Should I be concerned about this nun?

[808Catholic]

His parents are ok with it but since he does not have a job yet, us marrying now is out of the question. The social set up won’t allow that. I’m working though. About the movie, I’m sure they would not change their opinion because they didn’t change even after another priest gave them a reality check with stories of depressed youngsters after forced break ups. My parents are cold like that

I’m sure what your parents are doing is out of love and concern for you. This is a parent’s role in life so please try to see it from their point of view and withhold judgement until you’ve had a chance to become a parent yourself.

Also, the Catholic Church understands and respects the differences in cultures and how we all worship and practice our faith in our own ways. On this forum, you’ll read many “American” Catholic perspectives which is great but take it with a grain of salt as we say. Your culture may view this situation differently than many of us do here in the States. God blesses us all and it’s our challenge to find His blessings in our everyday lives.

 

[underacloud]

Yes that was me earlier. This has been running over and over in my mind because my family, the nuns and my parish priest are all forcing me to break up although a few other priests I met with did not seem to share their view.

Just to clarify, are these nuns and this priest pushing you to break up simply because your boyfriend is from a different caste and thus in their opinion unfit for someone of your own caste to marry?

If that is the case, and with all due respect to cultural differences, it is a morally unacceptable attitude. On a practical level they may be observing that life may be hard in a mixed-caste marriage, and that is a factor to consider on a personal level, and perhaps this underlies your parent’s concern. But on a moral level it is an attitude that needs to be eradicated from the Indian Catholic community asap.

 

[darkangel123]

Just to clarify, are these nuns and this priest pushing you to break up simply because your boyfriend is from a different caste and thus in their opinion unfit for someone of your own caste to marry?

If that is the case, and with all due respect to cultural differences, it is a morally unacceptable attitude. On a practical level they may be observing that life may be hard in a mixed-caste marriage, and that is a factor to consider on a personal level, and perhaps this underlies your parent’s concern. But on a moral level it is an attitude that needs to be eradicated from the Indian Catholic community asap.

Yes, according to my parents , marrying someone from outside the caste is a “shame and disgrace to the family” . Not only that, they consider that marrying for love will not work and an arranged marriage will only last. They are also concerned about our cultural differences though my boyfriend and I do not see that as a problem because our cultures are very similar.

The nuns do not have much contact with the outside world and they are blind to the current scenario where “love marriages” are more acceptable and prevalent compared to earlier. These nuns are all above the age of 65 and have been living in the cloistered monastery for more than 45 years. Therefore their reaction is understandable.

About the priest, it is a different story. He openly told me that the community that my boyfriend belongs to is vile and wicked and that they cheat people. He also told me that marrying for love is not acceptable and I should obey the fourth commandment and marry the guy of their choice.

 

[underacloud]

Yes, according to my parents , marrying someone from outside the caste is a “shame and disgrace to the family” . Not only that, they consider that marrying for love will not work and an arranged marriage will only last. They are also concerned about our cultural differences though my boyfriend and I do not see that as a problem because our cultures are very similar.

Their concerns about cultural differences are in themselves understandable (not morally, but practically), but that is for you to work through yourself, and decide for yourself. It is a sad reality that marrying this man may make life hard for you in certain ways that are in no way your fault or his fault.

One question you can ask yourself is whether you have the courage to face such difficulties. And that courage is clearly being put to the test right now.

About the priest, it is a different story. He openly told me that the community that my boyfriend belongs to is vile and wicked and that they cheat people. He also told me that marrying for love is not acceptable and I should obey the fourth commandment and marry the guy of their choice.

I assume you know that this priest is the one who is being vile, and you should not concern yourself with his advice.

And the fourth commandment certainly does not apply here. And as I stated, Canon Law directly contradicts the idea that anyone may be compelled to marry someone against their own free will.

 

[jaimeleglise]

Any chance you could go live in another country and get married there?