening reality, to think that you cannot conceive a child, there is also great joy in adopting a child. Personally, even if my future wife and I don’t have such difficulties, I’m more than open to adoption.

St. Gianna, pray for us.

 

[gentlefaith]

so if a woman divorced, who had a hysterectomy in her early adulthood after having three children (at the time not a catholic or even a Christian) that woman could not answer the question “yes” on allowing children in a future marriage… should that woman NOT marry again???

 

[I_A]

so if a woman divorced, who had a hysterectomy in her early adulthood after having three children (at the time not a catholic or even a Christian) that woman could not answer the question “yes” on allowing children in a future marriage… should that woman NOT marry again???

Assuming that she is not married in the eyes of the church (to the person she got a civil divorce from) I can’t think of any theological impediment to marriage.

 

[1ke]

The answer to all three of your questions is yes.

(1) **Infertility **is not an impediment to marriage (a couple of posts have wrongly confused infertlity and impotence, they are different things).

(2) Yes, post menopausal couples can engage in sexual intercourse.

(3) Yes, you can engage in intercourse with your spouse without a positive intention to conceive during that act.

The “why” is the same for all three: ANY unaltered act of intercourse between spouses is objectively unitive and procreative because it is the way God designed it.

By unaltered I mean that the couple has not taken any action to render the act sterile. Subjectively, the act may not result in conception-- but objectively the act has all the elements present the way God designed it.

 

[DaveBj]

Go ahead and marry. God seems to have quite a sense of humor where “barren” women are concerned.

 

[Gardening_Mommy]

Yeah, what everyone else has said.

Many people will find out that they (as a couple) are infertile. This does not make their marriage invalid. (If someone suspects it is a possibility, though, they should probably mention that to their future spouse.)

It doesn’t mean you’re off the hook as far as being “open to life”, though, either. God has some calling for every marriage. An infertile couple should still consider adoption very seriously. If not that, then maybe foster parenting, mentoring teens, or contributing their time to some sort of volunteer work.

Personally, my husband and I are working on our third adoption.

I keep recommending him, but have you heard Dr. Ray Guarendi? From what he said, he has some condition that he knew, even before he married, would probably prevent them from having kids. They went on to adopt ten kids! www.drray.com

 

[mapleoak]

I believe it is a requirement, verified before the marriage, that the two are physically able to consummate the marriage.

Never heard of this one. What kind of test is this?

It’s been my understanding that male impotence is considered an impediment to marriage. I haven’t heard that female infertility is. I could be wrong.

It should be noted however, that it is only ‘definatively permanent’ impotence whether it afflicts the man or the woman that is an impediment. You are correct that neither male nor female infertility are impediments.

 

[RichT]

And if sex is about creating new life, is it alright for a married couple just to do it because they want to share intimacy? Is it alright for a married couple to have sex simply because they’re horny?

Just a guess here, but I’m pretty sure God created “Horniness” so we would actually want to have sex. It’s part of the whole package.

 

[DebCWil]

In order for a marriage to be valid, it must be consumated. That however has nothing however to do with fertility, but only that the couple can and do engage in the conjugal act.
As has already been mentioned, marriage is about intimacy. This intimacy can lead to procreation.
Think back to the stories of Sarah and Elizabeth, both barren women who gave birth. Their marriages were never invalid.

 

[thistle]

I’m neither married nor barren, but fertility problems do run in the family and I’ve already battled with difficult periods and cystic ovaries. I do hope to have children some day, but I put it in the hands of God whether I am physically able to fulfill that wish or not.
But what I am wondering is…if according to the masturbation thread sex is meant for unity and procreation only…is it alright in the eyes of the Church for a barren woman to marry? Or even a sterile man for that matter?

And after a woman goes through menopause and can no longer have children, does the Church consider it alright for a married couple to engage in sex when there is no chance of conception?

And if sex is about creating new life, is it alright for a married couple just to do it because they want to share intimacy? Is it alright for a married couple to have sex simply because they’re horny?

Lots of questions, I know, but I’m trying to do things right and after a decade away from the Church, things have changed in my life and the questions I have aren’t the ones of the 15 year old girl I was when I last went to Mass. I will say I sincerely love my Savoir Jesus Christ and I know my life is so much better for having Him in it. Now just to work on those technical matters, now that my heart is His!

How about Sarah, the wife of Abraham, and Elizabeth, the mother of John the Baptist? They were both old women when they bore children. Even after menopause they were still open to life and with God nothing is impossible!

 

[Dandelion_Wine]

is it alright in the eyes of the Church for a barren woman to marry? Or even a sterile man for that matter?

Yes. I believe the only impediment is if one where not able to perform the act.

And after a woman goes through menopause and can no longer have children, does the Church consider it alright for a married couple to engage in sex when there is no chance of conception?

Yes.

And if sex is about creating new life, is it alright for a married couple just to do it because they want to share intimacy? Is it alright for a married couple to have sex simply because they’re horny?

As long as they’re open to life - ie. one isn’t doing anything to frustrate the act.

I haven’t read all the posts, but if someone hasn’t recommended - Good News About Sex and Marriage by Christopher West - I will.