Should I also ask for a collection?

[CAROLOFTHEBELLS]

I’m posting here because I didn’t want to just get into a moral discussion. I’m just wondering if this is unusual.

Back story:

Since Easter I have felt something pulling me back to my old parish. I was going to Mass there during Lent and Easter morning, then I returned to a parish that is a little closer and easier to get to - one I also love except that I don’t really know anyone there. I will be in a pretty desparate situation financially in a couple of months. I have been looking for a job for over 2 years and am very low on savings now and deep in debt that was mostly created by food and other essentials. When I first lost my job I thought I would find another good one within a few months and after a year I sought counseling (free through a Catholic Charities program). I have learned how to emotionally deal with the situation and keep trusting God and have faith. But now I am getting scared. (Actually writing this is scary because I don’t like to talk about it.) Anyway, the last time I went to Mass at the parish that is more convenient for me all I could feel was this heavy burden on me. Later, after Mass, I was walking around town a bit and began to cry uncontrollably - triggered by seeing some well loved businesses closing and feeling powerless to stop these terrible things in my life and the life of the community. I offered a kind word to a business owner prior to the crying and she became really angry at me, accusing me of gloating or some such thing. That is mostly what started my sobbing, I was just trying to say something nice. I have a wonderful sister who I called and she came and picked me up and calmed me down.

I know this is long. I’ll get to the point. After I returned home that day, I thought, “I’m not going to go back to church there. I want to go back to the old parish and be with friends.” A few weeks later, I could not attend Sunday Mass. The next week the Sister who is our Parish Coordinator made an announcement before Mass thanking everyone for their generous giving in a second collection for a needy family. Now, this family was going through so much more than I am. The father died in an accident and the mother was left with four small children. Our priest (who is being transferred) praised everyone for their generosity.

I did not immediately relate this to me, but since then I have wondered if I could have a collection to help me. Actually, I did feel a load lift at Mass that day. Almost like God was saying, there is a way out and don’t feel so burdened. I don’t know how to approach Sister (Father is gone now), because I feel like my worries are like so many others. Yet, I have no husband and no other household income. It is just my mother, who is 87, and I living in her home (paid for, thank God) and we actually don’t have a car either.

I have two sisters but they both have financial problems of their own, although one of my sisters and her husband do treat me and my mother to meals now and then. The other sister really should be on disability, but keeps working hard. My self esteem has been hurt by this (seemingly chronic) unemployment. In my past, I was the one in the family who my sisters came to for help. I loaned one of them money after her (first) husband left, to help take care of the kids and pay the lawyers fee. I “forgave the debt” on Easter long ago and paid it off myself. The other sister needed to go into a woman’s shelter after an attempt on her life, and it was a sliding fee scale. I offered to pay what she couldn’t. I wanted to do these things and loved doing them. I wish so much that I could be in a position to help others again. Also, I used to contribute money for the household and buy much more for my mother. Now she gives me money - for walking to the store and getting her groceries for her (we have a large cart we use for that). There is no way that I would ever ask her to get a loan on her house. In fact, she doesn’t really know how much debt I have (nearly $11 thousand). And I feel bad because she is the one who taught me to save. I have always saved and never went into debt before this happened.

I just had an interview for a good job a couple of weeks ago and was praying so hard (as was my sister) for it to be offered to me. But I did not get it.

What I’m saying is, I never thought I would be in this position and I don’t want to ask for money. I felt a great weight lifted when I realized that maybe my fellow parishioners would help me. I would prefer to not have them know it is me though, because I feel ashamed to be in this position.

I hope you can be understanding. I am wondering what I should do. Thanks.

 

[kage_ar]

Contact your local Society of St. Vincent de Paul. They will have suggestions for you.

 

[Em_in_FL]

Contact your local Society of St. Vincent de Paul. They will have suggestions for you.

And contact your parish office - they may have a list local charities that can help as well. Our parish also has active Women’s Circles - that love to help families in need…

 

[JustAnotherThou]

I agree with the others.

I will pray for you and your mom also

 

[CAROLOFTHEBELLS]

Thank you for your advice. I looked up the Society of St. Vincent De Paul via Google. I am unable to get to the nearest one to me, as it is too far away by public transit, but maybe I may ask my sister to drive me in the future, or a friend from church. So far I couldn’t find much information on the local office, but saw some information from some others in bigger metro areas. Hopefully, the one in this area doesn’t play games like making people show up outside only on certain days and certain hours waiting for vouchers for food.

Honestly, I don’t think whatever they can do going to help. It seems like perhaps, at best, it would be enough to hold me for a couple of more months. (This is more of an acute, chronic problem.) It would help, but just a teeny bit, maybe like putting a band aide on a huge cut. I think you misunderstand the gravity of the situation. I have $11,000 in credit card debt. I have $600 left in the bank. That’s it. No income and no other resources. I have only two credit card bills, but the total payments per month are now about $200. I received a bill yesterday and will receive another in about 10 days. After I pay those, that leaves $400 in the bank.

Bottom line is within about two months from now I will have zero, zip, nothing. No income, and no way to pay anything on those bills. I actually just crossed over the third year mark of being unemployed (no, I am not eligible to receive unemployment -or any other relief). And I have no one I can ask for money. (Not that I want to - I just hate being in this position). I just bought some groceries the other day after putting it off for a week. Put it on a credit card.

Another thing I got in the mail yesterday was a notice that, although an employment application I completed was accepted, a competitive evaluation has placed me in the fourth level, instead of at the top level as I expected. This is for a fairly low paying, basically entry level job, which requires a high school diploma and 6 months experience. I have a bachelor’s degree and 4 years experience. So, I’m looking at things in a pretty cynical way right now, as far as the potential of a job offer in the future. And that is just one among a long list of beating my head against the wall.

Thanks for the advice, though. I did not know about that agency and I will look into it. But I feel that, having gone from sitting in one parish church feeling devastated financially and emotionally, to being pulled towards going back to my old church, where I felt some hope upon hearing that the parish community pulled together to collect for one of their own, I just feel perhaps I am being shown where my ray of hope is. I just have to get my courage together to go talk to Sister and see what they can do.

I appreciate the sentiments, but there comes a point where a concrete answer as to how to go about doing something that one finds difficult and wonders if it is right helps more. This is an extremely serious and stressful situation that must be dealt with asap.

 

[ac_claire]

I appreciate the sentiments, but there comes a point where a concrete answer as to how to go about doing something that one finds difficult and wonders if it is right helps more. This is an extremely serious and stressful situation that must be dealt with asap.

Praying for you Carol. As far as concrete answers…I don’t know what your old parish’s criteria is for taking up a collection, but at this point, as you’ve said, you don’t have much to lose by talking to the nun you know about this. Personally I don’t know if I would bring up myself the possibility of people taking up a collection…That’s just me though, and I could be wrong on that. I would just talk to Sister and explain how desperate you feel. In addition to St. Vincent du Paul. That is actually a very good, concrete suggestion. It’s a society that is designed to help people like you.

Your job situation sounds just rough. I’m sorry to hear it. You say that you have a bachelors and 4+ years experience? What field is that? Have you only been applying for jobs within that field…? At the point you’re at, I would go ahead and apply for any entry-level job you can find. Wait tables if you have to, if you can get a job doing that. I did it for several years and it’s actually not bad money. If you get a job you hate, just keep telling yourself that it’s only temporary until you can get back on your feet.

 

[nodito]

Carolofthebells,

I’m so sorry to hear of your difficult situation. It’s sounds like it’s been incredibly stressful and painful for you. I hope that it gets resolved soon.

Are you familiar with Dave Ramsey? He’s a Christian financial advisor who hosts a radio program most weekdays. The people who call into his show often have extremely difficult circumstances. $11,000 in debt with no job is bad, but there are people who call in with much worse situations, and he is able to help them. I don’t say this to belittle your difficulties, but to inspire you that there is hope. He has a program of “baby steps” that will help you get your life back on track.

You asked about a Mass collection; this is not something that the Church would normally do for a person in a difficult situation because the Church already has programs set up to help needy individuals, like the St. Vincent de Paul Society, Church food pantries, and Catholic Charities. In our parish, the second collections often go to support these causes. In any event, even if your Church were to provide you with some cash, such a solution would be unsustainable because once the money runs out, you’re back where you started.

The most important consideration, from my perspective, is that you have no income. You may feel that you deserve a higher paying job in your field of specialty, but with only $600 in the bank you can’t afford to be picky. You don’t have a car, so you probably can’t deliver pizzas, like Dave Ramsey always suggests, but you are within walking distance to a grocery store, so apply there. Apply to work in the deli or stacking boxes. Apply to be a clerk at your local CVS. Apply to be a waitress at your local diner. Ask the Church if they need someone to come in and clean on the weekdays. Volunteer to tutor neighborhood children over the summer. These won’t be long term jobs, but it’ll keep the lights on and the food coming in until the economy picks up and you can get a more desirable job.

God bless.

 

[Island_Oak]

Honestly, I don’t think whatever they can do going to help. It seems like perhaps, at best, it would be enough to hold me for a couple of more months. It would help, but just a teeny bit, maybe like putting a band aide on a huge cut.

My reaction when I read your idea about a parish taking up a collection FOR YOU. One collection will not solve your problem, nor is it reasonable or responsible to expect a parish filled with people who likely are also struggling with the sour economy to bail YOU out.

I think you misunderstand the gravity of the situation. I have $11,000 in credit card debt. I have $600 left in the bank. That’s it. No income and no other resources. I have only two credit card bills, but the total payments per month are now about $200. I received a bill yesterday and will receive another in about 10 days. After I pay those, that leaves $400 in the bank.

Bottom line is within about two months from now I will have zero, zip, nothing. No income, and no way to pay anything on those bills. I actually just crossed over the third year mark of being unemployed (no, I am not eligible to receive unemployment -or any other relief). And I have no one I can ask for money. (Not that I want to - I just hate being in this position). I just bought some groceries the other day after putting it off for a week. Put it on a credit card…

And the hole keeps getting deeper. First thing you need to do TODAY is STOP charging on your credit cards. You have amassed an insane level of debt for someone with NO income. Second thing, CALL each company who issued your cards and see if you can negotiate a different payment schedule so you don’t completely destroy your ability to get credit. You may need credit in an emergency especially if you have no one else to whom you can turn.

You should consider looking into using a food pantry. If you can preserve what little money you have left it would be best. Many also provide household items. Use thrift stores, swap/barter with people. Check into whether any of your local markets/grocers offer co-op arrangements. You might also look into planting a garden for the summer.

You are educated, able-bodied and have some experience. You don’t mention your age or area of experience. For the quickest opportunity to work, have you checked into a temp. agencies? It may not be your dream job, it may not be long-term, it may not be great money…but it can be some $$. You might also personally approach some of the local merchants for part-time work. You’re not above anything right now. Sometimes talking to a person instead of responding to an add gets better results.

Not working for 3 years and running yourself down to the wire is frightening. You are in panic mode now…but a church collection is NOT the answer. It will not solve your problems. Get busy, contact your creditors and look into temp’ing.

 

[CAROLOFTHEBELLS]

I already have. They will not do anything. Just forget it. Thanks for making me feel even more alone, unloved, ridiculously foolish, totally unlike the person I was, and distrusting of others. At this moment, I need to get over to the parish just to confess because I truly feel hate for you and all that you said. You have no idea at all what you at talking about. You are being totally judgemental.

I have already tried to sell my plasma and applied for food stamps. You don’t know what the heck you are talking about. Have you? Have you sat in a room full of people who were also there to see there blood and plasma.

You don’t know me. I did what I had to do. But I never, never , never gave into the temptation to steal. According to you, I think I should because noone is supposed to ask God’s people for help. Just fend for yourself.

Let me tell you, everyone has their breaking point and I am near mine. It doesn’t matter that there is a church full of people with their own problems. What matters is we need to help each person when they are coming to their breaking point. And since when do you go to church so that you can pray into your navel and not help others. Yes, I have given. Yes, I have given while I was unemployed. I mentioned that in one of my past posts. Is this what my fellow Catholics are like? I have fundalmentalist friends who are far better to members of their church when they need help. Are you just there to judge me?

Food pantry? What food pantry? People ask me to give donations, that’s all I know. I cracked up after about a year of unemployment and had to get counseling. I went to Catholic Charities. For some strange reason, my counseling - who working on her PHD - looked at me completely different than you. She looked at me as someone who was trying her best. She told me that no one could say that I haven’t tried very hard to get a job.

Oh, by the way. Temp agencies need employees to go out to locations that may not be accessible by bus. Hello! Don’t you know that you need to have reliable transportation in order to do temp jobs? And, also, I have been on many, many interviews at county offices - up until this dang crisis hit - they kept me hopping going from one office to another for job interviews. I used to work for our county. A gallizon other people want these jobs but I thought they would see my potential and hire me. We excuse me for believing in myself and being available for interviews instead of going the temp. route. And I just have to say, well duh! What a dum-dum I am, yep I’m just a hick who never would have thought about a temp agency! How stupid do you think people are!

I get I’m just a selfish B just because my parish happens to focus on helping each other and I need help. Yep, that’s right. I was selfish all these years for helping to support my mother. I am selfish when I wheel a cart down to the store in the cold wind or the hot sun to buy her groceries. Most of all I am selfish for hiding this situation from her while she has a heart condition. I was soooooo selfish to help support my sister’s children when her first husband was sending her $25 to $50 a month and living in a nice home, while he was flying up to the State Capitol trying to pass “father’s rights” laws and writing her letters telling her that he was going to make her pay. For what I don’t know. Oh, yeah, I was selfish when while working in a very responsibe position where I worked for 14 years (the company went bankrupt and forced me out of a job) - I took off of work and accompanied my sister to custody hearings and child support hearings when she was so stunned by her husband leaving and all that he was putting her though. I guess I was just thinking of myself when I rubbed her back as she sat crying.

I guess I was just thinking of myself when my other sister called me and said that her husband attacked her and I helped pay for the woman’s shelter.

I guess I was just thinking of ME when I gave to the church, to Feed the Children, to the Red Cross, to bums on the street. Oh yeah, I was just thinking of myself a few months ago when I knew I was getting low and I saw a man who had a sign that he needed money for food and I gave him $5.

Do you have any idea at all what a pleasure it is to give to people - to have the money to give to people and to help them? Do you have any idea of what it feels like not to be able to do that anymore? Do you have any idea of how much courage it takes to ask for help, especially when you were used to giving it? I don’t think so.

Anyway, thanks for telling me what a selfish B I am and how I only think of myself and how irresponsible and insane I am.

I’m not revisiting this thread again.

 

[CAROLOFTHEBELLS]

I tried to edit, but ran out of time. Just want to address the fact that you underlined what I said a my post about putting groceries on a credit card. You seem to think I am an irresponsible person who just loves using credit cards. Did you not read my first post where I said that I have never been in debt before? I have excellent credit. I have a credit score of around 800. I never wanted to use my credit in the way I have had to and, in fact, paid mostly by cash after losing my job. I was unable to get unemployment benefits (no, not because I’m irresponsible or a bad employee - see how I assume that you will assume the worst). I was ineligible for food stamps because I actually had been responsible enough to save money. I was told to come back when my savings was gone. I consider my credit, my savings, and the many job opportunities presented to me during this time to be blessings from God. I’m sorry that you cannot see that I have done the best I could and that, perhaps, God has assisted me along the way.

 

[Island_Oak]

Did you not read my first post where I said that I have never been in debt before? I have excellent credit…

At $11,000 in debt and no way to pay it~I offered what I saw as the ONLY reasonable advice: stop getting deeper in debt. The other ideas were an attempt at a very practical response given the desperation with which you posted.

I didn’t call you selfish or anything else derogatory. I’m sorry if you feel none of the suggestions I offered were of help or could be pursued by you because of lack of transportation, etc. Yelling at me on line won’t help or change anything. I still believe a collection won’t solve the issues you face, and it has nothing to do with judging you. Prayers are not very practical suggestions, but I’m out of other ideas. I hope you come up with a strategy that works with your circumstances.

 

[JustAnotherThou]

I tried to edit, but ran out of time. Just want to address the fact that you underlined what I said a my post about putting groceries on a credit card. You seem to think I am an irresponsible person who just loves using credit cards. Did you not read my first post where I said that I have never been in debt before? I have excellent credit. I have a credit score of around 800. I never wanted to use my credit in the way I have had to and, in fact, paid mostly by cash after losing my job. I was unable to get unemployment benefits (no, not because I’m irresponsible or a bad employee - see how I assume that you will assume the worst). I was ineligible for food stamps because I actually had been responsible enough to save money. I was told to come back when my savings was gone. I consider my credit, my savings, and the many job opportunities presented to me during this time to be blessings from God. I’m sorry that you cannot see that I have done the best I could and that, perhaps, God has assisted me along the way.

I think that you may be being a little too harsh on Island Oak here. One thing I have found out about this forum and most others if you ask for advice you are going to get many viewpoints. some you may like, others you won’t. I don’t see that Island Oak insulted you in any way, I feel that she just put it in an upfront to the point manner. Sometimes what we need to hear isn’t always fun to hear.

It is hard to tell someone that asks on an online forum specifically what would be your best options. We don’t know all of your circumstances. For instance just knowing where someone lives can open up suggestions that those who live or have lived in your area could give you.

About your information on how fundamental churches help their members during difficult times better than the Catholic Church does.

1st let me tell you about in laws of mine that are German Baptist. Yes they have helped people out of some bad financial times. One I know of was a single mother who’s husband left her and she had racked up a lot of credit card debt. She went to the Church Elders. They took her story to the whole congregation, told them it and then the congregation voted on if they should help her on not. They did help her. Although, it wasn’t so easy as here is X about of money to cover your debts. Oh NO. They went to her bank with her, they sat down at her table and went through every bill, they found things for her to sell, they went to the grocery store with her and told her what she could and couldn’t buy…….I could go on.
I can tell you of other fundamental churches that yearly you have to take in your tax return and you have to tithe 10% of your income to the church, if you don’t they will call you on it and don’t think that other members don’t know all that is going on.

2nd Catholic Charities is one of the largest church based charities for the needy in the world. They not only help Catholic’s in need they help anyone in need with little or no intrusion into their lives.

3rd Faith is not based on what church will help you most. It is on what you believe about God. I don’t care how many hypocrites you sit next to in church (they are in every faith, every church), you can’t use that as a deciding factor on your faith. You either agree with the teaching of the Catholic Church or you agree with the teachings of another Church. Not for what they can do for you, it is for what they preach about God.

YES we don’t know a lot about your situation. If you would tell us a bit more, like where you live, does your mom receive any type of social security, do you have any disabilities that prevent you from working, can you stand for periods of time?

 

[CAROLOFTHEBELLS]

AC Claire,

Sorry, those last two replies where not directly towards you. I didn’t notice your post. I was trying to reply, but my connection went down. Just came up again. Thank you so much, you are very kind. Part of the written mission of my parish is to help others in the church community. It seems we have a second collection almost every week. It’s nice of you to understand and to give my idea thought.

The job I wrote about was an entry level position. I’m not just trying for the best I can get.

My college degree is in Social Services. I have training in computer applications. I type 46 wpm and I scored almost 90% on Word and Excel on recent tests at a temp agency. I worked in a library literacy program (family and adult) for 3 years and was trained by the state in storytelling, adult literacy techniques, report writing, searching for grant opportunities, applying for grants, and writing grant reports. My job at the library allowed me to build skills in library work, event planning, scheduling, office work, database maintenance, report writing, presentation skills, outreach, and publicity.

Here’s everything I’ve done in my life.

McDonald’s - Lead Crew, trainer, Store Activities Director (event planning)

Account Clerk (A city job).

Teller

Hostess in a restaurant

Financial Rep (Cash counter and teller)

Retail - 14 years in the same store, cashier, supervised cashiers, office work, department head, supervised and trained personell, mail and filing, customer service skills.

Library Literacy

County Government - Transitional Assistance, Medi-Cal - Intake Eligibility

County Government - Tax Collector - Office Assistant - last job. This one was a glorified cashier with clerical duties included.

Since my last job I got into helping people plan their vacations to So. Cal on an on-line website. I was offered the volunteer position of expert, which made me feel very valuable, about a year ago. I don’t receive any money, but it is very rewarding and had taught me research skills. I have received gifts from travelers and from the website, one of them worth over $200 and was able to sell that for cash. I have also made friends on the other side of the world. I don’t get really wrapped up in this, so I am able to still search out job opps. I thought about volunteering for a library and really wish I had so long ago. I got an app for volunteers and decided not to do it based on the requirements of a four to six month commitment. I didn’t want to flake out on them if I got a job offer. That was back when I was getting so many calls for interviews that I had to use my answering machine to keep track. Sometimes I would have three interviews a day, twice a week.

I apologize for the length. Your post actually helped me to focus on positive things. I just love remember all that I have done and all that I have tried. It makes me feel good to know that I have tried and I do have something to offer.

Here are the jobs I have applied for, tested for, and or interviewed for:

Office Assistant (with county and cities)

Social Service Aide

Employment Services Specialist

Library Assistant (Part time and full time, county and cities)

Library Associate

Library Clerk (with a city and with a college)

Library Page (part-time, minimum wage, interviewed with teens and adults)

Elementary School Library Assistant - part time, 9 months

Preschool Liaison

Reading Specialist

Literacy Coordinator

Volunteer Coordinator

Child Support Assistant

Administrative Assistant - city job

Administrative Assistant - College job, applied several times in different departments

Library Assistant at a college

Account Clerk at a college

Clerical Assistant at a college district - part time

Clerical Assistant at a college full time

Grocery store

Department Store - Wondered why I was getting offered an interview with this 104 year old store - surprise - they just went bankrupt and are going through liquidation as we speak.

Human Resources Clerk

Teller

Video Store Clerk

Cementary - pre-plan arranger

Activities Director - retirement home

Rite Aide - There is one about 7 blocks from me, no CVS. I live in a small town. Rite Aide has a hiring freeze in my area.

Auto Club - rep, receptionist.

I don’t think this is a full list, but pretty close. I just asked at CitiBank down the street from me and they might have an opening for full time teller. I have to check on the almighty internet. Asked some guys from Time Warner who I saw eating in KFC yesteday if they knew if they need office workers and was told yes. Once again, have to check with the almighty internet. Will be applying for a couple of clerical jobs with a community service partnership. I met someone that does telemarketing for a theatrical arts association. They may be hiring. She gave me the number of her boss and I will be calling. I think that would be a cool job, even though it’s not much money. I don’t know how much she really knows about if they are hiring. Sometimes people say things they don’t really know about.

I just tested for the county Eligibility Worker again.The results will not come in for 4 to 6 weeks. (August) County workers do not receive paychecks right away. The first one is always held back two weeks.

Once again, thanks for your kind thoughts. (I really mean that!) I think I should talk to Sister and discuss what I should do, maybe she will say St. Vincent.

 

[kage_ar]

I would suggest doing some volunteer work, many times it will help get your foot in the door for a paying job.

You may see if there is a place that assists with resume writing, sometimes it is about how you are packaged on that resume (since many of the inet resumes are read by machines instead of humans, knowing how to put in the right key words is very valuable).

Network, network, network.

Pray pray pray.

I know how it feels, I was laid off over a year ago.

 

[ac_claire]

I don’t think this is a full list, but pretty close. I just asked at CitiBank down the street from me and they might have an opening for full time teller. I have to check on the almighty internet. Asked some guys from Time Warner who I saw eating in KFC yesteday if they knew if they need office workers and was told yes. Once again, have to check with the almighty internet. Will be applying for a couple of clerical jobs with a community service partnership. I met someone that does telemarketing for a theatrical arts association. They may be hiring. She gave me the number of her boss and I will be calling. I think that would be a cool job, even though it’s not much money. I don’t know how much she really knows about if they are hiring. Sometimes people say things they don’t really know about.

I just tested for the county Eligibility Worker again.The results will not come in for 4 to 6 weeks. (August) County workers do not receive paychecks right away. The first one is always held back two weeks.

Actually, this field of prospects isn’t half bad. So, at least it’s good as a starting point. You do have some good experience, and the fact you still have good credit after being between jobs for 3 years is amazing to me. That’s no small feat. I will be praying for you daily. Also, you might want to ask for the intercession of St. Jospeh, patron of workers. My fiance was recently out of work for a long time due to illness and when he got better the job market was horrible. We asked for the prayers of St. Jospeh (among other saints) and after several months of looking he’s found something promising.

 

[nodito]

Carolofthebells,

I’m really sorry that you’re in this difficult position. I gave what I thought was good advice, and I didn’t know when I wrote the post that you have been trying to get work at grocery stores or in other temporary job situations. Your OP sounded like you were disappointed that you didn’t qualify for a higher level at the temp agency and I was suggesting that maybe you should consider something, even if it’s less than desirable for now.

I also didn’t intend to belittle your collection idea. I think when people are in depserate situations they often look towards whatever hope the Church can provide, and this is a good thing! I don’t know about your Church, the nun who orchestrates the collections, or your parish community, so I can’t comment on what they will do when you approach them with this idea. I just don’t see it happening at my parish, and I would worry that even if it were to happen, it wouldn’t do you long term good.

I thought my post was respectful and provided good advice, but it’s sometimes difficult to convey tone and gentleness over the internet. And since it’s clear that I’ve offended you, which was never my intent, I hope that you’ll forgive me.

Good luck with your efforts. If your parish does decide to host a collection for you, come on back and let us know so we can give better advice to someone in a similar position in the future. God bless.

 

[CAROLOFTHEBELLS]

Carolofthebells,

I’m really sorry that you’re in this difficult position. I gave what I thought was good advice, and I didn’t know when I wrote the post that you have been trying to get work at grocery stores or in other temporary job situations. Your OP sounded like you were disappointed that you didn’t qualify for a higher level at the temp agency and I was suggesting that maybe you should consider something, even if it’s less than desirable for now.

I also didn’t intend to belittle your collection idea. I think when people are in depserate situations they often look towards whatever hope the Church can provide, and this is a good thing! I don’t know about your Church, the nun who orchestrates the collections, or your parish community, so I can’t comment on what they will do when you approach them with this idea. I just don’t see it happening at my parish, and I would worry that even if it were to happen, it wouldn’t do you long term good.

I thought my post was respectful and provided good advice, but it’s sometimes difficult to convey tone and gentleness over the internet. And since it’s clear that I’ve offended you, which was never my intent, I hope that you’ll forgive me.

Good luck with your efforts. If your parish does decide to host a collection for you, come on back and let us know so we can give better advice to someone in a similar position in the future. God bless.

Thank you. I actually wasn’t very offended by your post and wasn’t directing anything towards you. I didn’t read it until after I read A C’s and I tried to post a reply to your post as well as hers, but my connection went down when I sent it through. (I don’t pay for internet, so it’s not very reliable at times. I am able to either catch the connection for the City building across the street from me or go into the library down the street where there is free wi-fi). I am really glad you said what you said here. That helps a lot. In your other post I didn’t think you understood my dilema much, but I can see you are trying. I did think you were well meaning.

I don’t know what I said in my OP that lead you to believe what you did. I don’t remember writing about a specific job there, but I wrote a whole lot so would have to look at it. I’m confused about the “higher level job at the temp agency”, because I didn’t go for a job at a temp agency recently. I am so much more upset when I do not get a job offer or even considered for a job that is lowering paying or part time. It makes me feel like I can’t get anything and no one sees any potential in me, not even for a lowering paying job. I don’t know what I said. But this is how I feel - if I am not offered or considered for a low paying job, entry level job, or a part time job, what kind of miserable candidate must I be! Then after feeling lost and passed over, I get angry about that. How could I ever hope to compete with people who may be more experienced that me for a better job that I am well qualified for. I don’t know if I am considered over qualified or what. Sometimes I will contact the employer, HR analyst, or supervisor who interviewed me to find out why I didn’t get the job or how the scoring was done on an employment test. The most that I have been able to find out in regards to not getting a job is they had so many candidates and we all were well qualified, but they went with someone else. Then they add keep trying. But with some employers, as in the county, I almost feel as if I am beating my head against the wall and they are playing games with me. I try to keep in mind that the county happens to be the biggest employer in this area (San Bernardino County, California) and I am competing with everyone else who knows that.

Essentially, if I cannot get a full time job, I think a part time job where I could keep my skills up would be great. As far as temporary, I consider all jobs to be temporary. You never know what might happen. The company could go bankrupt. The grant funded job could lose its funding. The government agency or office could be facing re-organization or layoffs. Or you could just not be what they thought they wanted, your skills may not meet up to their expectations. Bottom line for me, in my estimation I am not dumb when it comes to looking for a job. I just have not gotten any offers. That is what drives me crazy and makes me scared for the future.

The availablity of jobs may seem different to different people depending on where the live. I live in California, in a little town near the county seat in San Bernardino County. There are layoffs almost every day here. San Bernardino itself is what I would consider a poor city. And it seems to be getting worse. Even one of the richest cities near me, Redlands, has stores and businesses closing and the once trying downtown area is becoming a ghost town. This is what makes me feel depressed and like there is no hope. Repossed homes, closed businees, hiring freezes, forced retirements, hundreds of people going for the same job, higher sales taxes, teachers being layed off, even police and fire cuts are considered. No one I talk to in my area considers it strange that I can’t get a job. But it is very frustrating. I’m just saying here, that if someone reading this does not live in California or in San Bernardino County, it would be good to find out what our state and cities and the people here are going through. I’m not saying, nodito, that you don’t understand, I’m just adding this to my post to avoid making another posting.

Nodito, thank you for your kind words and for reaching out.

 

[CAROLOFTHEBELLS]

At $11,000 in debt and no way to pay it~I offered what I saw as the ONLY reasonable advice: stop getting deeper in debt. The other ideas were an attempt at a very practical response given the desperation with which you posted.

I didn’t call you selfish or anything else derogatory. I’m sorry if you feel none of the suggestions I offered were of help or could be pursued by you because of lack of transportation, etc. Yelling at me on line won’t help or change anything. I still believe a collection won’t solve the issues you face, and it has nothing to do with judging you. Prayers are not very practical suggestions, but I’m out of other ideas. I hope you come up with a strategy that works with your circumstances.

I’m sorry if I came off as yelling. I was extremely hurt and reacting to that.

It is you who was yelling first. Don’t type in bold, use all upper case in words, and use words such as insane and irresponsible if you want to appear understanding or helpful. Also, it would be best not to tell someone in a forceful way what to do on a specific thing that you have not been asked about. You should not insist you are right with regards to most aspects of someone’s personal life and choices, especially when you do not know the person. You do not even know me well enough as a member here to be using the kind of language that you used in your post.

Your words do, indeed, imply that I am selfish, even if you did not use that word. Additionaly, you have repeatedly used phrases that can only make a person of low means and little prospects feel even worse than she feels each day facing the reality that she faces.You seem to be assuming that anyone in my position is inferior to you and any thoughts that I may have are lower and less worthy than any thoughts you may have. You imply that I cannot think for myself, am irresponsible and insane, and that I need a good slap in the face with reality - all of which implies that I am at least less intelligent than you, and perhaps of lower intelligence, reason, and goodness in my motives and motivation to take care of myself. For examples of all that I am saying here, take a look at your post again and look how you presented your thoughts. And note how often you used the upper case:

“FOR YOU”

“bail YOU out”

“First thing you need to do TODAY is STOP”

“insane”

“NO income”

“CALL”

“NOT the answer”

“Get busy”

If you don’t want someone to react on line as if they are yelling at you, I suggest you cool it with the upper case and with assuming what you know about other people. There are several things in your first post that you said about me that you are just assuming. There is also something you sounded like you were insisting I do to land a job that I know for a fact will not work in my area in most cases, because I have tried it. If you want someone on the other end of your postings to assume you are well-meaning and not react poorly to you, please tone it down a bit. I didn’t deserve it and neither does anyone else.

Now, in regards to my credit card debt and your way of handling it. You are missing something. What you are suggesting is good, but it is all in the hands of others. I’m not saying this to debate on a collection, etc. I’m saying that you are assuming, as I have for a very long time, that I will get a job offer. That is in the hands of another, not me. I can only do my best and I am well practiced at interview and resume writing skills and also have a sister who conducts interviews for her office, so I get advice from her. Ultimately, the decision is in the hands of someone else, no matter what a candidate does and no matter what type of job. Credit card companies also are decision makers, regardless of what I ask for and have asked for. So - with only $600 left and almost $200 in payments a month, in my opinion, you are suggesting I try my best to do what I can to change the situation before I run out of money. If the decision makers do not rule in my favor, according to what you are insisting is a good and responsible plan, since I will have no more money, you are clearly suggesting to me that I default on my payments. I can only do the best I can to land a job, etc, with the most positive attitude possible, but if I do not receive a job offer and do not have cash I am faced with payments that you suggest I do not pay. That is how I see your logic - in the real word. Because you are not considering all possiblities of what you are advising. I don’t care to discuss this with you any further.

By the way, I am 55 years old.

 

[ac_claire]

Now, in regards to my credit card debt and your way of handling it. You are missing something. What you are suggesting is good, but it is all in the hands of others. I’m not saying this to debate on a collection, etc. I’m saying that you are assuming, as I have for a very long time, that I will get a job offer. That is in the hands of another, not me. I can only do my best and I am well practiced at interview and resume writing skills and also have a sister who conducts interviews for her office, so I get advice from her. Ultimately, the decision is in the hands of someone else, no matter what a candidate does and no matter what type of job. Credit card companies also are decision makers, regardless of what I ask for and have asked for. So - with only $600 left and almost $200 in payments a month, in my opinion, you are suggesting I try my best to do what I can to change the situation before I run out of money. If the decision makers do not rule in my favor, according to what you are insisting is a good and responsible plan, since I will have no more money, you are clearly suggesting to me that I default on my payments. I can only do the best I can to land a job, etc, with the most positive attitude possible, but if I do not receive a job offer and do not have cash I am faced with payments that you suggest I do not pay.

So you do intend to keep the CC account open because as of now you have no other income? If I’ve read that right that sounds like a good idea to me. I wasn’t quite sure from reading some of the other posts. Obviously I agree that as little more debt as possible should be accrued until you get your income back, but yeah defaulting at this point, in would completely close off this line of credit that it sounds like you do need for food, etc.

Is $200 the absolute minimum payment you can make? If not, I’d make the minimum payments possible for the time being. You may already be doing this…don’t know. I was in a similar situation as you when I was just out of college and that’s what I did.

 

[JustAnotherThou]

A couple suggestions that may or may not work for you, if not maybe they will work for someone else.

I was just looking for someone to watch my dog for a few hours while I visit a town that I don’t know anyone in. We will be on vacation and were in kind of a bind of what to do with our dog while we went to church and out to lunch, only for a few hours.

Well emailing around I came across a pet sitter, she referred me to another lady to call. I called her, she is watching pets in her home. She is home bound, so can’t pet sit at someone’s home so has to do it at hers. She told me that she gave some of her cards to her friend that does pet sitting and has been pleasantly surprised. Of course it is not permanent income, although I would guess that you could offer this service and give some cards to local churches and hotels.

2nd suggestion. Do you sew? I think I saw in one of your replies that you live across the street from the county building. When I worked for the county it seemed like I was always needing a hem or a zipper repaired. I can’t even tell you how many times my husbands suits need repaired. You might be able to put up a flyer in their employee areas to do sewing repairs. Again it is not a permanent income, although could bring a little extra money.