Should I give up on God?

[zxc]

Where do I start? I will try and make this short so I do not bore anyone.

2 years ago I was a devout Catholic. God had really gifted me with faith. I was so very close to Jesus that I could really feel His presence next to me in everything I did. I shared everything with Him, He was like my best friend. However, last year after a series of trials and physical suffering I had lost my faith.

Like I have ssa (But I like girls aswell) and is really destroying my ability to make strong friendships with other males. It is so unfair, and not being able to devlop good friendships is really tormenting me. I also feel depressed and lonely quite often, and have begged Jesus to give me good friends (And I really lost most of my friends when I chose to reject worldly things)- but He hasn’t, and I feel that He just wants to keep me to Himself. I have a thousand of other heavy crosses, that I feel is really crushing me.

It pains me so so much when other people (Esp. those that call themselves Christian) do not have any sufferings or burdens in their life. Why does God rebuke me, when other so called Christians are freely allowed to disobey Him?

I’m just so tired and weary of praying. Every time I do, things just get worse, and It’s been so very long that God has answered a prayer (I only ever pray for spiritual things, for myself and for others). I also had a very special and close relationship to the Blessed Mother. She always loved, cared, guided, protected and taught me as a mother would. However, If I try praying to her now it just feels empty - like she and Jesus have just up and left me.
Sometimes it feels as if they don’t care enough.

I thought what I once had was an unshakable faith. These days I really doubt God’s existence because It feels like He has abondoned me.

My strongest desire now is to have Joy and purpose to be put back into my spirit. I’m in the middle of praying the novena to Saint Jude (I haven’t really found any other saints to be of any help), and I really hope my prayers get answered - otherwise I really don’t know what else to do.

 

[Alycin]

hugs

I know what you mean about feeling like Jesus has up and left you. I never really felt like HE left ME, but I did feel like there was a HUGE wall between us. I have to admit, I quit praying for a long time. Just recently, I started to look to God again… after my whole world fell apart. And the Lord was still there with open arms, ready to take me in…

Don’t lose hope. I will pray for you.

 

[MSParrott]

Hi zxc!

First let me welcome you to CAF - this is a great place and I am sure you will get a lot of great advise and responses, as there are many wonderful people here.

Not too long ago, I felt the same as you (ie: that because of my imperfection, how could God possibly love me or even want to hear from me?) But someone pointed out to me that because I was truly seeking God in my life, and trying to be a better person, this was ticking off the devil, and he tried to confuse me into thinking all of those feelings of despair.

I’m just so tired and weary of praying. Every time I do, things just get worse, and It’s been so very long that God has answered a prayer (I only ever pray for spiritual things, for myself and for others). I also had a very special and close relationship to the Blessed Mother. She always loved, cared, guided, protected and taught me as a mother would. However, If I try praying to her now it just feels empty - like she and Jesus have just up and left me.Sometimes it feels as if they don’t care enough.

I thought what I once had was an unshakable faith. These days I really doubt God’s existence because It feels like He has abondoned me.

My strongest desire now is to have Joy and purpose to be put back into my spirit. I’m in the middle of praying the novena to Saint Jude (I haven’t really found any other saints to be of any help), and I really hope my prayers get answered - otherwise I really don’t know what else to do.

What you said there sounds exactly like what I was going through. I am reminded of the time Jesus spoke about having faith the size of a mustard seed - believe me when I tell you there were times that my own faith has seemed less than that - but what got me through this was praying - even when it felt like it was just words and I was unsure if He even heard me. Keep on keeping on and let God take care of the rest.

You also said:

It pains me so so much when other people (Esp. those that call themselves Christian) do not have any sufferings or burdens in their life. Why does God rebuke me, when other so called Christians are freely allowed to disobey Him?

Again I have felt this way too - but you have to remember the old saying that the grass is not always greener on the other side. We have no way of knowing what is in the heart of others or what God has planned for them.

I know my advise is probably nothing compared to what the others can offer, but I just want to let you know that you are not alone and I am praying for you. Don’t give up on God - he will never give up on you!

God Bless.

 

[iamrefreshed]

Welcome zxc. I assume the keyboard selected that user name

You mentioned the fact that so many Christians walk around with no sufferings or burdens in their life. This could not be further from the truth. We are a broken people. We all walk around wearing our masks but inside we are broken.

That is not God rebuking us, it is life. What we do with it is what we CAN control.

Continue to pray. I will pray for you as well.

 

[AmberDale]

There are times where I feel that I’m the only one suffering as well. Which deep down I know it’s not true. Just as I try very hard to put on a happy face, inside it’s not always so.

Then I think, if I’m going through all of this then maybe it is keeping someone else from going through it.
When you ask God “Why me?”, do you know he’s saying back to you “Why NOT you?”… Because if your faith was unshakable 2 years ago, you are strong enough to endure. Just keep enduring and you will have your peace. Don’t let the devil win on this.

You will find friends. Maybe the friends you lost due to your faith, weren’t truely your friends to begin with. Maybe that’s what needed to be shown to you.

About the ssa have you tried www.couragerc.org ?? It’s a very good apostalate.
I to have had ssa, and sometimes still do. Sad part is I’m married and deeply in love with my husband. When ssa happens I know in my heart that it’s not what God desires for me, so I push it out of my mind.

May the Peace of Christ be with you

P.S.
This always makes me feel better

**Footprints in the Sand
** One night I had a dream –
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord, and
Across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand;
One belonged to me, and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before us,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
There was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life
This really bothered me, and I questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
You would walk with me all the way;
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,
There is only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why in times when I
needed you the most, you should leave me.
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious
child. I love you, and I would never,
never leave you during your times of
trial and suffering.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you."

 

[theresa]

I have been going through similar desert experiences over the past few years. I wondered why God had given me a cross to bear that was so much heavier than the crosses of other people. Well, I came to realize that everyone has their cross, some of them seem like they’d be a piece of cake to me, but to that person carrying it, it’s a heavy burden. It has taken me a number of years to accept this is my burden to carry, but with God’s help, it is so much easier. Only God can fully comprehend my need for help. Only God can help me. When you go to Communion, pray very hard for His Graces to pour into you and give you strength for the upcoming days. This helps me immensely. Talk to your parish priest, if he is someone you would be comfortable with. He will want to help you. If he doesn’t, find another priest. One of their jobs is to counsel others in their problems. I’ll be praying for you. Many of the saints experienced just such times as you are having now. I think it actually can be a blessing to go through this because it’ll eventually bring you closer to your Creator. God bless you.

 

[Coreopisis]

Welcome zxc. I assume the keyboard selected that user name

You mentioned the fact that so many Christians walk around with no sufferings or burdens in their life. This could not be further from the truth. We are a broken people. We all walk around wearing our masks but inside we are broken.

That is not God rebuking us, it is life. What we do with it is what we CAN control.

Continue to pray. I will pray for you as well.

I have to second this thought. You don’t know the secret pains that other people suffer, it isn’t obvious and most people don’t talk of their crosses. In fact our society, for the most part, doesn’t like to hear about our trials.

You’d be surprised what people are enduring on a daily basis.

One of the seemingly strongest and most successful men that I know, I’ve recently learned, comes from an incestual family and is dealing with all kinds of pain in his private life from the sexual abuse that he endured while growing up. But we don’t see that. We see the happy successful guy.

One of the most confident women that I know was abused physically throughout her entire childhood and was sexually molested by a teacher and on top of that mentally abused by extended family members. You would NEVER know it by talking to her.

One of the happiest girls I know was so severly abused by her birthmother (who put a red hot curling iron down her throat when she was crying once.)

One of the successful executives at a company I worked for went home one day to find his wife who had hung herself. He was always happy and had what seemed to be the perfect life but here all along he was dealing with a depressed and suicidal wife. No one knew.

I hope you see that my point is that you don’t know what other people are going through. it might just be that there crosses are worse than yours. They just don’t talk about them.

Your not as alone as you think you are. We all have our secret crosses, we all go through trials, we all feel overwhelmed sometimes. Just keep your chin up and keep praying you’ll make it through.

God bless,
Sarah

 

[Maria1212]

Dear ZXC,

I really recommend reading the book Arise From Darkness. It really helped me enormously when I was doing through a particularly difficult time, and it is a book I read again and again. I cannot recommend it enough. I also recommend reading the Psalms and book of Wisdom because I find it helps when I am struggling spiritually.

I know it is difficult, but try not to compare the weight of your cross with others. Instead, focus on Jesus, and how he loved you so much He died on the cross for you. Think of how lonely and sad he must have felt when all his friends abandoned him right before his death. When I ponder this, it reminds me how much God loves me, and it also reminds me how many blessings I have. Even if everything else is taken away from us, we always have God, and that is what is most important. Our life here on earth is temporary and we need to remember that Jesus in heaven is what awaits us.

I would also had that most people will go through extremely difficult times in life. Sometimes, people look happy on the outside, but have many problems they are hiding from others etc.

My bottom line is that God loves you, and that you are not alone. I will keep you in my prayers.

Sincerely,

Maria1212

 

[Dorothy]

God never gives up on us.

If we feel nothing when we pray, it is because He wants us to grow closer to Him. We can prove that we love Him for Himself alone by continuing to pray and striving to do His Will daily, in spite of how we feel. That causes our faith to grow. He wants to bless us and give us an increase of Himself during such trials.

He will know when you need His loving touch, but wants you to be patient and acknowledge His Presence with prayer and praise, irregardless of feelings and consolations that give you spiritual pleasure.

He is always loving you with an infinite love.

 

[zxc]

Thankyou all so much for your responses, It has helped give me comfort. What touched me the most, is that many of you said that you would pray for me.

So I’ve just finished the novena to Saint Jude Thaddeus, and I feel like I’m still where I was when I started it. Is everything meant to get worse, before it gets better?.

Spiritually, I’m in a very dangerous place right now. I’ve also reached the point where I just can’t bear praying. It is physically unbearable. And that novena was my last hope, and I wanted so much to get an answer (Even if it was different to what I wanted). If I try to pray, Lucifer manages to convince me that its not working, God will never answer me or that prayer is futile.

I don’t want to be a burden by bringing up all my problems. But please know that I am posting here, because I really want advice.

Thanks

 

[mediatrixx]

No, because God will never give up on you.

I used to have SSA problems, but they have since gotten so much better. I still struggle with some lust issues for the opposite sex, but I have found that much of my former way of looking at sex and others has been restored by God. I still stumble when I see adorable couples and the like, but I have a better mindset when it comes to attraction and lust, thanks to God. He has answered my prayers when it comes to this problem, and I hope He does so for you too.

Your post makes me think of Matthew 17:20 and James 1:2-3. Perhaps God would like you to trust in Him more? Whatever your reasons for your struggle, I do not think that giving up on God or losing faith is the answer, as you probably know.

 

[water]

Today’s Mass Alleluia says:

“Remain faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life.”

• Revelation 2:10c

 

[GGirl]

I assume you are not conscious of this, but in essence, you are giving God an ultimatum: Fix me or I’ll leave.

Prayers are answered in God’s time, in God’s way. For whatever reason bad things are happening, that is life. Our choice is to trust God, and in trusting Him, no matter what happens, we will be saved.

Being tested can many times cause a dark night of the soul.

God is with you through it all. You will survive.

 

[blessedtoo]

zxc,
God bless you for keeping your heart open even in the midst of your feeling bereft of God’s presence. Remember, you are basing your decision to give up on God on mere human “feelings”. We are called, as His disciples, to transcend our emotions, just as Our Savior did in the Garden when He asked the Father to let the cup pass. Just as He did from the cross when He cried out that He had been forsaken.

I too suffered with SSA. There are many on CAF who have not only overcome the pitfalls of sexual sins, but have thrived. Do not despair. God is giving you exactly what you need even if you can’t “feel” it. He led you here, right?

I suffer with a chronic illness that is quite debilitating at times. I COULD focus on the fact that, while I’ve prayed ceaselessly for God to heal me, He has clearly refused to agree with me. But rather than focus on what He HASN"T removed, I choose to focus on what He has done. For example, the sexual sins I mentioned before. He took them away. My hot temper. Gone. My tendency to gossip. No more. My refusal to look closely at how I witness in the world - now I can’t help my do thorough self examinations because I have someone to answer to now!

As for friends, I hear you! I had been back in the Church for over 2 years and prayed constantly for God to send me a good, Catholic friend. I am happy to report that He finally did. But not before I was ready. Like you said, I think He wanted me all to Himself for those two years. He had alot to teach me!

I don’t know how old you are, but two years in the grand scheme of a whole lifetime is pretty insignificent. I was gone from the Church for 26 years so I figure I can be patient and do what I am expected to do for another 26 before I call it even!

 

[CatholicCajun]

The Cross Room
One day a man went up to Jesus and said that Jesus had given him a cross that was too heavy to carry. So Jesus took the man and showed him a room full of crosses and told him to pick one-anyone he wanted. So the man looked around, there were many crosses some large, some medium sized, some with jewels, some rough looking, some shinny and then he looked in the corner and saw this teeny tiny cross and said this is the one. He and Jesus left the room and Jesus told the man to look good at his cross and when he did he realized it was the same one that he was complaining about.

God Bless you.

 

[Coreopisis]

Thankyou all so much for your responses, It has helped give me comfort. What touched me the most, is that many of you said that you would pray for me.

So I’ve just finished the novena to Saint Jude Thaddeus, and I feel like I’m still where I was when I started it. Is everything meant to get worse, before it gets better?.

Spiritually, I’m in a very dangerous place right now. I’ve also reached the point where I just can’t bear praying. It is physically unbearable. And that novena was my last hope, and I wanted so much to get an answer (Even if it was different to what I wanted). If I try to pray, Lucifer manages to convince me that its not working, God will never answer me or that prayer is futile.

I don’t want to be a burden by bringing up all my problems. But please know that I am posting here, because I really want advice.

Thanks

You’re not a burden. We all have a choice as to whether or not we want to read this or respond. We want to help.

Keep your chin up and don’t stop praying. You can do this. And if posting here helps you to get through don’t stop doing that either. Eventually this will pass.

God bless!
Sarah

 

[Conservative]

Dear ZWC -

I’ve been through so many times of feeling that way - and I don’t pray often enough to warrant complaint. I also know what it means to get down on my knees before a Crucifix on the hardwood floors here at home when I was begging God for help just last year. I really didn’t deserve it after deserting Him so many times. There’s no excuse for me but I think / no, I’m sure God answered me on that prayer but He seems to have put me “on hold” again since losing my mother. I pray alot now begging for a sign for something in particular but unless the answer is “no” I’m not getting an answer - and He’s the only one Who can answer this particular question.

Regarding Novenas: Ironically, in my case, whenever I’ve made a novena to St. Jude (patron of impossible), I don’t get answers. Whenever I’ve given the novena to someone else, they get the answer to what they’re praying for (sometimes before finishing the novena). So, while I have a great deal of respect for St. Jude, for some reason - he chooses not to grant my requests. Go figure. The Infant of Prague Novena, I highly recommend ! St. Anthony just plain makes a good friend (novena or not). But God always hears us.

I think what we go through when prayer is difficult or seems to have no effect, has been defined as “the dark night of the soul”, and there’s even a book by that title. No, I haven’t read it. But I understand your frustration at what appears to be God not listening. I do believe He hears us but I get frustrated at why (as in the Infant of Prague novena, as well as the Bible) we’re told “ask and you shall receive”. That’s very clear and definitive.

Conservative

 

[Godlovestrength]

Where do I start? I will try and make this short so I do not bore anyone.

. It is so unfair, and not being able to devlop good friendships is really tormenting me. I also feel depressed and lonely quite often, and have begged Jesus to give me good friends (And I really lost most of my friends when I chose to reject worldly things)- but He hasn’t, and I feel that He just wants to keep me to Himself.
It pains me so so much when other people (Esp. those that call themselves Christian) do not have any sufferings or burdens in their life. Why does God rebuke me, when other so called Christians are freely allowed to disobey Him?

I’m just so tired and weary of praying. Every time I do, things just get worse, and It’s been so very long that God has answered a prayer , If I try praying to her now it just feels empty - like she and Jesus have just up and left me.
Sometimes it feels as if they don’t care enough.
I thought what I once had was an unshakable faith. These days I really doubt God’s existence because It feels like He has abondoned me.
My strongest desire now is to have Joy and purpose to be put back into my spirit. I’m in the middle of praying the novena to Saint Jude (I haven’t really found any other saints to be of any help), and I really hope my prayers get answered - otherwise I really don’t know what else to do.

I guess it was like this for me and I know it is now when ever I think that Jesus is not there for me. Do you remember the story of footprints. Where there were only one pair and the person complained that Jesus was there so friendly when all was good but when things went wrong only one pair of foot prints were seen, where was Jesus??? It was Jesus foot prints not the author!

When things go wrong it is not you who carry that cross but Jesus? what !! you say, yes it is Jesus because remember how satin told Jobe that if God took the fence away from Job then Job would curse God. well at this time is it not possible that satin is trying to rock you away from God? God tells satin that you are a good person and satin tells God “yes but only because You have such a fence around this person that I can’t touch them” So now in this time of yours God tells satin OK! you can test him and satin comes along (as he does with every person) and he starts telling you that Jesus has left you that you are no longer worthy of God that others are more popular, youknow all the usuall things that we humans cling to. He poors of the poor me thoughts,

This is satins ploys and boy do they work, they start getting us thinking inwardly. instead of Godly. It’s no different to how satin got to Eve and Adam, Cain, Moses, David, you know what I mean.

Well this is your time to turn in to “God thinking” and to show Jesus that you are goiing to stand against satin tell satin that he is to get behind you in the name of Jesus christ, turn your thoughts back to God thoughts not allow satins negative thoughts a chance to get in. If you do let them in then they will throw you right into the ditch and you are stronger than that OK!
Go for it.
praise God, God bless you, Thank God for the good times and the bad give praise to God on High!
Amen and amen

God bless…

 

[zxc]

Thankyou so very very much to everybody that has responded to this thread, and especially to those who have said a prayer for me. I truley hope that God sends His Blessings and graces to each of you.

Yesterday I felt I had an interior calling to pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. I felt I had nothing to loose, so I prayed it. And it worked! The amount of peace that I recieved from that, I can never fully explain. It has been so so long since I’ve experienced God’s peace in my life, and I feel like a weight has been lifted off!. So thankyou to everyone who has offered up a prayer for me, becuase it was answered - and has restored my faith in the power of prayer again. It can really move mountains, I thought I was a lost case!.

Praise and Glory to our Lord Jesus. He is so faithful. Even though, I’ll still have the same crosses - I’ve come to accept them. I am so much at peace because I also know that my brothers and sisters in Christ on this forum, also suffer like I do and can understand.

Praise and thanks to Jesus!.

 

[MSParrott]

Thankyou so very very much to everybody that has responded to this thread, and especially to those who have said a prayer for me. I truley hope that God sends His Blessings and graces to each of you.

Yesterday I felt I had an interior calling to pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. I felt I had nothing to loose, so I prayed it. And it worked! The amount of peace that I recieved from that, I can never fully explain. It has been so so long since I’ve experienced God’s peace in my life, and I feel like a weight has been lifted off!. So thankyou to everyone who has offered up a prayer for me, becuase it was answered - and has restored my faith in the power of prayer again. It can really move mountains, I thought I was a lost case!.

Praise and Glory to our Lord Jesus. He is so faithful. Even though, I’ll still have the same crosses - I’ve come to accept them. I am so much at peace because I also know that my brothers and sisters in Christ on this forum, also suffer like I do and can understand.

Praise and thanks to Jesus!.

Thanks be to God!
I am SOOO happy to hear this! God is great and I knew he would never give up on you. I will still keep you and all other CAF members in my daily prayers. Thanks for posting this, zxc - it made my day!