Should I be concerned about this nun?

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darkangel123

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Long story short, I am a 24 year old catholic woman in love with a catholic man . We both intend to marry. Though his parents are ok with it, my parents arent citing “pride and prestige” which, according to them, will be there only in an arranged marriage. Also, my guy is not settled yet and is still studying. He needs another 1.5 years to settle after which we could marry. Here, the norm for women is to be married off by the time they are 23-24. Since I have crossed the “marriageable age” I am being forced to break up and marry a guy of their choice.
Now my worry is, my mother has been meeting with a discalced carmelite nun for a year now and the nun has promised her that she would pray hard and do a lot of penance so that I would break up. The reason they say again, is social pressure and the fact that I will have to wait during which, we might break up. Also, my boyfriend and I have different cultures and languages though it is a lot similar.

My question is, whether I should be bothered about the Carmelite nun given the fact that they spend their entire day in prayer and penance. I’m worried whether this will have any negative impact on my relationship with my boyfriend. Also, the same nun has told mom that the Holy Spirit spoke to her and told her that this (my marriage with my boyfriend) wont happen and now the entire convent ( 4 old nuns) are praying that I break up and they are very confident that God will answer their prayer. All this is causing me worry.
 
darkangel123 said:
Long story short, I am a 24 year old catholic woman in love with a catholic man . We both intend to marry. Though his parents are ok with it, my parents arent citing “pride and prestige” which, according to them, will be there only in an arranged marriage. Also, my guy is not settled yet and is still studying. He needs another 1.5 years to settle after which we could marry. Here, the norm for women is to be married off by the time they are 23-24. Since I have crossed the “marriageable age” I am being forced to break up and marry a guy of their choice.
Now my worry is, my mother has been meeting with a discalced carmelite nun for a year now and the nun has promised her that she would pray hard and do a lot of penance so that I would break up. The reason they say again, is social pressure and the fact that I will have to wait during which, we might break up. Also, my boyfriend and I have different cultures and languages though it is a lot similar.

My question is, whether I should be bothered about the Carmelite nun given the fact that they spend their entire day in prayer and penance. I’m worried whether this will have any negative impact on my relationship with my boyfriend. Also, the same nun has told mom that the Holy Spirit spoke to her and told her that this (my marriage with my boyfriend) wont happen and now the entire convent ( 4 old nuns) are praying that I break up and they are very confident that God will answer their prayer. All this is causing me worry.
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Weird.

My advice no matter the culture. Live your own life. Do it honorably, Holy, and within the confines and comfort of the Church. Let all other things fade away. Including all of this nonsense.
 
They can pray all they want, but in the end God’s will will prevail. Not to worry.
 
jaimeleglise said:
They can pray all they want, but in the end God’s will will prevail. Not to worry.
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😉

Yup just tell your mom that you are praying that she accepts your decisions and that you will just let God settle it.

Nothing like good ole fashioned prayer wars!
 
There was a poster with the exact same scenario last week.
Could this be a continuation of that thread? 🤷
 
darkangel123 said:
Long story short, I am a 24 year old catholic woman in love with a catholic man . We both intend to marry. Though his parents are ok with it, my parents arent citing “pride and prestige” which, according to them, will be there only in an arranged marriage. Also, my guy is not settled yet and is still studying. He needs another 1.5 years to settle after which we could marry. Here, the norm for women is to be married off by the time they are 23-24. Since I have crossed the “marriageable age” I am being forced to break up and marry a guy of their choice.
Now my worry is, my mother has been meeting with a discalced carmelite nun for a year now and the nun has promised her that she would pray hard and do a lot of penance so that I would break up. The reason they say again, is social pressure and the fact that I will have to wait during which, we might break up. Also, my boyfriend and I have different cultures and languages though it is a lot similar.

My question is, whether I should be bothered about the Carmelite nun given the fact that they spend their entire day in prayer and penance. I’m worried whether this will have any negative impact on my relationship with my boyfriend. Also, the same nun has told mom that the Holy Spirit spoke to her and told her that this (my marriage with my boyfriend) wont happen and now the entire convent ( 4 old nuns) are praying that I break up and they are very confident that God will answer their prayer. All this is causing me worry.
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I think that you are old enough to make your own decisions about who you marry. And since this doesn’t sound like a case of parents trying to protect a mentally ill and/or too young child who may not be able to appropriately consent, I don’t see how you would be morally bound to their wishes.

Being Catholic and marrying is about free will and consent.
 
You do YOU, because that’s what God requires of you.

If it is God’s will that you marry this man, why would any prayer change that?
 
darkangel123 said:
Long story short, I am a 24 year old catholic woman in love with a catholic man . We both intend to marry. Though his parents are ok with it, my parents arent citing “pride and prestige” which, according to them, will be there only in an arranged marriage. Also, my guy is not settled yet and is still studying. He needs another 1.5 years to settle after which we could marry. Here, the norm for women is to be married off by the time they are 23-24. Since I have crossed the “marriageable age” I am being forced to break up and marry a guy of their choice.
Now my worry is, my mother has been meeting with a discalced carmelite nun for a year now and the nun has promised her that she would pray hard and do a lot of penance so that I would break up. The reason they say again, is social pressure and the fact that I will have to wait during which, we might break up. Also, my boyfriend and I have different cultures and languages though it is a lot similar.

My question is, whether I should be bothered about the Carmelite nun given the fact that they spend their entire day in prayer and penance. I’m worried whether this will have any negative impact on my relationship with my boyfriend. Also, the same nun has told mom that the Holy Spirit spoke to her and told her that this (my marriage with my boyfriend) wont happen and now the entire convent ( 4 old nuns) are praying that I break up and they are very confident that God will answer their prayer. All this is causing me worry.
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Please trust in God. His Will will be done regardless what anyone prays. God Bless you and be with you in these trying times.
 
This is the 2nd letter like this in a week from India…come on, guys!

I’ve watched enough Bollywood to know this is a problem. Why don’t you take them to see Dil Dhadakne Do? I’m serious–it deals with exactly this issue, and it handles it very well. How can they argue with Priyanka and Anushka? If they can convince Anil Kapoor, they can convince your parents.

The other writer also talked about interference from Catholic priests and nuns. To me (and I suspect anyone who lives in the West), this is just not acceptable. The nuns are completely out of order. Tell your parents a lot of other people (including me) are praying that you marry whoever you want to. What the nuns say or think doesn’t matter.

Is there no way you can marry your boyfriend now? The “get settled” excuse is used all over the world. It seems to me that even if it’s difficult, it would be better to live independently. Do you have a job? Can your boyfriend’s parents help in any way? Are there brothers and sisters or friends who could help?

Please be strong. This is your life, not theirs. They have no right to force you to marry anyone. Don’t give in.
 
jaimeleglise said:
They can pray all they want, but in the end God’s will will prevail. Not to worry.
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I agree. She cannot “force” God’s will. Talk to God about it yourself, let HIM know of your concerns, and then try if you can, to put it out of your mind. If she oversteps her bounds with something crazy, let someone in AD know what is going on.
 
darkangel123 said:
Long story short, I am a 24 year old catholic woman in love with a catholic man . We both intend to marry. Though his parents are ok with it, my parents arent citing “pride and prestige” which, according to them, will be there only in an arranged marriage. Also, my guy is not settled yet and is still studying. He needs another 1.5 years to settle after which we could marry. Here, the norm for women is to be married off by the time they are 23-24. Since I have crossed the “marriageable age” I am being forced to break up and marry a guy of their choice.
Now my worry is, my mother has been meeting with a discalced carmelite nun for a year now and the nun has promised her that she would pray hard and do a lot of penance so that I would break up. The reason they say again, is social pressure and the fact that I will have to wait during which, we might break up. Also, my boyfriend and I have different cultures and languages though it is a lot similar.

My question is, whether I should be bothered about the Carmelite nun given the fact that they spend their entire day in prayer and penance. I’m worried whether this will have any negative impact on my relationship with my boyfriend. Also, the same nun has told mom that the Holy Spirit spoke to her and told her that this (my marriage with my boyfriend) wont happen and now the entire convent ( 4 old nuns) are praying that I break up and they are very confident that God will answer their prayer. All this is causing me worry.
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I don’t know exactly what to tell you, but your situation does strongly remind me of a friend of mine. He’s older than I am, and he was born in China. When he was young he had a girlfriend, and the two were madly in love with one another. They were going to elope and get married, but his family discovered their plans and put a stop to it. He was from a Mandarin family while she was from a Cantonese family, and they were therefore deemed unsuitable for each other. Long story short, to this very day my friend very often breaks down sobbing and becomes utterly inconsolable, and this is nearly fifty years later! He’s never stopped loving her and missing her, and he’s never stopped regretting that he let himself get pushed around by his family. It’ll probably be the very last thought that goes through his mind before he dies.
 
The prayers of a thousand nuns couldn’t force God to do something that is not His will.
 
If a Carmelite nun is praying for what’s best for you, then I would be very encouraged by that!

Be assured that it is a matter of Catholic Church law that the decision to marry and who you marry is entirely yours and must be freely yours (assuming of course the other party is free to marry too). I understand that there are cultural issues here, but if your family is Catholic you should make it clear to them what your rights are under Canon Law, which binds them more strongly than any cultural issues should.
 
Thank you all for your reply. It has cleared certain things up.
 
pianistclare said:
There was a poster with the exact same scenario last week.
Could this be a continuation of that thread? 🤷
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Yes that was me earlier. This has been running over and over in my mind because my family, the nuns and my parish priest are all forcing me to break up although a few other priests I met with did not seem to share their view.
 
mamlukman said:
This is the 2nd letter like this in a week from India…come on, guys!

I’ve watched enough Bollywood to know this is a problem. Why don’t you take them to see Dil Dhadakne Do? I’m serious–it deals with exactly this issue, and it handles it very well. How can they argue with Priyanka and Anushka? If they can convince Anil Kapoor, they can convince your parents.

The other writer also talked about interference from Catholic priests and nuns. To me (and I suspect anyone who lives in the West), this is just not acceptable. The nuns are completely out of order. Tell your parents a lot of other people (including me) are praying that you marry whoever you want to. What the nuns say or think doesn’t matter.

Is there no way you can marry your boyfriend now? The “get settled” excuse is used all over the world. It seems to me that even if it’s difficult, it would be better to live independently. Do you have a job? Can your boyfriend’s parents help in any way? Are there brothers and sisters or friends who could help?

Please be strong. This is your life, not theirs. They have no right to force you to marry anyone. Don’t give in.
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His parents are ok with it but since he does not have a job yet, us marrying now is out of the question. The social set up won’t allow that. I’m working though. About the movie, I’m sure they would not change their opinion because they didn’t change even after another priest gave them a reality check with stories of depressed youngsters after forced break ups. My parents are cold like that
 
Exiled_Child said:
I don’t know exactly what to tell you, but your situation does strongly remind me of a friend of mine. He’s older than I am, and he was born in China. When he was young he had a girlfriend, and the two were madly in love with one another. They were going to elope and get married, but his family discovered their plans and put a stop to it. He was from a Mandarin family while she was from a Cantonese family, and they were therefore deemed unsuitable for each other. Long story short, to this very day my friend very often breaks down sobbing and becomes utterly inconsolable, and this is nearly fifty years later! He’s never stopped loving her and missing her, and he’s never stopped regretting that he let himself get pushed around by his family. It’ll probably be the very last thought that goes through his mind before he dies.
Click to expand...
This is so sad! My heart goes out to your friend.
 
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