Should I have gone into more detail in my Confession?

[nsper7]

Sorry for all the questions about stuff (I know I have made other threads asking about sin and stuff, but my Scrupulosity pretty much requires I ask all these questions).

Today, I went to Reconciliation and I confess several sins, including the online sexual role-playing game issue. Yesterday, I was doing one of those inappropriate RPGs. The person I was RPing with was 16 (that is not illegal in my state in terms of age of consent, as long as the other person, me, is under 24, which I am), but she RPed as someone 15 (thus, the RPer was 16, but their character was 15). Should I have told the Priest that kind of detail? In real life, I would certainly never be interested in someone that young, but they were one of the only people online (not an excuse, but what I mean is that I did not choose them because of their character’s age, it was more that they were one of the people online).

Does not telling this detail invalidate my confession?

 

[Trishie]

I wouldn’t say your confession was invalid as you didn’t deliberately withhold this factor. I’m not familiar with the reference so don’t know how sinful it is. For a start, please don’t put yourself in a position of playing such games if you know they’re wrong, and please never engage a child. Don’t be responsible for facilitating anyone’s sin, if what you were engaging in was sin or something which leads to sin, and certainly not a child. Jesus was very specific about not leading little ones into sin.

The question isn’t whether it was legal or not…abortion is legal…but whater or not is is according to the gospel way of life. As I don’t know what you were actually doing…my use of the internet is straighforward and simple, so I don’t know what you were doing that you felt you should confess it!

 

[nsper7]

I wouldn’t say your confession was invalid as you didn’t deliberately withhold this factor. I’m not familiar with the reference so don’t know how sinful it is. For a start, please don’t put yourself in a position of playing such games if you know they’re wrong, and please never engage a child. Don’t be responsible for facilitating anyone’s sin, if what you were engaging in was sin or something which leads to sin, and certainly not a child. Jesus was very specific about not leading little ones into sin.

The question isn’t whether it was legal or not…abortion is legal…but whater or not is is according to the gospel way of life. As I don’t know what you were actually doing…my use of the internet is straighforward and simple, so I don’t know what you were doing that you felt you should confess it!

I confessed the sin, saying that I was doing those sexual role-playing games and that I know I was being a stumbling block. I withheld that information from the Priest because I was kind of embarrassed and I did not know if I should have told the Priest or not, although he never asked about partners in the RPGs, settings or anything else.

Basically, I confessed to the sexual RPGs, fetishes (in general) and being a stumbling block (in general).

 

[nsper7]

I am not sure if, by not telling that information, I invalidated my confession. As I said, the Priest never asked the character or setting or anything else and I don’t remember him ever doing so before. I guess ‘withheld’ is the wrong word, more like I just did not give that information out of embarrassment.

Anyway, did this invalidate the Confession?

EDIT: I guess the reason I am asking is because I am worried the Confession is now invalid because I did not give that information. I remembered it during the Confession, but I was not sure if I had to tell it or not and I was embarrassed.

 

[Trishie]

He probably doesn’t know any more about about role playing games than I do. I don’t know how culpable those games are. If you feel guilt about them or know that they are occasions of sin, or lead to eroding of self control or purity, you should avoid them, and certainly shouldn’t involve anyone else. I personally don’t know if what you were doing was serious sin or not…if it was venial the absolution wasn’t invalid. If you feel embaressed about something it’s clear your conscience has convicted you and you need to confess it.

Talk to God about it, and make the resolutions you need to, and mention it in your next Confession. In the meantime, put Your trust in His love and forgiveness. Trishie

 

[nsper7]

I believe that internet sexual RPGs are serious sins of lust/masturbation/etc., so that is why I confessed the sin of doing the sexual RPG, but I did not mention that the other person was 16 (legal, but I realize being a serious stumbling block) whose character was 15.

EDIT: So, to set things straight, I confessed the sexual RPGs (this was not the only sexual RPG I did and I never actually was able to go through with the one with the 16 y.o. who RPed as a 15 y.o., although I did other sexual RPGs, but those players were older and so were their characters). Also, now that I think about it, I never mentioned that I masturbated while doing these RPGs (think of it as written porno), but that was not me intentionally not mentioning it, I just did not think about it and I have confessed that part before so I don’t think it was me willfully hiding that part (I may have mentioned the masturbation part this time, I just don’t remember, but probably not).

 

[Eucharisted]

Best way to battle sexual fantasy and cybersex, sexual roleplaying, yiffing, etc. is prayer and penance. Especially penance from the Internet.

 

[nsper7]

I admit I am probably being Scrupulous. After all, I confessed the sexual RPGs and being a stumbling block to others.

For some reason, I worry I invalidated my Confession by not mentioning that one of the other people was 16 and playing as a character who was 15. From a rational standpoint, it is not really that important (as in above and beyond the sin of sexual RPGs, which I confessed to the Priest). Since the person was 16 that I was RPing over the internet with, no law was broken and, from my reading of history (even Scripture), it was not crazy to have a 15 or 16 year old interacting with someone much older (and remember, I am under 24), but still, I worry that, since I was embarrassed and did not mention the age of the player or their character to the Priest, I invalidated my Confession. Isn’t Scrupulosity wonderful?

EDIT: I also worry might it have been illegal since different US states have different age of consent rules? Obviously, this was all over the internet, but I still worry.

Also, on a separate note, can a person assign a penance to themselves above and beyond what the Priest has assigned?

 

[Trishie]

It’s still very wrong then to engage with older people, not only the young. It’s still involving others in sin, even if they’re older. Anyway, I hope and pray that you avoid anything of this again. I’m glad you’ve given yoursef a real scare, as hopefully it’s a turning point for you regarding internet porn etc., and constitutes another new milestone in your spiritual life, thanks be to God.

God be with you.

 

[nsper7]

But was my Confession invalid?

 

[Trishie]

As you withheld something serious, I think it was.

 

[nsper7]

What was the serious part I withheld (I am not trying to be argumentative, just trying to get at the facts of the issue as it were)?

Remember that I did confess the sexual RPGs to the Priest.

 

[Trishie]

I think it’s best to take this to your priest.

 

[Elizabeth502]

He probably doesn’t know any more about about role playing games than I do.

…and than I do. I had never heard of it before today, so count on most priests (assuming they’re keeping away from such stuff themselves) also not knowing about it, unless he had heard about it from other penitents as well. That’s probably why he didn’t probe with questions.

Circumstances are important, though. You engaged a young, vulnerable person – fantasy notwithstanding. Sin, and near occasion of greater sin, for you. Sin, and near occasion of greater sin, for her. We always need to confess such power differentials along with the action, because circumstances weigh the import of the sin (or the temptation) more or less heavily. And the more innocent the “partner,” the more necessary that is. I can understand why you didn’t mention it, but as another person said, I would do so next time. I don’t even know that the term RPG is relevant. The important thing is, you engaged in online sexual fantasy with a young, vulnerable stranger, being an accomplice to her sin. It’s serious for your soul and potentially serious for her present and future, practically and spiritually.

Had you told the priest (or us) that it was a chat room (if it was), that would have rung a bell more. I know what chat rooms are in the sexual department, having knowledge of a very well publicized case in my geographical area. In his case, the chat room addiction (which was yes, role play) led to trading photos of minors in compromised positions, which his online “partner” then in turn reported to the authorities. He is now serving a significant federal prison sentence, and his future is finished. When he started participating in the role-playng, no pictures were involved. It just escalated to that. Such is the nature of this kind of activity. One thrill or temptation is never enough: the boundaries widen. The Feds are getting more aggressive about prosecuting these kinds of activities when such boundaries are crossed.

Please stop this immediately. (I am more concerned with that than with the content of your confession.)

God bless.

 

[nsper7]

…and than I do. I had never heard of it before today, so count on most priests (assuming they’re keeping away from such stuff themselves) also not knowing about it, unless he had heard about it from other penitents as well. That’s probably why he didn’t probe with questions.

Circumstances are important, though. You engaged a young, vulnerable person – fantasy notwithstanding. Sin, and near occasion of greater sin, for you. Sin, and near occasion of greater sin, for her. We always need to confess such power differentials along with the action, because circumstances weigh the import of the sin (or the temptation) more or less heavily. And the more innocent the “partner,” the more necessary that is. I can understand why you didn’t mention it, but as another person said, I would do so next time. I don’t even know that the term RPG is relevant. The important thing is, you engaged in online sexual fantasy with a young, vulnerable stranger, being an accomplice to her sin. It’s serious for your soul and potentially serious for her present and future, practically and spiritually.

Had you told the priest (or us) that it was a chat room (if it was), that would have rung a bell more. I know what chat rooms are in the sexual department, having knowledge of a very well publicized case in my geographical area. In his case, the chat room addiction (which was yes, role play) led to trading photos of minors in compromised positions, which his online “partner” then in turn reported to the authorities. He is now serving a significant federal prison sentence, and his future is finished. When he started participating in the role-playng, no pictures were involved. It just escalated to that. Such is the nature of this kind of activity. One thrill or temptation is never enough: the boundaries widen. The Feds are getting more aggressive about prosecuting these kinds of activities when such boundaries are crossed.

Please stop this immediately. (I am more concerned with that than with the content of your confession.)

God bless.

Let me put it a different way: what invalidates a Confession? After all, I confessed the sin itself (sexual role-playing games).

This is the first time I have ever run into this issue after a Confession and I honestly do not know if this is my conscience alerting me to something or just my Scrupulosity acting up (I have been warned that frequent Confession can increase one’s Scrupulosity issues by a Priest, the Pastor at the Church actually).

EDIT: Is there a Priest here whose opinion I could ask, maybe over PM?

 

[nsper7]

It is at times like these that my Scrupulosity issue really angers me. I mean, I can’t even go to Confession without second guessing everything.

 

[nsper7]

Well, I sent an e-mail to the Priest who heard my Confession. Here is a copy of the e-mail (with names edited out for privacy of course). Does it sound okay?

Dear Fr. (edited by author for privacy reasons),

I received the Sacrament of Reconciliation earlier this afternoon (Thursday, 02/19) and, after thinking some things over, I am concerned that I may have purposely omitted some important details of my Confession and I worry that it could invalidate my Confession. Since I am still learning all this and I know I deal with Scrupulosity issues, I am unsure if I have truly fallen into this problem and, if so, how do I fix it and keep my Confession valid; or if this is just my Scrupulosity issues. Sorry to e-mail you like this and take up your time, but since you were the Priest who heard my Confession, I felt you were the proper person to e-mail with my concerns.

Thank you for your understanding and assistance.

Sincerely,

(edited by author for privacy reasons)

 

[quiet52]

Well, I sent an e-mail to the Priest who heard my Confession. Here is a copy of the e-mail (with names edited out for privacy of course). Does it sound okay?

I hope you’re not expecting your priest to reply.
He cannot break the Seal of Confession.
He cannot discuss your confession with you via the internet.
Return to the confessional this weekend and talk with him in the confessional. Just state: I have already confessed my sin of sexual role-playing on the Internet. because of my pride (embarrassment) I did not confess that i did this with a minor.
In case my last confession was invalid because I knowingly withheld this information, I now confess both sins. I also confess … … … … … and I am sorry for these and all my sins…

 

[nsper7]

I hope you’re not expecting your priest to reply.
He cannot break the Seal of Confession.
He cannot discuss your confession with you via the internet.
Return to the confessional this weekend and talk with him in the confessional. Just state: I have already confessed my sin of sexual role-playing on the Internet. because of my pride (embarrassment) I did not confess that i did this with a minor.
In case my last confession was invalid because I knowingly withheld this information, I now confess both sins. I also confess … … … … … and I am sorry for these and all my sins…

Can I go to a different Priest?

 

[Imryl]

99% of the time women on the online RPGs are really men… Many of them lie about being girls, and a lot of the time… it’s to get the attention of teen boys or other men.

No, there is no study for this. But I have played online RPGs for over 10 years… especially when I was younger I don’t really have much time these days. (I’m a woman by the way) I can’t tell you how many times we, “we” meaning the people I played with, found that the bubbly 14-20 year old girl was really a 50 year old man cybering with several young men.

Remember that… It should help deter you. Unless you’re into that I suppose.