Should Catholics Be Friends With Bad Company?

[SouthernBelle00]

I know some Catholics who have lots of friends, many of which IMO are questionable. Am I wrong or is there something questionable when Catholics/Christians keep company with athiests, wiccans/pagans, pro-choicers, gays/lesbians, or anyone else that could influence them?

 

[Xantippe]

I know some Catholics who have lots of friends, many of which IMO are questionable. Am I wrong or is there something questionable when Catholics/Christians keep company with athiests, wiccans/pagans, pro-choicers, gays/lesbians, or anyone else that could influence them?

The question is, who is rubbing off on whom?

Also, I presume you mean “unchaste gays and lesbians,” because otherwise, I’m not clear on what the problem is.

 

[pensmama87]

Depends on the individuals involved (and under what circumstances they meet).

If a person has weak faith and is likely to be led astray, probably best to minimize contact. For a person with strong faith they may be able to evangelize well (Jesus spent quite a lot of time among sinners.)

It can also give the appearance of snobbery or cultishness (in the secular sense of the word) for a Christian to avoid non-Christians, especially if it happens as the result of a conversion. “Why didn’t Bill come hang with us today?” “Oh, you know, he thinks he’s too good for us now that he’s one of those Bible-thumpers.” Some of that is unavoidable - I’ve had people say to others right in front of me, knowing I was there, that they wished “Catholics would just stop being so Catholic because it gives me the creeps.”

Also, just because a person is non-Christian, or even actively engaged in sin (and Christians are sinners too), that doesn’t mean necessarily that there is nothing of virtue that a Christian could learn from them.

To sum up, it depends on the individuals and the circumstances under which they meet. Anyone should be in the habit of choosing friends wisely.

 

[Mumbles140]

Christ kept bad company and was able to convert them. If we restrict our friendship only to like-minded individuals, how could we show them the Christian lifestyle that God asks of us?

That isn’t to say you should join in any sinful events (binge drinking, strip clubs, etc), but I’m friends with atheists, lapsed Catholics, Protestants, Jews, etc, and I think the best thing I can do to teach them about Catholicism is to strive to be the best Catholic I can be, which includes being charitable, forgiving, and friendly.

 

[theCrow]

I know some Catholics who have lots of friends, many of which IMO are questionable. Am I wrong or is there something questionable when Catholics/Christians keep company with athiests, wiccans/pagans, pro-choicers, gays/lesbians, or anyone else that could influence them?

I don’t think any of the aforementioned groups would like to be friends with someone as judgemental as you. This is truly a sad pathetic post. All of my friends I love dearly, and ALL of us are sinners. There is nothing wrong with ANY of the groups you mentioned. It’s all about the content of one’s character and if one is kind and loves one another.

 

[AnotherIrishOne]

The question is, who is rubbing off on whom?

Also, I presume you mean “unchaste gays and lesbians,” because otherwise, I’m not clear on what the problem is.

One of my best friends for over 12 years now is a person who, on paper, I should have nothing in common with. He’s a sexually active gay man who believes in abortion and euthanasia, and is also an atheist. He was raised in Catholic school and confirmed, but he found it to be a “mean religion.” He and I have argued countless hours over countless pints our theologies. I teach sexual morality, apologetics, social justice, and world religions. When he has a question about any faith he comes to me and we talk about it. He brings up questions about bishops having large, extravagant houses, and why. We talk about canon law and what happens to priests who are accused of immorality. So on and so on.

One day, after explaining transfiguration he told me that he still doesn’t believe, but that he wants to. When something unfortunate happens to him or someone he knows, he asks me to pray for them. When he was going through a really rough time, I brought over a picture of Mary and put it next to his bed. He says he likes her there and it comforts him.

I have a lot of friends that disagree with my beliefs, but through love and conversations, they begin to understand the Church and what makes our faith so absolutely beautiful. I’m not shooting for conversions in these conversations, just some understanding on why we do what we do.

 

[SouthernBelle00]

I don’t think any of the aforementioned groups would like to be friends with someone as judgemental as you. This is truly a sad pathetic post. All of my friends I love dearly, and ALL of us are sinners. There is nothing wrong with ANY of the groups you mentioned. It’s all about the content of one’s character and if one is kind and loves one another.

You’ve got a valid point. I don’t consider myself judgemental and I’m am a sinner just like everyone else. BUT what would a Catholic/Christian have in a common with someone who doesn’t have the same core beliefs? I always thought friendships were based on things you have in common. I guess it is possible to be friends with someone who has very different beliefs than you but wouldn’t it be condoning things against your faith? Would it be possible good friends with a woman who was pro-choice, and had mulitple abortions? Would it be possible to be friends with an athiest who mocked your beliefs? Would it be possible to be friends with a gay man who wanted you to attend his “wedding”?

Please enlighten me so I can understand your POV.

 

[Mumbles140]

I don’t think any of the aforementioned groups would like to be friends with someone as judgemental as you. This is truly a sad pathetic post. All of my friends I love dearly, and ALL of us are sinners. There is nothing wrong with ANY of the groups you mentioned. It’s all about the content of one’s character and if one is kind and loves one another.

I fear you may have been a little harsh, particularly as the concern was the influence of certain friend’s on one’s beliefs. We are instructed to abandon our families and friends if they prevent us from our union with Christ - it is Him who tells us this. "But He turned and said to Peter, “Get behind Me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to Me; for you are not setting your mind on God’s interests, but man’s.” (Matthew 16: 23)

I think the OP (and I know that is a risky assumption) was wondering whether it was wise for Catholics to become friends with certain people who could influence them away from their beliefs, or possibly coerce them into sin.

 

[Mumbles140]

Would it be possible good friends with a woman who was pro-choice, and had mulitple abortions? Would it be possible to be friends with an athiest who mocked your beliefs? Would it be possible to be friends with a gay man who wanted you to attend his “wedding”?

Please enlighten me so I can understand your POV.

Someone with multiple abortions could use a friend to be strong for them, as the emotional damage is far more significant than the physical, and often takes longer to manifest itself.

I am not sure I would be friends with anyone who mocked by beliefs (with malicious intent - sometimes jokes with friends aren’t PC but everyone knows it is neither intended nor mean-spirited)

I think a friendship in the third situation will be tested. If the friend respects your religious beliefs, he shouldn’t be angry that you will not attend his ‘wedding’. If, however, he tries to make you choose sides, then he does not respect your beliefs and is potentially someone you should reconsider calling a friend.

 

[EasterJoy]

The main thing is to cultivate friends who are a good influence and avoid near occasions of sin. You should not shun those who want to socialize with you in those situations unless you have to beg off because you make bad decisions (or feel very tempted to make such decisions) when you are with them that you don’t otherwise feel influenced to make. IOW, it is OK to spend time with those who make good decisions when they’re with you but make bad decisions when you’re not around, provided tacit approval isn’t a condition of the friendship.

There are people who enjoy each other in spite of serious differences that would preclude, say, marriage or a business partnership. If your doubles partner does not mind your reminders it is not OK for him to cheat on his taxes when he brags about what he gets away with, you can still play tennis together.

 

[SuperLuigi]

I don’t think any of the aforementioned groups would like to be friends with someone as judgemental as you. This is truly a sad pathetic post. All of my friends I love dearly, and ALL of us are sinners. There is nothing wrong with ANY of the groups you mentioned. It’s all about the content of one’s character and if one is kind and loves one another.

This is a Catholic forum, and her question is of legitimate concern. There is no judgement going on there!

 

[SuperLuigi]

The thing to keep in mind is that just because someone says they are Catholic, does not mean they act like one.

Politicians are a great example.

Certainly, you can be friends with people of different backgrounds. A lot of individuals from these backgrounds WILL respect you for who you are.

So, it’s not about if people come from a different background but if people are trying to pull you away from the faith.

Just use CAF as an example. Look at all the Catholics who post on here defending so-called gay “marriage”.

Did you know that there are GLBTQ persons out there who oppose gay “marriage”?

Now, wouldn’t you rather be around someone like that than a fellow Catholic who insists you need to “get with the times”?

I dated a Wiccan girl once. It didn’t work out for various reasons, but not directly because she was Wiccan.

It’s more about how people treat and respect you than anything.

Now, if you’re still not comfortable around people who are different, that’s not judgemental, that’s a personal choice. There’s no obligation to be with people who are different just so you can so say you know someone who is different.

In fact, SouthernBelle, no one will admit it (it’s not PC), but the vast majority of people interact with others who are like them in some way, shape or form.

 

[KD8TZC]

Christ kept bad company and was able to convert them. If we restrict our friendship only to like-minded individuals, how could we show them the Christian lifestyle that God asks of us?

Exactly! Also, doesn’t God instruct us to love everyone? We don’t have to like them, but we must love them for they are children of God even if they do not follow His ways.

Also, following the post before this one with just because someone is Catholic doesn’t mean they act like one. I was stuck in traffic behind someone who had a bumper sticker that said “If you love Jesus, Honk your horn”. So I did… in fact, I kept honking it. Meanwhile, the guy who was driving his car gave me the finger. I guess he forgot he had that bumper sticker on his car.

God bless,

John

 

[SuperLuigi]

Exactly! Also, doesn’t God instruct us to love everyone? We don’t have to like them, but we must love them for they are children of God even if they do not follow His ways.

God bless,

John

I think you both need to be careful with that. Not everyone has the strength or right aptitude to rub their Catholicism off on others like that.

In fact, sometimes the Catholic person is negatively influenced.

Simply saying “Jesus spends time with prostitutes and tax collectors means I should too” is too one-dimensional.

For instance, would it be okay for a Catholic sex addict to spend time with prostitutes in the hope of spreading the Gospel? :ehh:

 

[As_for_my_House]

It depends. Sometimes friends( acquaintances) require that we agree with and support their views on serious sins , ie. homosexual practices or abortion. Some hate the Catholic Church. If you get a vibe from them that you can not go against their way of thinking then what’s the point in keeping company with them?
I have many people in my life that are spiritually and morally a mess. Eventually, most* not all*, will distance themselves from you- not the other way around. It’s the* not alls *that we have to keep an eye on, they are the ones that God may be using us to bring them closer to Him.

 

[Mumbles140]

Exactly! Also, doesn’t God instruct us to love everyone? We don’t have to like them, but we must love them for they are children of God even if they do not follow His ways.

Especially if they do not follow His ways!

 

[Mumbles140]

I think you both need to be careful with that. Not everyone has the strength or right aptitude to rub their Catholicism off on others like that.

In fact, sometimes the Catholic person is negatively influenced.

Simply saying “Jesus spends time with prostitutes and tax collectors means I should too” is too one-dimensional.

For instance, would it be okay for a Catholic sex addict to spend time with prostitutes in the hope of spreading the Gospel? :ehh:

I understand your point, but I think we have all been phrasing (or previously phrased and maybe not-so-clearly-implied-in-follow-up-posts) that this was only acceptable so long as it was not a threat to one’s own faith. Therefore, if it were not a sex addict but a nun very secure in her chastity, I think spending a lot of time with a prostitute to spread the Gospel would be an excellent example of Christian love and charity.

 

[St_Francis]

I don’t think any of the aforementioned groups would like to be friends with someone as judgemental as you. This is truly a sad pathetic post. All of my friends I love dearly, and ALL of us are sinners. There is nothing wrong with ANY of the groups you mentioned. It’s all about the content of one’s character and if one is kind and loves one another.

You say “Love is my religion” and then call someone judgemental based on her asking a question about Catholic behavior on a Catholic board?

Weird…

 

[captainrick]

If you can be swayed away from your core beliefs just because a friend is gay or an atheist, then you are a very easily influenced person. I’ve had gay friends and atheist friends, even some socialists ! I never changed my core beliefs or religious views.

 

[tabycat]

I fear you may have been a little harsh, particularly as the concern was the influence of certain friend’s on one’s beliefs. We are instructed to abandon our families and friends if they prevent us from our union with Christ - it is Him who tells us this. "But He turned and said to Peter, “Get behind Me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to Me; for you are not setting your mind on God’s interests, but man’s.” (Matthew 16: 23)

I think the OP (and I know that is a risky assumption) was wondering whether it was wise for Catholics to become friends with certain people who could influence them away from their beliefs, or possibly coerce them into sin.

But, did the Lord Jesus abandon Peter after He said “Get behind Me, Satan!”? Can we not become a stumbling block by ignoring others (if not to them, then to our selves)?