Should I Get an Annulment?

[His_helpmeet]

DH applied for (and received) a declaration of nullity a couple of years back. This is the process he went through (it may differ depending on where you live):

1. He had to gather all the paperwork and fill out a preliminary investigation form. The paperwork included certificates of Baptism for him and his wife (an affidavit of non-Baptism is required for non-baptized parties), the divorce certificate, and a copy of the registration of marriage (because neither was Catholic at the time and the marriage was not celebrated in the Church). The preliminary investigation form asked questions such as details regarding the wedding, their courtship, whether he was dating with a view to marriage and the demographic details of his significant other (me), the nature of the problems in the marriage, their attitude towards having children, indications of infidelity, whether any trial separations occurred, details regarding their child (DSD), etc. He also had to identify three witnesses and indicate how they knew him and his ex.
2. He had to take all of the paperwork to our local church. The priest looked it over and had to fill out his own form attesting to his familiarity with DH’s marital problems and his assessment of DH’s character.
3. The priest sent all of the documents in. DH then got a letter indicating that the tribunal had received the documents and thought there was enough to go on. They indicated that he should contact his local priest for an interview. DH’s ex also received such a letter (although she declined to participate, which is her right under canon law - whether she participated or not did not affect the outcome).
4. DH went in for the interview. He was also asked to submit proof that he has a medical condition (high-functioning autism/Asperger’s). Subsequently we heard nothing until he spoke to our priest a few months later, who indicated that he had already interviewed one of DH’s witnesses and was going to interview the other two (a married couple) soon.
5. The tribunal sent DH a letter indicating that they had all of the information in hand and they had issued a decree. The decree gave him and his ex a certain amount of time in which they could review the evidence if they chose. (DH chose not to.)
6. Subsequently, DH received a letter from the tribunal indicating that they had made an affirmative (i.e. marriage not valid) decision and that they were sending the evidence to the national appeals tribunal (this is done automatically if an affirmative decision is reached).
7. The tribunal contacted DH one last time to indicate that the appeals tribunal had upheld the affirmative decision, and that DH was now free to marry and should contact our local priest about the process. (We had our marriage convalidated a few months later. We had gotten civilly married because we knew, based on statements DH’s ex had made and on circumstances surrounding the marriage, that there was no conceivable way they could determine that the marriage had ever been valid.)

In terms of the cost - here it was $900 (Canadian). You have to remember, though, that that’s really only a fraction of the total cost. Look at it this way - the tribunal receives approximately 220 cases a year in our area, and grants less than 200 declarations of nullity. You pay a $150 filing fee up front, and you pay the rest (I think) once they have given you an affirmative decision. So let’s assume, basically, that they make about $20,000 a year off nullity fees (just to have a nice round number - keep in mind that they also receive some smaller fees for Pauline and Petrine privilege cases, where the bishop or the Pope can dissolve a marriage in which one or both parties was not baptized). The tribunal office is staffed by 3 judges, two case instructors (liaisons between the petitioner and the tribunal), a defender of the bond (this is like the defense attorney for the marriage - this person’s job is to attempt to find any reason why the marriage was valid) and an office assistant. Therefore, they employ 7 people. If you divide $20,000 between 7 people, they end up with about $3,000 apiece. They would have to be handling THOUSANDS of cases in order to be making enough money to pay for even the staff salaries with case fees - and that’s putting nothing aside for their share of building maintenance, office supplies, etc. This is not a money-spinner.

 

[Gerardello]

Dear Sister in Christ! I Suppose you know very well that before God there is no divorce or annulment of validly contracted sacrament of marrige. Your as you say “ex” in fact is not ex but still your husband despite the fact that he chose to live in sin.
I completely understand your feelings but annulment on the paper (if you manage to obtain it) will give you nothing except a faulse right to seek new relationship. Your husband did a sinful and irresponsible deed and he will surely have to give severe account of it before God. It is he whom we must feel pity for but not you.
My advice: 1)Have a good confesion 2) ask God for grace to forgive truly and completely (for it you will obtain an invaluable reward!!!) 3) pray for his conversion every day 4) use all you efforts not to find new relationship but to bring up you son.

May God bless you! I will pray for you!

 

[His_helpmeet]

A declaration of nullity is a Church statement from canon law experts in two courts that a valid marriage never existed. After receiving such a declaration a person is free to marry in the Church. It does not give one a false sense of security.

Sometimes people marry for the wrong reasons or do not understand what a marriage is supposed to be, or are married under false pretenses. Such marriages are declared invalid by the tribunal on the basis of canon law. This does not “end” the marriage; it is a declaration that a marriage covenant never existed.

 

[TheDoctor]

I completely understand your feelings but annulment on the paper (if you manage to obtain it) will give you nothing except a faulse right to seek new relationship.

Respectfully, this is incorrect. A decree of nullity determines that a valid, sacramental marriage never existed and gives you the right to seek a new relationship and validly marry.

 

[Gerardello]

Respectfully, this is incorrect. A decree of nullity determines that a valid, sacramental marriage never existed and gives you the right to seek a new relationship and validly marry.

Dear friend!
You misunderstood me. By saying “annulment on the paper” I mean those numerable abuses which unfortunately take place in Catholic Church nowadays. Some members of clergy, among those who are empowered to make desition in marriage cases, are very liable to give annulment in cases when marriage is completele valid or its invalidance is quite doubtful (in second case marriage should be deemed valid rather than not).
There are lots of causes for such desicions, I do not want to get deeper into this problem, but I do know it from the very persons who are in charge of it.
Maybe the very marriage of which I was speaking is really invalid, I do not know it, and I do not pretend to make final desicion ’ cause I not aware of its details. But my experience taught me that there are really many abuses of Divine Law in this field by too “vague” interpratation of Canon Law, partialy due to priest’s desire to please those person who unlawfully seeks for another marriage bond, and partialy due to fall of morals among faithful.
So such “annulment on the paper” without uannulment given by God is a greater evil than, conscious living in a state of unlawful concubinage. In second case, person feels pangs of conscience and can repent and amend, in second - with inner understanding (bigger or smaller) of unlawfulness of his desire to gey annulment person just have a false appeasement of mind and soul that everything is O’K because this priest say its O’K.

 

[bilop]

Dear friend!
You misunderstood me. By saying “annulment on the paper” I mean those numerable abuses which unfortunately take place in Catholic Church nowadays. Some members of clergy, among those who are empowered to make desition in marriage cases, are very liable to give annulment in cases when marriage is completele valid or its invalidance is quite doubtful (in second case marriage should be deemed valid rather than not).
There are lots of causes for such desicions, I do not want to get deeper into this problem, but I do know it from the very persons who are in charge of it.
Maybe the very marriage of which I was speaking is really invalid, I do not know it, and I do not pretend to make final desicion ’ cause I not aware of its details. But my experience taught me that there are really many abuses of Divine Law in this field by too “vague” interpratation of Canon Law, partialy due to priest’s desire to please those person who unlawfully seeks for another marriage bond, and partialy due to fall of morals among faithful.
So such “annulment on the paper” without uannulment given by God is a greater evil than, conscious living in a state of unlawful concubinage. In second case, person feels pangs of conscience and can repent and amend, in second - with inner understanding (bigger or smaller) of unlawfulness of his desire to gey annulment person just have a false appeasement of mind and soul that everything is O’K because this priest say its O’K.

Christ gave the Church the power to bind and loose.

If the Church declares a marriage null, then the petitioner doe not sin by remarrying (barring fraud on his/her part) even if the marriage really was valid,

You can’t sin by mistake. If the Church declares a marriage null, you have every right to believe it was, and to act on those beliefs. If they were simply wrong, that’s not a sin on anybody’s part.

God Bless

 

[Gerardello]

Christ gave the Church the power to bind and loose.

If the Church declares a marriage null, then the petitioner doe not sin by remarrying (barring fraud on his/her part) even if the marriage really was valid,

You can’t sin by mistake. If the Church declares a marriage null, you have every right to believe it was, and to act on those beliefs. If they were simply wrong, that’s not a sin on anybody’s part.

God Bless

Most Dear Friend!
You both misunderstood me and misinterpreted.
Church is Holy, and Gided by Holy Spirut, Holy Father is infallible in matters of faith and morals, but unfortunatel each separate priest and bishop is not.
I meant that each separate priest can err and some of them do err. If priest err 'cause of vincible negligence or because as some priest say “they have their own opinion” other than that of the Church, God can not and will not approve their act, He will not confirm in heaven what priest does against Divine Law on the earth.
For example, if penitant do not have due contrition and it is comlete visible for priest but he still give absolution, here power to loose and bind do not work and such confesion is doubly sacriligious. The same is with desicion on valid/inval marriage: if it valid but priest declare it to be opposite through vincible negligence or sticking to his own opinion rather than that of the Church, he sins and God do not approve his verdict. you are right that it is not a sin for layman who believe in it but only on condition that he do not know the truth and do not seek an oppotunity to abonedon by any means his/ her ex husb or wife.

There is good priest real Vicars of Christ, but unfortunately there is bad. We must not judge them, but we also must not listen to them, according to words of Christ: “if blind will lead blind they both shall fall into the pit” we must pray for them and follow good catholic priest obedient to the true Catholic Doctrine. That is the sense of my replic.

To reject it, means being too idealistic, it means reject the truth of nowadays crisis of faith in the Church and general and among the priest in particular. So I agree with you if you by Church understand Her lawful representative who act in accordance with Church teaching.

May God bless His Church by giving Her holy priests!

 

[Chatter163]

Dear friend!
You misunderstood me. By saying “annulment on the paper” I mean those numerable abuses which unfortunately take place in Catholic Church nowadays. Some members of clergy, among those who are empowered to make desition in marriage cases, are very liable to give annulment in cases when marriage is completele valid or its invalidance is quite doubtful (in second case marriage should be deemed valid rather than not).

What is the basis for this assertion, other than “someone told me”?

 

[Gerardello]

What is the basis for this assertion, other than “someone told me”?

My assertion is based not on rumours but on a number of facts which I get from the
first-hand source: priests and laymen directly сonected to the matter. It’s first.
Second, I fully aware of seriousness of my assertion I take responsibility for my words.
Third, I did not meant we must not believe priests. I have a deep respect for Sacred Priesthood but nevertheless, truth even if it is bitter, remain truth - either we wish it or not.
You my friend either had a luck not meet with such abuses, or you just prefer not to see them or believe in them. But if it is second it’s unclever behaviour. Wounds of the Church must be acknowledged and healed but not be covered with saying “everything O’K”.

P.S. Respectfully, I do not want to speak on this topic no more, It’s better to pray for improvement, but I still wonder why care and solisitude about Church meet misunderstanding and even certain hostility, if we all (I believe) seek glory of God and salvation of souls.

May God illuminate with His Divine Grace all of us!

 

[bilop]

Most Dear Friend!
You both misunderstood me and misinterpreted.
Church is Holy, and Gided by Holy Spirut, Holy Father is infallible in matters of faith and morals, but unfortunatel each separate priest and bishop is not.
I meant that each separate priest can err and some of them do err. If priest err 'cause of vincible negligence or because as some priest say “they have their own opinion” other than that of the Church, God can not and will not approve their act, He will not confirm in heaven what priest does against Divine Law on the earth.
For example, if penitant do not have due contrition and it is comlete visible for priest but he still give absolution, here power to loose and bind do not work and such confesion is doubly sacriligious. The same is with desicion on valid/inval marriage: if it valid but priest declare it to be opposite through vincible negligence or sticking to his own opinion rather than that of the Church, he sins and God do not approve his verdict. you are right that it is not a sin for layman who believe in it but only on condition that he do not know the truth and do not seek an oppotunity to abonedon by any means his/ her ex husb or wife.

There is good priest real Vicars of Christ, but unfortunately there is bad. We must not judge them, but we also must not listen to them, according to words of Christ: “if blind will lead blind they both shall fall into the pit” we must pray for them and follow good catholic priest obedient to the true Catholic Doctrine. That is the sense of my replic.

To reject it, means being too idealistic, it means reject the truth of nowadays crisis of faith in the Church and general and among the priest in particular. So I agree with you if you by Church understand Her lawful representative who act in accordance with Church teaching.

May God bless His Church by giving Her holy priests!

God will judge penitents if they lack contrition.

An annulment is different. It is not the private judgement of an individual priest, it is the public judgement of the Church.

If the Church says the marriage is null, it’s null from the point of view of the petitioner. The petitioner is free to remarry, and can not be judged for the actually validity of the marriage.

As long as the person believes, in good faith, he is free to marry, he does not sin by marrying.

Imagine another scenario; a person’s spouse is lost in an air or sea disaster, and presumed dead. If the surviving spouse remarries, and the lost spouse is later found to be alive, the spouse who remarried did not sin.

God Bless