Should I divorce?

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lilypadrees said:
And while he did ask if he was being a jerk, it isn’t Christian to affirm it.
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Context matters. His attitude and behaviors are harmful. Everything anyone said regarding being a jerk has been in response to his statement of: “I don’t want to sound like a jerk, but…” The response of, “Actually, you are being a jerk” is not the same as just calling him a jerk out of nowhere for no reason. It’s not ideal, but it does get the point across.

I understand that he’s devastated and not thinking clearly. But that doesn’t give him a liscence to be cruel to his wife. Really, this poor woman. She finds out her dream of having children will never come true, and the first thing her husband says is he wants a divorce? And he thinks divorcing her will be easy?
1964hotrod said:
This is not what we were expecting to hear, and before we went I told her that if I was the problem and it couldn’t be fixed, I would let her divorce me no questions asked. I know she wants to have her own kids, be pregnant, and all that, and I’m not going to be the one to keep her from that dream. But, the problem is not me, my stuff is fine.
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This has been on his mind before they even found out the definitive bad news. I mean, did he really just get married for kids?

Usually the problem is that people want to get married but aren’t open to children, which, as we know, the Church is not okay with. But this is the other extreme. Spouses are not supposed to view each other solely as vehicles to parenthood. Husbands and wives must be prepared to accept children that God gives them, not divorce each other if God chooses not to send children their way. First and foremost they must love each other and keep the vows they made before God and the Church.
 
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Again, when people are in emotional pain, they often lash out by saying things they don’t mean. They do this in an effort to make the pain go away.

When the OP has calmed down, he will see things more clearly and with God’s help, will not only be there to support his wife but will be more receptive to the idea of adoption.
 
It’s nice that you want to cut this guy a break, but I have been around the block enough times to know that

a) statements like what you just read are not always born out of “emotional pain” but can sometimes spring from someone operating with cold logic that he is not going to get what he wanted; and

b) people who want their own children do not “come around” to the idea of adopting, and it’s probably better for the child that they don’t, because the last thing a child being adopted needs is a parent who had to “come around” to the idea of wanting him or her.
 
I can somewhat relate to you about wanting my own flesh and blood as kids, but at the same time I know it is a self- acclaimed want. The best advice I can give you is to become more open to other strategies in your marriage. Marriage is not just about “spreading your own breed around” but it is about self sacrifice, and I think you’ll have to sacrifice the idea you’ve committed yourself to. It is a difficult thing to do, no doubt, but we aren’t given difficult paths to just walk away from and do our own thing. Your wife is for you, infertile or not, she belongs with you and you belong to her matter how fertile you can be. I suggest going into the church’s teaching about this to get your mind settled. Pray with your wife, you can both pray for fertility and then you can name your first son Isaac, but don’t think that running away from marriage of her is going to get any better answers. We are told to let go of material things and offer them up to God, and yes I’m saying that personally wanting “your” kids is a material want, just as Abraham was asked by God to give up his son.
 
lilypadrees said:
Again, when people are in emotional pain, they often lash out by saying things they don’t mean. They do this in an effort to make the pain go away.

When the OP has calmed down, he will see things more clearly and with God’s help, will not only be there to support his wife but will be more receptive to the idea of adoption.
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Or he will divorce his wife… Like many people do…
 
I’ve already given him my advice, HD. Post #25, I believe.
 
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I saw that you explained the other side of his thinking. I’m certainly concerned for the wife and hope that either this thread is not for real or that the husband hits, s conversion so fast and hard that he is able to be the man his wife needs right now. If you trust your kid gloves on the internet good on you! But you seem more interested in admonishing others on this thread than the OP. Kinda weird if you ask me…
 
I’m new to this discussion board and was trying to like this post… Hope I didn’t mistakenly flag this…🤐
 
What would Jesus, who knows the hearts of this man and woman say? It is not up to us to make anyone the villain. We are not to resort to name calling, assumptions, accusations or judgments.

As Catholics, as Chriians, we are to encourage one another to pray, to listen to His Voice, to show compassion and the love of Christ. We are to shine His Light in the darkness.

This young man does not need condemnation. He needs understanding and to know that God is there for him to unburden himself. Reassurance that God has not forsaken him or his wife. That they will get through this storm. There is no reason to give up on their marriage.
 
Will yes, sometimes harsh words for harsh behaviour is what people need.
Jesus didn’t ask the merchants to leave the temple.
 
I’m sorry you feel that way, HD. I believe encouraging people to follow and obey Jesus is the right thing to do.
 
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The OP should be asking himself what Jesus would do. He wouldn’t be doing what this guy is doing to his wife.

By the way, I am sure I am not the only one to notice the OP has never come back.
 
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