R
Rejoice
Guest
Ten years ago I was matched with a Little Brother through the Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America program. I’ll call him James. He was ten at the time. We had a great relationship and saw each other once a week for 3 or 4 hours at a time. When he got into high school he became busy with sports and such and we saw each other less and less frequently. This is all background info as context for the problem that came up.
My wife and I had always told James, who comes from a poor family, that we would help to pay for his college. When he graduated from high school we told him we’d contribute at least $2000 over 4 years. I tried to encourage him and even sit down with him to apply for scholarships and such, but he sort of resistant to this by withdrawing or making promises and not following through. I didn’t push the issue and it turns out he evidently never applied for any scholarships.
So he decided to go to the local community college and we made a big mistake by not insisting to see the bills or pay the college directly. We gave him the money and trusted him to do what he said he was doing with it. (He had never given us any reason over all of those years to distrust him.) Long story short, we figured out through a series of events that he took our money to pay for school, concocted a detailed story of the classes he was supposedly taking and repeatedly reported to us as to his progress in these classes. But it was all a lie.
We finally figured out that we were being swindled when James asked for extra money to go on a class trip to Washington D.C… We gave him the money but then had second thoughts because it was suspicious that he asked for the money about a week before the trip. I asked him at the time how they could have a plane ticket for him if he didn’t pay yet. He said the professor let him register for the trip and pay later. Well my stupidity and James’ charm and confident smooth-talking got the better of me. We gave the money.
Then we decided to look into the matter. We found out that there was no such class, no such professor and no trip to D.C. by any class in the college that weekend. So then I asked my friend who works at this college to find out if James was even a registered student at the college. It turns out he was registered but only took one one-hour credit weightlifting course.
Now it gets a little confusing. Before I found out this info about him not taking the courses he had claimed to be taking but after I found out that this trip did not take place, we talked on the phone. I questioned him calmly but directly about this. I told him that “it seemed weird” that he could go on this class trip without paying for the plane ticket so far in advance. I told him that we were wondering about this so we looked up some info and learned that there were no Political Science classes that went on any trips that weekend and that there were no professors with the name of “Bradford” anywhere at the school. Basically I gave him the chance to tell the truth.
But he didn’t. He tried to smooth talk his way out of it. “That’s weird… I don’t know why you would have heard that… I don’t know, that’s his name.” And so on. His voice never trembled. I let it go and told him we’d talk later. After this is when I found out about his not being a regular student. Then I got another call from him, a message on my machine, asking for more money for a scientific calculator and some school books. This was at a time that was not between semesters.
I never called him back. This was six months ago. I’ve been waiting for him to call and apologize. He called a few times and hung up before leaving a message (I saw on the caller ID). And he called one other time leaving a message about the money for the calculator and books again. That was within a week of the previous call in question. After these calls I have heard nothing from him.
My fear is that he is into drugs or something and while perhaps not meaning to hurt me he feels that we have the money and he’s got to get it from somewhere to feed his habit. This is pure conjecture. I have no idea what he used the money for.
But what I don’t know is whether I’m doing the right thing. I don’t want to tell him to say sorry because then perhaps it will not be genuine and he will not be making any progress. I want him to ask for help if he needs it, not to lie to me.
What do you all think the right thing is in this case? (Please see next thread for continued explanation…)
My wife and I had always told James, who comes from a poor family, that we would help to pay for his college. When he graduated from high school we told him we’d contribute at least $2000 over 4 years. I tried to encourage him and even sit down with him to apply for scholarships and such, but he sort of resistant to this by withdrawing or making promises and not following through. I didn’t push the issue and it turns out he evidently never applied for any scholarships.
So he decided to go to the local community college and we made a big mistake by not insisting to see the bills or pay the college directly. We gave him the money and trusted him to do what he said he was doing with it. (He had never given us any reason over all of those years to distrust him.) Long story short, we figured out through a series of events that he took our money to pay for school, concocted a detailed story of the classes he was supposedly taking and repeatedly reported to us as to his progress in these classes. But it was all a lie.
We finally figured out that we were being swindled when James asked for extra money to go on a class trip to Washington D.C… We gave him the money but then had second thoughts because it was suspicious that he asked for the money about a week before the trip. I asked him at the time how they could have a plane ticket for him if he didn’t pay yet. He said the professor let him register for the trip and pay later. Well my stupidity and James’ charm and confident smooth-talking got the better of me. We gave the money.
Then we decided to look into the matter. We found out that there was no such class, no such professor and no trip to D.C. by any class in the college that weekend. So then I asked my friend who works at this college to find out if James was even a registered student at the college. It turns out he was registered but only took one one-hour credit weightlifting course.
Now it gets a little confusing. Before I found out this info about him not taking the courses he had claimed to be taking but after I found out that this trip did not take place, we talked on the phone. I questioned him calmly but directly about this. I told him that “it seemed weird” that he could go on this class trip without paying for the plane ticket so far in advance. I told him that we were wondering about this so we looked up some info and learned that there were no Political Science classes that went on any trips that weekend and that there were no professors with the name of “Bradford” anywhere at the school. Basically I gave him the chance to tell the truth.
But he didn’t. He tried to smooth talk his way out of it. “That’s weird… I don’t know why you would have heard that… I don’t know, that’s his name.” And so on. His voice never trembled. I let it go and told him we’d talk later. After this is when I found out about his not being a regular student. Then I got another call from him, a message on my machine, asking for more money for a scientific calculator and some school books. This was at a time that was not between semesters.
I never called him back. This was six months ago. I’ve been waiting for him to call and apologize. He called a few times and hung up before leaving a message (I saw on the caller ID). And he called one other time leaving a message about the money for the calculator and books again. That was within a week of the previous call in question. After these calls I have heard nothing from him.
My fear is that he is into drugs or something and while perhaps not meaning to hurt me he feels that we have the money and he’s got to get it from somewhere to feed his habit. This is pure conjecture. I have no idea what he used the money for.
But what I don’t know is whether I’m doing the right thing. I don’t want to tell him to say sorry because then perhaps it will not be genuine and he will not be making any progress. I want him to ask for help if he needs it, not to lie to me.
What do you all think the right thing is in this case? (Please see next thread for continued explanation…)
