Should I convert so my family shares a faith?

  • Thread starter Thread starter goodeyesniper
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
G

goodeyesniper

Guest
I am not Catholic, but I’m hoping someone in this community can provide me with some insight.

My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We have a 2.5 year old son. I was raised Presbyterian and my husband was raised (is) Catholic. When we met, he was not particularly strong in his faith. He attened mass, but only because it was a requirement for him to live in his parents’ house. I attended mass with his family on occasion and together we attended a contemporary non-denominational church with some friends. The pastor from this church performed our marriage, so we are not married in the Catholic church. Since then, that pastor has relocated and we have tried unsuccessfully to find a church home.

My husband is also in the military. When we was away for 5 months completing necessary training, he went to mass on the base because the priest came to them and provided cookies (seriously), plus everything was familiar. He has not expressed a desire to go to mass at home though. I would be OK going to mass. I know what to do and what not to do. I do feel uncomfortable though, like I don’t really belong. Or like I’m wearing a “Not Catholic” sign. My tense relationship with my inlaws has not encouraged me to embrace converting either. My mother-in-law has said some very hurtful things over the years about my faith, family, how we raise our son, and things in general. Despite the fact that my husband was a lukewarm Catholic long before we met.

Currently, we attend an American Baptist Church (this is NOT Southern Baptist), which we like, but we don’t really feel involved in. I never really considered converting, but I want my husband and I to grow in faith together and I don’t think we are. It’s not like we’re going in different directions, but we’re not going anywhere at all. I want to provide my son with a firm background, like I had growing up. I want my husband and I to be on the same page with our faith so we can make it the central part of our marriage.

There are many things about the Catholic Church that I like. I like the Pope and think he’s a wonderful human being and someone I can look up to. I like the unity of practices and that I can go to any church on any Sunday and know that everyone elsewhere is doing the same thing. I do not believe in the literal interpretation of the Bible, which is the main doctrine of most Protestant churches I have been a part of. I believe the Bible, but understand that it is a text written by men, many years after the actual events and should be interpreted, not taken word-for-word. I tend to be very intellectual when it comes to my faith and I appreciate that the Catholic church has a long tradition of education, science, and scholarship.

Basically, I’m wondering if my converting is the best thing for my family. I know I’m asking this to a bias audience, but I appreciate the perspective. Faith is not a huge wedge between my husband and I. He has not been particularly helpful in any decisions on the churches we’ve attended. I even suggested we could also go to mass and he hasn’t really had an opinion about it. I’m also nervous about the reaction of my family and friends. I have a friend who is currently taking the conversion classes for the same reason and my aunt and uncle also converted, but other than that I’m sure everyone will think this is bizarre. I shouldn’t care about what people think, but it is a concern.

Can anyone offer some objective advice?
 
I come from a background similar to you, although my family was mostly non-practicing and I was not married when I began considering conversion.

In response to your thread title - in a word, no. I think it’s admirable that you realize the importance of a family sharing faith, but becoming Catholic requires you to assent to what the Church believes and teaches. I would instead encourage you to learn what those are and pray if that’s the path God wants for you. Let your interest in unity for your family spur you to learn and make a good decision, rather than just jumping in without knowing what you’re getting into - some converts do this and quickly become disenchanted because they were expecting something different.

I ate a whole lot of humble pie by becoming Catholic. I realized a lot of what I assumed was wrong and I had to change a lot about the way that I lived, even though I had always considered myself Christian.

This website has a lot of really great resources, and I would also encourage you to read the Catechism so that you can learn what the Church really teaches. Another author I really like is Scott Hahn, who converted from Presbyterianism to Catholicism (a lot of his books are available in public libraries). One other resource that was a quick read, but very informative, was Devin Rose’s If Protestantism Is True.

When I did ultimately convert, I kind of “read my way in,” so to speak. It sounds like that might be your approach to things, too. 🙂 God bless you!
 
It wouldn’t hurt to look into it, but the only reason you should convert to any particular religion is that you believe it to be the truth. Anything else would be dishonest.
 
Agreed with the above. Converting should be a positive choice on your part to become Catholic, and just converting just because your husband is Catholic is not necessarily the best reason to do so. You have wonderful intentions for why you are considering it (and I would be surprised if anyone actually would refuse you as a Catholic because of it), but ultimately you would have to stand in front of the congregation and assent to the whole of the Catholic faith. If you can’t, it would be intellectually dishonest, and that sort of internal conflict could cause spiritual friction down the road.

That being said, I would certainly encourage you to attend RCIA classes. You will learn what the church truly teaches about Christ, itself, salvation, and so on. If, after you’ve been in the class, you want to convert because you believe in the truth of the faith, it would be done for ALL the right reasons. You may even be the catalyst to turn up the temperature on your husband from ‘lukewarm’ to ‘on fire for the Lord’. You also have some other people who have converted in your life to draw support from. Maybe talk to them too about it.

If the two of you want to attend church together, you are both most welcome. I believe he would need to get your marriage blessed by the church to properly receive the sacraments, but if you are not partaking of them, there is no reason why the two of you couldn’t still come to mass. In our parish, we have several interfaith couples where one goes up to receive communion and the other does not. One should never judge the reason why another does not approach the table of the Lord (whether it be due to non-communion of faith, conscious of sin they should confess & be absolved from, or what not).

Hopefully that made sense - my head is plugged up with a bad cold, so not all brain cells are on the same synapse.
 
Having worked with people in RCIA, I can say that they have lots of reasons for wanting to become Catholic. Many of them start with much the same motivation you have. They may be planning to get married and want their future family to share a faith, or maybe they’re married and raising their children Catholic and want the whole family to participate in the sacraments together. I think it’s a wonderful thing for people to consider the Catholic Church out of love and care for their spouses and families.

Ultimately, though, the decision has to be yours and has to be based on whether or not you believe the Catholic Church is true. As you learn about Church teachings and practices, and as you pray for guidance, this may come.

So I would say that if you want to explore becoming Catholic, and you want to start RCIA, do it. Allow the Spirit to lead you in the right direction.
 
Yes, convert!

Convert knowing that you are entering into full communion with the Church which Jesus founded, and accepting all that this Church teaches. There are classes for this purpose.

And get your husband to Confession!
 
Thank you for the (name removed by moderator)ut. I just want to clarify that any decision I make will not be made without careful consideration.

I guess what I’m wondering is what sends a better message to my son: that two people can reconcile religious differences OR that sharing the same religious tradition is important. What is better for me and my husband: one of us doing the work to change faiths (not really faiths, but denomination didn’t seem like the right word) or both of us exhaustively looking for a church that we both feel right in?

My aunt and uncle converted because they were very close friends with some sisters in an Episcopal convent when the whole place converted (I don’t know the story behind why), but they did make that decision together and neither one was Catholic already. My grandma (also Episcopal) was really outraged, but she’s also outraged about cell phones and interracial marriage, so consider the source.

I’m going to talk to my friend who is currently in RCIA for the same reason I’m considering it. The church her family attends has those classes and they last 9 months! Is that normal?
 
Also, what goes into having our marriage blessed? Do we just need proof it was done in a church with an ordained minister?

As far as I know, my husband has not taken Communion in a Catholic church, at least not with me (last time we went to mass was his grandma’s funeral) but he may have while he was away with the Army.
 
masuwerte said:
it wouldn’t hurt to look into it, but the only reason you should convert to any particular religion is that you believe it to be the truth. Anything else would be dishonest.
Click to expand...
AMEN!!! 😃

I think you should convert because the Catholic Church teaches Truth. But you should wait until you see that for yourself. I’m sure you are praying about this decision, and I’m sure that God will help you decide.

–Jen
 
As a recent convert myself, although not due to the same reasons that you are experiencing, I completely agree with the advice to go to RCIA classes. Yes, they run 6-9 months usually and that is due to it being not just a period of learning but of discernment. No one, and most especially the Parish Priest, would want to force becoming Catholic on anyone. However, you learn so much in those classes usually that once you’ve been in them a bit, you wonder how you could ever make such an important decision without this knowledge. I was already happy with what I knew of the Church when I started RCIA and each new thing or explanation about being Catholic I learned during that time only convinced me more and more that Catholicism was right for me. Please, do this and I trust and hope that you will have the same reaction I did and we will see you welcomed into the Church!

Oh, yes, and before I forget. The part about having the marriage blessed means that you go through another ceremony that makes your marriage officially recognized so you both can enter into full communion with the Church and receive the sacraments. I am sure the Priest of your Parish would be more than happy to explain everything to you and trust me, they’ve dealt with far odder occurances for conversion and returns to the Faith!
 
Thank you. I guess we should actually attend mass at the closest church before even thinking about classes. I brought it up to my husband, saying that I am OK with it if he wants us to go to mass alternately just so he gets to go. If he likes this church we can make it more of a regular thing. I guess he also needs to decide if he wants to go back.

We FINALLY got our son used to the Sunday school without screaming. He might not be please about going to a new place. Oh well.
 
You should convert because the church has the fullness of truth, not to please others. I encourage you to study the faith and grow in your relationship wih Christ through the Church.

You converting will not change your husband. It would be nice if it did, but ultimately that is the work of the Holy Sprit so do not go into the Catholic faith for the wrong reasons.

If you don’t believe what the Church teaches, continue to study and pray.
 
goodeyesniper said:
Also, what goes into having our marriage blessed?
Click to expand...
Make an appointment with the pastor at your local parish church. The preparation process varies, but basically the priest will prepare you for marriage in the Church and do some paperwork, the you will either give new consent before a priest or deacon and two witnesses (called a simple convalidation) or the priest can do a radical sanation, which convalidates your marriage without new consent. All of this presumes no prior marriages for either of you.
goodeyesniper said:
Do we just need proof it was done in a church with an ordained minister?
Click to expand...
No. Who witnessed the vows is not relevant. You will simply need to provide your civil marriage certificate.
goodeyesniper said:
As far as I know, my husband has not taken Communion in a Catholic church, at least not with me (last time we went to mass was his grandma’s funeral) but he may have while he was away with the Army.
Click to expand...
That is a good thing, he should go to confession first.
 
This is the reason why you should convert to Catholics:

TREMENDOUS VALUE OF HOLY MASS
At the hour of death the Holy, Masses you have heard devoutly, will be your greatest
consolation. Every Mass will go with you to Judgment and will plead for pardon for you. By
every Mass you can diminish the temporal punishment due to your sins, more or less, according
to your fervor. By devoutly assisting at Holy Mass you render the greatest homage possible to
the Sacred Humanity of Our Lord. Through the Holy Sacrifice, Our Lord Jesus Christ supplies
for many of our negligences and omissions. He forgives you all the venial sins which you are
determined to avoid. He forgives ; you all your unknown sins which you never confessed. The
power of Satan over you is diminished. By piously hearing Holy Mass you afford the souls in
purgatory the greatest possible relief; One Holy Mass heard during your life will be of more
benefit to you than many heard for you after your death. Through the Holy Mass you are
preserved from many dangers and misfortunes which would otherwise have befallen you. You
shorten your purgatory by every Mass. During the Holy Mass you kneel amid a multitude of holy
angels, who are present at the Adorable Sacrifice with reverential awe. Through the Holy Mass
you are blessed in your temporal goods and affairs. When you hear Holy Mass devoutly offering
it to Almighty God in honor of a particular saint or an angel thanking God for the favors
bestowed; you afford that saint or that angel a new degree of honor, joy and happiness, and draw
his special love and protection upon yourself. Every time you assist at the Holy Sacrifice of the
Mass, besides other intentions, you should offer it in honor of the saint of the day.

When the Priest offers the Host
I place upon the paten my heart: the hearts of all those near and dear to me, especially the hearts
of my relatives: the hearts of all those for whom I have promised to pray the hearts of all those
who have injured me: the hearts of all those whom I may have injured: the hearts of all the
agonizing. O Lord Jesus Christ, when Thou changest the bread and wine into Thy Precious
Body and Blood, change our hearts into hearts pleasing to Thee.
When the Priest offers the Chalice.
I place within the chalice the souls of all my relatives for whom I should pray: the souls of those
for whom I may have forgotten to pray, the souls most devout to the Sacred Heart and the
Blessed Virgin Mary, the souls of the most abandoned. O Lord Jesus Christ, when Thou changest
the wine into Thy Precious Blood change these poor souls from their place of suffering unto
eternal happiness.
Eternal Rest grant unto them O Lord and let the perpetual light shine upon them.
Prayer to the Blessed Virgin Mary.
O most beautiful flower of Mount Carmel! Fruitful vine! Splendor of Heaven! Blessed Mother of
the Son of God! Immaculate Virgin, assist me in this my necessity! O Star of the Sea, help me,
and show me herein thou art my Mother! O Holy Mary Mother of God, Queen of Heaven and
Earth, I humbly beseech thee from the bottom of my heart, to succor me in this necessity there
are none that can withstand thy power.
O show me herein thou art my Mother! O Mary conceived without sin, pray for us who have
recourse to thee. (3 times)
Sweet Mother I place this cause in thy hands. (3 times)
 
Continue to pray that the Holy Spirit will guide you in your Journey. I pray that you will find what you are seeking.
Deut:29"but if from there u will seek the Lord your God, you will find Him if u seek Him w/ all ur heart & soul & life."-God puts a desire in us to seek Him,but we have to discipline ourselves to seek Him every day.We cannot be too passive waiting for God to initiate a relationship w/ us.- received from a friend.
 
Everyone’s journey is different. Trust in God to lead you.
I converted from a non-denominational church because my husband really wanted to get back to the Catholic church, after attending mine for a few years. I figured, it’s no big deal, it’s the same God, so I attended RCIA. Now I have fallen in love with the Catholic church and would never consider any other. My husband is lukewarm, doesn’t really understand the church, and is basically a cultural Catholic, which is a shame because children tend to follow the practices of their father.
However, Im really glad I converted. It is a faith that opens the universe up, it’s so much broader and deeper than protestant churches, much as there are some dear brothers and sisters there. Protestant services are just lacking; they don’t have the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist. As you commented, there is a rich tradition of Catholic thought to draw from.
Encourage your husband to go to confession so he can receive the Eucharist again. It will help your marriage in the long run.
 
1).Praying for the Holy Spirit to wake up your husband, touch his heart, and live out his life as a faithful Catholic and your family to be of one mind, one spirit.
2).Your son will not have a problem adjusting to the catechism for his age in the Catholic Church. In the long run, he will benefit from it.
3).You must not feel uncomfortable in the Catholic Church–many non-Catholics attend to see what it is about. When you sit in the pew, it is about you and God, no one else can come between that. You are welcome there, you are in God’s house.
4).Hoping that your mother-in-law will become more patient and accepting of you and that you will allow her - her feelings, and they are just that, and that how she feels will not effect you in any way. Others may be disappointed, we only need to do what’s right by God.
5). God bless you on the journey to praise and worship Him, through Jesus Christ, Our Lord. Amen.
 
goodeyesniper said:
I am not Catholic, but I’m hoping someone in this community can provide me with some insight.

My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We have a 2.5 year old son. I was raised Presbyterian and my husband was raised (is) Catholic. When we met, he was not particularly strong in his faith. He attened mass, but only because it was a requirement for him to live in his parents’ house. I attended mass with his family on occasion and together we attended a contemporary non-denominational church with some friends. The pastor from this church performed our marriage, so we are not married in the Catholic church. Since then, that pastor has relocated and we have tried unsuccessfully to find a church home.

My husband is also in the military. When we was away for 5 months completing necessary training, he went to mass on the base because the priest came to them and provided cookies (seriously), plus everything was familiar. He has not expressed a desire to go to mass at home though. I would be OK going to mass. I know what to do and what not to do. I do feel uncomfortable though, like I don’t really belong. Or like I’m wearing a “Not Catholic” sign. My tense relationship with my inlaws has not encouraged me to embrace converting either. My mother-in-law has said some very hurtful things over the years about my faith, family, how we raise our son, and things in general. Despite the fact that my husband was a lukewarm Catholic long before we met.

Currently, we attend an American Baptist Church (this is NOT Southern Baptist), which we like, but we don’t really feel involved in. I never really considered converting, but I want my husband and I to grow in faith together and I don’t think we are. It’s not like we’re going in different directions, but we’re not going anywhere at all. I want to provide my son with a firm background, like I had growing up. I want my husband and I to be on the same page with our faith so we can make it the central part of our marriage.

There are many things about the Catholic Church that I like. I like the Pope and think he’s a wonderful human being and someone I can look up to. I like the unity of practices and that I can go to any church on any Sunday and know that everyone elsewhere is doing the same thing. I do not believe in the literal interpretation of the Bible, which is the main doctrine of most Protestant churches I have been a part of. I believe the Bible, but understand that it is a text written by men, many years after the actual events and should be interpreted, not taken word-for-word. I tend to be very intellectual when it comes to my faith and I appreciate that the Catholic church has a long tradition of education, science, and scholarship.

Basically, I’m wondering if my converting is the best thing for my family. I know I’m asking this to a bias audience, but I appreciate the perspective. Faith is not a huge wedge between my husband and I. He has not been particularly helpful in any decisions on the churches we’ve attended. I even suggested we could also go to mass and he hasn’t really had an opinion about it. I’m also nervous about the reaction of my family and friends. I have a friend who is currently taking the conversion classes for the same reason and my aunt and uncle also converted, but other than that I’m sure everyone will think this is bizarre. I shouldn’t care about what people think, but it is a concern.

Can anyone offer some objective advice?
Click to expand...
I’ve been in a very similar situation. When I met my husband I wasn’t Catholic. I was raised Southern Baptist. Went through a communist/agnostic phase, then a Buddhist phase and was kind of in a starting to pray and believe in Jesus again phase, not attending church anywhere, when I met him. I didn’t really have strong feelings either way about the Church, but I was drawn to the idea of attending church together each week, even though I wasn’t certain what I believed at all, and didn’t agree with a lot of Church teachings (or understand them).

So I started RCIA (the week after we got back from our honey moon). And I have to say, that I am so thankful that I did. I found answers to questions that had been a driving force when I fell away from my childhood faith. I’d say there’s no harm in taking a class and learning. The worst thing that can happen, in terms of what you’re looking for (attending as a family) is that you decide you don’t want to attend as a family and convert, which is where you’re starting anyways. So you have nothing to lose.

Hanging out around here can be great too. I learned a lot, and was inspired to go out and do more research and learn more, by reading threads here after I’d converted.

Prayers!
 
Thank you to those who responded without a lot of fire-breathing 😉

I really appreciate the (name removed by moderator)ut from those who have been in a similar situation and decided to convert. How did you finally decide that was the right thing to do? What did you feel that caused you to “know” it was right?

Did you have the support of your spouse? How did your conversion change/help your relationship? Did you have trouble “coming out” to your family and friends?

Were you already attending a Catholic church at the time?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top