Should I feel guilty

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onmywayagain

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I went to a church function this past weekend and there was a female who made a complaint about a male who had made inappropriate gestures to her. This female also told my wife. It was bothering me and on Tuesday 15th. I told our DRE at the parish about it.

Should I feel guilty about bringing this to the DRE? I know that I did the right thing, but may have, indirectly hurt someone who is attached to this male. I brought it to the DRE because it involved one of my RCIA students.

With all this stuff going on about harrasment I just felt it was the right thing to do. But I do feel a bit bad.
 
As you said, you did the right thing. You shouldn’t feel bad since the person who made the gesture may have done it before, and could potentially do it again if not corrected. Keep in mind that it is that male who should be concerned about hurting someone close to him.

Standing up for an your students is the right thing, and lets them know the Church is a safe place for them. Society needs more actions yours.

Keep your spirits up, you’re good on this one.
 
It depends on what the gesture was, in what context it was given and the intention of the gesturer I think.

A teacher thought that I was giving her the bird in class because I kept pushing up the bridge of my glasses with my middle finger.

Homer Simpson was accused of sexual harrassment because the girl thought he was groping her *** when he was actually picking a sweet (bad example).

then there is the fact that you only have the womans word that it happened, for all you know there may have been animosity between the two you dont know about. . .

This may seem like Im criticizing you but its not cut and dry I think
 
onmywayagain said:
I went to a church function this past weekend and there was a female who made a complaint about a male who had made inappropriate gestures to her. This female also told my wife. It was bothering me and on Tuesday 15th. I told our DRE at the parish about it.

Should I feel guilty about bringing this to the DRE? I know that I did the right thing, but may have, indirectly hurt someone who is attached to this male. I brought it to the DRE because it involved one of my RCIA students.

With all this stuff going on about harrasment I just felt it was the right thing to do. But I do feel a bit bad.
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you did what you are required to do. The DRE also is required to report it if it involves anyone active in parish programs, whether or not they involve minors. Neither you, nor I nor the DRE can predict the outcome, and to try is futile, but we do know we have the obligation. No questions. No wiggle room. In the future, report the complaint immediately to whoever is in authority, the DRE, pastor, school principal etc.
 
Maynoothman said:
It depends on what the gesture was, in what context it was given and the intention of the gesturer I think.

A teacher thought that I was giving her the bird in class because I kept pushing up the bridge of my glasses with my middle finger.

Homer Simpson was accused of sexual harrassment because the girl thought he was groping her *** when he was actually picking a sweet (bad example).

then there is the fact that you only have the womans word that it happened, for all you know there may have been animosity between the two you dont know about. . .

This may seem like Im criticizing you but its not cut and dry I think
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This man touched her and when she said not to do it again he made a comment to her about cuddling.
 
onmywayagain said:
This man touched her and when she said not to do it again he made a comment to her about cuddling.
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Whoa! The man definitely crossed a line there. You did not participate in gossip, you gave the DRE a heads-up about a potential problem. Not only have you done nothing wrong, you did exactly the right thing!
 
puzzleannie said:
you did what you are required to do. The DRE also is required to report it if it involves anyone active in parish programs, whether or not they involve minors. Neither you, nor I nor the DRE can predict the outcome, and to try is futile, but we do know we have the obligation. No questions. No wiggle room. In the future, report the complaint immediately to whoever is in authority, the DRE, pastor, school principal etc.
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In our Faith Formation programs we are required to report such things to the Director. We also must complete a youth protection course prescribed by our diocese. Once reported it is no longer considered our problem. Someone else has the monkey.🙂
 
I guess this can only be a reference as it is a private company and not a church, but where I work, if it is discovered that you knew about harrassment and did not report it, you would be terminated immediately.
 
onmywayagain said:
This man touched her and when she said not to do it again he made a comment to her about cuddling.
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You had to pass that on. He needs to cut that out, and now, and there should be a paper trail to indicate that he has been given the message.

The appropriate response to “Don’t touch me like that” is something the along the lines of “I’m sorry. I hope you’re OK. I won’t touch you like that again.”
 
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