Should I ask her?

[HappyPerson]

I’m going to have to disagree with HappyPerson, almost entirely. Here goes:

I’m big enough to admit when I’m wrong, but I stand behind everything I said 100%. Abello may be well intentioned, but is incredibly naive on this issue. She may be a nice person, and therefore not see the reality of your situation. You have to make your move now. The scenarios that I presented are far closer to the likely reality than the notion that you can tolerate remaining “just friends” with her while she runs your heart through the ringer as she dates other guys. Besides, even if these college guys were not wolves, but “nice” guys, would that be any consolation to you seeing the woman you love with someone else?

If you took ABello’s advice, rather than mine, the more likely scenario is that this girl would consider you to be her absolute LAST choice for a boyfriend, knowing that she can play the field and then snap her fingers and have you any time she wants. She won’t respect you, and even if one day she does decide to date you, she won’t respect you, because you sat back and allowed her to run your heart through the ringer, and emotional abusers don’t respect their victims. Note, I am not saying that she is intending to emotionally abuse you, nor am I saying that it is totally her fault, but the bottom line is that seeing someone you are in love with going out with someone else is emotional torture, and she provided no indication that she would be willing to spare you that, but why should she when you have not yet asked her out, NOW?

So, I stand by what I said. Ask her out, NOW, and if she says, “No,” have absolutely nothing to do with her, unless she initiates for the purpose of a romantic relationship. This way, either you get the girlfriend you want, now, or you stop wasting your time on her. Also, she would likely respect you more if you showed her that you had a backbone, and that you will NOT tolerate her running your heart through the ringer.

Abello, let me say this to you in no uncertain terms: There is not a woman on the face of the Earth that is so, “wonderful,” that a man who was in LOVE with her would be totally content being “just friends” with her, as she dates other guys. The male mind/heart doesn’t function that way.

 

[HappyPerson]

“If she says, “No,” then move on. Don’t initiate any future calls or emails to her.”
Ouch. I don’t recommend this. Ultimately, what this is says to me is: “I want it my way or no way at all. I’m selfish.”

That’s not selfish at all. It’s being honest, and refusing to allow her to hurt you. ABello doesn’t seem to understand what it is like to try to remain “friends” with someone who you like that doesn’t like you back. It is self-destructive.

Pretending that you’d be totally fine just being her friend would be dishonest, and it would be a dishonest friendship. Hoping that none of her dates work out would not be something that a “friend” would do. Furthermore, your presence in her life would constitute, “baggage” in the eyes of anyone she dates who knows the truth about how you feel about her. So, being, “just friends” with her is no longer an HONEST option. As I said, lay it all on the line. You’ll either gain a girlfriend, or lose a “friendship” that is based on a strictly one-way attraction, and is therefore really no friendship at all. You are just going to hurt yourself, however, if you remain in your current situation with her.

 

[HappyPerson]

Don’t wait several years for a girl. You don’t owe it to her and you don’t owe it to yourself either. .

I agree. The time is NOW. Otherwise, move on.

 

[nana3]

For what it is worth, I thought I tell you of my similiar situation and what happened.

I was friends with a great man. We talked for hours on the phone, but didn’t do much outside of going to Mass and Holy Hours. I actually started out praying for him to be a priest. Well somewhere along, I feel in love with him, but I did not know how he felt. I went to a priest for it was really bothering me. I was “waiting” for him as you are to her. The priest told me that honesty was the best way to go. At the time I lived in Ohio and he was down here in Florida. I decided to tell him in a letter. I didn’t hear from him for weeks. I finally ended up calling him. He said that he never guessed that I felt that way about him. He said he only considered me a friend and nothing more. I was heartbroken. He told me that he just came from the post office and mailed the letter to me with his response. His response in the letter was even more confusing to me. He wrote what he said that he considered me only as a “special friend” because he could share his Catholic Faith with me. But than he said that if the Lord has it planned for us to date someday that he is open to whatever his will is.

Anyway, when I moved backed here to Florida, out friendship was different. It was never the same. He started to date and would not tell me, but I would find him at a Mass with a different girl. It was difficult to see. We ended out friendship slowly.

As if turns out, he was dating this one girl for a long time. I thought he would marry her, but he didn’t. They broke up and he moved back up North near his parents. I lost communication with him and only new what was going on in his life by talking to his grandma who he introduced to me in letters. We were penpals and talked on the phone. She told him that he entered the seminary and many years letter, I had to call his parents to see about his grandma who I could not write to anymore for the letters would come back to me. I thought she had died. His parents had him call me. He told me that he was going to be ordained as priest in just three days. He is now a priest.

Even though I thought this man was for me and I loved him so much, he did not feel the same and the Lord had other plans for him. I have talked only one time with him since he became a priest in an email, but he was brief and didn’t say much. I was asking about his grandma who I think doesn’t know who I am anymore and he said she is losing her memory at her old age. That is all he said in the email. I found it cold. I know our friendship suffered after I told him how I felt and I could not remain friends for it hurt to much.

Only you can decided, but I would try to focus on your life and date others if they come alone. You said you are decerning the priesthood, focus on that and what is God’s will for you. Don’t do what I did and obsess about what could be.

That is my story for what it’s worth.

 

[HappyPerson]

For what it is worth, I thought I tell you of my similiar situation and what happened.

I was friends with a great man. We talked for hours on the phone, but didn’t do much outside of going to Mass and Holy Hours. I actually started out praying for him to be a priest. Well somewhere along, I feel in love with him, but I did not know how he felt. I went to a priest for it was really bothering me. I was “waiting” for him as you are to her. The priest told me that honesty was the best way to go. At the time I lived in Ohio and he was down here in Florida. I decided to tell him in a letter. I didn’t hear from him for weeks. I finally ended up calling him. He said that he never guessed that I felt that way about him. He said he only considered me a friend and nothing more. I was heartbroken. He told me that he just came from the post office and mailed the letter to me with his response. His response in the letter was even more confusing to me. He wrote what he said that he considered me only as a “special friend” because he could share his Catholic Faith with me. But than he said that if the Lord has it planned for us to date someday that he is open to whatever his will is.

Anyway, when I moved backed here to Florida, out friendship was different. It was never the same. He started to date and would not tell me, but I would find him at a Mass with a different girl. It was difficult to see. We ended out friendship slowly.

As if turns out, he was dating this one girl for a long time. I thought he would marry her, but he didn’t. They broke up and he moved back up North near his parents. I lost communication with him and only new what was going on in his life by talking to his grandma who he introduced to me in letters. We were penpals and talked on the phone. She told him that he entered the seminary and many years letter, I had to call his parents to see about his grandma who I could not write to anymore for the letters would come back to me. I thought she had died. His parents had him call me. He told me that he was going to be ordained as priest in just three days. He is now a priest.

Even though I thought this man was for me and I loved him so much, he did not feel the same and the Lord had other plans for him. I have talked only one time with him since he became a priest in an email, but he was brief and didn’t say much. I was asking about his grandma who I think doesn’t know who I am anymore and he said she is losing her memory at her old age. That is all he said in the email. I found it cold. I know our friendship suffered after I told him how I felt and I could not remain friends for it hurt to much.

Only you can decided, but I would try to focus on your life and date others if they come alone. You said you are decerning the priesthood, focus on that and what is God’s will for you. Don’t do what I did and obsess about what could be.

That is my story for what it’s worth.

Thank you for sharing that. Anonymous message board or not, that still showed tremendous courage and concern for others on your part, to post this. While this story does not have a happy ending in and of itself, it could help Buck, tremendously.

 

[paxpaixpaz]

/FONT/I agree with what nana says. I would drop the subject with ur friend, and emotionally remove urself from obsessing about this. It isnt doing u any good. I recently heard a prayer on ewtn stating that you should pray to God to want what HE wants for you. Ur discerning the priesthood and marriage, i would just let go of the idea of ur friend as becoming ur wife at this point, remain friends, but go on with ur life and see what plans God has in mind for u. Then u will be doing what God created u to do.