Should I convince my mom not to be sterilized?

[AdriannaJean]

Hey Everyone,

I asked this question on Ask An Apologist, but as my mom’s due date is fast-approaching I need some advice more quickly. Here goes:

My parents were divorced 8 years ago. They sought an annulment but it wasn’t granted. Since then neither of them has been living chastely. They both consider themselves to be Catholic, attend Mass and receive the Eucharist (why and how this is allowed, I do not know).

My mom has recently started dating a man who is separated (going through the divorce process) and has become pregnant. She and her boyfriend have agreed that if she has to give birth via C-section then she will get her tubes tied and if not then he will get a vasectomy.

Should I try to convince her against sterilization on either of them? I know I wouldn’t be able to convince them to stop having sex, so is taking one layer of immorality off this situation really going to help? Since the act is already sinful, does it matter if it is contracepted?

 

[Florida_mom]

That’s a toughie!

There are so many issues with this:

1. Sex outside of marriage
2. You and your age (the liklihood of her listenting to you)
3. The huge leap to such a drastic mutilation of her womanhood (what birth control failed once and she’s too lazy–forgive me!–and needs to slice her parts to keep away all children forever?)

I just shudder at her plans–b.c there is another aveneue “if she needs a c-section”, she has just increased her chances b/c she has plans for the sterilization. So at the slightest hint of lack of progress in labor or heaven forbid she goes past her due date, her decision to have a c-section is now made so much easier that she has plans for what else they can do when she is cut open.

How she is a practicing Catholic, I have no idea. But if she is, I would just send her some NFP literature. She’s going to do what she wants–God gave us that gosh darned free will.

But I look at it like this–there is little you can do.

My mother is not Catholic. She has been married 5 times. on one of the marriages, none of us kids wanted her to marry this person and we said as much at various times. We were ignored. She was blinded by “love” if you can call it that and her own selfish needs. Those desires in an adult female, one who craves companionship, are just not so easily eliminated on the advice of her children.

Fast forward, she is already married for the 5th time–I already have a kid and for some reason we began discussing that one marriage. She begins crying and asks us why we never said anything. My siblings and I gave a “look” to each other as if to ask “Did she just ask what we thought she asked”. We told her we did and she says she didn’t remember. We said we told her several times.

This guy ended up being a liar and a cheater though their marriage was one of her longest (until her 5th just surpassed that)…he just wasn’t a good fit for her or her family.

But there was no way that she was willing to hear us.

In any case–NFP sources and anything involving holistic female fertility would be a good start.

It doesn’t sound like she would listen much to what the Pope has to say about the human body anyway if she isn’t listening about the precious body and precious blood.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

Lastly–PRAY about it! Pray for the love of Jesus to shine on her and maybe she will change.

And though not biblical–there is a saying “Those convinced against their will are of the same opinion still”. It means you can’t make her do anything, but you can certainly pray that the Holy Spirit will knock some sense into her.

 

[Hopbee]

No, the issue is between you Mom, and her conscience.

 

[jegow]

I have to agree with what has already been said, there is not much you could do. Sure, you could let her know where you stand on this but ultimately your mom is responsible for her choices. It is such a delicate topic for you to have to be concerned with because you (as any child should be) are not really involved in that area of her life (such as how she is going to use or not use her fertility) and so I’m not sure what type of response you’d get from her. I could see if it were the other way around, a mother approaching her child, but a child to a mother is going to be difficult.

I don’t want to discourage you but whenever children attempt to confront their parents about their ways or their misdirection the results can be really messy. They could be good too but you’ll have to be prepared for any type of reaction from her if you go through with this.

 

[OraLabora]

I can only think of a part of the Lord’s prayer here:

and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us

You can only do your best to work out your own salvation, and hope your example shines on your mom and she takes notice.

And remember, even if she does the wrong thing now, God will always forgive her if she asks through the sacrament of reconciliation, so you can hope, and pray, for her conversion and for God to forgive her.

 

[RosaryFan]

Hey Everyone,

I asked this question on Ask An Apologist, but as my mom’s due date is fast-approaching I need some advice more quickly. Here goes:

My parents were divorced 8 years ago. They sought an annulment but it wasn’t granted. Since then neither of them has been living chastely. They both consider themselves to be Catholic, attend Mass and receive the Eucharist (why and how this is allowed, I do not know).

My mom has recently started dating a man who is separated (going through the divorce process) and has become pregnant. She and her boyfriend have agreed that if she has to give birth via C-section then she will get her tubes tied and if not then he will get a vasectomy.

Should I try to convince her against sterilization on either of them? I know I wouldn’t be able to convince them to stop having sex, so is taking one layer of immorality off this situation really going to help? Since the act is already sinful, does it matter if it is contracepted?

Hi.

Just want to commend you on knowing better! Keep up the faith and, as they say, the good fight. I think you do owe it to your mother to try and convince her to change her ways, but remember, God asks us to be faithful and that doesn’t necessarily mean we’re going to be successful.

Do your best and be ready for the failure (sorry to sound so pesimistic), but if she fails, it won’t be from your lack of trying.

I feel like it is always our obligation as Catholics to preach the Gospel and “use words when necessary”. In this case, you need to use words.

Jesus has asked us to love our neighbor, which means to admonish the sinner. Loving your neighbor means doing what is best for that person’s salvation. If you see your mother putting her soul at risk, you should tell her and explain why. And not just the issue of sterilization, but her lifestyle altogether.

Good luck.