Should I have refused to give my sister Communion?

[681DKM]

My sister joined the Baptist church when she married 28 years ago and has been somewhat negative toward the Catholic Church, which I suspect comes from years of trying to be accepted by her in-laws. My younger sister and I were extraordinary ministers of holy Communion at our father’s funeral Mass and I was shocked when my non-Catholic sister, her husband, and one son were in line to receive Communion. Both my younger sister and I gave them Communion.

I think I would have reacted differently had I been expecting her to enter the Communion line and try to receive. It made me very angry that she desecrated the sacrament but I didn’t say anything. However my silence spoke volumes in the months that succeeded. Should I have refused to give them Communion and did I do wrong by doing so?

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

Out of charity toward your sister, it would be best to try to assume that she did not know the proper Communion protocol, as you did not know it either considering how you are wondering now whether or not you did the right thing.

What would have been helpful to both you as an EMHC, and to your non-Catholic family, would have been for information on Communion protocol to be given before Communion. A note could have been placed in the funeral program indicating that Communion protocol could be found on the inside front cover of missalettes found in the pew. The presider, perhaps at the end of his homily, could also have directed congregants to read through those instructions before Communion began.

Since no instruction was given, however, it is not the job of the EMHC to determine the worthiness to receive of those who present themselves for Communion. You can say a prayer for known non-Catholics (as distinguished from giving a blessing, which EMHCs shouldn’t do) – perhaps saying to them as they reach the head of the line, “May God bless you. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.” That may well move them along without you having to explicitly deny them Communion.

But, if the person insists on Communion and you have not been otherwise given instruction by clergy to deny him, it would be better to assume that there may be factors unknown to you that permit him to receive and to give him Communion rather than risk causing an argument in the line. With a relative or close friend, you can follow up later to ask if she’s returned to the Church, and, if not, explain to her Communion protocol for the future.

It would be a shame to continue to nurse anger toward your sister, who may have been innocently unaware of what she should have done. And, even if she did know what she was doing, it would be a shame to desecrate your father’s memory by harboring a grudge against your sister born out of the circumstances surrounding his funeral.

**Recommended reading:

**God Help Me! These People Are Driving Me Nuts by Gregory K. Popcak
When Difficult Relatives Happen to Good People by Leonard Felder