Should I Have Said Yes To This Job?

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ChildOfTheLight

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A family member of mine (divorced) has asked me to watch her house this weekend while she goes away.

I think she is going away to spend a few days with her boyfriend.

I already said yes before I realized I may be doing something wrong here. I do not know anything more about this, but it could be serious.

She has other people who have done it for her, so my saying no would not prevent her from going anyway…

Thoughts?
 
I probably would have said no, because I would never want to personally be responsible for helping someone commit a sin. Now if you thought whoever else she might find to do it would not do a good job watching her kids that would add another dimension to it. Also, how sure are you that she is going to be doing something wrong with this boyfriend? I would make sure you are very sure they are going to do something wrong before I would let that have an impact on my decision.
 
I’m thinking you don’t know for sure, and anyway, how on earth can you be accountable for any bad behavior she is doing by simply watching her house 🤷

I think you should just say no next time so that you don’t worry about it. Like you said, someone else can do it.
 
Thank you for the replies!

Do you still think I can do it this weekend to avoid being rude and starting an unwelcome conversation? Then I will say no if needed?

I am just assuming something may happen…it’s not a definite bad situation as far as I know, but many possibilities are risky here and I think I will be afer in the future with this.

Thanks,

CotL
 
ChildOfTheLight said:
Thank you for the replies!

Do you still think I can do it this weekend to avoid being rude and starting an unwelcome conversation? Then I will say no if needed?

I am just assuming something may happen…it’s not a definite bad situation as far as I know, but many possibilities are risky here and I think I will be afer in the future with this.

Thanks,

CotL
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IMOHO, it would be rude and inconsiderate for you to cancel if you have already committed to it. You committed to it despite your reservations, so you should follow through. But IMHO it would be okay to decline the next time she asks something of you that would make you feel like you are enabling her. Good luck with whatever you do.
 
You “think” she is seeing a boy friend. You don’t know for sure.

You say she is divorced but not if she sought an annulment. Is she even catholic?

Awful lot of judgment going on.
 
This seems to me to be a serious case of lacking in charity.

You ASSUME she is spending the weekend with her “boyfriend”

and even if that assumption is true

you’re ASSUMING that she will be fornicating with him.

Unless she said:

“OP, please come watch my house for the weekend or I won’t be able to go fornicate with my boyfriend”

Which I gather she didn’t…?
 
Catholic90 said:
You “think” she is seeing a boy friend. You don’t know for sure.

You say she is divorced but not if she sought an annulment. Is she even catholic?

Awful lot of judgment going on.
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Agreed.
 
I’m sorry.

I should have been clearer. I was very certain she will be spending the weekend with him, but did not wish to make an assumption that it was definitely true, so I said I didn’t know , Clearly, in my attempt to be un-judgmental, I have come off as uncharitable, and accusing to her. For that I apologize to anyone who I may have offended.

I was not sure the degree to which I am culpable here… and wished only for advice and clarification.

I also thought cohabiting was frowned upon and was unsure if this extended to vacation too.

I STILL say some situations like this require our prudence though…
 
Too many unanswered questions.

You DON’T know if they are having sex. Has her marriage been annulled? Is she even Catholic?
 
ChildOfTheLight said:
I should have been clearer. I was very certain she will be spending the weekend with him, but did not wish to make an assumption that it was definitely true
I also thought cohabiting was frowned upon and was unsure if this extended to vacation too…
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A couple should not be living together like a married couple on a vacation. It is one thing for both to go to say visit their relatives in another State and both stay in separate rooms with the relatives (and it not still be a near occasion of sin) and to go stay in the same hotel together. But then again to add to the difficulty the person it would seem would be presumed to be still married to their spouse. So would not be free to be seeking a spouse anyhow.

Objectively one is not here even dealing with fornication but rather adultery (though both would be seriously wrong).

You have good reason to have great concern.

For there are ways we should not as Christians be cooperating or approving etc of evil.

(I would seek the advice of your confessor, your Pastor or even speak with the Priest at CA --call the apologist line).
 
To add to my last post. Again speak with your Pastor or confessor or the Priest at CA…for there can be times when a kind of material cooperation is permitted. They can help you judge this case via asking you questions and their experience etc. You were correct in any case to raise the question “should I do this”…it is important to take these sorts of things into consideration.

See CCC vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P6D.HTM
 
ChildOfTheLight said:
A family member of mine (divorced) has asked me to watch her house this weekend while she goes away.

I think she is going away to spend a few days with her boyfriend.

?
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you should not be thinking any such thing as a, it is none of your business, and b. you have no direct knowledge of her spiritual condition, and to assume such sets you up as judge. You are not asking about entertaining her as a houseguest with a man, you are merely being asked to housesit, a completely neutral occupation. If she decides to rob a bank or bring drugs back from her vacation does that make you a cooperator? no it does not.
 
ChildOfTheLight said:
I’m sorry.

I should have been clearer. I was very certain she will be spending the weekend with him, but did not wish to make an assumption that it was definitely true, so I said I didn’t know , Clearly, in my attempt to be un-judgmental, I have come off as uncharitable, and accusing to her. For that I apologize to anyone who I may have offended.

I was not sure the degree to which I am culpable here… and wished only for advice and clarification.

I also thought cohabiting was frowned upon and was unsure if this extended to vacation too.

I STILL say some situations like this require our prudence though…
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You didn’t offend; I don’t think there is anything wrong with asking. You may have come across as judgmental, but clearly it wasn’t your main issue. Your main issue is whether you are enabling her and whether you should refuse to do it. When you know something is going to happen, it isn’t judgmental to examine your role in it.

Alan
 
You’ve said she’s going away regardless of whether you watch her house. If you don’t do it, she’ll find someone else who will. So where in this are you culpable for anything? You are not causing her to commit a sin, you are completely unrelated to any sin that may or may not occur.
 
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