Should I buy my mother cigarettes?

[roxigrover]

My mother just recently moved in with me. She is 54 years old, but she is having some memory problems so she is with me now. She has smoked cigarettes since she was 18 years old. She currently does not have a job right now. We are trying to find her one and I pay for everything. She wants me to buy her cigarettes and I told her I could not do that. The reason is that I don’t want her to think it is okay to smoke. I mean, it’s like helping her die! But at the same time I feel guilty because I am not buying her cigarettes. She gets really mad at me, and lately she does not talk to me and ignores me, and spends her time in her room without talking to me. I want to know if I’m doing the right thing, which I believe I am.

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

As a matter of morality, the Church does not forbid smoking tobacco. The Catechism of Catholic Church states:

The virtue of temperance disposes us to avoid every kind of excess: the abuse of food, alcohol, tobacco, or medicine. Those incur grave guilt who, by drunkenness or a love of speed, endanger their own and others’ safety on the road, at sea, or in the air (CCC 2290).

That means that there is no sin for your mother to smoke. But there are practical considerations in addition to the moral consideration.

If your mother lives with you and is dependent upon you for her support, she should respect your unwillingness to spend money on cigarettes, not only because of your concern for her health but because they are an expensive luxury. She also should not act like a sulky child in response to your decision not to spend your money in the way she wants. On the other hand, your mother likely feels great embarrassment at being dependent upon you, and respect for her on your part in her constrained circumstances by treating her as a competent adult capable of making moral decisions would likely help to ease her humiliation.

Given all this, is a compromise possible? Could you offer to buy her a certain amount of cigarettes that would not strain your budget (e.g., a pack or two a week)? In return, would she be willing to stop punishing you through emotional manipulation? Talking this out, being open to reasonable compromise, and having mutual respect for each other and the burdens you each are carrying would likely go a long way to making this situation more bearable.