Should I be worried? (newbie at mass)

[Blackbog]

I went to my first mass in about a year this morning, and I was kind of disappointed with the whole experience. I attended at the parish at which I just began RCIA.

I went at 11:30 am. I got there about 15 minutes early, and as I walked in I noticed there were a couple of older ladies in the back chatting quietly. I suppose one or both of them had attended the previous mass. I thought to myself, “Hmm, they could be doing that outside where everyone else is lingering. That’s a bit disrespectful,” as there were already people in pews kneeling in prayer. But I shrugged and seated myself, picked up the missal and tried to figure it (the missal) out.

A good five to ten minutes (seemed like it) into the mass, there were late stragglers filing in and seating themselves. I thought that was extremely rude. These were not kids or families even, many were grown men and women.

Throughout the mass, there were no hymns sung in Latin. I remember the last parish I attended probably 75% of the hymns were in Latin. It was a huge disappointment, as that is one of the things I find so attractive about Catholicism.

During the homily, the presiding priest, a younger man than the head priest of the parish whom I had met at RCIA, took the discussion of a passage from Wisdom in the direction of Martin Luther, the Protestant Bible vs. the Catholic Bible, and finally all the cardinal and theological virtues. At several points, he elicited responses from the audience, for example, “Anyone know what kind of virtue that is? Anyone? That’s right, a cardinal virtue. Anyone know the others?. …” After mentioning gluttony, he made the crack “I need to work on that one.” which made many people laugh. I was quite frankly offended, and at that point I almost walked out. I am not at mass to listen to a second-rate comedian.

During the Eucharist, I noticed I was the only one in the whole parish who didn’t get up to either receive communion or a blessing (some kids with their parents received blessings). I didn’t realize there are so many saints where I live.

At the conclusion of Mass, people started filing out prior to the conclusion of the final hymn. It didn’t seem orderly; in fact, it seemed like the people leaving early just couldn’t wait to get out of there. Many people stayed to sing/listen to the rest of the hymn. Again, I was confused if not offended.

Should I be worried?

Also, is it okay to attend mass at a different parish than the one at which one attends RCIA?

 

[jmcrae]

One difference between Catholic churches and Protestant churches is that it’s not only the people who are on fire for their faith who come to Mass. There is no option in the Catholic faith to “stay home if you don’t feel like coming” - Catholicism is a group endeavor; not an individual “me and Jesus” thing - so everyone - including those who are not excited to be there - is at Mass.

You will not find a place to go to Mass where there will not be at least some people who do only the minimum Sunday obligation, from the start of the Gospel reading until the “Mass is ended, go in peace.” In Protestant churches, these people just wouldn’t come at all - they would stay home, or do whatever it is that they would rather be doing.

And for yourself, keep in mind that you’re going to be doing this every Sunday for the rest of your life, and you, too, will have Sundays once in a while when you are not as totally into it as others - and that’s fine. 95% of the Catholic faith is showing up; the rest is grace from God. When you see people who are feeling tired or just not into it that day, instead of criticizing them, realize that it’s hard to be “on fire” every week for your whole life, and just pray for those people.

Latin hymns are not a requirement - your parish was not doing anything sinful by not having them.

I think it’s nice that your priest did a teaching on the virtues - you will be memorizing these during your Catechism classes in RCIA, so you got a bit of a head start on that, today.

If you decide you want to change parishes (although I think your parish sounds quite normal, to me) you should take your RCIA at the parish that you go to. All parishes have (or should have) an RCIA process available.

 

[Cavaille-Coll]

Sounds like your parish is fairly tame compared with some others. Talking about virtues is a rare thing in most places. Most priests can’t speak with the eloquence of Abp. Fulton Sheen, and even he injected humor into his homilies and talks from time to time. Eliciting responses from the congregation is not sinful, although I don’t care for the practice, but at least it keeps them attentive. Still, the most important thing is that you are worshipping Christ in His Word and in His Holy Eucharist, which you will one day receive into your own body. Forgive me if I sound arrogant or condescending, but many people seem to be completely uneducated in manners and have no idea that it is disruptive or even sinful (as a distraction from prayer) to talk in the church or to leave early. As an organist and sometime-cantor, I often get frustrated with people who leave during the recessional or think that some law prevents more than two verses from being sung, but most of them simply don’t know any better. Most people don’t want to offend others, and the priest needs to educate them about church etiquette from the altar. I wish we were all as reverent as High-Church Anglicans (and I sure miss their music!), but we have the fullest reality of the Church and valid Sacraments. That is what helps us toward salvation.

 

[Blackbog]

I agree I’m probably being too harsh and my expectations unrealistic.

I just had to get all that off my chest.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

I went to my first mass in about a year this morning, and I was kind of disappointed with the whole experience. I attended at the parish at which I just began RCIA.

I went at 11:30 am. I got there about 15 minutes early, and as I walked in I noticed there were a couple of older ladies in the back chatting quietly. I suppose one or both of them had attended the previous mass. I thought to myself, “Hmm, they could be doing that outside where everyone else is lingering. That’s a bit disrespectful,” as there were already people in pews kneeling in prayer. But I shrugged and seated myself, picked up the missal and tried to figure it (the missal) out.

A good five to ten minutes (seemed like it) into the mass, there were late stragglers filing in and seating themselves. I thought that was extremely rude. These were not kids or families even, many were grown men and women.

Throughout the mass, there were no hymns sung in Latin. I remember the last parish I attended probably 75% of the hymns were in Latin. It was a huge disappointment, as that is one of the things I find so attractive about Catholicism.

During the homily, the presiding priest, a younger man than the head priest of the parish whom I had met at RCIA, took the discussion of a passage from Wisdom in the direction of Martin Luther, the Protestant Bible vs. the Catholic Bible, and finally all the cardinal and theological virtues. At several points, he elicited responses from the audience, for example, “Anyone know what kind of virtue that is? Anyone? That’s right, a cardinal virtue. Anyone know the others?. …” After mentioning gluttony, he made the crack “I need to work on that one.” which made many people laugh. I was quite frankly offended, and at that point I almost walked out. I am not at mass to listen to a second-rate comedian.

During the Eucharist, I noticed I was the only one in the whole parish who didn’t get up to either receive communion or a blessing (some kids with their parents received blessings). I didn’t realize there are so many saints where I live.

At the conclusion of Mass, people started filing out prior to the conclusion of the final hymn. It didn’t seem orderly; in fact, it seemed like the people leaving early just couldn’t wait to get out of there. Many people stayed to sing/listen to the rest of the hymn. Again, I was confused if not offended.

Should I be worried?

Also, is it okay to attend mass at a different parish than the one at which one attends RCIA?

You can attend Mass at any parish. There of course may be certain Sundays that require you to be in attendance at a certain Mass with the RCIA group for various liturgical Rites.

I would however suggest participating more in the Mass yourself and less on the observation of others.

 

[Blackbog]

You can attend Mass at any parish. There of course may be certain Sundays that require you to be in attendance at a certain Mass with the RCIA group for various liturgical Rites.

I would however suggest participating more in the Mass yourself and less on the observation of others.

That’s a great suggestion!

 

[arieh0310]

You may want to visit some other parishes in your diocese to see if there are any that suit you (if you let us know what diocese you are in maybe some forum posters can give you suggestions). I have very traditional liturgical tastes, before I entered RCIA last year I went to several parishes before finding one that felt most like home. You are still pretty early in the RCIA process, so you if you found a parish you prefer more than this one you could always enter the RCIA program there.

 

[Texas_Roofer]

two things and a suggestion

1. I hope I am misunderstanding this

…During the Eucharist, I noticed I was the only one in the whole parish who didn’t get up to either receive communion or a blessing (some kids with their parents received blessings). I didn’t realize there are so many saints where I live.
…

1. Some parish have multiple Masses for example if I go to “Teen Mass” I feel similar to your post, but if I attended 7:30 or 10:30 Mass it very different.

Suggestion: Seat in the first 10 Pews. I do and often when I turn to leave the Church which had been full is 60-70% empty! So maybe that stuff happened but I did not see it.

 

[Ace86]

I went at 11:30 am. I got there about 15 minutes early, and as I walked in I noticed there were a couple of older ladies in the back chatting quietly. I suppose one or both of them had attended the previous mass. I thought to myself, “Hmm, they could be doing that outside where everyone else is lingering. That’s a bit disrespectful,” as there were already people in pews kneeling in prayer. But I shrugged and seated myself, picked up the missal and tried to figure it (the missal) out.

They should not have been having a conversation at Mass. Catholics aren’t Puritans. They can talk outside. Sometimes I’m tempted to simply tell them to go outside when I see people do that. Just try to sit in a pew that is in the most quiet area.

A good five to ten minutes (seemed like it) into the mass, there were late stragglers filing in and seating themselves. I thought that was extremely rude. These were not kids or families even, many were grown men and women.

This happens a lot, at least in the United States. Simply because those people are probably “going through the motions”. I’m sure some of them meant not to be late, but I’ve noticed at my parish that some people are *always *late. It shows that they don’t care.

Throughout the mass, there were no hymns sung in Latin. I remember the last parish I attended probably 75% of the hymns were in Latin. It was a huge disappointment, as that is one of the things I find so attractive about Catholicism.

During the Eucharist, I noticed I was the only one in the whole parish who didn’t get up to either receive communion or a blessing (some kids with their parents received blessings). I didn’t realize there are so many saints where I live.
Unfortunately, many Catholics seem to think that Confession is no longer needed. And some think that there is no such thing as mortal sin, thus they just receive the Eucharist every Sunday for years without even thinking about it.

At the conclusion of Mass, people started filing out prior to the conclusion of the final hymn. It didn’t seem orderly; in fact, it seemed like the people leaving early just couldn’t wait to get out of there. Many people stayed to sing/listen to the rest of the hymn. Again, I was confused if not offended.
Let’s see…Judas…didn’t he leave the Last Supper first too?

 

[amills]

May I suggest that you go to daily mass also. I go during the week in order to have the time to really take in the mass in a very prayerful setting.

On Sunday I take my kids and we worship as a family. They can be quite disruptive sometimes but you would be amazed at what they get out of the mass!

 

[scylla]

Sit up close to the front so you don’t have to see the scandelous behavior of the parishioners. I have been steadily moving closer and closer as I am there for God.
Don’t worry there are plenty of on fire and respectful Catholics out there, they just might not be a big population at your Parish. And if you notice this then that means we need you to come and contribute to bringing lukewarm Catholics to realize what they are missing.

In Christ
Scylla

 

[blessedtoo]

May I suggest that you go to daily mass also. I go during the week in order to have the time to really take in the mass in a very prayerful setting.

I agree. If I didn’t attend daily Mass, I might get depressed by going only on Sunday. The whole tone of daily Mass is reverant and prayerful. Unfortunately you will probably miss the hymns, as it is not part of the daily liturgy. But I suspect the piety of the priest and people will fulfill some of your longings.

 

[Meggie]

There are also people who squeese a mass between work shifts. This is truly noble and inspiring, but they often get the shaft for comming late or leaving early. I’ve known doctors to come late, at the end of an ER shift, special-ed teachers who leave early to make it to class…and so many other people who look haggard, blind and uncaring, but in all actuality are acknowling the greatest event in humanity.

 

[Prayer_Warrior]

I don’t think you should be worried. Sometimes the behaviors of fellow parishioners or the details of a Mass (like a poor homily, uninspiring music) can be disappointing. Keep in mind that you go to a Mass to receive the real Body and Blood of Jesus and all the rest kind of takes a back seat. You should try it a couple more times and if it is still disappointing perhaps try another parish.

I am guilty of getting annoyed at my fellow parishioners as well, especially the yakkers that congregate prior to Mass and laugh and gossip in the pews. I get so distracted when I am trying to pray. Then Jesus reminds me that they need to be there too and He tells me to keep my eyes fixed on Him and then it is not so bad. Some Catholics are not very courteous when it comes to talking prior to Mass, but I deal with it, because they are my brothers and sisters in Christ. I agree with the other poster that sometimes we just don’t know what is going on with other people–why they come late or leave early. It appears to be rude, but appearances can be deceiving. What if this person is taking care of a dying grandparent and just sqeezed in for a quick Mass to pray for them? What if this person has to work two jobs to keep food on the table for his six kids? There’s just too many variables to really say if they are just being lazy or rude. So we’ll just have to let Jesus be the judge of that, right?

Another thought I had was that you could change the time you go to Mass. I know that the tone of our Masses are different at the different times. I whole heartedly second the suggestion of daily mass. It is very quiet and reverential at our daily Mass. Those who are there have usually put Jesus at the front and center of their lives…

Sigh, that reminds me… I’m missing daily Mass right now.

Let us know how it goes next Sunday.

 

[leaner]

This happens a lot, at least in the United States. Simply because those people are probably “going through the motions”. I’m sure some of them meant not to be late, but I’ve noticed at my parish that some people are *always *late. It shows that they don’t care.

I am usually late to daily mass on Tues/Thurs, when I drop my child off to preschool – some might think I don’t care; this is not the case – the doors to preschool don’t open until 8:35am (don’t ask me why, I can’t figure it out either) and I sprint from there to my son’s classroom to drop him in, and straight into mass – most times I can make it for the second reading – if I’m lucky for the first reading – but I have yet to make it on time to the actual start of mass – we don’t know why folks come late – perhaps they just stayed counseling a young pregnant woman to keep her baby at a crisis pregnancy center or maybe they had an anxiety attack as they left the house – you never know the real why – and unless you’re willing to walk up to them and ask, just pray for them to be more punctual

 

[chris_molter]

Welcome to Catholicism! “Here comes EVERYBODY!”

It’s tough being a Catholic who actually cares about the Church, the liturgy, the sacraments, etc. I think the sorry state of the Church (in general) is a cross we have to bear. It’s not easy for me to get through Mass sometimes with the folk guitar singing, the hand-holding, the chatty soccer-moms, etc. but you know what? I’m there, present at the sacrifice of Christ for my sins. He’s giving his body and blood for me because he loves me and wants me to be with Him, the Father, His Blessed Mother, and all the Saints. Try to focus on that, instead of all the things that are distracting and wrong. If the hymns/praise music make you cringe, then try to block them out and pray silently.

Don’t let the sins of others drag you into Pharisaism! And don’t forget you’re not alone!

 

[cutiesmak]

ESimmons, I wouldn’t worry too much about it at this point. I think we kind of all have our own styles of worship that we are comfortable with. When I first moved out West, I came from an East Coast, totally traditional, Italian church. By accident, I went to the Life Teen mass. I’m like, “What the heck is going on here? These churches are for nuts and hippies!” I started looking around for other churches and found one I’m really happy with. For me, the most important thing is the pastor, so I go with that. Maybe yours is the music. Maybe some else’s is the youth programs, if you have kids. So, just realize that the culture of a church can’t be everything to everyone, and keep focusing inside instead of on everyone else. And don’t worry, I’m guilty of that too! Hate that hand holding…

 

[awindrose]

This is a great example of why this forum always gives me a chuckle. The length that people go to just to find something wrong. 2 old ladies were talking before Mass, EVERYBODY went to communion. I have seen complaints about such important things as toddlers having sippy cups. Who holds hands, who wears jeans, how many fingers should you touch when you are praying…

Maybe I am not a very good catholic, I never seem to notice this kind of stuff. As busy as all you hall monitors are during Mass, where do you find time to pray?

 

[Texas_Roofer]

This is a great example of why this forum always gives me a chuckle. The length that people go to just to find something wrong. 2 old ladies were talking before Mass, EVERYBODY went to communion. I have seen complaints about such important things as toddlers having sippy cups. Who holds hands, who wears jeans, how many fingers should you touch when you are praying…

Maybe I am not a very good catholic, I never seem to notice this kind of stuff. As busy as all you hall monitors are during Mass, where do you find time to pray?

ditto
That is why I moved to the front, left (center of the pew) lots of room and no such action. I am thinking ESimmons is trying to sit on the end of one of the last pews- that is fighting territory

 

[RCCDefender]

Welcome to Catholicism! “Here comes EVERYBODY!”

It’s tough being a Catholic who actually cares about the Church, the liturgy, the sacraments, etc. I think the sorry state of the Church (in general) is a cross we have to bear. It’s not easy for me to get through Mass sometimes with the folk guitar singing, the hand-holding, the chatty soccer-moms, etc. but you know what? I’m there, present at the sacrifice of Christ for my sins. He’s giving his body and blood for me because he loves me and wants me to be with Him, the Father, His Blessed Mother, and all the Saints. Try to focus on that, instead of all the things that are distracting and wrong. If the hymns/praise music make you cringe, then try to block them out and pray silently.

Don’t let the sins of others drag you into Pharisaism! And don’t forget you’re not alone!

Ditto that!!