Should I attend my sister's second marriage?

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chabula said:
The only thing that I said in my defense was that I must be the only one in the family with an informed conscience.
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That definitely was a charitable way to pack a whallop! I’ll have to remember that one.

Also, I recall that in the “old days” (it may be in the old Baltimore Catechism) it was considered a sin to attend such a wedding, and even giving a gift was considered sinful. So that’s another way to cover yourself, even if for your own piece of mind.
 
I talked to my husband about this particular thread and he thinks that if you decide not to go that you should do the same for future gatherings in which you know that they will be attending (i.e., not go).

He thinks that if he were in your shoes that he would go, however, he would make it clear that he does not agree with the way that union is being held.

This is an opinion coming from a man who believes in that God is first and most important in our lives and that we should do what God/Jesus would have done.

What do you think God/Jesus would have done in your shoes?
 
lizaanne said:
Patty - I’m proud of you for this. You know what’s right, for all the right reasons, and you are not afraid to stand up for what you believe in. It is a hard choice, and no one here would disagree with that, but you are showing your sister and your family what living an example is all about.

You will be in my prayers - you are doing the right thing!!

~Liza
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Patty’s sister needs our prayers as well. Patty has the convictions of a deep faith which is admirable, but seems to be misguided a bit. It is not for Patty to judge her sister. She can certainly voice her disapproval of the couple getting married civilly for obvious reasons. But, to avoid the wedding altogether is not necessary and may even cause a rift. Patty can gather all the info needed for the couple to get their previous marriages annulled. There is no shame in an annulment, it’s the Catholic Church’s way of stating that a marriage should have not taken place, because all the requirements for a Catholic Marriage were not present. It takes a while and there’s considerable work to be done, but it can be done. Check it out, get an appointment with the Bishop.
 
We are all to judge right from wrong. We are not to condem one another. This gets so mixed up these days. We are all to love the sinner, but not the sin. When they say, “Does anyone know of a reason these two should not be join?” what should we say? It was not easy to tell my sister that I wanted the highest and best honor for her, heaven. I could not be a witness to the second marriage when I was a witness to the first that had not been annulled. She is now married to two people. I have three children and I have to be a role model for them. I wouldn’t witness my sister committing suicide or having an affair, why would I witness this sin?
 
Nowhere within the CCC does it state that Patty would be committing a sin by merely attending this wedding, and the marriage will take place whether she is there or not. While it’s great to take a stand for your own principles, if this creates a rift(which it almost always does) then Patty is the one ending the relationship. Once the relationship is destroyed, her sister is much less likely to ever return to the Church.

We’ve got to take a step back and look at the big picture here, since this is just one small moment in the journey of our lives. Let’s say Patty swallows her pride and comes to the wedding, even if her sister comes back to the Church at the age of 90, it would be well worth it. If Patty doesn’t attend and causes a rift in the family, her sister will never return to the Church even if she wanted to, because that would be admitting that Patty was right(pride is an ugly thing).

Besides, if this is her second marriage, the odds are that it won’t last anyway(look at the statistics). If Patty is there to help her through the divorce, it would be a perfect opportunity to bring her back into the grace of God. Ask yourself, which decision are you more likely to regret? You lose nothing by attending(other than a little pride), but you could lose your sister forever by staying home and doing nothing.

As for me, I thank God every day that I attended my brother’s wedding, even though the easiest thing would have been to stay home. The hard thing is to put yourself through watching your loved one distance him/herself from God’s truth, but it’s well worth it if they will one day return to the Church. We are a people of hope, God would not abandon us if we sinned, so why should we give up on each other? 🤷
 
I didn’t abandon my sister by not attending her wedding. She abandoned the truth. Standing up for truth doesn’t have anything to do with pride. I am not saying I am right and someone else is wrong. I am saying God gave us truth and we need to abide by that truth. I love my sister and there is never a rosary that I say without including her, but there is no way I can support her in sin. That isn’t love.
 
I have a friend who did not go to his sisters third wedding out of concern over the ethical issues invovled. He still loves her and supports her.

Because this is supposed to be a sacramental situation and they BOTH are Catholic and neither has bothered to clear it up I would say you have reason to stay away. I would communicate that you love them both and it will not effect your relationship but that your faith will not allow you to attend. The risk is that she may never talk to you again feeling you are judging her.

I would talk to a Priest and get his opinion.

These things are never easy but sometimes we have to take the hard path. I am a Protestant clergyman and my wife decided she does not want to be married any longer (no adultery, etc). I had to do some soul searching and realize that I have a calling before God and that much as I may enjoy female companionship that is enjoyed in a husband and wife bond (sex & emotional intimacy), I am not in a position to ever marry again. Some denominations allow it (mine would) but I have to ask what is my calling in Christ and what witness do I create were I to engage in multiple marriages? Sometimes the right path is not the easy path.

It may be after talking to your priest that you can be involved in her life but cannot particpate in what should be a sacramental event that is not being done correctly for the sake of convenience.

Rev North
 
i was thinking about you today at church. i heard the gospel and thought it was very truthful. Today Jesus is telling us that families will be split apart for worshiping God.We all give good advice but end the end it is your family and your decision. You know all the details of the situation so Pray on your decision and put the rest into God’s hands…

Jesus said to his disciples:
“I have come to set the earth on fire,
and how I wish it were already blazing!
There is a baptism with which I must be baptized,
and how great is my anguish until it is accomplished!
Do you think that I have come to establish peace on the earth?
No, I tell you, but rather division.
From now on a household of five will be divided,
three against two and two against three;
a father will be divided against his son
and a son against his father,
a mother against her daughter
and a daughter against her mother,
a mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law
and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.”
 
RevDrNorth said:
I have a friend who did not go to his sisters third wedding out of concern over the ethical issues invovled. He still loves her and supports her.

Because this is supposed to be a sacramental situation and they BOTH are Catholic and neither has bothered to clear it up I would say you have reason to stay away. I would communicate that you love them both and it will not effect your relationship but that your faith will not allow you to attend. The risk is that she may never talk to you again feeling you are judging her.

I would talk to a Priest and get his opinion.

These things are never easy but sometimes we have to take the hard path. I am a Protestant clergyman and my wife decided she does not want to be married any longer (no adultery, etc). I had to do some soul searching and realize that I have a calling before God and that much as I may enjoy female companionship that is enjoyed in a husband and wife bond (sex & emotional intimacy), I am not in a position to ever marry again. Some denominations allow it (mine would) but I have to ask what is my calling in Christ and what witness do I create were I to engage in multiple marriages? Sometimes the right path is not the easy path.

It may be after talking to your priest that you can be involved in her life but cannot particpate in what should be a sacramental event that is not being done correctly for the sake of convenience.

Rev North
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Rev North,

Your congeration is lucky to have you.

Everythought about crossing the Tiber? We could use a few good men.😃
 
A couple of things here:
  1. It is NOT a sin to attend and at the same time, we must put faith first. (You can ask two priests this and the only thing they will agree on is that it isn’t a sin. One will encourage you to go and the other won’t.) It IS a sin to participate (not a sin to attend) in an invalid marriage like this.
  2. My sister has NOT left the Catholic Church. She just isn’t practicing completely (I guess that is an understatement.) She attends Sunday Mass - does not receive the Holy Eucharist.
  3. States that she desires to one day receive Christ’s body, blood, soul, and divinty through the Holy Eurcharist, but at the same time has moved her and her five daughters in with her fiancee.
  4. This is not about pride. (At least on my side.)
  5. Heard it through the family grapevine that my sister cannot believe that I would have been upset with this decision. “It never crossed her mind.” At the same time, I’m told to let her “cool off” a bit before trying to contact her because she is hurt by me.
  6. Can we please stop using that pathetic judgement card?!?!?!?! That is like saying, “My dear daughter, I cannot tell you what you are doing wrong since I have sinned myself. So, go forth, and do whatever you want, because I’m not allowed to love you.” (I’m a huge fan of Dr. Ray G.)
  7. I had another conversation with my oldest sister, the one who was pretty upset with my choice. We ended up having another talk. This one was one of the most fantastic, inspiring, faith discussion that I have ever had with any of my family members that I can remember. Basically, what we came to understand and appreciate is that my family takes the “you can attract more bees with honey” stand. (Inside you disagree, but hopefully your actions will guide the lost along.) Which is fine. Me, on the other hand, I am the one who says, “Hello?! Doesn’t anyone see anything wrong with this picture?!” I orally defend the faith (and then constantly fall down trying to live it. grin) I’m the one, in the family, who points out the red flag. Neither stand is wrong. Bottom line.
  8. I do plan to talk with her - that is when and if she wants to - and basically tell her in a loving way that I believe if she continues this, and something tragic happens where her life is ended, she will go to hell. I do not want her anywhere but in Heaven. I’m terribly worried for her and it saddens me to the bottom of my core to see her doing this. If there is anything that I could do to help speed up the annulment proceedings, let me know. Who knows how she will respond.
  9. I know her fiancee understand my position and accepts it. Hmmm… do you think that he will start questioning all of this himself?
  10. How ironic - today’s Gospel reading.
Sorry, this way much longer then just a couple of pointers.
 
Beckers -
Truly is ironic isn’t it? I was thinking of everyone who has helped me in this situation. Again, thanks to all of you.

Yes, after going over this every single angle, it truly comes down to my decision. I have moved from “no way-no how” to I can take what knowledge and compassion I have gained, mix it with a tremendous amount of prayer, and take the time I need to make up my mind.

Peace!
 
You are already making it clear that you don’t agree with the way this will be done, however, it would be nice for you to go anyways.
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It is not enough for us to SAY we can’t compromise the faith, our souls and the souls of our loved ones. We must also support our words with action. Stating our opposition and then attending the wedding is a complete contradition of our conviction. It’s schizophrenic. In all honesty, no matter what we SAY, it is really our actions that bespeak our commitment to our faith. The bride will certainly assume, to some extent, that her sister has accepted the situation enough to convince herself to attend, against her better judgement and her conscience. Is that the kind of message we want to be sending?
 
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