Should I date him?

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live4life

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Okay so my situation is confusing me completely

I met this guy about 3 months ago, basically from the time we met we got along really well and have been keeping in steady contact since.

He asked me out after knowing me only a couple of weeks but I said no. He has asked me out again recently and as such i haven’t given him an answer.

He is a practising Catholic but only recently come back to the faith…probably about 5 months ago. He isn’t on the same page as me with everything as of yet, but appears to open and ready to take more on board.

I really like him but my family isn’t sure on him due to the fact that he has only recently come back to the faith. I see it as something we could grow in together but my family are against me dating him until he is full on with his faith (by full on I mean like really Orthodox at the moment he still has liberal ideas) at the moment we do have different ideas on some things, however I haven’t spoken to him yet about the really big issues i.e. contraception and my family are concerned that his ideas might change just for me rather than for the right reasons or I will change my ideas to suit him.

I feel so confused because about a month ago I prayed a novena to St Therese asking for a rose as to whether or not I should pursue anything. That same day I started I received a fresh rose. I was shocked and overwhelmed. but pretty happy at the same time.

I’m not sure what I should do as I don’t want to go against my family, but I honestly really like this guy, and I have been praying so much lately that I kind of feel it as being right.
Is it wrong to date without knowing if you agree on the fundamentals? or is that something that comes in time?? I just feel that some questions are too awkward to ask especially when you are not dating?
I’m hoping to chat to a priest on Wednesday, but in the mean time it would be good to hear some thoughts.

Thanks and keep me in your prayers!
It’s so confusing!!!
 
I say no. Or at least wait.

God bless you on your journey.
 
i would search your heart, if you like him, go for it!! after all you said he’s open to being more Catholic soo if its meant to be it will all work out :} God bless
 
The only way to get to know him is by dating. Dating doesn’t mean engaged. I say keep it casual, and get to know the guy before you write him off. Group dating, or some kind of chaperone situation might help you feel more comfortable.

A conversation on why he left the Church, or drifted off, might help you make some decisions.
 
I say yes! Date him - take time to find out about him, what kind of man he is, and all about his faith journey.

Perhaps the two of you could grow in your faith together.
 
How old are the two of you and why is your family so involved in such a decision as whether or not to even get to know someone a little better?
 
Date him! You may not be on the same page spiritually yet, but you can help him with his growth and he with yours. 🙂
 
This rose thing…smacks of superstition. I’ve seen a few people come on here and say things like, “My girlfriend cheated on me, broke up with me, and wants nothing to do with me, but when I prayed for a rose if we were going to get back together, I got one.” :confused:

Why don’t you tell this young man that you aren’t ready to date him one on one but that you’d love to get to know him better in group dates?

And yes, are you still living at home? If so, your parents have more wisdom to impart than we do.
 
What your family members say sounds wise to me. Without actually presupposing any sort of deceit in that guy, it is easy to imagine that a man who is interested in a woman will go to quite some lengths, and be more flexible than he really should be–superficially so.

This said, it does matter that his journey is progressing. You may want to tell him how things are, without giving him an impression that you’re disinterested, but explaining that you need to get to know him better first for a number of reasons.

And personally I’m not in favour of starting to date too easily either. (That I believe dating to be a broken system is a whole different story.)
 
live4life said:
Okay so my situation is confusing me completely

I met this guy about 3 months ago, basically from the time we met we got along really well and have been keeping in steady contact since.

He asked me out after knowing me only a couple of weeks but I said no. He has asked me out again recently and as such i haven’t given him an answer.

He is a practising Catholic but only recently come back to the faith…probably about 5 months ago. He isn’t on the same page as me with everything as of yet, but appears to open and ready to take more on board.

I really like him but my family isn’t sure on him due to the fact that he has only recently come back to the faith. I see it as something we could grow in together but my family are against me dating him until he is full on with his faith (by full on I mean like really Orthodox at the moment he still has liberal ideas) at the moment we do have different ideas on some things, however I haven’t spoken to him yet about the really big issues i.e. contraception and my family are concerned that his ideas might change just for me rather than for the right reasons or I will change my ideas to suit him.

I feel so confused because about a month ago I prayed a novena to St Therese asking for a rose as to whether or not I should pursue anything. That same day I started I received a fresh rose. I was shocked and overwhelmed. but pretty happy at the same time.

I’m not sure what I should do as I don’t want to go against my family, but I honestly really like this guy, and I have been praying so much lately that I kind of feel it as being right.
Is it wrong to date without knowing if you agree on the fundamentals? or is that something that comes in time?? I just feel that some questions are too awkward to ask especially when you are not dating?
I’m hoping to chat to a priest on Wednesday, but in the mean time it would be good to hear some thoughts.

Thanks and keep me in your prayers!
It’s so confusing!!!
Click to expand...
  1. How old are you?
  2. Is there anything in your life now that would frustrate a relationship (e.g., change of work or school, heavy schedule, family issues, extensive travel)?
  3. Are you discerning marriage, or looking to date casually?
Sometimes God sends signs and signals that people are supposed to cross paths – such as the rose you unexpectedly received. But you have no way of knowing until after the fact (i.e., after, for example, if you and this gentleman were one day happily married) that the rose was more than a coincidence. Even if it wasn’t a coincidence, you have no way of knowing the rose means you’re supposed to be romantically involved with him.

My advice: take a practical approach. God’s will may not be clear, but yours should be, as whatever happens is the result of your decision-making rather than destiny. Right now, you’ve a dating opportunity with potential, maybe, to grow romantically–why not have a go, if you’re clear about your priorities and your desires, and committing to them?

Lastly, while it definitely helps you don’t need to share the same religious views as your spouse/boyfriend. However, you should probe questions about his religious commitment–and early. Problems happen in relationships when these disagreements come up because it was to awkward to ask questions early in the dating phase. You could ask his honest opinion about specific Church teachings and how he came to that opinion, or how he devotes himself to God, and why he chose to do so, what he finds special about the Church.
 
Bezant said:
  1. How old are you?
  2. Is there anything in your life now that would frustrate a relationship (e.g., change of work or school, heavy schedule, family issues, extensive travel)?
  3. Are you discerning marriage, or looking to date casually?
Sometimes God sends signs and signals that people are supposed to cross paths – such as the rose you unexpectedly received. But you have no way of knowing until after the fact (i.e., after, for example, if you and this gentleman were one day happily married) that the rose was more than a coincidence. Even if it wasn’t a coincidence, you have no way of knowing the rose means you’re supposed to be romantically involved with him.

My advice: take a practical approach. God’s will may not be clear, but yours should be, as whatever happens is the result of your decision-making rather than destiny. Right now, you’ve a dating opportunity with potential, maybe, to grow romantically–why not have a go, if you’re clear about your priorities and your desires, and committing to them?

Lastly, while it definitely helps you don’t need to share the same religious views as your spouse/boyfriend. However, you should probe questions about his religious commitment–and early. Problems happen in relationships when these disagreements come up because it was to awkward to ask questions early in the dating phase. You could ask his honest opinion about specific Church teachings and how he came to that opinion, or how he devotes himself to God, and why he chose to do so, what he finds special about the Church.
Click to expand...
Firstly thanks everyone for your thoughts 🙂 🙂

I am 19 and he is 20.

I have study and work commitments as does he, but I don’t think a relationship would hinder these.

Yes marriage is what I am discerning and he also sees dating as a way to discern your future spouse. I don’t think I’d care so much if it was just casual dating, but because we both are looking towards marriage I’m a little hesitant as I suppose it is more serious, a big step for me!

I’m not taking the rose superstitiously at all. I have prayed novena’s to Saint Therese in the past and not received roses, and othertimes where I have and things have happened. I don’t want to rely on it but I do have a feeling it is a bit of a sign…but yes I agree it may be something that is realised later on 🙂

The reason why my family are so involved is because, a) I am the eldest, so im the first to have this happen lol and b) because we are very close. I’ve also always had an ideal of dating…kinda more so courtship, like only doing group stuff etc. and now I’m realising this doesn’t seem so practical as it is very very very hard to have a somewhat personal conversation while you have other people around…especially cause we normally hang out in smaller groups so yea it’s hard! I think my family don’t want me compromising my ideals, but I think im realising stuff that I didn’t realise at sixteen, so stuff has changed.
 
live4life said:
Firstly thanks everyone for your thoughts 🙂 🙂

I am 19 and he is 20.

I have study and work commitments as does he, but I don’t think a relationship would hinder these.

Yes marriage is what I am discerning and he also sees dating as a way to discern your future spouse. I don’t think I’d care so much if it was just casual dating, but because we both are looking towards marriage I’m a little hesitant as I suppose it is more serious, a big step for me!

I’m not taking the rose superstitiously at all. I have prayed novena’s to Saint Therese in the past and not received roses, and othertimes where I have and things have happened. I don’t want to rely on it but I do have a feeling it is a bit of a sign…but yes I agree it may be something that is realised later on 🙂

The reason why my family are so involved is because, a) I am the eldest, so im the first to have this happen lol and b) because we are very close. I’ve also always had an ideal of dating…kinda more so courtship, like only doing group stuff etc. and now I’m realising this doesn’t seem so practical as it is very very very hard to have a somewhat personal conversation while you have other people around…especially cause we normally hang out in smaller groups so yea it’s hard! I think my family don’t want me compromising my ideals, but I think im realising stuff that I didn’t realise at sixteen, so stuff has changed.
Click to expand...
You are growing up! 🙂

As you think about solo dating, remember that things tend to come out of people when they are in a group, rather than one on one. It’s easier to filter what you say when you are just by yourself, you can think more carefully and work on saying what you think will impress the other person. But if you go on group dates with this young man, and keep your eyes and ears open, you might get a better impression of the person he really is. On the other hand, some people put up more of a false personality around a bunch of friends, like they become the class clown or the shy one or whatever, when they might not be that way alone.

So you have to decide, in the end, what you have to decide is whether you already like him to the point where you might alter your own viewpoints to match his, or whether you are strong enough to let him go if he is still very weak in his faith.
 
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