Should I be open to kissing

  • Thread starter Thread starter trokll
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
T

trokll

Guest
Hello everyone I got a question:confused:

I am wondering weither or not I should be open to kissing in a dating relationship. I have never kissed or for that matter dated. I ask this question beacuse I orginal vowed to god that I would only kiss my the women who will be wife on the day of our wedding. However after a talk last night with my friends I am almost reconsidering this vow. Mostly then brought how it will be hard on the people who I am dating

Main question is maintaing this vow still a good Idea.
 
Light peck kisses are generally considered to be ok. Anything beyond that is to be reserved for marriage as it is an occasion of sin.
 
trokll said:
Hello everyone I got a question:confused:

I am wondering weither or not I should be open to kissing in a dating relationship. I have never kissed or for that matter dated. I ask this question beacuse I orginal vowed to god that I would only kiss my the women who will be wife on the day of our wedding. However after a talk last night with my friends I am almost reconsidering this vow. Mostly then brought how it will be hard on the people who I am dating

Main question is maintaing this vow still a good Idea.
Click to expand...
If you made an actual vow…then your PASTOR may dispense you from it…

but as to if one should then “kiss”…if reasonablely and chastely done it is fine of course…it really is up to you…there are different schools of thought on this…but certainly there is nothing wrong with a chaste kiss…
 
trokll said:
Hello everyone I got a question:confused:

I am wondering weither or not I should be open to kissing in a dating relationship. I have never kissed or for that matter dated. I ask this question beacuse I orginal vowed to god that I would only kiss my the women who will be wife on the day of our wedding. However after a talk last night with my friends I am almost reconsidering this vow. Mostly then brought how it will be hard on the people who I am dating

Main question is maintaing this vow still a good Idea.
Click to expand...
No you should not be open to kissing, stick to your vow.
 
The main reason I ask this questions beacuse my friends say that it will hard for a girl to stay with me. My ogrinal purpose for even taking this vow was beacuse I would be far more intreseted in a women if then understood my resoning. Also when I made it I felt that the holy spirt was telling me to do it, (I was in eucharistic adoration). So bookcat i do not think that priest could really dispense it from me becuase I made it in euchartic adoration.
 
trokll said:
Hello everyone I got a question:confused:

I am wondering weither or not I should be open to kissing in a dating relationship. I have never kissed or for that matter dated. I ask this question beacuse I orginal vowed to god that I would only kiss my the women who will be wife on the day of our wedding. However after a talk last night with my friends I am almost reconsidering this vow. Mostly then brought how it will be hard on the people who I am dating

Main question is maintaing this vow still a good Idea.
Click to expand...
I think it is, if that’s what you really feel called to do. It will quickly weed out girls who are not on your same wavelength.

I had a friend in college who took this approach. The first kiss she and her husband shared was at their wedding. They’ve been married 20 years and have a lovely family and a solid marriage. They are very God-centered people.

I always thought that was awesome and wished I had had that sort of formation as a child.
 
trokll said:
The main reason I ask this questions beacuse my friends say that it will hard for a girl to stay with me. My ogrinal purpose for even taking this vow was beacuse I would be far more intreseted in a women if then understood my resoning.
Click to expand...
I think your friends are right-- it will be hard for the wrong girl to stay with you. The right girl, OTOH, will be on board.
trokll said:
Also when I made it I felt that the holy spirt was telling me to do it, (I was in eucharistic adoration). So bookcat i do not think that priest could really dispense it from me becuase I made it in euchartic adoration.
Click to expand...
It doesn’t matter where you were when you made this supposed vow. You need to talk to your priest about vows and oaths. There are canonical guidelines for what is considered a binding vow or oath. Making a promise or having an idea that you want to do this is NOT a vow or oath.
 
I would suggest talking to your priest about it to make sure, but my guess would be that you did not make a binding vow or promise in the canonical sense.
However, I would suggest that you look very closely at your reasons for changing your mind. The reason that you give, “that it will hard for a girl to stay with me,”
is the same reasoning I’ve heard from several people as an excuse to start having sex,
so I would be especially wary as it is not a good reason to kiss the girl.

Now, from my personal experience. 😃
The girl I am now engaged (married July 31) to had a similar idea (she never made a vow or promise to the effect) after watching an older friend have her first
kiss on her wedding day. Bethany told me this when I first started dating her, and we did not kiss for the first couple months of our relationship before I left for
Basic (US ARMY). While I was gone, she examined her reasoning for why she did not want to kiss, and decided it was faulty and to kiss me. It was an
important point in our relationship, but the important part was not the waiting to kiss the guy she would eventually marry, but that the kiss conveyed actual
love. So from personal experience, I would suggest waiting a little bit to kiss, but not waiting until your wedding day.
 
eaglehwsj my reason for making my promise I think is mainly beacuse I want to give the expreice of my first kiss to the woman I will sspend the rest of my life with. I personally belive that it would be a beatuiful gift to give that women I will marry will be overjoyed at having. Though I would also admit I did know that it would really help weed out women who are not sutible for me. If a women want to stay with me despite that then that is women i would able to even think about marrying. I do not think that my reasons are particular faulty but then again I might not be the best judge of myself in this case.
 
Sorry for the misunderstanding, the reasoning I was saying is faulty is the reasoning your friends gave for changing your mind. Though remember that you should already be giving the woman you marry your entire self without reservation, so kissing her before you get married (or someone else if you don’t marry the first woman you date) is not in any way wrong and entirely up to you; regardless of what I, or anyone else, says.
 
well sya this I am not oppoesed to other non married people kissing. It not like I am totlly revolted by thr idea. I mostly saying that I personally feel called to give my first kiss to the women I will marry.
 
That is a really intense vow, but a vow is a vow. Keep it.

A nice girl will praise you for the vow and hope that you change your mind but a great girl will help you keep that vow.
 
The biggest problem here is the taking of the vow. Did you do this under the direction of a spiritual director or a priest? You should speak with your priest about this.
 
You’ll have to decide this yourself. Unfortunately, there’s not terribly much patristic or biblical guidance on the issue, because back in the day men and women didn’t touch each other.
 
I definitely think you should talk to your priest. Taking a vow is a very serious thing and if it is done without proper spiritual guidance then it could lead to other problems. Personally, I don’t have a problem kissing in a dating relationship. It is a sign of love and affection but it doesn’t have the same intensity as more serious forms of affection that is only to be saved for marriage (petting, sex, foreplay, etc). Granted, kissing can lead to other things which is why it varies from person to person. Some people will not get aroused by it. Others will. I would take this up with your pastor.
 
Of course you should talk to a priest about that vow, but I think you are being a little scrupulous here. Kissing outside of marriage is not evil in most cases (Tongue kissing, yes, but having a short smooching session isn’t as big of a deal.) This is, of course, what I have come to understand in what I have read of the Catechism and such. If I am in error in anyway, please understand I in no way was deliberately attempting to dissent from Church views.
 
Thank you for the all the advise.

I will say I know that kissing outside marrige is not evil.I am not one of those people who thinks that any kind of physical contact with a girl is forbiden, I talking about hugging and holding hands. what I simply mean is that I feel called to wait till marrige to kiss.

Also I would talk to priest about this but I do not know any priests particular well. I also would seek spritulal guidance but I am going to college this fall so that kind of makes it akward. I will probly try to something like that in college in the fall. Since I am not currently dating, I never acutly dated for that matter but I am trying , It not like I need the answer for this question immeditly.
 
trokll said:
Thank you for the all the advise.

I will say I know that kissing outside marrige is not evil.I am not one of those people who thinks that any kind of physical contact with a girl is forbiden, I talking about hugging and holding hands. what I simply mean is that I feel called to wait till marrige to kiss.

Also I would talk to priest about this but I do not know any priests particular well. I also would seek spritulal guidance but I am going to college this fall so that kind of makes it akward. I will probly try to something like that in college in the fall. Since I am not currently dating, I never acutly dated for that matter but I am trying , It not like I need the answer for this question immeditly.
Click to expand...
Absolutely seek out a priest at your college in the fall or find a spiritual director. The parish close to the college or the Neumann Center on your campus should be able to help you. If this is what you truly believe, you are going to need someone more knowledge in this matters to help you stay strong, or even to help you navigate through all the conflicting feelings that may come up if you ever change your mind about this decision.
 
Yeah In general I think I am going to have a spiritual director if I really want to go through with this, which I very much do want to go through with my promise. I mean it is easy to say such a thing if I never dated before when I get into a elationship no matter how much the girl understands and tries to help me maintain this is going to be harder.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top