Should a Priest do this?

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Cromwell4 said:
He is way outta line.
In danger of giving cause for scandal & gossip ( even if unfounded)
He should be able to separate his professional/personal life.
The guy must be very naïve or else gay knowing that the female is highly vulnerable at this stage & would welcome ‘comforting’.
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That’s beautiful; first you warn about dinner giving cause for scandal and gossip, then you accuse the man of being gay.

Now tell me; who in this thread is a cause for scandal and gossip?
 
What a wonderful way to show appreciation to our priests! A dinner out is a nice way to do this.
 
JohnPaul wonders : **"My niece was engaged to a man and he called off the engagement …
  • My niece is 28 years old and is quite attractive
  • The priest and my niece had a longstanding friendship prior to her dating her ex-fiancé
    The question:
    My niece and the priest had dinner last Saturday night. I … would question whether the priest should be going on what is presumably a platonic date…"**
OK, a priest has **“had a longstanding friendship” **with your niece.
But, because the priest is a man (and could have sexual relations with your niece), should he be allowed to have dinner with her?
(You didn’t say if she has had dinner with this priest in the past, as part of their longstanding relationship. So have they?)

I would ask if you think it appropriate for your niece to have a casual date with ANY sexual-able Male?
If your answer is YES, then the priest would generally be acting OK (according to your own Standards).

However, if your answer is NO, then the problem is within your own prejudices about priests (and/or other men).
Why are you so concerned about your niece, and anyone who might spend time with her?
I ask, because it sounds like you are obsessing about her, and her Life.
Has she had fiery sexual relationships with other men in the past? If not, then what’s causing you to suspect SEX?

My other wonder about this (since you went out of your way to emphasize that your niece is “Quite attractive”) is : What if your niece was plug-ugly?
Would you STILL be worried about her having one date with a priest?

In my mind, your niece could date any guy or girl in the World. She is currently un-attached.
So, this question seems silly to me.
 
JohnPaul said:
There is quite a power differential at play here: he is a priest, he was her counselor … she is a vulnerable woman … it seems like a friendship would be difficult because they are not peers.
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My thoughts are that the priest has an office where he can counsel parishioners.

As a widow, I invited a priest to my home for dinner, and my daughter, her husband, and their two young sons were there as well.
 
Truth_Faith13 said:
I think you are being a tad overprotective, but if you are honestly concerned about this…talk to her parents, what do they say?
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She’s 28, I don’t see bringing her parents into this. Unless, of course, the OP wants to completely destroy his relationship with her.
 
I don’t see anything wrong with the priest going to dinner with a person who was already a friend. You are assuming too much if you think it is more than that and that he will somehow go after her now. There is no impropriety here except in your own mind.
 
JohnPaul said:
2 questions:
  1. I wonder if in the seminary they warn priests about getting too close to single/attractive women?
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Yes. The question is, though… what is ‘too close’?
  1. Isn’t the mere appearance of impropriety an issue here?
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Yes, it’s a fine line. If you hadn’t mentioned that they’ve been friends for a while, there might be the possibility of the whiff of impropriety. Yet, I’m guessing that, given their friendship, it might not be unreasonable to think that they’ve had dinner together previously…?

Sadly, priests are in a lose-lose situation: if they’re seen in public with a woman, they’re having (or desiring) an affair; if they’re seen with a man, they’re gay; if they’re seen in public often, they’re ‘party animals’ who aren’t serious enough; if they’re never seen in public, they’re cold, uncaring, and distant.

There’s something to be said for maintaining appropriate boundaries: after all, it’s difficult to act in the role of ‘pastor’ with someone who is also ‘friend’ … and vice versa! However, if we take that to its logical extreme, it means that we should lock our priests up in little glass cases marked “break only in case of emergency”… that’s hardly healthy for priests, don’t you think? After all, their vocation isn’t that of the cloistered monk, but rather, as a father and pastor to his people! And, like it or not, people have dinner together all the time without any implication of sexual tension!

OP, it’s commendable that you’re concerned about your niece, her emotional state, and her reputation. However, it’s more than a little disturbing that you would see any arbitrary friend of hers as a potential predator – especially if that friend is a priest!
 
Dorothy said:
My thoughts are that the priest has an office where he can counsel parishioners.

As a widow, I invited a priest to my home for dinner, and my daughter, her husband, and their two young sons were there as well.
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I agree with you Dorothy … however there appear to be quite differing opinions on the topic.
 
Gorgias said:
Yes. The question is, though… what is ‘too close’?

Yes, it’s a fine line. If you hadn’t mentioned that they’ve been friends for a while, there might be the possibility of the whiff of impropriety. Yet, I’m guessing that, given their friendship, it might not be unreasonable to think that they’ve had dinner together previously…?

Sadly, priests are in a lose-lose situation: if they’re seen in public with a woman, they’re having (or desiring) an affair; if they’re seen with a man, they’re gay; if they’re seen in public often, they’re ‘party animals’ who aren’t serious enough; if they’re never seen in public, they’re cold, uncaring, and distant.

There’s something to be said for maintaining appropriate boundaries: after all, it’s difficult to act in the role of ‘pastor’ with someone who is also ‘friend’ … and vice versa! However, if we take that to its logical extreme, it means that we should lock our priests up in little glass cases marked “break only in case of emergency”… that’s hardly healthy for priests, don’t you think? After all, their vocation isn’t that of the cloistered monk, but rather, as a father and pastor to his people! And, like it or not, people have dinner together all the time without any implication of sexual tension!

OP, it’s commendable that you’re concerned about your niece, her emotional state, and her reputation. However, it’s more than a little disturbing that you would see any arbitrary friend of hers as a potential predator – especially if that friend is a priest!
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Thanks for the thoughtful response …

I don’t believe they ever had dinner alone before … their friendship was through a church group … but I am not sure.

My concern is more related to the power differential than anything else … and secondarily to the fact that he is married to the church and unavailable
 
agnes_therese said:
It must be so very difficult to be a priest these days. Some people are suspicious of everything you do, from who you have dinner with to every word and gesture in the Masses you celebrate. 😦

We should pray for our priests every single day.
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Ditto
 
agnes_therese said:
She’s 28, I don’t see bringing her parents into this. Unless, of course, the OP wants to completely destroy his relationship with her.
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I know…I was trying to make him see that a) she is 28 and old enough and b) she’s not his child anyway, if anyone should be concerned, it would be her parents…if he thinks he shouldn’t tell her parents then he doesn’t need to be concerned. If he did tell them, hopefully they would say to back off a little.
 
JohnPaul said:
Thanks for the thoughtful response …

I don’t believe they ever had dinner alone before … their friendship was through a church group … but I am not sure.

My concern is more related to the power differential than anything else … and secondarily to the fact that he is married to the church and unavailable
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Taking the fact that he is a priest away, are you saying married men can’t maintain friendships with women?

Does that mean you can’t take her for dinner? (Assuming your married?)
 
JohnPaul said:
I don’t believe they ever had dinner alone before
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By ‘alone’, you mean ‘in public at a restaurant’… right?
but I am not sure.
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Fair enough. Yet, in your uncertainty, you’re nevertheless ascribing certain sexual motives to the priest? Hmmm…
My concern is more related to the power differential than anything else … and secondarily to the fact that he is married to the church and unavailable
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Fair enough; yet, the ‘power differential’ exists whether he’s counseling her in his office or talking with her at a restaurant, right? And the fact that he’s ‘unavailable’ applies in every situation in which he is found, right? And she is a good Catholic who knows that priests – even ones with whom she is friends – are “married to the church and unavailable”?
 
Some people find it hard to understand that true, platonic friendship can exist between a man and a woman. One of my three best friends is a man. We have known each other for over thirty years, and though he’s not a priest, we are each happily married to other people. That does not mean we can’t share a close supportive relationship. I love him as my third brother.

Let us not forget that Mary and Joseph had a close loving, nonsexual relationship. Also St. Clare and St. Francis had a strong relationship which was sometimes maligned. Pope Benedict, as always, had some insightful words on the subject.

Especially at the beginning of her religious experience, Francis of Assisi was not only a teacher to Clare whose teachings she was to follow but also a brotherly friend. The friendship between these two Saints is a very beautiful and important aspect. Indeed, when two pure souls on fire with the same love for God meet, they find in their friendship with each other a powerful incentive to advance on the path of perfection. Friendship is one of the noblest and loftiest human sentiments which divine Grace purifies and transfigures. Like St Francis and St Clare, other Saints too experienced profound friendship on the journey towards Christian perfection. Examples are St Francis de Sales and St Jane Frances de Chantal. And St Francis de Sales himself wrote: “It is a blessed thing to love on earth as we hope to love in Heaven, and to begin that friendship here which is to endure for ever there. I am not now speaking of simple charity, a love due to all mankind, but of that spiritual friendship which binds souls together, leading them to share devotions and spiritual interests, so as to have but one mind between them” (The Introduction to a Devout Life, III, 19).
vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/audiences/2010/documents/hf_ben-xvi_aud_20100915_en.html
 
CCC 2477:
Respect for the reputation of persons forbids every attitude and word likely to cause them unjust injury. He becomes guilty:
–of rash judgment who, even tacitly, assumes as true, without sufficient foundation, the moral fault of a neighbor;
–of detraction who, without objectively valid reason, discloses another’s faults and failings to persons who did not know them;
–of calumny who, by remarks contrary to the truth, harms the reputation of others and gives occasion for false judgments concerning them.​
 
Gorgias said:
Sadly, priests are in a lose-lose situation: if they’re seen in public with a woman, they’re having (or desiring) an affair; if they’re seen with a man, they’re gay; if they’re seen in public often, they’re ‘party animals’ who aren’t serious enough; if they’re never seen in public, they’re cold, uncaring, and distant.
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This is so true.

It doesn’t matter what a priest does, he is in the spotlight.

And everything he does is looked at in the worst possible light.
 
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