My son is getting married in December. Despite his upbringing and Catholic school education he fell away from the Church. His relationship with his best friend (attended the same Catholic schools) and his fiance is totally morally reprehensible. They have been living a “manage a trois” for 3 years. I do not doubt that the “sharing” will continue after the civil ceremony. The best friend will be the best man at the wedding.
Listening to Catholic radio I hear situations where callers are told they cannot be the best man or maid of honor in Protestant wedding or in weddings where a Catholic is marrying outside the Church. This is because the positions of best man and maid of honor act as the official witnesses to the marriage. The callers are told that they can attend the wedding as a guest. In some situations the callers are told not to attend the wedding but that it would be OK to attend the reception.
I am totally repulsed by the life my son is living. If I do not attend in some way, however, I know I will loose all contact with my son and any future interaction to influence him to change his life to the better. (He has a will of iron.) If I attend only the reception it would look very strange to all attending, especially to my ex-husband. He does not know of his son’s lifestyle and I would have to tell him my reason for not attending the wedding ceremony.
My daughter told him months ago that she would “be busy that day”. This has brought him to tears and is upsetting him dearly. I am afraid that she is being too staunch in her stand and should at least attend the reception. Not attending in some fashion would mean a permanent split between them.
What should I do? What should my daughter do? All opinions woudl be appreciated.
This is for Shouva and Shouva only:
Before you do anything to provoke a permanent rupture with your son, remember this – those who want you to take a hard line don’t have to live with the results. They will not wake up in the wee hours of the morning, five or ten or twenty years from now wondering where their son is. They will not be wondering if they have grandchildren they have never met and who will never know them.
Now I will tell you a story. I have a friend – actually a friend of my wife – who has been divorced twice. She has children by each marriage. A few years back, she “took up with” a man of a different ethnic background and got pregnant.
Her father cut her off completely – despite the fact that her house is only about a hundred feet from her parents’ home, he would not speak to her, would not acknowledge her if he met her on the street, would not allow her or her lover in his house.
When the baby was born, a little girl, she had a hole in her heart. Her grandfather publicly said it would be better if she died. He would not visit her in the hospital, would not talk to his daughter – he shunned them completely.
One night when the little girl was about 2 1/2, she climbed out of bed and went out the front door. In the middle of the night, she toddled across to her grandparents’ house, went in and climbed up into bed with them.
You never saw such a transformation in a man! He and that little girl are inseparable now, and they love each other with an intensity that must be seen to be believed.
Don’t cut yourself off from your son. You don’t know what the future holds, and what love may come to you. Read
The Confessions of Saint Augustine and model yourself after Saint Monica. Her son was just as dissolute and sinful as yours – and she saved him with love and prayer.
