Should I address this with his mom, or am I blowing it way out of proportion?

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BeeSweet

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My 5 year old nephew came up to me a couple of days ago trying to hand me a broken toy car saying, “This is Allen’s (my son) car, and I kept accidentally stepping on it, and it’s broken.” I thought the word “kept” was curious, so I asked him, “How do you accidentally do something over and over again?” He persisted in trying to get me to take the broken toy from him, telling me it belonged to my son, but I told him we didn’t need it because it was broken, and persisted in asking him how you “accidentally” step on something again and again. He eventually told me, “um, well, I don’t want to talk about that.” It was cute, and made my dad chuckle, but I found the incident a bit disturbing.

My brother, sister in law, and nephew have been staying with my parents for the past year while my sister in law finished nursing school. I bring my son to visit my mom about once a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. So my nephew (at present an only child) has had the new experience of dealing with a younger boy, as well as having to share toys. I’m concerned that this apparently deliberate destruction of what my nephew thought was one of my son’s toys is possibly indicative of something a little bit more deeply seated. There have been altercations between the two boys, my son being pretty rough and energetic, and my nephew being much more calm and contented with television and quiet play. My nephew has made comments in the past such as “good!” when he hears that my son has left for the day. My nephew does get tired of my son, but that’s not altogether unjustified, my son is a handful. My concern is the apparent animosity exhibited by deliberately destroying one of my son’s toys, and then going out of his way to make sure that the damaged toy was returned to us.

I’m already pretty sure I’m blowing this out of proportion, but I’m worried about my nephew, and I wonder if it’s worth mentioning to my sister in law? She knows I don’t care about the toys, because I make a point of never taking any toy away from that house (I don’t want any more toys at my house). It’s the behavior that’s disturbing. But then again, maybe that’s just normal 5 year old behavior, and doesn’t mean a thing?

In the end, I probably won’t address it with my sister in law. They’ll be moving in the next few months anyway since she’s achieved her RN now. I’d still like to know what to think of this whole thing though.
 
I think you’re way over thinking this. Kids do stuff, even a five-year old who we think have outgrown things. My seven-year old will do things wrong and still say, “it was an accident” because she thinks if it’s an accident she won’t get in trouble.:rolleyes: Who knows why kids do so many things. Especially since they’re moving anyway, I’d let it go.
 
Little kids do things that don’t make any sense to us …it’s normal…as long as he’s not hurting any living things like animals…
 
I think you’re blowing it way up. Five year olds a) are inclined to think that the world revolves around themselves, and b) break things because it’s fun. Your nephew was probably stepping on the car just to see what would happen, and then invented a story to keep himself out of trouble. No malice aforethought, just being a little boy.
 
I’m sure your SIL has noticed the tension between the two as well.

In my experience it is quite normal. I had my sister living with us for a few months ( I have four boys) and my youngest had to get used to having a younger one around doing the little brother thing. I had to remind my son that this is how it was for his older brothers, you used to follow them around everywhere and copy them and want everything they had. It just means they think that you are pretty cool. It worked most of the time but he did get irritated sometimes and then he would just ask for some “alone time” where he could hide out for a while 🙂

My son is 9, with your nephew only being 5 and an only child at that, he’s doing fine. At least he is openly letting you know what he has done instead of giving those secret jabs when Mom isn’t around 🙂

God bless,
Teresa Ann
 
Thanks all for the reassurance. I fear for my nephew because he watches way too much television, and his parents are much more permissive with movie ratings than I am (or would be, if my son were older). I just fear he may be picking up some disturbing behaviors from the hours and hours of TV he’s exposed to every day. My son just adores him.

My two boys are about the same age difference as my nephew and my son, so I’ll probably be seeing this all over again in a couple of years!
 
It sounds like the 5 year old is in the process of developing a good strong conscience and that development is in line with his age, and the situation. I would however if there is a real age difference never leave the two of them unsupervised. the older child has been placed in a situation, not of his choosing, that is challenging to say the least. hard enough for a child with a new sibling, even harder in his situation.

I might have thanked the child for returning the truck and telling me about it, and merely suggest if he thinks he might have such an “accident” in the future, to come to one of the adults for help to make sure it does not happen again. I would also be alert to other expressions of anger against the younger child, of which this incident could be a signal. It is also worth noting that this child has already had his living situation disrupted once, and having to deal with a younger cousin who is “a handful” (poor grandma!) is a lot for a pre-schooler to handle. I hope the adults are attentive to his needs as well.
 
How about a positive spin on this:

It seems to me that he may have been trying to “confess” and apologize at a 5yo level. Saying it was an accident is a common way kids try to get out of trouble. (I realize that makes it not a true apology but we’re talking about a 5yo here!)

It may even be possible that one of the adults in his life who thought it was your son’s car told him to bring it to you and confess. I would have done that if my child had broken something that didn’t belong to them.

The rest of the behavior sounds “normal but not acceptable” to paraphrase Dr. Ray Guarendi. In other words, it’s not a sign of abnormal psychology but needs to be corrected.

Most of the kids your child comes in contact with in his life will have more exposure to TV, etc. and be more worldly than your child. That’s part of being “in the world, but not of the world”. It’s hard and will keep getting harder. Keep praying!
 
Hello and good day! Eventually in all families there is always going to be some kind of discomfort until they can accept themselves, lol, children! I have 3 kids and now 4 nieces and nephews…Adorable little things! BUT when my niece is around my daughter my niece is jealous and my daughter is jealous…WHY because my daughter was the first “princess” and now there’s a “new princess!” Well there is now an even “newer princess” in the family and I don’t know how my older niece reacts to the younger one, don’t live close enough to find out…lol

There is always some kind of tension…when I moved in with my parents many years ago, my son was only 3 years old, he was calm, peaceful-I am not saying my kids are perfect my goodness they are far from it- but I was raising them to be decent at least…My niece is a fighter and gets her way all the time…Well imagine my concern and my feeling of anger and frustration when every day after work I would come home and my son was slashed all over the place. She would want everything from him, everything and when he wouldn’t give in to her, she would scratch the living daylights out of him…All over his face…

When I would complain to my mother about this, since she babysat, she would tell me he probably hit her, as if my kids were raised to do such things and behave as such…Finally one day I decided not to go to work, I called it off and snuck away, then came around the back and got in to the house to examine the situation quietly from the back of the house…And I caught my niece, then I grabbed her and took her to my mother and confronted her, she left them alone for about 30 mins or so where she couldn’t see them and my niece did whatever she wanted to do…She was like oh it’s a little scratch we’ll cut her nails shorter…

Well not long after that my son started defending himself, and all hell broke lose! That’s it what kind of a mother are you my poor little girl blah blah blah!! SO I moved out of there quick…lol

Anyhow, unless things turn into something like that don’t worry about it…As long as things don’t turn physical what’s a toy…

Good luck and GOD bless.
 
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