Should I end a friendship?

[vindicated]

I have a female friend who has been in an abusive relationship for nearly a year. She has been punched, choked, kicked, bitten, had broken ribs, a gun held to her head, threatened with murder and stalked. He broke her leg last month when they fought as he tried to grab her cell phone, and he fell on her. She lied to the hospital and said she tripped over her dog.
He did spend one night in jail last spring when two of her other friends intervened, but she ended up bailing him out. This evening I found out that she is seeing him again! This is after break-up number seven!!! She had me totally convinced that they were finally finished.
I feel foolish for believing her. I have also helped her out financially after every break-up. Is there a point where I am no longer morally obligated to be there as a friend? She excuses her behavior due to the fact she was abused as a young girl. She is also seeing a therapist.
She seems to be on a path of self-destruction, and nothing I say or advise has done any good. I am totally disgusted. Is it ever okay to just give up?

 

[Bruised_Reed]

It can take a victim an average of seven times before leaving an abuser permanently. That’s an average.

It appears you might not understand the dynamics of abuse and what it does to victims. I’m linking some resources.

Why women stay
Compelling reasons women stay
Why do people stay in abusive relationships

How you can help:
How you can help a friend or family member
Eight ways to support a domestic violence victim
Helping abuse victims

Don’t feel foolish about believing her; she’s doing her best. And she isn’t excusing her behavior, she’s explaining it. Read the above links and see if there is another approach to take. Sometimes friends and family make the mistake of talking and telling victims what to do, instead of listening; they already have someone telling them what to do and undermining their agency.

It also might be helpful for you to get in touch with an victim advocate and offer to drive your friend, accompany her when she’s ready. Even if you have already done this seven times.

 

[Susannon]

I have been in this situation and if it wasn’t for my friends holding on to me, sometimes by their fingernails!, I would not be here now. Please stay with your friend, it may be the best thing you ever do. You are not enabling her, she knows how you feel, you are truly loving her. Many years after I escaped from this situation I read from the psalms “you have saved me from the snare of the Fowler” and that is just what it is like, being unable to escape through fear that without staying and knowing what is going on, the abuser will come after you and kill you and your children. Also these men are arch manipulators and tie up your emotions with “snares” which you can only see when you are free.
I will pray every day for your friend to escape.
God bless you

 

[JurisPrudens]

In my country the cops in domestic abuse cases usually arrive and provoke the abuser (who is usually drunken) to swear curses in their presence and arrest him on that ground for 15 days.

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

So very sad, I couldn’t stand being in an abusive relationship,
Iv never been in one, I

 

[Evania]

You can be friends with her and yet maintain a healthy distance. Sometimes it is best for your own sanity, safety and well-being to step back from a friendship like this. She is an adult and if she continues in this relationship, it could put your own life in danger if her abuser knows that you are supporting her in ending their relationship.

I am NOT suggesting that you break off the friendship, what I am suggesting is that you not let this jeopardize your own safety or drain you mentally, spiritually and emotionally or financially as seems to be the case. Regardless of the reasons, she is responsible for her own choices. I would do all that you have done, but after awhile I would just give her resources of shelters, hotlines and professionals that are able to help her, continue to impress on her that you love her and fear for her safety, and explain why you need to distance yourself. Reassure her that there is light at the end of this relationship and once she makes the final break, you will help her as before.

I’m praying for your friend!