A while ago, I had a relationship end when my boyfriend felt a call to the priesthood. Now, it looks like it might be happening again, with my (serious) current boyfriend feeling a pretty strong attraction to the religious life. It was hard enough the first time- I just can’t wrap my mind around it possibly happening twice!
I’d appreciate prayers for him to discern God’s will and for me to accept and love it.
I have been on the other side of this–twice. When I was a young adult in college I felt a call to priesthood. However because of the timing I had to wait another year to enter the seminary. That meant I spent another year at the same university, including continuing to travel overnight as a member of the basketball team’s pep band. ( I can say I had more opportunities for both good and bad relationships in that year than in the previous four years combined, whew! Our Adversary seemed to be working overtime.)
I decided that because I had said “yes” to what I believed was a call, it would no longer be moral and honest to engage in “dating” activities. Clearly people were wondering why I was not taking advantage of the various opportunities for relationships–both good and bad. Once I was accepted to the seminary I met with three of the young women to explain my lack of response to them.
I spent several surprisingly fulfilling years in the seminary but could not continue due to a list of mysterious health problems that my doctors struggled to understand or even treat well. After many years of unresolved health problems it seemed clear my health would not be suitable for priesthood.
At that time a long-time female friend from a church youth group clearly was not satisfied with just a friendship. Since my doctors did not have any solutions to my problems I finally agreed to start a dating relationship. She helped me with my health by buying books and recommending various alternative doctors. She just would not give up on me.
Eventually with a tip from a doctor who once had a somewhat similar list of debilitating symptoms I was found to have a heavy metal problem. I had grown up in a family business where lead exposure is expected. I started to respond to treatment.
Because my original call to priesthood was so strong, I felt I had to confirm that I was too old or not sufficiently recovered to go back to the seminary. This was a very hard decision. I had grown to love my friend. I owed her SO much for all she had done for me. However, God loves both of us more than I love her. I needed to trust God and get a good decision before moving forward with marriage.
Not surprisingly, this was very painful for her. I tend to be the protective type so causing her pain was difficult for me. We knew we could no longer have a seriously dating relationship, however, we did not destroy our friendship. Since I did not yet know if my health history and age would disqualify me, we continued with a non-exclusive dating relationship. We would go to lunch together, take walks in the public park during daylight, but agreed that romantic activity would be inappropriate.
I think it is so important for couples to consider their romantic actions to be non-verbal communication. It must be
honest like our verbal communication. Various actions communicate a level of unity. Some romantic activities and especially sexual activity cause an increase in body chemicals associated with “bonding”, for example, oxytocin.
We must act in ways that are consistent with the level of commitment in the relationship.
( continued in next post)
