Should I attend my cousin's civil "marriage" ceremony?

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Kyrieeleison123

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Hello!
So my cousin started dating this girl a few months ago, and turns out she’s now pregnant. Our families want for them to get married, but because of the money, they are currently planning on “marrying” only civilly. They want to make a small party after the ceremony (which will be held in 2 weeks).

I’ve been praying about it a lot and I think that it wouldn’t be correct for me to go. Mainly because even if he might say that he intends to get married in the Church in the future, I know that it’s extremely unlikely, for my family has a history of only “marrying” civilly. And the Church teaches that an adulterous union (they’re both catholic) which is only bound civilly, is illegitimate in the eyes of God and the Church (See catechism of Saint Pius X, question 855). And if I go, I think that it would imply me recognizing the validity of this “marriage”, and therefore bearing false witness.

What do you guys think? Should I go or not?
 
It’s a prudential matter. You are right that it wouldn’t be a valid marriage if your cousin is a Catholic.

Talk to your priest about it.
 
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Kyrieeleison123 said:
What do you guys think? Should I go or not?
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I vote no. Given your attitude about your cousin’s impending marriage, I doubt that you would add to the celebration in any positive way. I also doubt that you would be missed. Please find something else to do that day.
 
I think I would go. They are family and it’s a celebration. Pray they will marry in the Church, but join them now.
 
I agree. They are doing things in a convoluted and sinful manner but support them and pray they will go through pre cana and make things right in time. Boycotting the wedding could just give them to he idea they are being rejected by Catholics.
 
Kindnessmatters said:
Boycotting the wedding could just give them to he idea they are being rejected by Catholics.
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I agree with this. Go, celebrate their steps in the right direction, and support them as they work toward making a decent life for their child. New parents need all the help and support they can get; disapproval won’t change them but might be discouraging.
If you do go, be kind and cheerful. They could be doing things a lot worse.
 
Or it could mean a stance that the marriage is against the form of the Catholic faith.

I would encourage your cousin to seek a Catholic marriage.
 
It’s really up to you. From where I see it, they’re doing the best they can…at this point. The church’s general procedure is to wait until after the child is born. If they are marrying to avoid embarrassment, or any other reason , it could be assumed that they weren’t be entering a sacramental marriage-in short, they would be asking the priest, and the church , to be party to what is not considered a marriage, but a ‘convenience’.

If they are planning to live as if.married, well, all I can ask you is-did you know before the pregnancy that they were having sex? Did you try and stop them???

No one is perfect. They want to have their child born into an intact family…which is a good thing. If you can reconcile yourself to this fact?

If so, go to the wedding, wish them well, and enjoy yourself! Otherwise, don’t feel obliged to attend.
 
Trying to stop someone from doing something wrong, and participating in something wrong are separate things.

The former, is not something they can control, apart from admonishment and encouragement. The latter is in their control.
 
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Legend said:
If they are marrying to avoid embarrassment, or any other reason , it could be assumed that they weren’t be entering a sacramental marriage-in short, they would be asking the priest, and the church , to be party to what is not considered a marriage, but a ‘convenience’.
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Or maybe they are seeking marriage, because they already committed to the marital act, and now they are willing to make a vow to one another.

Let’s not get into potential grounds for a null Sacrament, because a pregnant couple seeking marriage does not mean a Sacrament is impossible or even difficult.

This couple should be informed, by Catholics, that this civil ceremony does NOT make them Married in the Lord.

You are discouraging a Church marriage, because potential grounds of nullity, while they are attempting to marry civilly, which actually is an invalid marriage.
 
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And what should they do, when they have to explain to their kids, that they were married after the oldest was born? And should they just hang their heads in shame, until they’re permitted to marry by the church?

Or, would you have us go back to the time of ‘shotgun weddings’ , putting so much pressure on the couple, that they lose sight of the fact that they love each other, and maybe even resenting each other?

The church has rules for a reason! And I never said I have a monopoly on the truth! But, from what I can see, the couple is doing something good, after making a serious mistake! Yes, their first child will not be born in sacramental wedlock, but their parents will be married in the eyes of the law, which, flawed as it is, does protect the children, to an extent. Neither parent is free to desert each other, or their child, without consequences!

That said, this is the last post I’ll be making, on this thread. I do wish the couple, and their innocent child, their very best, in this imperfect situation.

I admit I’m no expert, but Iit looks to me as if they’re doing the best they can to see that their child enters this world with love, not legalism. It’s your privilege to disagree!
 
Legend said:
And what should they do, when they have to explain to their kids, that they were married after the oldest was born? And should they just hang their heads in shame, until they’re permitted to marry by the church?
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Our son was born 4 months after our wedding, as soon as he could do math, or look at our wedding photos, he knew I was pregnant before the wedding.

No heads hanging in shame, had it been 4 months after our wedding or 4 years before our wedding, this is just a fact.
 
The point, is that a civil ceremony doesnt mean they are married either.

You are just supporting the notion that a civil union justifies living as husband and wife.

They are to seek a Catholic marriage. Period.

Until then, no simulated marriage. Marrying outside the Church is NOT good! If they truly want to turn to Jesus, after a mistake, then wait for the Church wedding.

I would not attend their civil ceremony, because it undermines the Lord.
 
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It wouldnt.

They are probably using the excuse that a Church wedding has to be fanciful, and elaborate.
 
The shame is thinking a civil ceremony makes it ok.
 
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As others had said, it is up to you.

This couple does not seems really religious, so I would said that a civil marriage is better than cohabitation that is much more a mess.

Of course the cost of a religious marriage is an excuse, because it only cost a little more. The delay invollved may have been a better explanation if they had try this way. Another explanation is that they may leave themselves the door open to a divorce that is not possible for a Church’s weeding.

So go if you could have an almost normal behavior during the weeding or don’t do if it makes you feel you are going to a burial…
 
Often people associate civil wedding with just a few people but Church wedding as having to have many guests etc…
Especially if we are from cultures where wedding celebration is a big thing.
 
I can relate to this…I was invited to a party prior to a civil ceremony…This was my twin sister…I thought we were close…but at the party I was told by another that the reason for the ceremony was because she was pregnant! I had to really focus on what I had just heard…I was shocked that I was the last one to know? Apparently, I wasn’t considered by her…I felt so betrayed and shocked! She drove me to my apartment afterwards and I questioned her condition and that I had heard it from someone else…We had made a vow previously that if something happened to either one of us (like a pregnancy)…we would take care of each other and the baby…I questioned her about this and she said she even considered an abortion but the husband talked her out of it. I was then in a real state of disbelief! The next day I accompany her and their friends to a Justice of the Peace for the ceremony…I lived down the street from them and watched how their marriage unraveled but I was always there for my nephew. He is a successful young man …I love hime dearly…my sister is divorced and remarried and she and I no longer speak.
 
If it is illegitimate and would appear as if you approved, do not go.
 
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