Should I attend my son's wedding?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Shouva
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It’s good debate technique. Why not deal with the question instead of becoming an accuser, yourself?
 
vern_humphrey said:
We are not talking about killing our grandchildren!

This is a strawman argument and a violation of the rules. You owe us an apology.
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I respectfully disagree.

We are talking about a mortal sin in both cases. If the comparassion offends you maybe then maybe your position needs some rethinking?
 
vern_humphrey said:
The obviously you haven’t read the thread – it’s about attending her son’s wedding.
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Oh, I’ve read the thread.

What you left out about attending her sons wedding is the fact is that she is certain her son will continue to “share” his bride with his best friend as a “threesome”. A lifestyle they have been living for some years now.

Have you read the thread?
 
Maybe she should attend, specifically for the purpose of breaking up the ceremony and preventing the thing from occurring.

That’s what some Catholics (like Bp. Yanta) do at abortion clinics…
 
I would attend the wedding. Yes, there are problems with attending, but there are bigger problems with boycotting.
 
I know I’m late to the game, but I want to add my shock that anyone would consider going to this farce of a “wedding”.

There is no wedding here. It is an abomination against God and the natural law. An atheist shouldn’t go to this “wedding”. How could anyone consider sitting at a “wedding” where the “groom” will be sharing his “bride” with another man? God help us when Catholics are counselling this. Sometimes you can “abandon” your child. What if your child was an abortionist?

Shouva, please do not attend. Guard your soul first, and pray for your son to come around. Your presence as a Catholic could lead how many others astray.

God Bless you
 
lizaanne said:
Please tell me you are not serious about this! You honestly think it is more important to preserve and protect this earthly relationship than to be concerned with where the son will spend ETERNITY??!!!

If he cleans his life up the mother and son have the possibility of being together forever in Heaven in the presence of God!!! If he doesn’t - well, his chances are pretty slim that’s going to happen.

Where are the Catholics in this discussion? Isn’t anyone concerned about the son’s soul? Doesn’t anyone here realize that what happens here is only temporary and prepares us for where we are truly meant to be - and that we are to be perfect as our Father is perfect? Tell me - how does that happen for the son if mom stands by his side and gives her blessing (and don’t even try to tell me that attendance is not a blessing - being a witness to something is stating agreement and personal involvement).

Dang - I just worry sometimes about where people’s heads are on some things. I can’t believe this is even a question! To me it is an open and shut decision and doesn’t even warrant a second thought. Be concerned for the son’s soul - worry about the “feel good” relationship later. There really are more important things to be concerned about here.

~Liza
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Tough as it is, I agree with this. By attending you will be showing approval of the marriage and its circumstances whether you mean to or not. I know it is hard to turn your back on a child, but you could tell him ahead of time, in person, that you will not be attending and why. You can stress that you love him and that he is always welcome in your home, but that you will not sanction something that is against God’s law. Perhaps he will be angry with you at first, but I have a suspicion that if he does marry in this way that it won’t be a lasting one and then he may admire you for your rightful stance on the situation. Really, the only thing you can do is pray, pray, pray.
 
I’ll defer to the CCC.

**2228 **Parents’ respect and affection are expressed by the care and attention they devote to bringing up their young children and providing for their physical and spiritual needs. As the children grow up, the same respect and devotion lead parents to educate them in the right use of their reason and freedom.

(Emphasis mine)

**2230 **When they become adults, children have the right and duty to choose their profession and state of life. They should assume their new responsibilities within a trusting relationship with their parents, willingly asking and receiving their advice and counsel. Parents should be careful not to exert pressure on their children either in the choice of a profession or in that of a spouse. This necessary restraint does not prevent them - quite the contrary from giving their children judicious advice, **particularly when they are planning to start a family.
**
(Emphasis mine)
 
iamrefreshed said:
Oh, I’ve read the thread.
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So how did you come to the conclusion it was about abortion?
iamrefreshed said:
What you left out about attending her sons wedding is the fact is that she is certain her son will continue to “share” his bride with his best friend as a “threesome”. A lifestyle they have been living for some years now.

Have you read the thread?
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Indeed. Did you read the posts about how a father can control a grown child by saying, “I’m very disappointed in you?”

That’s obviously not the case here – and as I said, the parents are playing catch-up ball. They haven’t established that mutual love and respect that leads a child, even when grown, to strive for the parents’ approval and respect.

Now, they won’t catch up by doing more of the same. Read the post about how this child is adamant about what he wants and parental objections will harden his attitude – how did that come about? Clearly there have been many other arguments and fights in this family – it appears to the Modus Operandi.

I don’t know if these parents can ever influence their child for the better, but if they can it will not be through the methods they have used to date.
 
vern_humphrey said:
So how did you come to the conclusion it was about abortion?

Indeed. Did you read the posts about how a father can control a grown child by saying, “I’m very disappointed in you?”

That’s obviously not the case here – and as I said, the parents are playing catch-up ball. They haven’t established that mutual love and respect that leads a child, even when grown, to strive for the parents’ approval and respect.

Now, they won’t catch up by doing more of the same. Read the post about how this child is adamant about what he wants and parental objections will harden his attitude – how did that come about? Clearly there have been many other arguments and fights in this family – it appears to the Modus Operandi.

I don’t know if these parents can ever influence their child for the better, but if they can it will not be through the methods they have used to date.
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How can you, by a total of three posts by the OP concerning this matter on this website, come to the psycho-analytical conclusion that you have? Do you know the parents personally? Are you involved in their lives? Do you know everything that you need to know about this situation to make these judgments?

Gee whiz … it’s no wonder the OP didn’t come back to this thread.

Someone used the example of the Prodigal Son above. Would you say that his father was a bad father because the son went out and did what he wanted to do? I would say that he wasn’t a bad father. The son made bad choices based on ill conceived desires.

Also, note that the father did not join the son on his lark nor did he go looking for him to make sure that he was okay or to ‘not alienate his son’. The son CAME BACK to the father once he realized the errors he made.
 
vern_humphrey said:
So how did you come to the conclusion it was about abortion?
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I never claimed it was about abortion. I only compared one mortal sin to another mortal sin. Is one better or worse? No, both lead to damnation. Maybe many on this board are not seeing it that way.
vern_humphrey said:
Indeed. Did you read the posts about how a father can control a grown child by saying, “I’m very disappointed in you?”

That’s obviously not the case here – and as I said, the parents are playing catch-up ball. They haven’t established that mutual love and respect that leads a child, even when grown, to strive for the parents’ approval and respect.

Now, they won’t catch up by doing more of the same. Read the post about how this child is adamant about what he wants and parental objections will harden his attitude – how did that come about? Clearly there have been many other arguments and fights in this family – it appears to the Modus Operandi.

I don’t know if these parents can ever influence their child for the better, but if they can it will not be through the methods they have used to date.
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Frankly, I think you owe the OP an apology for assuming so much about her childs upbringing.

Who are you to make your Modus Operandi claim?
 
Our poor OP - if she ever returns - she going to have an ear full!! 😃

I certainly think we have given her much to consider.

I would gently remind iamrefreshed and vern humphrey that if this thing starts getting personal and nasty the mods will lock it down before the OP even has a chance to return. 🙂 I would hate to see that happen.

~Liza
 
lizaanne said:
Our poor OP - if she ever returns - she going to have an ear full!! 😃

I certainly think we have given her much to consider.

I would gently remind iamrefreshed and vern humphrey that if this thing starts getting personal and nasty the mods will lock it down before the OP even has a chance to return. 🙂 I would hate to see that happen.

~Liza
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Point taken. Vern, if I’ve offended you I apologize. I just disagree with your opinion.
 
MaryD7 said:
How can you, by a total of three posts by the OP concerning this matter on this website, come to the psycho-analytical conclusion that you have? Do you know the parents personally? Are you involved in their lives? Do you know everything that you need to know about this situation to make these judgments?
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How can you, by a total of three posts by the OP concerning this matter on this website, and no responses at all by the accused son, come to the psycho-analytical conclusion that you have? Do you know the parents or the son personally? Are you involved in their lives? Do you know everything that you need to know about this situation to make these judgments?
MaryD7 said:
Someone used the example of the Prodigal Son above. Would you say that his father was a bad father because the son went out and did what he wanted to do? I would say that he wasn’t a bad father. The son made bad choices based on ill conceived desires.
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If you have any post of mine where I said the father was a bad father, please post it here.

I say, based on the OPs original comments, that whatever they parents did in the past, it didn’t work. Do you disagree with that?

I further say that the situation between son and parents is very bad. Do you disagree with that?

Finally, I say that if anything is going to work, it won’t be more of the same – the parents must change their tactics.
MaryD7 said:
Also, note that the father did not join the son on his lark nor did he go looking for him to make sure that he was okay or to ‘not alienate his son’. The son CAME BACK to the father once he realized the errors he made.
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And your point is that the father should not go looking?

Remember, there is another parable where a man loses one sheep out of a flock of a hundred – and leaves the flock to go looking for the lost sheep.
 
Shouva said:
My daughter told him months ago that she would “be busy that day”. This has brought him to tears and is upsetting him dearly. I am afraid that she is being too staunch in her stand and should at least attend the reception. Not attending in some fashion would mean a permanent split between them.

What should I do? What should my daughter do? All opinions woudl be appreciated.
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Maybe since the son has been brought to tears by his sisters refusal to attend then moms refusal may enforce the bad decision? Maybe his “will of iron” will bend?
 
vern_humphrey said:
How can you, by a total of three posts by the OP concerning this matter on this website, and no responses at all by the accused son, come to the psycho-analytical conclusion that you have? Do you know the parents or the son personally? Are you involved in their lives? Do you know everything that you need to know about this situation to make these judgments?
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Maybe you have me confused with somebody else. I made no judgments about the family dynamics. The question that was put forth by the OP, “What should I do?” I gave her my opinion in #11. That is all that it is, MY opinion. I cast no stones when doing so.
 
I think most of us have made our differing opinions clear now and people are beginning to get too personal. I know I’m beginning to feel angry though I shouldn’t. I think it is time for the thread to close.
 
I would not like to see it close - but let’s wait till the OP comes back so she can respond. But I do agree that it needs to calm down.

~Liza
 
What is truly sad is that these kinds of situations are being faced on a daily basis because people have lost the reverence for our Lord and the church as a whole. They have created their own designer faiths and it causing families to face crisis’ where none existed 30 or 40 years ago.We need communities that reject scapegoating as the glue that holds them together. This, I think, is why Jesus made the shocking declaration, “If any one comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26). Service to God may call us to risk all relationships,7 and even our own lives. When traditional relationships become stumbling blocks to reconciliation, we must be ready to establish new kinds of relationships. Indeed, while Luke 12:52 describes a house divided, Luke 13 features the Prodigal Son parable, in which the father abandons cultural protocol and seeks to reunite his fractured family

More reasons to pray.
 
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