Should I attend my son's wedding?

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What is truly sad is that these kinds of situations are being faced on a daily basis because people have lost the reverence for our Lord and the church as a whole. They have created their own designer faiths and it causing families to face crisis’ where none existed 30 or 40 years ago.We need communities that reject scapegoating as the glue that holds them together. This, I think, is why Jesus made the shocking declaration, “If any one comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26). Service to God may call us to risk all relationships, and even our own lives. When traditional relationships become stumbling blocks to reconciliation, we must be ready to establish new kinds of relationships. Indeed, while Luke 12:52 describes a house divided, Luke 13 features the Prodigal Son parable, in which the father abandons cultural protocol and seeks to reunite his fractured family

More reasons to pray.
 
MaryD7 said:
Maybe you have me confused with somebody else. I made no judgments about the family dynamics. The question that was put forth by the OP, “What should I do?” I gave her my opinion in #11. That is all that it is, MY opinion. I cast no stones when doing so.
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For a person who is casting no stones, you seem awfully judgemetal.

Have we forgotten this is a Catholic forum? And as Catholics, we believe in love and prayer, not confrontation and recrimination?

Clearly, according to the OP, confrontation in this situation has not worked. As Bill Clinton once said, “Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is insanity by definition.”

I say, let’s stop, take a deep breath, and try a Catholic approach – love and prayer.
 
Dear Shouva,

This is not a simple situation, so I find it hard to give a simple “yes” or “no.”

My brother put our family in a similar situation, although it was after he was married. Five months into their marriage his wife found a woman online and informed my brother that she was bi-sexual. My brother allowed her to move in. My family was expected to accept the three of them as a “family unit.”

We didn’t shun him, but we didn’t accept his situation. My mom complained to him when he brought the other woman to Thanksgiving along with his wife. I wouldn’t allow my kids to stay overnight in his home. We were all very clear about how we felt about the situation. As an atheist/agnostic, there was no way to convince him morally. There was a lot of stress, and he felt very hurt.

When his wife left both of them, he came to his senses. He realized how messed up the situation was. I’m not sure that would have happened if we just accepted his “family unit.” I think it is important to put your foot down once in a while.

I know this situation is different, but I think the best you can do is pray about it, seek counsel from your priest, and then act accordingly.

God bless and my prayers are with you in this difficult situation,

Robert
 
Good post.

I would say, “Don’t do anything irrevocable. Don’t cut him off from the family.”

Use love and prayer, not recrimination and rejection.
 
Shouva said:
My son is getting married in December. Despite his upbringing and Catholic school education he fell away from the Church. His relationship with his best friend (attended the same Catholic schools) and his fiance is totally morally reprehensible. They have been living a “manage a trois” for 3 years. I do not doubt that the “sharing” will continue after the civil ceremony. The best friend will be the best man at the wedding.
…

My daughter told him months ago that she would “be busy that day”. This has brought him to tears and is upsetting him dearly. I am afraid that she is being too staunch in her stand and should at least attend the reception. Not attending in some fashion would mean a permanent split between them.

What should I do? What should my daughter do? All opinions woudl be appreciated.
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First, my answer assumes that you have given us factual evidence that your son intends to live this same lifestyle during his “marriage”.

Your son is upset because you and your daughter won’t support his morally inappropriate lifestyle and his disrespect for marriage. I’d say that your daughter is taking the right approach. Even if it causes a split, at least your son knows of her disapproval of his lifestyle. Even attending a reception seems to offer support of the marriage, for the reception is a celebration in honor of the couple and their marriage.

I think most callers to Catholic Answers are asking if they can go to a Protestant or civil service, which is not quite what you are dealing with here. The situation you have is a great disrespect for marriage. It is adultery now and forever.

Again, this is all assuming that your son has openly committed himself to this ridiculous lifestyle, and that the “marriage” will not change anything.

You are in my prayers Shouva. I don’t know if I would have the strength to do what your daughter is doing, but I would pray for that strength.
 
Saint Monica’s son was living a very similar lifestyle – but she did not abandon him, did she?
 
vern_humphrey said:
For a person who is casting no stones, you seem awfully judgemetal.

Have we forgotten this is a Catholic forum? And as Catholics, we believe in love and prayer, not confrontation and recrimination? I am just going to have to assume that you are not talking about me because I never said a word about confronting or recriminations. Talk to the son, yes and explain the possible repurcussions that his behavior might cause in his own life. I never said anything about ultimatums and/or recriminations if he goes forward with his plans. His mistakes are his to make. This is the freedom we all have. But if I morally disagree and I feel that by my attending a wedding of this sort is tacit approval, I’m not going to go. I feel that it is my job as a parent to draw lines in the sand with my children, no matter how old they are. They don’t have to agree with me and they know that I will always love them. But I don’t have to accept everything that they do, especially if it concerns mortal sins. In this case, the mortal sins are already planned. They will continue the threesome. I’m sorry but I can’t be a party to that.

Clearly, according to the OP, confrontation in this situation has not worked. As Bill Clinton once said, “Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is insanity by definition.”

I say, let’s stop, take a deep breath, and try a Catholic approach – love and prayer. I agree.
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vern_humphrey said:
Saint Monica’s son was living a very similar lifestyle – but she did not abandon him, did she?
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She did not approve of his lifestyle and spent her time in prayer for his soul. I doubt she would have attend such a “joining”, such as the one the OP tells us about.
 
PatienceAndLove said:
She did not approve of his lifestyle and spent her time in prayer for his soul. I doubt she would have attend such a “joining”, such as the one the OP tells us about.
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What an ancient personality “would have done” is a false argument – we cannot know what they “would have done.” We can only know what they did do.

Saint Monica followed her son from Carthage to Milan, where he taught a pagan school, indulged in sexual excesses and followed a dissolute life. She never spurned or rejected him – and his testimony to her loving and prayerful approach is among the most powerful of all the images in his writing.
 
vern_humphrey said:
What an ancient personality “would have done” is a false argument – we cannot know what they “would have done.” We can only know what they did do.

Saint Monica followed her son from Carthage to Milan, where he taught a pagan school, indulged in sexual excesses and followed a dissolute life. She never spurned or rejected him – and his testimony to her loving and prayerful approach is among the most powerful of all the images in his writing.
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I will say one thing, and then I am unsubscribing from this thread:
The OP- if she were to refuse to attend the wedding, entertain his DIL and friend in her home, or visit their home- is not spurning or rejecting. She is loving her son and hating his sin. In that hatred of sin, I am sure she would be praying for him, as St. Monica did.
 
PatienceAndLove said:
I will say one thing, and then I am unsubscribing from this thread:
The OP- if she were to refuse to attend the wedding, entertain his DIL and friend in her home, or visit their home- is not spurning or rejecting. She is loving her son and hating his sin. In that hatred of sin, I am sure she would be praying for him, as St. Monica did.
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Amen.👍
 
PatienceAndLove said:
I will say one thing, and then I am unsubscribing from this thread:
The OP- if she were to refuse to attend the wedding, entertain his DIL and friend in her home, or visit their home- is not spurning or rejecting. She is loving her son and hating his sin. In that hatred of sin, I am sure she would be praying for him, as St. Monica did.
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But Saint Monica didn’t reject her son – she went to him. She followed him. She never refused to visit him nor refused to allow him to visit her, now did she?
 
Well, you were starting to explain to us in detail how St. Monica handled her son, on a daily basis, I figured you must have been there, how else could you know? I mean, if you know such things, I’m sure the OP could use your (name removed by moderator)ut most of all.
 
Ok - I’m not even a mom, but I’m going to put on a mom hat right now…

Will you all stop this bickering already??!!! Just stop it!

Everyone has made their points. Can we PLEASE let this discussion stay open till the OP comes back? How sad it would be for her to come back and see it turned into a flinging dirt fest and closed down before she even had a chance to respond. I think that would be a horrible thing for her. She asked for opinions - by golly, she got them. Now let’s just sit back and breathe and wait till she comes back. Sheesh.

:mad:

~Liza
 
Jimbo2 said:
Well, you were starting to explain to us in detail how St. Monica handled her son, on a daily basis, I figured you must have been there, how else could you know? I mean, if you know such things, I’m sure the OP could use your (name removed by moderator)ut most of all.
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Why don’t you read what her son wrote?
 
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