Should I divorce?

[MaryT777]

It seems to me in my heart if even he stayed he would resent her until the end because she was infertile. I would hope not but I’d rather be single than have a resentful husband that considers divorce due to my infertility.

 

[alice24]

If I was Tracy, I would think of an annulment because you seem to agreed to a christian marriage with this in your mind.
You are wrong,
you don´t sound like marriage material,
I hope the best for Tracy.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

What an awful way for a husband to talk.

Do you love Tracy at all, or did you just see her as your personal breeding factory?

Men like you are one reason I’m glad I avoided any guy who was anxious to hurry up and start a family. Such men often don’t care at all about the woman. All they care about is the kids/ propagating their genes.

I feel sorry for Tracy.

 

[Roseeurekacross]

Of course we were married in the church but I think we could get an annulment since Tracy isn’t capable of producing a family. I don’t want to be a jerk here but am I wrong?

i understand your shock and grief. This is not grounds for annulment.

How has Tracey taken all this? It sounds like you don’t really love her. Does she have any real loving support while she deals with this in fertility.

its a pity you cant support each other through this. But as you say, you are already thinking about the next wife.

Perhaps you could both together go and speak to your priest before making any rash decisions.

 

[lilypadrees]

When you and Tracy got married, did you do it on the condition that you and she be able to have a family? I expect you married because you loved one another and wanted to spend the rest of your lives together whether or not children were in your future. If you married solely for the purpose of procreation, you married for the wrong reason because marriage is more than the ability to have children.

Yes, it would’ve been nice if you and Tracy could’ve had your own biological children. But it wasn’t in God’s plan for the two of you.

Yes, you can divorce Tracy and marry someone who will be able to give you the fruit of your loins. But Tracy’s dream of giving birth to her own children, whether yours or someone else’s, is still shattered forever.

Why are you so closed to adoption? There are many babies born each day whose parents don’t want them and many childless couples with so much love to give who long to be parents.

God has opened the door to you and your wife being able to provide a home and love to one or more of these babies. And perhaps to older children longing to be adopted as well.

Don’t be so eager to give up on your marriage just because God decided not to bless you and Tracy with biological children. He has a greater plan in mind for the two of you as a married couple.

Adoption is a blessing for the parents and the babies/children who are fortunate enough to find each other. When you adopt, you are saying to that baby/child that you wanted and chose him or her to make your family complete. And that child grows up knowing how doubly blessed he or she is to be a chosen child, chosen first by God and then by his or her earthly parents.

When you look into the eyes of that new baby/child you’ve adopted as your own, your heart will melt and you will love that new family member as much as if he or she had been your biological child. Your heart will say “Mine.”

Another reason to be open to adoption. As a Christian, you are an adopted child of God the Father which makes His only begotten Son, Jesus, your Brother. What a blessing to be chosen to be a member of His family. By adopting, you will be doing for another what He did for you and for all His children.

 

[alice24]

I agree in general on what you said about adoption, and about marriage.
But in the OP´s case, I doubt adopting would be a good choice, as he seems to be not ready to live a marriage in good and in bad times, and to involve innocent children in a marriage with only one commited partner.

 

[Hoosier-Daddy]

You have reduced the human worth of your wife to a uterus and nothing more. It’s frankly sick. As for adoption. Nope. Because if you adopted a girl I consider your attitude abuse. And if you adopted a boy you might raise a clone of your selfishness and sickening desire to procreate based on genes. That is narcissism at the highest level and in no way Catholic.
Your post makes me ill.

 

[alice24]

You have reduced the human worth of your wife to a uterus and nothing more. It’s frankly sick. As for adoption. Nope. Because if you adopted a girl I consider your attitude abuse. And if you adopted a boy you might raise a clone of your selfishness and sickening desire to procreate based on genes. That is narcissism at the highest level and in no way Catholic.
Your post makes me ill.

As sick as the OP´s state of mind regarding his wife is, as good it is to read such a post like yours from a user with “daddy” in his username.
Thank you very much.

 

[Al1234]

Roman Catholic Wedding Ceremony Vows . “I, ______, take you, ______, for my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part.”

I don’t want to judge anyone, but based on the vows taken in a Catholic wedding, I would advise that much thought be given before even thinking of acting to the contrary.

 

[Roseeurekacross]

we are catholic, we are meant to show compassion and mercy and love

if we judge, we will be judged with the same yardstick.

This person is likely in shock and grief and not coping. And feels he cannot turn to his wife Tracey for support.
Imagine if we counselled him to turn to Tracey for love and support. and to return that love and support to her.

 

[Convert3]

I can’t help but wonder what might happen if the child were born with a disability.

 

[Legend]

There’s a lot I could say, but
Do your wife a favor, and divorce her. You have already compromised the marriage. You, in marrying, agree to accept all the children that God may give you. If he decides on none, you accept it.

I hope you are brutally honest in all your future relationships and marriages. Your wife may be infertile, but His answer may still be the same!

 

[EnglishTeacher]

This isn’t one of those “maybe someday a miracle will occur” deals, Tracy is 100% infertile and for sure will never be able to get pregnant or carry a pregnancy.

Unless a woman is missing a major organ such as her uterus or ovaries (in which case she would have known that long before age 29), I am skeptical that a doctor would say that there is zero possibility of her ever becoming pregnant.

 

[Clementine14]

Tracy and I are young and could just go our separate ways so that we could have the lives we want. I could meet someone who can have kids and she could meet someone who doesn’t want any or is cool with adopting. This just makes sense to me since one of the biggest reasons we got married is never going to happen. Tracy thinks if we wait long enough I will agree to adoption and then be glad I did. I am all for just handling things straightforward and taking the most practical and simplest route. We don’t own a home or have pets or kids, splitting will be easy and uncomplicated.

1. Good luck meeting someone who is willing to marry you after she finds out that you left your last wife because she was infertile.
2. Several people in my family were adopted. Maybe talk to some other adopted people who love their families and are thankful for them. There are particular challenges that adopted children face, but most of them are not “screwed up”. No, adoption isn’t for everyone and shouldn’t be taken lightly. But it’s worth at least discerning whether you might be called to that before just jumping ship.
3. It certainly is normal to want your own biological children. What isn’t normal is abandoning your wife if it doesn’t happen. Yes, you’re being a jerk.

 

[Clementine14]

Unless a woman is missing a major organ such as her uterus or ovaries (in which case she would have known that long before age 29), I am skeptical that a doctor would say that there is zero possibility of her ever becoming pregnant.

Yes, something isn’t adding up here.

 

[lilypadrees]

All of you who are encouraging this young man to divorce his wife should instead be encouraging him to remain faithful to his marriage vows. Marriage isn’t easy. And many give up when the going gets tough.

God doesn’t promise that every couple is going to be able to have children. Sadly, this couple isn’t able to have their own children at this time. But we don’t know what God has in store for them. This is a test God is giving them.

One reason there are so many divorces is because the couples aren’t willing to stand together and remain true to God and to the vows they professed before Him and before their family and friends.

This young man is crying out in shock, in pain, in anger, in grief for what right now, seemingly will never be. Once he and Tracy have had time to process the news they’ve been given, they will be able to look at things more clearly
together.

As Catholics, as Christians, we mustn’t resort to name calling (like calling him a jerk just because he wants to have his own biological children). Instead, we should show the love and compassion of Jesus and pray for them both. We need to ask Our Lord to grant them His peace and to heal their hearts.

Remember, there but for the grace of God go I.

 

[Psalm30]

All of you who are encouraging this young man to divorce his wife should instead be encouraging him to remain faithful to his marriage vows.

I don’t think anyone is encouraging divorce. They are simply making the point that if this man sees his wife as nothing more than a baby making machine, she is better off with someone who loves her for her and not just her ability to have children.

One reason there are so many divorces is because the couples aren’t willing to stand together and remain true to God and to the vows they professed before Him and before their family and friends.

That, it seems, is exactly what is going on here.

This young man is crying out in shock, in pain, in anger, in grief for what right now, seemingly will never be. Once he and Tracy have had time to process the news they’ve been given, they will be able to look at things more clearly
together.

Maybe so. And maybe he has more love and concern for Tracy than he’s expressed in this post. But we can only go by what he’s written here, and it looks pretty bad.

As Catholics, as Christians, we mustn’t resort to name calling (like calling him a jerk just because he wants to have his own biological children).

Well, he specifically asked, “Am I being a jerk?” and, sadly, the answer is yes, he is.

And no one has said he’s a jerk for wanting to have biological children. They’re saying he’s wrong for the way he’s treating his wife. His attitude towards adoption and blanket statement that all adopted children are mentally traumatized are also questionable.

Instead, we should show the love and compassion of Jesus and pray for them both. We need to ask Our Lord to grant them His peace and to heal their hearts.

Yes, but sometimes the kindest thing people can do for one another is call each other out on their wrongdoings. Maybe some of the posts could have been worded better, but I think the message is correct.

Yes, both of them need prayers.

 

[Psalm30]

A few things jumped out at me while rereading the original post.

my own children be born and raise them. This is just part of normal life

Actually, not really. Many, many people struggle with infertility. They either remain childless or adopt, and neither of these situations deviate significantly from the “norm.”

Most people who I know that are adopted have serious issues with being abandoned by their parents, and it’s usually pretty screwed up despite how everyone thinks it’s so great.

But what is the alternative? These children would be orphans if no one adopted them. Would it really be better to remain an orphan than be adopted by people who love and want you?

We don’t own a home or have pets or kids, splitting will be easy and uncomplicated.

This statement is, frankly, horrifying. Anyone who has been through the pain of divorce will tell you it’s a living h***. Your statement that divorcing your wife would be easy speaks immensely of how little you truly care for her.

This poor, poor lady.

 

[SnowRose]

I’m reminded of the beginning of the Pixar movie Up. Now that is how a spouse should respond to being told they’ll never have a child - all love and support.

 

[lilypadrees]

When someone is in emotional pain, he or she may say things strictly out of that pain to make the pain go away. It doesn’t mean the comments seemingly so callous and unfeeling are meant.

And while he did ask if he was being a jerk, it isn’t Christian to affirm it. He is in emotional pain. One of the desires of his heart, to have children with the woman he loves, has been ripped from him. He and his wife need prayer, love and compassion. They need encouragement to keep walking in married life together in Jesus. They need to know that God remains with them, that He has not forsaken them.

It will take time, prayer and perhaps marriage counseling to help heal these wounds and to get their marriage back on track. But he and Tracy can and will get through this. Their faith in God and love for each other will see them through.