Should I break my engagement?

[vesnianka]

I am engaged to a man and am begining to have doubts if we should be married. On one hand, it seems that he has been trying to develop a spiritual life; but on the other hand, he gets into some very serious sins regularly (monthly drunkeness, leading to other sins). I don’t believe he’s a “convert” or a “believer” at this time, but perhaps the Holy Spirit is leading him in this direction through me. It seems to be one way but reality is telling me something else. It’s this dual funkiness going on that is very contrasting and I’m getting confused. I’ve talked to him several times about his drinking, but, after all the arguments and discussions, his answers lead me to think that he’s an alcoholic. I’ve also had numerous discussions about his smoking, which he refuses to quit or heed my requests and pleas. I would appreciate some feedback.

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

The temptation to be the one to “change” someone is a very powerful temptation, particularly for a woman. But it rarely happens and, when it does, it happens because the person wants to change himself. In this case, you are engaged to a man who regularly becomes drunk, commits serious sins under the influence of alcohol, whom you believe may be an alcoholic, and who is ignoring your pleas to get help. If he is unwilling to change or get help now, why should he do so later after you are married?

I cannot tell you what to do, but I can say that marriage to this man at this time would be vastly imprudent. I can only recommend that you end the engagement and any involvement with him. If you do this, it should be a clean break and you should refuse to even consider getting back together no matter how much he pleads and makes promises. He needs to get his life together before he can even consider having a romantic relationship with a woman, much less marrying a woman and starting a family.

For more personalized assistance, I recommend contacting the Pastoral Solutions Institute, a Catholic counseling apostolate.