Should I accept a relationship with a man who dislikes our Catholic Faith?

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Maria_Emme said:
I am confused. There is this man who is kind and good hearted and who loves me but he dislikes our Catholic Faith. He would like to have a relationship with me.I consider him a trustworthy and reliable friend who truly cares for me but I am reluctant to take this further for the above reasons and some others.
What would you advise? Where I live my chances of meeting good Catholic single men are practically nil.
I am confused regarding Gods Will on the matter.
Thank you for your replies
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I think you need to be careful here. With the internet and sites like Catholic Match and Catholic Singles, the excuse you are making “well, there’s really no here” isn’t jiving with me.

And if you have to make excuses to be with someone, that’s a bad sign on so many levels.

Ultimately, I would say this: there are Catholics out there who can date non-Catholics and have a huge influence on them for the better.

Then there are Catholics who end up being more influenced by their partners and it’s not a good idea for them to date non-Catholics.

There’s lots of men out there who care and are nice, but that does not mean they are a good match for you and it would do you no good to be with someone who is fighting you on the faith all the time.
 
I’m not going to tell you to never date a non Catholic but an anti Catholic is a whole different ball of yarn, especially considering you say he has already made a non supportive comment about you praying the Rosary.
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Very wise. 👍
 
Fogwalker said:
I am ashamed of 90% of the replies to this thread so far. So much anger and resentment! How about a history lesson. Have you heard about St. Monica? The pious and holy mother of the great St. Augustine? Her husband was a pagan, and her son, the eventual saint and bishop Augustine, refused to be baptized for a very long time.

St. Monica suffered greatly in her personal life because of her husband and son’s lack of faith. But in the end, her holiness won them both over, and she is remembered as THE example of marital and motherly fidelity and perserverance.

Should you go into this relationship with eyes wide open about the spiritual cross that it might be for you? Of course. Should you discern whether that cross is yours to bear or not before it gets serious? Of course. But I wouldn’t flatly refuse simply on the grounds that he is not Catholic unless you had personally discerned that for yourself.
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Certainly everyone who posts here is being honest and straightforward and giving their own personal opinion in order to answer the OP’s question to the best of their own ability. No need for you to 'take on" any responsibility or otherwise be judging others, is there?
My opinion on this is that being unequally yoked is truly a burden. In the case of someone already hostile toward your faith, there seems to be little doubt about what a future would hold for you. I recommend you remain friends, evangelize your friend and keep your options open for a more suitable life long partner in marriage.
 
Used2beSherryG said:
Certainly everyone who posts here is being honest and straightforward and giving their own personal opinion in order to answer the OP’s question to the best of their own ability. No need for you to 'take on" any responsibility or otherwise be judging others, is there?
My opinion on this is that being unequally yoked is truly a burden. In the case of someone already hostile toward your faith, there seems to be little doubt about what a future would hold for you. I recommend you remain friends, evangelize your friend and keep your options open for a more suitable life long partner in marriage.
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And I would venture to guess that many of those pieces of advice are based on experience. :sad_yes:

There is an alternative that no one’s mentioned yet, namely that the OP could remain good friends with this fellow but make it clear to herself and to him that that’s going to be the type of relationship, nothing more. That they should each be seeking someone more compatible for the role of spouse. And she could do the St. Monica thing, but without risking her own future happiness, which she’s not obligated to do. In fact, to try too hard to change someone else is basically codependency, if you’ll forgive the psycho-jargon.

That way there’s no pressure, and they can hang out together and enjoy doing things. I wish I’d done this with my former boyfriend, who was a fallen-away Catholic and also had commitment issues. He started attending Mass again while we were dating but never really did the things he needed to do to fully reintegrate with the Church. It just wasn’t a priority for him. I got so tired of having to drag his rear to holydays of obligation and debate about it. And most of the time he wasn’t what you’d call hostile to the Church, just stubborn or perhaps lackadaisacal.

But it drove me crazy! :ouch: And I didn’t need to put myself through all that. My boyfriend and I did have fun doing things together - going bicycling, attending the symphony, whatever. But we could have done it as friends without all the pressure and in retrospect I wish we had. Catholicism was one issue between us, and not being on the same page about marriage was the other biggie. So I should have been thankful for a friendship and left it at that.
 
Maria_Emme said:
I am confused. There is this man who is kind and good hearted and who loves me but he dislikes our Catholic Faith. He would like to have a relationship with me.I consider him a trustworthy and reliable friend who truly cares for me but I am reluctant to take this further for the above reasons and some others.
What would you advise? Where I live my chances of meeting good Catholic single men are practically nil.
I am confused regarding Gods Will on the matter.
Thank you for your replies
Click to expand...
You don’t mention what “other” reasons you have for being reluctant to take your relationship further. Not knowing what these are poses a problem when suggesting what you might do. For my part, I always stated, as a very long time girl friend of mine did, that if we met someone they had to be a practicing Catholic. We saw no benefit in dismissing that aspect of our life in the name of being with someone the rest of our lives.

It turns out we are both single, but that does not have to be the truth in your case. If the place you now live is so very short of Catholics maybe it is time to move else where? That may seem extreme but if this is an important part of your life with someone else that may be the one thing you can actively do toward accomplishing that desire.

If the other reasons you refer to include: abusive language, threats, questions of honesty, keeping a steady job, or even not liking dogs or cats and you do…then walk away now, and don’t turn back. Never accept any kind of abuse or mistreatment as part of your relationship with anyone. And don’t waste a lot of time thinking it is something you can change. (I hope this is not the case, but is awfully prevalent these days.)
 
Why walk into a burning building when you are not a firefighter?

Another person’t faith or lack of is their problem. I don’t know much about saints who married heathens or whatever. It worked out. St. Monica, St Rita, etc. I don’t know if they actually knew about it before they married. (I think St. Rita’s husband abused her sometimes. She married into a family that was like a modern day mafia.)

I know the resistence of people though. One lady friend I knew quit going to church because her husband didn’t like it. She used to say, “When you go to Mass today, say a prayer for me.” She also said she couldn’t bring up the subject of religion with her husband because it set off his temper.

My own sister said she quit going to church because of the priest scandal. I was over to her house one day and needed a ride to church. She said she would take me, but she dilly-dallied around until the very last minute. I thought I’d never make it. But, unwillingly she drove me over there but said the Mass is redundant.

You can get a lot of opposition but to put up with it takes a lot of strength.

If there are no single Catholic men in your area, maybe it would be a good idea to move to another town. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees.
 
No.

I have been blessed to have my wife walk with me on our faith journey. We are called to lead each other to holiness. There is no better place to do this than in the Church that our Savior gave us, the Church that He protects and guides, the Church where He is present.

DGB
 
I’m not going to talk about the man in my suggestion, but on your feelings. These doubts and troubled heart may be the Holy Spirit telling you you need to move on. St. Ignatius talks about how to interpret these feelings. If ideas and plans leave you troubled in the heart then you might consider a change, if it leaves you feeling good then go with it. From the sounds of it you are troubled and therefore should consider letting him go. This may not be a perfect explanation of Ignatius’ Spiritual Discernment but maybe it will help.
 
Scripture Does say we are not to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. Every couple needs to be on the same page spiritually. They need to be growing spiritually together. Have other couples to grow with. If your friend is definitely Non-Catholic – well – he could be a great friend, but that’s all. I’ve known couples where the husband-to-be decided to convert to Catholicism – he’d been raised Methodist and studied the Catholic religion and decided to change. Another couple – Baptist/ Catholic combo – after 10 years or so of marriage, he converted Out of Catholic church and accepted Christ as his Savior and they make a great couple in the local Baptist church. And we live in a Strong small Catholic community. His family was Strong Catholic – a Big family. But they are raising their children in the Baptist church – very active there.

So – sometimes a ‘mixed-faith’ marriage will work and sometimes Not. When the children start coming into the family – choices get made.

Have those serious conversations Before getting married. 🙂
 
You might consider these to be mixed-faith successful marriages, but, as Catholics,
we would not consider the second marriage a successful one.
 
Maria_Emme said:
I am confused. There is this man who is kind and good hearted and who loves me but he dislikes our Catholic Faith. He would like to have a relationship with me.I consider him a trustworthy and reliable friend who truly cares for me but I am reluctant to take this further for the above reasons and some others.
What would you advise? Where I live my chances of meeting good Catholic single men are practically nil.
I am confused regarding Gods Will on the matter.
Thank you for your replies
Click to expand...
If you go to Mass often, if you pray the Rosary often, or even pray at home often, If you take an active part in a ministry at your church, then this relationship might have a deleterious effect on all of that. I have had a few “anti-catholic” friends who I have had to set boundaries with over this. It seems that dating someone who is anitl-catholic would be much harder to set boundaries with. Just food for thought.
 
3DOCTORS said:
And I would venture to guess that many of those pieces of advice are based on experience. :sad_yes:
In fact, to try too hard to change someone else is basically codependency, if you’ll forgive the psycho-jargon./QUOTE]

I think you have struck on the chief danger for most people in this situation. I am not suggesting that the poster is co-dependent, but I do know from personal experience that there are people that seek out co-dependent people to develop relationships with.
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Maria_Emme said:
I am confused. There is this man who is kind and good hearted and who loves me but he dislikes our Catholic Faith. He would like to have a relationship with me.I consider him a trustworthy and reliable friend who truly cares for me but I am reluctant to take this further for the above reasons and some others.
What would you advise? Where I live my chances of meeting good Catholic single men are practically nil.
I am confused regarding Gods Will on the matter.
Thank you for your replies
Click to expand...
I would not consider this guy as anything more than a friend. Already you are seeing red flags in his dislike of the faith that has made you the person you are today and will keep shaping you into a child of God in the future. It doesn’t sound like he wants any part of that. The purpose of dating is to find a suitable spouse, and to pick someone who is so far away from you spiritually, is asking for trouble, and misery in the married life.
 
Maria_Emme said:
I am confused. There is this man who is kind and good hearted and who loves me but he dislikes our Catholic Faith. He would like to have a relationship with me.I consider him a trustworthy and reliable friend who truly cares for me but I am reluctant to take this further for the above reasons and some others.
What would you advise? Where I live my chances of meeting good Catholic single men are practically nil.
I am confused regarding Gods Will on the matter.
Thank you for your replies
Click to expand...
Dear Mary, look, I have seen other of your posts where you really express a desire for a contemplative life. I really feel that you are saying the truth because when I was reading your posts it reach my heart and I wished that you were in a monastery.
Therefore I am sure that the devil is trying to stop you in your union with God. Do not carry on in this direction, God wants you for him and the society is pushing you in opposite direction. And with such an open rejection of faith.

It is not simple to attend God’s call to sanctity (in whatever walk of life one is), you have to strive and I will suggest to you to get involve with a monastery and go to do a novitiate to make sure this is the life you would like. There are some Clarissas in Italy, in enclosure, which are the must lovely nuns I have ever met in my life. Normally nuns have many reasons why they become nuns, and even Pope Francis has warned us recently that there are consecrated people that are not fathers, no mothers, they are just bachelors or spinners, but these ones are pure souls.

Also you said he would like to have a relationship with you. What does that mean? How old are you, how old is he? Is he wanting to get you in love and then suddenly you are attracted sexually that you will not be able to get loose from that chain, confusing it for pure love.

I should put all the red alert alarms on high and at the must minimum feeling of sexual attraction that you feel for him, do not confuse it with love and stop. Sexual attractions touch the heart by confusion because one gets sexually aroused. Sorry to speak like this to you, it is only a guess, and men do that: first get you slowly, slowly and then they attack, for them it is almost like a challenge, particularly if they do not have faith. Real love does not depend on sexual attractions that should be intended for marriage and for having children, any one who pushes you in this direction before marriage not even to say hello.

In the love of Christ,
Gloria
 
Fogwalker said:
I am ashamed of 90% of the replies to this thread so far. So much anger and resentment! How about a history lesson. Have you heard about St. Monica? The pious and holy mother of the great St. Augustine? Her husband was a pagan, and her son, the eventual saint and bishop Augustine, refused to be baptized for a very long time.

St. Monica suffered greatly in her personal life because of her husband and son’s lack of faith. But in the end, her holiness won them both over, and she is remembered as THE example of marital and motherly fidelity and perserverance.

Should you go into this relationship with eyes wide open about the spiritual cross that it might be for you? Of course. Should you discern whether that cross is yours to bear or not before it gets serious? Of course. But I wouldn’t flatly refuse simply on the grounds that he is not Catholic unless you had personally discerned that for yourself.
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Well, he already doesn’t accept a big part of her life, her faith.
 
It’d be nice if we could “custom order” a spouse to fit our every specification There’d be a lot of happy couples out there! :hug1: And I know that nagging fear of never finding someone can be tough to deal with.

But I still think you have to calculate a “ballpark figure” - how big a percentage of things that are very important to you you would have to compromise or settle for less than on. If the percentage reaches the tipping point, it’s time to look for someone else.

Moving just to find a spouse may not be necessary. Do some brainstorming, and pray, and above all, be not afraid. The single life I feared for so many years has turned out to be a blessing in so many ways. And who knows - maybe there’s still a marriage in my future. Or not. Either way, God is there, and at the end of the day, He’s enough. :yup:
 
Used2beSherryG said:
Certainly everyone who posts here is being honest and straightforward and giving their own personal opinion in order to answer the OP’s question to the best of their own ability. No need for you to 'take on" any responsibility or otherwise be judging others, is there?
My opinion on this is that being unequally yoked is truly a burden. In the case of someone already hostile toward your faith, there seems to be little doubt about what a future would hold for you. I recommend you remain friends, evangelize your friend and keep your options open for a more suitable life long partner in marriage.
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I agree…no need for judging others and their posts. Mine was certainly honest. If a person’s Faith is a major part of their life they need that to be supported by the person they may find themselves spending the rest of their life with. I have witnessed too many marriage in which there was a significant rift due to issues of Faith. None of them went well, and all too often children were left in the middle of a virtual “Religious War” of sorts. It is not small matter.

I stand by my original post. Time to look elsewhere for a life partner. Being friends is different than spending the rest of your life with them under the same roof.
 
Fogwalker said:
I am ashamed of 90% of the replies to this thread so far. So much anger and resentment! How about a history lesson. Have you heard about St. Monica? The pious and holy mother of the great St. Augustine? Her husband was a pagan, and her son, the eventual saint and bishop Augustine, refused to be baptized for a very long time.
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Way to look down on us. A lot of relationships are toxic from the start. She asked us if she should get into a relationship with a guy who dislikes Catholicism. She didn’t ask us whether she should leave her husband. And the reason why people are warning her against this guy is because there are a lot of red flags. Most relationships a Catholic gets into where the other person dislikes Catholicism end up in disaster, and I found this out the hard way from my own personal experience. One of the reasons the divorce rate is so high is because people ignore red flags such as this and just jump into a relationship. We are trying to give her the benefit of our age and experience and trying to help prevent her from getting hurt. So it’s unfair to accuse us of acting out of anger.
 
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