Should a Potential Spouse's Eating habits matter?

Status
Not open for further replies.
From someone who is engaged to a picky eater, yes there are some downfalls. He does not like lasagna, alfredo sauce, ravioli, meatloaf, most vegitables, cabbage (I love making ham and cabbage and anyone Irish knows what I am talking about) certain gravies etc. This makes it a challenge when I am trying to cook something for dinner. He will suggest to go to a Chinese resteruant and than only eat american food there. He only relly likes Turkey and steak or hamburgers, as meat so it does limit my creative style.

Is is a problem sometimes…absolutely and I strive to talk to him about it or expose him to other foods, most time him going hungary because I won’t make him a separate dinner. He wants something else…he knows where the kitchen is.

That is my philosophy on it in a nut shell. Therre is the kitchen, the ingredients, and the stove. Have at it. As for future children, they will eat the dinner that I put down on the table regardless if their father eats it. I will of course strive to keep him in mind when I go to the grocery store, so that there are things there that he will eat, but I certainly wouldn’t let something like eating habits or a picky eater get in the way of a marriage.
 
I think whether or not a person cares about his/her health does matter, as well as whether or not a person is wasting money on extravagant dinners (I’m not referring to paying a bit more for healthier food quality).

However, when I first saw the title of this thread, it reminded me of the last woman I dated. We were at Boston Market, and I just glanced and happened to notice that she ate her chicken the same way I did. (It may seem strange to you, but there is a backstory involving being nagged over it several years ago at a cousin’s BBQ). To me, that was a sign that she could be “the one”. (Unfortunately, she was also the one who broke up to enter a religious formation program).
 
Real examples of “unusual” eating habits.

Eating spaghetti and pouring a WHOLE BOTTLE OF CATSUP [or ketchup] on top of the plate of spaghetti.

Buying THE MOST EXPENSIVE foods. [somebody posted that already]

Biggie: food pushing: eat more; here have more; you’re not eating anything!!! You have got to eat more; two plates aren’t enough; here finish the platter, so it doesn’t go to waste. What’s the matter with you, you’re losing weight. [at my heaviest weight ever]

We don’t eat meat; and that includes you.

You shouldn’t eat that; it’s not good for you. It will give you gout.

You shouldn’t order that because none of us have never had that before.

[at Chinese buffet, all you can eat place]: why did you take that? what’s wrong with you?

OHHH, that looks good, let me try it [spearing food off your plate]

Eats entire meal in four minutes and is ready to leave.

Takes two hours to eat a simple lunch at MickeyD’s during busy period. Need to move on to other things. Wants to stop and enjoy the meal.

CANNOT decide what to order at a restaurant. Takes 20 minutes to decide at McDonalds or any fast food restaurant, as if will be criticized for life.

Demands to order off the menu at Applebee’s. And then complains when it isn’t exactly right. Waiter and manager open their veins and commit seppuku, but it’s not enough.

“I’m hungry; you should eat.”
 
Well, as a diabetic, married to a man who had a heart attack last year and continues to eat unhealthy food (after a honeymoon good eating period), I can say that if one person’s diet affects them in such a way as to impede their spiritual life or health, it is VERY important to consider what affect it would have on your marriage.

I can also say from 28 years experience, if something bothers you a “little” during courtship, I can guarantee you it will become a bone of contention several years into the marriage.

Not just eating habits, but neatness, personal care, hobbies (I am married to a “gamer”), etc.

Love is grand, but if you are going to be married to someone for 50 years, you need to be on the same page about a lot of stuff.
 
I think “very unhealthy food” could easily be a deal-breaker. I wouldn’t want to marry someone who won’t take care of his health and could leave our family w/out a father. Eating solely unhealthy food points towards deeper issues with self-value, IME, and you need a spouse who at least is willing to treat himself with respect. This would be unhealthy FOR HIM, not for me.

For other food issues, I would be more concerned about the underlying values. Expensive food could imply a taste for luxury I’m not willing to support or organize my life around, for example. Or it could mean he really feels strongly about eating organic, locally grown foods - which I am clever enough to find many of cheaply and I can budget and plan for the rest. While I don’t feel so strongly about local organic, I can understand and respect it. If it were vegetarianism, it would depend on his tolerance for my omnivorous diet. I tried vegetarianism, and found that I have too strong of a tendency towards iron deficiency and need red meat for health. But I would be willing to prep meals where meat could easily be added as a topping, for example. If he believes meat is murder, however, it’s just not going to work.
 
One of my friends is very “careful” about what he eats and is sick all the time.

His sister eats everything and anything; the junkier the food, the better, and washes it down with beer. Healthy as a horse and is very successful with work; human dynamo; always taking on new projects; happy as can be.
 
But all these examples people are posting about…I just don’t get how those examples (being very picky, peculiar tastes, unhealthy habits and phases, etc.) could possibly be dealbreakers. :confused:
 
ac_claire said:
But all these examples people are posting about…I just don’t get how those examples (being very picky, peculiar tastes, unhealthy habits and phases, etc.) could possibly be dealbreakers. :confused:
Click to expand...
Because when you are married, you have to eat whatever the other person is eating, at least twice a day, for the rest of your life - which will be made longer or shorter, and more enjoyable or more full of suffering, depending upon what it is.
 
My cousin is a vegetarian and she’s married to a man who is allergic to peanuts, soy and nuts. So basically he needs meat for protein and she needs to eat stuff he’s allergic to. But somehow they make it all work 🙂

I know that me and DH have definitely rubbed off on eachother.I think though we’ve definitely grown the direction of healthier. I remember when we were 19 or so we’d buy a bag of chips and call it supper. hahaha… Now I’ve convinced him that whole wheat bread and pasta is just as good as white and most store brand foods are just as good as the name brands. But he’s also convinced me that pasta and kraft dinner are good 😛 Sometimes we don’t agree. I like legumes like lentils and chickpeas and DH hates them. He won’t eat green veggies. But if one of us wants to eat something and the other doesn’t we’ll just substitute things in the meal.
 
jmcrae said:
Because when you are married, you have to eat whatever the other person is eating, at least twice a day, for the rest of your life - which will be made longer or shorter, and more enjoyable or more full of suffering, depending upon what it is.
Click to expand...
Or else cook and shop separately from or for the other person for the rest of your life.

And resentment builds when you can’t go to restaurants that you love, or eat foods that you love, because of someone else’s fussiness.

Having to cater to medical requirements for someone is something different, of course. Maybe even vegetarianism isn’t a dealbreaker for me, since most cuisines have good veg options and I’m not the sort who wants meat every day anyways.

I’m not even married, but I have some friends who are very picky with what they’ll eat, and it’s no end of annoying even without it being a daily struggle.
 
But all these examples people are posting about…I just don’t get how those examples (being very picky, peculiar tastes, unhealthy habits and phases, etc.) could possibly be dealbreakers.
Click to expand...
Or else cook and shop separately from or for the other person for the rest of your life.
Click to expand...
And resentment builds when you can’t go to restaurants that you love, or eat foods that you love, because of someone else’s fussiness.
Click to expand...
OR you end up feeling forced to eat what the other person wants to eat because you can’t afford to buy separate meals for each person.

It not only can be a “deal” (as in boyfriend/fiance/e) breaker, it can break a marriage, as well. When the “love” is young you think you can put up with it or worse yet, that you can change the other person … wrong again. The habits only get worse usually, not better.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top