Should a woman ever ask a man out?

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Bill_Martin said:
Could be that, but not always. If I am close friends with a woman, I wouldn’t ask her out unless I am 100% sure she has the same feelings for me. If I don’t know her as well, or if we are friends, but not super close, I would ask her out much more readily. It’s not about being shy or awkward; I just don’t want to potentially ruin a good friendship.
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That shouldn’t matter because you shouldn’t BE “close friends” with a women unless there is some romantic spark. Otherwise you are setting both of you up for sin. Sorry I don’t buy into the whole…“we are just really good friends” argument. It doesn’t work with the opposite sex. No I’m not 80 years old I’m 28.

Hate to quote TEAM Muslim but they have a saying. “When a man and a women are alone together Satan is the third”. I know I wouldn’t be hanging out with a female unless I had a desire to intermingle physically and romantically. Otherwise I could simply care less or WORSE I do care and am inviting temptation to ruin my relationship.
 
Polluted said:
Sadly American culture has killed any masculine quality in our men. Extreme liberalism and the joke feminism has morphed in to now has our boys too afraid to act. I wish it weren’t true and could say one day prince charming is gonna chase you, romance you, and make you feel like a women but sadly odds are stacked against you.

A girls best bet to find a man is to ask him out now in the western world however this too leads to low odds that this guy is actually gonna possess the traits you look for. After all he was too terrified to approach you…can’t be a good sign if you expect him to actually help lead you through life. Ironically you probably wouldn’t want him to anyway in the name of “equality” or some malarkey like that.

Sadly a good deal of girls are probably gonna get stuck with a shmoe or lay awake at night wishing they had someone else.

That’s “progress” for you. Only adventurous man your gonna get is when he plays temple run on his IPhone.
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Good thing I’m not American!
 
Polluted said:
That shouldn’t matter because you shouldn’t BE “close friends” with a women unless there is some romantic spark. Otherwise you are setting both of you up for son. Sorry I don’t buy into the whole…“we are just really good friends” argument. It doesn’t work with the opposite sex. No I’m not 80 years old I’m 28.

Hate to quote TEAM Muslim but they have a saying. “When a man and a women are alone together Satan is the third”. I know I wouldn’t be hanging out with a female unless I had a desire to intermingle physically and romantically. Otherwise I could simply care less or WORSE I do care and am inviting temptation to ruin my relationship.
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Oh here we go with the Starship Trooper bellyaching. Ask the freaking girl out and quit blaming everyone. Good God Almighty! That’s what wrong with society everywhere…blame somebody instead of owning up and making a difference
 
Bill_Martin said:
Could be that, but not always. If I am close friends with a woman, I wouldn’t ask her out unless I am 100% sure she has the same feelings for me. If I don’t know her as well, or if we are friends, but not super close, I would ask her out much more readily. It’s not about being shy or awkward; I just don’t want to potentially ruin a good friendship.
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Another thing this is part of the problem. On so many levels…not just in the area of romance either. A MAN would be willing to gamble this “friendship”, because he knows he wants more from her. The fear that he is gonna lose this false surface level intimacy is what keeps so many men from acting to begin with.

Not to mention the feeling of being “alive”. Don’t be that guy or girl who ends up on his death bed depressed as heck because he played the “safe game” his whole life! You need to gamble a little. You need to take chances not just with the opposite sex but in all areas. How are you going to profess faith in Jesus Christ and kneel before the Eucharist only to go out and live a life devoid of any room for Gods hand in your day to day events.

I’ll ruin the ending for you. There will be plenty of rejection, pain, misery, conflict with others, moments of despair…but there is this untold joy to be found even in the middle of God allowing you to fall flat on your face.

I’ll quote my priest “Cowardice is a Sin”. Tomorrow when you guy buy your $5 iced coffee tell the cute barista you think she is gorgeous and would love to go out sometime! Tell her you know a good place to get coffee (get it?). And once she rejects you and you feel that horrific feeling let it eat your soul.

…then do it the next time you see a different cute girl, and again, and again, until you are at that same coffee shop buying two for you and your wife 👍
 
I don’t think my husband would have minded me asking him out.
 
I guess next time, well if I meet a guy I’ll just go for it and ask to catch up sometime. What’s the worst that can happen? He says no? Well good, then I can know where I stand and move on.
I went out recently and afterwards my friend told me that a guy there who was her friend had taken a liking to me but didn’t speak to me, when she asked why he said that he thought I was too good for him and that there’s no way I would be interested. He never spoke to me so he never knew how I felt!
 
Blue_Rose said:
I guess next time, well if I meet a guy I’ll just go for it and ask to catch up sometime. What’s the worst that can happen? He says no? Well good, then I can know where I stand and move on.
I went out recently and afterwards my friend told me that a guy there who was her friend had taken a liking to me but didn’t speak to me, when she asked why he said that he thought I was too good for him and that there’s no way I would be interested. He never spoke to me so he never knew how I felt!
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If you make an invitation, it needs to have a time and a place.

Example: Hey, do you want to get coffee together after work on Friday?

That way you can get a “no” that isn’t a verdict on you as a human being.
 
Xantippe said:
If you make an invitation, it needs to have a time and a place.

Example: Hey, do you want to get coffee together after work on Friday?

That way you can get a “no” that isn’t a verdict on you as a human being.
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This. It’s pretty straightforward.
 
I went to sleep about, oh, maybe a week or two ago as a 22 year old man. I awoke as a 55 year old man. Life is fleeting and woefully short. Yes ask him out and if he is not interested, start looking for another. We are children of a powerful God. There is no reason to be afraid.
 
Polluted said:
Tomorrow when you guy buy your $5 iced coffee tell the cute barista you think she is gorgeous and would love to go out sometime! Tell her you know a good place to get coffee (get it?).
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Please don’t do this. I’ve worked retail. It’s annoying because when you’re on the clock you have to act friendly and interested, even if you’d rather never see the person again in your life. You can’t say “not interested” without risking a complaint that you’re not friendly enough.
 
DarkLight said:
Please don’t do this. I’ve worked retail. It’s annoying because when you’re on the clock you have to act friendly and interested, even if you’d rather never see the person again in your life. You can’t say “not interested” without risking a complaint that you’re not friendly enough.
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Right.

Don’t make passes at people who can’t just get up and leave because they’re trapped by the situation.
 
It depends. If you a) think that a woman shouldn’t ask a man out and b) you wouldn’t want to date a man with a different opinion, then you shouldn’t ask a man out. What would be the point?

Otherwise, as long as he is not married, of course you can ask a man out. If he’s married or obviously headed in that direction with a woman, you need to ask him and his wife or whoever believes herself to be his intended together as a social unit.
 
Polluted said:
I’ll quote my priest “Cowardice is a Sin”. Tomorrow when you guy buy your $5 iced coffee tell the cute barista you think she is gorgeous and would love to go out sometime! Tell her you know a good place to get coffee (get it?). And once she rejects you and you feel that horrific feeling let it eat your soul.

…then do it the next time you see a different cute girl, and again, and again, until you are at that same coffee shop buying two for you and your wife 👍
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Not making personal remarks about the looks of someone you barely know is not “cowardice.” It is good manners. You would tell her, for instance, that you don’t want to bother her at work, but that you’d welcome a chance to get to know her better outside of work, if she is interested and if she doesn’t have a general policy against socializing with customers. This gives her a polite pretext for turning you down, so she doesn’t have to feel bad every time she sees you. (Besides, she may easily have just such a policy. If she truly is gorgeous, do you think you’re the first one to think of asking her out?)

And no, you don’t ask her “out” to her workplace. Good grief, do you go back to work to spend your social time? I would even say, “Well, I know this great place for coffee, but I wouldn’t personally be thrilled to have someone ask me to go to work for a social visit. Is there anyplace you’d like to suggest? Really, it could be cupcakes or it could be three courses with wine. My calendar has quite a few spaces and I’m feeling flexible.”
 
Blue_Rose said:
I guess next time, well if I meet a guy I’ll just go for it and ask to catch up sometime. What’s the worst that can happen? He says no? Well good, then I can know where I stand and move on.

I went out recently and afterwards my friend told me that a guy there who was her friend had taken a liking to me but didn’t speak to me, when she asked why he said that he thought I was too good for him and that there’s no way I would be interested. He never spoke to me so he never knew how I felt!
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This illustrates the whole thing rather well.

You never know who is feeling shy. Telling someone that if the interest is mutual, you’d like a chance to get to know them better can be daunting if you’ve invested a lot in the answer in advance, but someone has to break the ice.

Look around you. Most of the happy couples you see are made of two people who wouldn’t necessarily be a very good fit for most of the other happily-married people you see. It is not an indictment of you as a person if someone turns you down.

The main thing is to keep the initial inquiries low-key, so the person you ask doesn’t have to feel a need to duck into a dark alley every time he or she sees you coming if the interest isn’t mutual. You’re going to have to put on a happy veneer of “oh, well, that’s OK, just thought I’d ask” if you get turned down. The best way to do it, IMHO, is to consider it advanced penance for the necessary little disappointment you will be dealing out if *you *get an inquiry that doesn’t interest you. These are the bruises that are part of contemporary match-making, the pains we accept as the price of getting our parents out of the duty of negotiating the start of every courtship for us. (No, comforting yourself with “this stinks, but it is 100 times better than having Mom and Dad find me a prospective daughter-in-law that suits them” is not sour grapes. It is a reality check.)
 
EasterJoy said:
Not making personal remarks about the looks of someone you barely know is not “cowardice.” It is good manners. You would tell her, for instance, that you don’t want to bother her at work, but that you’d welcome a chance to get to know her better outside of work, if she is interested and if she doesn’t have a general policy against socializing with customers. This gives her a polite pretext for turning you down, so she doesn’t have to feel bad every time she sees you. (Besides, she may easily have just such a policy. If she truly is gorgeous, do you think you’re the first one to think of asking her out?)

And no, you don’t ask her “out” to her workplace. Good grief, do you go back to work to spend your social time? I would even say, “Well, I know this great place for coffee, but I wouldn’t personally be thrilled to have someone ask me to go to work for a social visit. Is there anyplace you’d like to suggest? Really, it could be cupcakes or it could be three courses with wine. My calendar has quite a few spaces and I’m feeling flexible.”
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I’m not sure how my question about if it’s OK for a woman to ask a man out has turned into a guy asking a coffee shop girl out? We’re going way off here :confused:
 
Blue_Rose said:
I’m not sure how my question about if it’s OK for a woman to ask a man out has turned into a guy asking a coffee shop girl out? We’re going way off here :confused:
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There was a suggestion about how to ask someone out. Whether you ask a man or a woman out, you do not announce your interest by making a personal remark about their looks. You also keep the expression of interest low-key, so the man of interest never feels he’s done you harm if he answers in the negative. Finally, you consider the other person’s point of view when you suggest a place to host them.

No, there is no indication that you don’t get all of this, so that makes it a bit off-thread. Still, I’d say that one of the keys of making asking someone out emotionally manageable is to pointedly avoid making it into a big production. For many people, the best “first date” doesn’t even feel like a date, but just a social outing or even a convenient matter of finding a companion for a venture (like going to the movies or trying out a new restaurant, for instance) that most people don’t like doing alone if they can help it.

If you want to keep things really low-key, round up a group of people to go to something like that and ask your target if he’d like to join the group of you.
 
EasterJoy said:
There was a suggestion about how to ask someone out. Whether you ask a man or a woman out, you do not announce your interest by making a personal remark about their looks. You also keep the expression of interest low-key, so the man of interest never feels he’s done you harm if he answers in the negative. Finally, you consider the other person’s point of view when you suggest a place to host them.

No, there is no indication that you don’t get all of this, so that makes it a bit off-thread. Still, I’d say that one of the keys of making asking someone out emotionally manageable is to pointedly avoid making it into a big production. For many people, the best “first date” doesn’t even feel like a date, but just a social outing or even a convenient matter of finding a companion for a venture (like going to the movies or trying out a new restaurant, for instance) that most people don’t like doing alone if they can help it.

If you want to keep things really low-key, round up a group of people to go to something like that and ask your target if he’d like to join the group of you.
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Ok 👍
 
Blue_Rose said:
Ok 👍
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Women not asking men out is a throw-back to when women couldn’t decently go out in public alone, at least not at night, weren’t expected to have disposable income prior to marriage, and when men took some pride in paying their own way and in chivalrously avoiding turning down any reasonable request a decent woman made of him. In that situation, it was impolite for a woman to put a man on the spot to be her host when she could clearly have avoided doing so. She would be forcing him to either host her at his expense or else embarrass her by turning her down. (If she was caught out in public alone, for instance, it was entirely OK for her to ask a man she trusted to be her escort.)

There are still some men who always want to pay their own way in every social situation. Other than that, though, the days when women couldn’t politely ask men out are over. You do want to issue the invitation in a way that lets him know he has a graceful avenue for turning you down.
 
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