Going to the wedding, or avoiding that and going to the reception is being bandied about as “approving” the lifestyle, or “validating” it; my first question is, in whose eyes?
Certainly not the mother’s; the OP has made that clear.
Assuming that she has spoken openly with her son ( and I don’t think we have information on that one way or another), I seriously doubt that the son, if he is minimally honest with himself, would agree that Mom is doing either of theose.
If she hasn’t spoken openly and frankly with him, then she certainly needs to do so.
Others’ eyes? And who is it that the mother is validating this relationship with - anyone she truly knows? I doubt it.
The comment was made about shunning - something done by some religious sects openly, and others semi-openly; but it is also done by many people in Christian denomenations that would not approve of it; it is a reaction to a violation of a deep moral law.
Show me any statistics that indicate that the shunning causes those who have fallen away to amend their ways and return to the fold. I have seen the effects of shunning, and what they do is drive people further away. In other words, they have the exact opposite effect of what is intended.
The only time that shunning is effective is before the situation is out of hand, in keeping one who is afraid of giving up the family/church/social unit from doing what would cause the shunning; and that is of limited effect. Again, look around, and don’t pick out the one case that runs opposite; look at the totality.
What did Christ teach us? If we look at what actually happened in the case of the son who demanded his inheritance, it helps to understand what the story starts with.
Jewish children had a strict moral duty to care for their parents. When the son demanded his inheritance, he not only violated that law, but he went further; he “disinhertied” his father; he told his father is so many words “You are dead to me”; there could not be a much greater insult to one’s parent.
And what did the father do?
He did not immediately disown his son (he had every right to do so); rather, he gave him his inheritance!
Amd then what did the father do? He waited for his son’s return; and before his son could even beg to be treated as a slave, he brought him back into the family joyously!
There is a line between ignoring the sin of the child, and cutting the child off for his sin. I hear a bit of “You show him who’s right and who’s wrong!” in the comments.
I would guess those who are making them may not have adult children. I do.
I also have relatives whose children have left the Church; several of those children have been shunned.
And guess what? It brought each and every one of them right back to church.
NOT! These families have been split, not for a few years, but for decades; they can barely speak with each other at family gatherings, if the children even show up.
Now that is bringing those kids back in droves! NOT!
I also work with returning Catholics. Kind of amazing the stories I hear about someone - a priest, a nun, a parent cutting the child off for the child’s sinful behavior. Most of those who did the shunning are now long dead, and the one cut off is still not sure why they would or should want to be part of a church that is so judgemental. They admit they made the wrong decision; but they do not see a church which is forgving, but rather one that is condemning.
It is God’s business to condemn. When we take over God’s job, we at the minimum have a problem with pride - whether we admit it or not - and judgmentalism, and we just may be contributing to the loss of a soul.
There is a path somewhere between damning the sinner with faint praise and hating the sin. Cut the child off, and demand that they be the one to crawl back and beg forgiveness, and wait - but don’t hold your breath, because they won’t be coming back.
I wonder how many people who suggest not going to the wedding have used the cold silent treatment on their spouse, or child, or friend when seriously offended - or were treated this way by a parent. Oh, it hurts; it hurts tremendously. But does it cause healing in the one so treated?
. Helping the son make the right decision sound ideal but what you fail to recognise is that the son is an adult and has the free will to do as he pleases. Thankfully Our Father didn’t just leave us to it when we didn’t do things has way. Instead, He rebuked us with His Word. He gently guided us through the hard times and He stayed with us, even when we strayed, waiting for us to realise Him and come back.
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