Should Catholics date Non-Catholics, or should you date someone outside of your race?

[kage_ar]

Did not vote here -

I’m married, but if I were single, I’d never date anyone who was not a practicing Catholic. Marriage is hard enough without adding that layer of trouble! I’d never advise my family or friends to date outside of their Faith either.

Race is a different thing - why would anyone want to date a being who is not of the human race? Humans should most definatley date within the race

 

[Greg27]

It depends on the situation. I’d have no problems dating someone who was Anglo-Catholic, though an atheist or agnostic or evangelical who hated Catholicism would be another matter. Marriage in any case is a very serious committment not be taken lightly; I’d want to get to know the person first very well (without sex) first for about a year before I would even seriously contemplate marriage, given some of the disasterous situations I’ve fallen into in my past in regards to dating and relationships.

 

[whatevergirl]

Race doesn’t matter…I do think that marrying outside of one’s religion can cause potential problems. For starters, you have a partner that doesn’t share that part of your life with you. Now, perhaps, this is a wonderful opportunity to evangelize and witness…but, I have seen more marriages fall apart when husband and wife are not of the same religious belief system. Actually, I have seen more marriages work where the husband is say Muslim, and the wife is Christian…than, if the two are both Christian, from two denominations. I have always found that curious.

Not to say it can never work. In some marriages…it can work. But, if a spouse who is not Catholic doesn’t wish to convert, for example…there will be a hole in that marriage that nothing will fill. I think that people can be separate and independent in many ways–not when it comes to religion. If my husband never came to church with me and our kids…if he denied the truth of Catholicism…it would definitely be straining on our marriage. How could it not be? My faith is who I am. I am who I am–in Christ. If my husband say, didn’t believe in Christ as Messiah…it would most certainly cause a rift. Even inadvertently.

Bottom line is…marrying someone who is not Catholic shouldn’t be taken lightly. It can offer an opportunity for witnessing and conversion, but if it doesn’t…it can cause great strife and disorder in a marriage. Just my $.02.

 

[RWMorris]

This poll left out this answer: “I’m Catholic and believe that we should only date other Catholics, regardless of what color they are”.
Interracial marriages do work out all t he time. My husband is Caucasian and I am American Indian/French. WE haven’t had any problems. My son is dating an Ethiopian girl who is zealously Catholic and the only problem they have is that my son isn’t as zealous as she is.

 

[ltbpoe43]

Just remember - they may be Catholic today - but what happens in the future???

I agree you would think it would be best to marry within your faith - but those lambs too can somehow get lost sometimes. It takes a lot of love, faith, courage, to go through that. Date someone who is the most compatible with you and respects you for whatever you are including your faith. Hopefully that wil be the recipe to a successful, respectful, loving and faith filled bond.

 

[sanctamaria17]

My boyfriend isn’t Catholic, but he’s my best friend and an amazing guy. He actually encourages me to be a better Catholic and to really know my faith, because he always has questions and points to debate on (Purgatory, scapulars, Confession, sacraments in general, etc.). So, no, I don’t think it’s wrong to date nonCatholics, just be prayerful about it and rock solid in your own faith before you do it.

As for race, all I have to say is, why should that matter? It’s just skin color and maybe a different culture. That’s it. For the cultural aspect, I love learning about other cultures and would not be opposed to dating someone of another culture (hold on a sec, I am, as my boy is Portuguese and I’m Italian). It’s interesting to learn another person’s values and traditions, as well as telling them about your own. Why couldn’t one pass on both spouses’ cultural traditions? Especially if you could find common Catholic traditions of each background, you could use them to teach your kids about their faith and culture. For the pure racial side of it, it’s just color and that shouldn’t matter.

 

[mesquite_magic]

My dad was raised “go to whatever church is near-by” My mom is Catholic. Dad converted after they were married. In February they will be married 50 years! My mom’s dad was Methodist. Her mom was Catholic. Grandpa converted and raised his 9 children Catholic even after his wife died. My mom was 8 years old when her mother died.

My ex was Catholic but didn’t practice. We couldn’t be married in the Church because he refused to have his first marriage annulled. I divorced him (long sordid story), got confirmed, and married my true love in the Catholic Church. My dh was raised Catholic and married an Episcopalian(sp?) When his kids are with us they attend Catholic church and go to Youth Group. When they’re with their mom they go to Episcopalian church. It doesn’t bother them either way.

I’m raising my kids Catholic, but open minded. I don’t care what race or religion their future spouse loves them and treats them well.

As someone who left the church, then returned, I believe I have done everything to help my kids form their Faith. I think they will always be Catholic in their hearts.

Kim

 

[Convert_in_99]

Did you know that in families where only the mother practices Catholicism statistically less than 20% of the children grow up to practice?

Um…thanks…I think?

No, I didn’t know that statistic. I did know that it was low for mixed marriage couples in general. I would think it would be even lower then if the father is the only Catholic, as the mother often spends the greater portion of time with the children. It IS sad. But, then again, look at where so many of the two Catholic parent families have wound up! It’s just a sad time in general for the youth of our church. But, there’s much hope in God. With God all things are possible!

 

[Sr_Sally]

I agree with the OP, that race shouldn’t be an issue. I am torn on the non-Catholic issue though. My dh was not Catholic when we married, although we were married in the Church. We never had a hint of a disposable marriage, and now he is happily Catholic.

I would hate to deny my dc the happiness that we have by saying they shouldn’t marry a non-Catholic as loving and faithful (to God and to me) as my dh. But, I did lapse from the Church (although we attended a Lutheran church) and there was strain in the years between my reversion and his conversion.

Finally, there are plenty of Catholics who are lukewarm about their faith.

I guess my finaly answer is that I pray that my dc’s spouses are faithful, orthodox Catholics and leave the rest up to God.

 

[deb1]

i believe that religion is very important. not just that you share the same religion but that you share the same devotion to your faith. if two people are catholic but one is religious in name only and the other attends church frequently are probably going to have problems later down the road.

race isn’t an issue for me. i don’t know why it would be for anyone actually.

the first guy that i dated-when i was 18- was half Peruvian. he was much darker then me, but i didn’t have any problems with his race. i did have problems with his pathological dishonesty. my hubby is of Jewish descent. his grandmother escaped from Austria in 1939. i am Irish and a tad bit cherokee.

my southern family had more problems with the fact that my husband was a yankee who liked cats then they had with his cultural or racial heritage.

 

[SMHW]

It’s definitely best if a Catholic marries another Catholic. And it shouldn’t matter a bit whether the man and woman are of the same race.

But there are so many other issues that factor in to marriage that it’s hard to make a blanket statement about such matters.

 

[Ma.Eugenia]

Hello kababayan! (English translation: Hello, my countryman!)

Here I was wondering where all the Filipinos are in this forum, because it seemed to me I was the only one with the “Philippines” that had written under “location”—or maybe I just not looking in the right threads . I knew there must be more Filipinos here.

Anyway, regarding this:

…After that happened, both my parents and my sisters told me not to marry any white person especially if they are not Catholic…My parents conservative views that I should marry someone who is a Filipino is rather bias. They assumed that white people or non-Filipinos are the types who want divorces, especially if they are Protestants.

I think the view of your parents is quite common thinking for Filipinos living outside the Philippines. I don’t notice that problem (parents wanting children only to marry people from our culture)here in the Philippines.

I have a friend who has her mother talking to a friend with a son living in the US. They are trying to match their children up–precisely because, she wants her son to marry a Filipina.

I think the reason your parents and siblings are saying that you should marry a Filipina-- is out of **love **for you, their son/brother, because they think you will have a better time adjusting to the marriage if you come from the same culture and have the same sets of traditions. They are scared that you will suffer the same fate as your other siblings (marriage ending up in divorce).

I don’t agree that being Filipina/Filipino automatically makes that person a better wife or husband material. It really depends on the values that you both hold dear.

For example, if you are a conservative, Catholic Filipino married to a liberated, Catholic Filipina…I think the marriage will be in trouble, regardless that you are both from the same culture.

If you are a conservative, Catholic Filipino married to a conservative Catholic from another culture or race…I think you’ll have a better chance for your marriage to succeed. Moreso, if you share the same values about marriage (that marriage is for keeps) and you are on the same page on how to raise your family.

Regarding your question here:

Should Catholic date Non-Catholic Christians?

Personally, I think Catholics should date Catholics, as much as possible. By “dating” I mean, with objective of “marriage”. The reason for this is that you will be of the “same yoke”. There will be no “differences in religion”-type of problems to deal with.

As you all know I am discerning the priesthood, so it is unlikely I will be dating during my discernment process.

Keep on praying to God about what path is best for you and eventually, it will become clearer.

Hope this helps.

God bless you, kababayan!

 

[actorgirl]

Marrying a Catholic who is faithful to the magisterium is in fact effectively a guarantee against divorce. A survey done found that Catholics who did not live together before marriage and didn’t use artificial contraception had a divorce rate that was to all intents and purposes zero. The isolated cases would turn out to be sham marriages for the puurpose of evading immigration controls, sham divorces to protect assets, and the like.

A ref:
[1] Among married couples who practice NFP, divorce is rare. Josef Rötzer, M. D., author of a sympto-thermal method, reports not a single divorce or abortion among 1,400 married couples who used NFP

Could that be due to the fact that they were, for lack of a better word, more religious thus didn’t believe in divorce. No divorce doesn’t always equal happy marriage. (Hopefully that didn’t come out nasty. I was just wondering)

Anyhoo I’m not Catholic. My husband is. I’m African-American, my husband is white. I agreed to raise our son Catholic. I don’t think I would have gotten involved with him if he was rockem-sockem Catholic But I wouldn’t get involved with anyone like that regardless of denomination. I question him on some things and we have debates, but I think it’s good. I can understand more and he says the debates allows him to really think about and center his beliefs.

As an African-American, my perception of which is more difficult to deal with differs. There are things I must deal with that he will never encounter and have to hope that he will not just think “It’s all in my head”

We respect each others beliefs.

 

[redmars3000]

My parents conservative views that I should marry someone who is a Filipino is rather bias. They assumed that white people or non-Filipinos are the types who want divorces, especially if they are Protestants.

Ethnicity and Race are two totally different things even though government consistently confuses the two.

Ethnicity is based on a cultural group. Race is Genetic.

Ethnicity is based on customs, traditions, that make up a group.

People can change their customs. Customs connote a behavior.

Race cannot be changed. Race does not connote behavior.

Date the Catholic person whether or not she is of your race. To not date her because of her race, would make one a racist.

 

[NewUlm1976_2000]

You should date whomever you want to date. My fiancee is Catholic, but I dated all over the religious spectrum. I had no qualms about it. It makes it easier in the end and the couple who is not Catholic should not go in blind to what is needed to be done but you might find your soulmate elsewhere.

 

[CCM08]

I’m in an interracial marriage, there are some cultural differences but being that we’re both Orthodox those cutlural differences are minor compared to some of the rather extreme conflicts I’ve seen in the marriages of people I knew that were in interfaith marriages. Even though theirs are/were uniracial marriages. As for the race angle, there are perfectly valid reasons to chose to date within your own race. If you come from a very traditional family and wish to keep close ties, maybe you perfer members of your own group, and so on. On the whole divorce rates for uniracial marriages across all groups are noticably lower than interracial marriages. I don’t think my mother was thrilled with it at first, but she wasn’t vocially opposed either. She developed a very close relationship with my wife. However, that doesn’t always happen. Some people tend to think that introducing grandchildren in the situation will remove parental objections only to find out it that wasn’t the case. So in that regard if your parents are strongly opposed and you don’t wish to harm that relationship you’ve got a clear choice, stay within your own cultural group. In the end people of different races but of the same faith background will have much more in common and be more compatible than people of different religions.

 

[AmberDale]

I’m a Catholic and I voted for the 2nd option.
I think it’s wrong to say “Catholics should only marry Catholics”.

If my husband thought that way, he would have never married me!! I am a former agnostic/protestant/wiccan/protestant/trying to find myself girl. I met him and we married, now I am a very very faithful Catholic! I’ve been with my husband 7 years, married 5. I didn’t convert until 2 years ago.

I also think that it doesn’t matter the color skin someone has, if God has sent them to you, then embrace that!

 

[leonie]

Um…thanks…I think?

. I would think it would be even lower then if the father is the only Catholic, as the mother often spends the greater portion of time with the children.

Nope! Guess again. In families where the father is a practicing Catholic, and the mother is not, 80% of the kids grow up to be practicing Catholics!

In a family where both parents practice, 50% of the kids grow up to be practicing Catholics.

It’s obvious which parent is the most important when it comes to influencing kids.

 

[AmberDale]

Nope! Guess again. In families where the father is a practicing Catholic, and the mother is not, 80% of the kids grow up to be practicing Catholics!

In a family where both parents practice, 50% of the kids grow up to be practicing Catholics.

It’s obvious which parent is the most important when it comes to influencing kids.

So are you saying it would have been best for me NOT to convert??

 

[leonie]

So are you saying it would have been best for me NOT to convert??

No, I’m saying that when the father makes it very clear how he lives his faith, it has a great impact.

Imagine a family where the father is a clear spiritual leader–a strong Catholic who is very vocal and lives his faith with a strong Catholic mother.

I don’t have the statistics for that. Oh, yeah, that’s what the Martin family was like–St. Therese’s family.

The thing is in a lot of Catholic families, the wife tends to direct the spiritual activities and the dad takes a passive role. In a family where the dad is a practicing Catholic and the mother is not, the kids see his priorities very clearly. They know that the Catholic faith is important to dad. Every dad needs to know that he must communicate clearly to his kids that his Catholic faith is important.

I’m married to a nonpracticing Protestant. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed with anxiety about my kids–esp. my sons (I have four).

But, that’s when trust enters.

Still, I am trying to influence my kids that when they reach an age to pick a spouse–they should only date devout Catholics.