Should I break up with my boyfriend of different faith?

[Frank_Blunt]

I’m currently dating this guy ( who is also one of my best friends) and we’re together for 2 years and 10 months. We’ve been sweet and great for the past two years and he has the qualities I look for in a guy: he doesn’t smoke and isn’t alcoholic.

But recently, his father discovered sites that say bad things about the catholic faith (like the site of David J. Stewart). Those sites talk about how praying the rosary is pagan, the vatican is owned by the illuminati and the like. His father introduced these sites to his family and my boyfriend’s mother even stopped praying the rosary (she used to pray the rosary everyday).
And of course, my boyfriend started introducing me to these sites in the hope of believing them too. Sigh. He even said he wants me to be saved by pulling me away from the catholics and being “born again” with him in the future.

Of course I was devastated, knowing that my boyfriend, even though he is still a catholic, is now having doubts of the authenticity of the catholic faith. Of course I tried to explain some of the catholics’ actions and the reasons why we do such rituals, but he wont budge.
All I wanted for him is for us to peacefully live within this faith, knowing that God should be the center of our relationship.

My mom, being a devout catholic wants me to break up with him and I know she’s right.
The problem is, it’s really hard for me to let go of course. What should I do?

Run.

Being married to a tinfoil hat is generally better than being married to an alcoholic, but arguably worse than being married to a smoker.

 

[mary_bobo]

It’s important to be clear to him why you are breaking up with him. That is the only fair way to do so, and perhaps in your decision, he will see how important your faith is to you and realize the error of his ways.

Also, the fact that he is so easily swayed by his father shows that he is not only unprepared for receiving the sacrament of marriage on the basis of his strength of faith but also on his maturity and commitment to you. If his father can change your boyfriend’s opinion about Catholicism, just imagine what he can change in the future.

I think one should never forget that when they marry they marry INTO a family as well. If the parents have cause this much turmoil before any marriage has taken place, just imagine the damage they might do after if the boyfriend is so malleable.

 

[Justmyself777]

I stand corrected (about the different faith thing). Well I do hope he’ll remain so, being a catholic.

Thanks for all the PRAYERS and ADVICES!

 

[dolphinlove]

It really disheartens me when people judge other by their religion.

My fiance is agnostic, but one of the things he really loves about me is my Catholic beliefs. It makes me the person who I am. I would not be as patient, loving, forgiving etc if I didnt believe in God and everyday I am thankful and blessed that I was raised a Catholic.

If this relationship is to stand the test of time, he is going to have to back down and stop driving in the negativity that he is. I would first chat to him about how this is making you feel and to stop this bombardment of bringing up issues that he has. I think you should be strong also and prove him wrong, not only will it enlighten him to the truth, but it will give you more of an education on your beliefs so you can show him and his family the wrong they are doing.

Its so easy for people to try and influence us to drive us from the true path, its even harder to try and prove they are wrong, but the answers are there, God has not abandoned us and has given us the answers we need.

I have had many heated debates on these forums, but with the combined help of my fellow Catholic/Orthodox friends, we have managed to noy only prove them wrong, but also they have to reduce themselves to lies to try and prove them truth, this is how you know they havent got a leg to stand on.

I bet if you took each comment that has been said to you, did some research from where they got this info, and found the truth, you will find its a load of hogwash, as there are many thousands of lies in regards to catholicism out there.

I wouldnt give up yet, I would stand your ground and go back to his family with proof of what they are telling you is not the truth, and also pray they open their hearts to the truth. In the end, you will be stronger in faith and hopefully his family will be too. But if you cannot influence them, pray for them and what you do with your boyfriend is up to you, pray for guidence and love. Only God can guide you on this one.

May God guide you and give you peace with your decision

Famdigy

It depends how important of a role faith plays in your life. I married a Catholic who converted to Islam. It’s been 7 years and 2 kids later she still hasn’t told her parents. Her father disowned her after learning she married a guy for “the evil religion” as he calls it. My MIL lives with us now and she feels like she failed her kids.

I remember a few years ago I encouraged her to reach out to her dad and so she went out and got a Christmas gift box for him and his family. It had pictures, a card, and some gifts. The man returned the entire package without a word and that was the last time we heard from him.

My parents were more open to the idea and didn’t have a problem with it. Anyway It’s been hard on her but we’re happy that we’re both on the same page regardless what the parents think.

I hope it works out for you.

I was going to ask you if your wife was a Catholic on another thread, but you have answered my question, welcome back to the forums. To be honest, im glad you are back, but i think God has brought you here for another reason
Im very sorry for the situation your wife has had to endure, if they are true Catholics, they shouldnt be judging her for her decisions, only pray for her but still love her.
May God give you peace and guidance.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

It really disheartens me when people judge other by their religion.

.

You are mistaken on this first point you raised. We are not “judging” others by their religion. And for your information, the OP and her boyfriend are both Catholic. We are advising her not to go forward in this relationship because her boyfriend has suddenly become confused about the Church, merely because his father read a few conspiracy websites and sowed seeds of confusion and doubt within his family. It is less about her boyfriend turning away from the Church than it is about him being so easily swayed and influenced by his family, although it is also troubling that the family has so little knowledge about the Church that someone on the internet can have so much influence on them. Living the Catholic faith takes strength, knowledge, and faith, and this young man is showing that at present, he doesn’t have what it takes to lead his own family in our faith. She should use caution and not go forward as things stand. It is not her duty to re-evangelize him and she will be fighting his own family of origin in order to do so.

 

[dolphinlove]

You are mistaken on this first point you raised. We are not “judging” others by their religion. And for your information, the OP and her boyfriend are both Catholic. We are advising her not to go forward in this relationship because her boyfriend has suddenly become confused about the Church, merely because his father read a few conspiracy websites and sowed seeds of confusion and doubt within his family. It is less about her boyfriend turning away from the Church than it is about him being so easily swayed and influenced by his family, although it is also troubling that the family has so little knowledge about the Church that someone on the internet can have so much influence on them. Living the Catholic faith takes strength, knowledge, and faith, and this young man is showing that at present, he doesn’t have what it takes to lead his own family in our faith. She should use caution and not go forward as things stand. It is not her duty to re-evangelize him and she will be fighting his own family of origin in order to do so.

I know exactly what the op said, but is his family not disrespecting their own faith?
If you read what i said, i have advised her to pray, try and show them the error in their ways and try and work it out, if that fails, then pray to God for guidance.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I know exactly what the op said, but is his family not disrespecting their own faith?
If you read what i said, i have advised her to pray, try and show them the error in their ways and try and work it out, if that fails, then pray to God for guidance.

I’m not going to get into an argument with you, but she said she already tried to show him the errors in his thinking, or in the website’s information, but he is stubborn and won’t budge. Therefore, it is not worth her time at present to try and change his mind, and his stubbornness when wrong is a detrimental quality to consideration of a future husband and father of her children. The other posters here have rightly advised her to pray for the family but not go forward with the relationship as it is.

 

[1ke]

I’m currently dating this guy ( who is also one of my best friends) and we’re together for 2 years and 10 months.

How old are you?

We’ve been sweet and great for the past two years and he has the qualities I look for in a guy: he doesn’t smoke and isn’t alcoholic.

If these are your criteria for a boyfriend, you need to rethink things. I mean, seriously, are your standards this low that the absence of acoholism makes him a great guy?

He even said he wants me to be saved by pulling me away from the catholics and being “born again” with him in the future.

This is not a rational person with whom you can discuss things in an intelligent manner.

My mom, being a devout catholic wants me to break up with him and I know she’s right.
The problem is, it’s really hard for me to let go of course. What should I do?

Of course she is right.

What you should do is spend some time in prayer thinking about what real husband material would look like and how you can raise your standards and expectations in a relationship.

 

[dolphinlove]

I’m not going to get into an argument with you, but she said she already tried to show him the errors in his thinking, or in the website’s information, but he is stubborn and won’t budge. Therefore, it is not worth her time at present to try and change his mind, and his stubbornness when wrong is a detrimental quality to consideration of a future husband and father of her children. The other posters here have rightly advised her to pray for the family but not go forward with the relationship as it is.

No point in getting into a debate, we have different outlooks on life.
I just think if she attempts to show him, he might eventually ‘open up’.
It might be nice for her to have another opinion chime in to give her another outlook.
If I gave up on my fiance because of what he believes, we would have broken up long ago, instead, we have come to a compromise in our relationship, and if anything, he now views the Catholic religion much better than he previously did, i have shown him his misunderstood ways about our religion, and he has conceded he was wrong. Its just the beginning of his hopeful conversion
I personally think with prayer and showing people, no matter how much we have to butt our heads, they will hopefully get the message, but yes, there is an end point we have to give up and let God take over. I dont go out shouting from the roof tops im catholic, follow me, but if people ask, want to debate etc, i will take up my cross and show them the truth. Its the least I can do for God
As i said, we all have different views on how we go through life, this is mine, agree or not agree, its who i am.

 

[Casey123]

To the Original Poster:

I’m going to take a different course here to address your situation, and it doesn’t involve faith at all. It involves respect.

If you two have been together for over two years, you know each other very, very well and you likely love him and he likely loves you.

All relationships need to be rooted in love and respect. It sounds like he has an abundance of love for you (or else he wouldn’t be so concerned that you read these sites, he’s concerned about your immortal soul as he interprets it); however, what he’s doing very much lacks in respect.

If you are faithful to your beliefs and he knows and understands this, he shouldn’t be trying to disrespect you by trashing them to you. If you both end up in different churches or denominations or even other religions, that’s fine! Millions of couples around the world make those types of relationships work on a daily basis. What you both need to do is respect one another’s beliefs just as you both respect one another as individuals and significant others. Relationships are supposed to be equal partnerships, and that partnership can only last if you both respect one another.

If he starts doing something completely ridiculous and unforgivable, like buying a Nickelback album and actually enjoying it, for example, then totally kick him to the curb. Otherwise, you should have a talk with him about respecting you and your faith, since your faith is obviously important to you. If he wants you as his girlfriend/partner/future spouse, etc., then he has to love and accept you for you, not who he wants you to be, and you must do the same for him.

If he can accept that and move forward with you as an equal partner, awesome. If not, then it might be time to move on.

Hope that helps

PS - I was serious about the Nickelback part. No one should have to put up with Nickelback.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

To the Original Poster:

I’m going to take a different course here to address your situation, and it doesn’t involve faith at all. It involves respect.

If you two have been together for over two years, you know each other very, very well and you likely love him and he likely loves you.

All relationships need to be rooted in love and respect. It sounds like he has an abundance of love for you (or else he wouldn’t be so concerned that you read these sites, he’s concerned about your immortal soul as he interprets it); however, what he’s doing very much lacks in respect.

If you are faithful to your beliefs and he knows and understands this, he shouldn’t be trying to disrespect you by trashing them to you. If you both end up in different churches or denominations or even other religions, that’s fine! Millions of couples around the world make those types of relationships work on a daily basis. What you both need to do is respect one another’s beliefs just as you both respect one another as individuals and significant others. Relationships are supposed to be equal partnerships, and that partnership can only last if you both respect one another.

If he starts doing something completely ridiculous and unforgivable, like buying a Nickelback album and actually enjoying it, for example, then totally kick him to the curb. Otherwise, you should have a talk with him about respecting you and your faith, since your faith is obviously important to you. If he wants you as his girlfriend/partner/future spouse, etc., then he has to love and accept you for you, not who he wants you to be, and you must do the same for him.

If he can accept that and move forward with you as an equal partner, awesome. If not, then it might be time to move on.

Hope that helps

PS - I was serious about the Nickelback part. No one should have to put up with Nickelback.

There are some things that are simply beyond the pale.

 

[Justmyself777]

How old are you?

19

What you should do is spend some time in prayer thinking about what real husband material would look like and how you can raise your standards and expectations in a relationship.

Thank you.

 

[Justmyself777]

How old are you?

If these are your criteria for a boyfriend, you need to rethink things. I mean, seriously, are your standards this low that the absence of acoholism makes him a great guy?

This is not a rational person with whom you can discuss things in an intelligent manner.

Of course she is right.

What you should do is spend some time in prayer thinking about what real husband material would look like and how you can raise your standards and expectations in a relationship.

I’m 19. Well I guess I need to elaborate more about my standards then
Yes I’ve been praying since this all started.